i hope she
reads your favorite manga
can make a cash af kimchi jiggae
thinks Chopper is as cute as you
strokes your hair to sleep
likes you best when you're at your worst
thinks your naturally wavy hair is cute
loves your neck wrinkles
thinks you're embarrassingly cute
doesn't side eye you when you can't stop laughing
wipes every tear that streams down your cheek
knows that you like fall the best
holds your hand along the Han River
and most importantly
never makes you sad
Words cannot express how stressed tf out I am and I am seriously extremely close to calling it quits and crying myself to sleep. I have pushed away so many other responsibilities just for this and I'm so angry at myself.
today i got in so much trouble because i was dumb af and overslept, leading to my mom and dad pissed off and waiting for like 20-30 minutes. haha they got so mad and yelled at me in the car. of course, upon noticing me crying and my laconic replies, my dad pretended as if nothing happened and was like "hahahaha did you have fun? did you find a boyfriend?! im glad you had a good time :)" and i was just like lol dad please. my mom still was mad. theyre going to use this against me next time i want to visit rice. which probably will be bittersweet visits after dec. 15. who knows
also, my mom tells all my relatives im applying there. i don't know it just adds a lot of pressure. why would you tell them that, like what if they ask and i get rejected? awkward.. but i'll try my hardest. i don't want to disappoint.
korean festival was fun, though. and so was ice skating.
i come home to my brothers window shattered and car beaten up. whoever you are, you're an inferior being as of right now.
Hello. I miss when you were more outgoing. I'm not saying that I miss when we talked deep into the hours of the night or when you'd write "I like Jolyssa" on your wrist with sharpie or when you'd send me "ily4ever<321" something like that. I miss when, even though I ended it with you and we didn't like each other, we'd at least talk. I'd ask you repetitive questions about a certain thing that no one else would understand and you'd just laugh and nod at me because the answer would never change. And I felt like you were so happy looking before and you went out with your friends a lot. I miss when you danced, you seemed a lot happier, too. But now a days all I get from you is cold stares and terse responses.
Ask.fm is a place where people who pretend to be nice to you actually send you messages about how they really feel about you.
Sometimes I just want to delete it because I rather people talk to me about things that bother them straight up rather than anonymously. I mean if it was your objective to make me feel conscious about my actions then you win, I guess. But you know, if you tell me so vaguely and anonymously, how am I supposed to fix what you want considered flawed about me? And some people still ask me: 'Why aren't you comfortable about yourself?'
I was literally crying so hard I'm not even caps lock okay.. . . . I'm really upset right now. Because that was probably the most I've cried, ever. And I have watched so many korean dramas and sad movies and that ONE EPISODE probably took the cake tbqh. I'm so upset that was sad af REALLY SAD!! !! You don't understand the pain in my throat and the pressure in my EARS LIKE WHAT THE FUCK I HAVE NEVER CRIED HARD OVER A SHOW TO THE POINT THAT THERE'S PRESSURE IN MY EARS?? ? Like fucking.. okay sorry excuse my language but OKAY
I kinda teared in the middle-ish of the episode but I think it all started when Okazaki took Ushio on the trip. And then he yelled at the people in the bus, and she ran off and Okazaki went to look for her. And then he saw her, and she was crying. and Ushio told him that Sanae-san told her that there are only certain places where she could cry, one of them being the bathroom. And yeah that part made me cry but it wasn't hardcore crying just yet aiight. And I also cried when Ushio asked him about 'her mom' and I just... it was sad.
And then they go to the sunflower field and it was really cute and all. And she ran around with her robot toy. Then Okazaki has the flashback and then he walks to a certain location, and his grandma is there. AND THIS IS WHERE THE PAIN BEGINS
I LOST IT BASICALLY WHEN HIS GRANDMA WAS TALKING ABOUT HIS DAD AND HOW HE REALLY LOVED HIM AND EVERYTHING AND TOOK CARE OF HIM AND IT REALLY PAINED ME MAYBE BECAUSE I HAVE SUCH AN EMOTIONAL CONNECTION WITH MY PARENTS LMAO BUT STILL IT WAS THE /SADDEST/ THING EVER BECAUSE IT MADE OKAZAKI FEEL LIKE SHIT AND I JUST WANTED TO HUG HIM
But yeah you know how that part went.. SAD OK
so then Ushio loses her robot toy in the field of sunflowers and shes desperately looking around for it i cannot
and then Okazaki GOES TO FCKING USHIO AND TOLD HER THAT HE COULD BUY HER A NEW TOY !!!
BUT SHE SAYS NO ???
BECAUSE THERES ONLY ONE ??????? ?/
EVEN THOUGH "there are plenty, i can buy you another one, ushio"
BUT SHE REFUSED MORE??
BC !!!
BC IT WAS 'DADDY'S FIRST GIFT'
FCKING!!!!!!!!!! UGH
AND THEN HE SAID HE'D LIVE WITH HER AND TAKE CARE OF HER AND MAKE UP FOR EVERYTHING BC HE DIDNT TREAT HER LIKE HE SHOULD HAVE BC HE COULDNT SUPPORT HER ETC ETC YOU KNOW DADDY MATERIAL RIGHT (reminder that she reminded him of nagisa so it hurt him kill me)
AND THEN SHE TOLD HIM .......!!!
'CAN I STOP HOLDING IT IN?
SANAE-SAN TOLD ME THAT THE ONLY TWO PLACES I COULD CRY IS THE BATHROOM..
...AND DADDY'S ARMS'
THAT FREAKING LAST LINE ME TYPING IT EVEN JUST MAKES ME WANT TO DIE IM TEARING UP BYE BEY e
If it's like that, you'd be cruel. Maybe I'm the cruel one to start, but I don't know. I actually just hope you forgot. If you forgot then that would be better... but if you remembered, and just didn't say anything while you were up last night, then that would be worse.
