I would like to educate the reader about a place worth knowing. This has always been apparent to me—but possibly not yet to you— that this place will frighten you. But before I enlighten you about your future, I would like to mention that what rights you will have here, will be limited. This, I am sure, you will wish, were not the case, although neither you nor I have the power to change this. This turns out quite unfortunately for you, for which I am grateful and believe this will benefit you in the future. I assure you I am not lying to you, for you will not be in the everyday world at this moment in time. Now, you could argue for the right of personal space and suitable living conditions, which I do respect. Unfortunately, I have no control over this. You could also argue about where you are supposed to find sustenance, but I assure you that is provided. I believe this will not concern you at this moment in time. Honestly, you may not even wish to discuss these matters once you get here. Although I apologize if you are in fact concerned about these things for it would make your stay here rather unpleasant.
You might experience claustrophobia and start imagining yourself imprisoned in a capsule that does not allow much freedom at all. You will find yourself aggravated and may wish to communicate with me, only to discover that this is impossible. I myself will not mind this but I will certainly experience your frustration. If you still choose to debate the rights granted to you, this will prove nearly impossible, for you will not yet have an identity. Any effort you make will be irrelevant, when you attempt to try. Instead of dwelling on this, I would rather discuss what will and will not be in this place.
For instance, I know that there will be no boss who demands outlandish requests of you, who thinks your sole purpose is to serve his every whim. Nor a mother who chooses to belittle you until you start belittling yourself. My mother does not care for me the way yours would. There will also be no Prince Charming, who appears to you in an old murky pond as a toad, and with one kiss will turn into your one true love. That does not happen in real life, I should know. There will be no unicorns to identify with, when you can feel the entire weight of the world upon your shoulders and you just want to exist in dreamland. In the real world, those who choose this way of life get labeled as snowflakes, or hypersensitive liberals. In this place there will be no stuffy court room where you are told to stand, nor a chair on which you are told to sit. There will be no judge yelling “Order, order in my court,” as you are forced to answer personal questions that humiliate you, questioning you about whether you are the rightful owner of said amount of money. The judge will not be able to judge your actions or your words because you are of a specific gender. Another point I want to make is that there will be no unfaithful friend, whose only aim is to make you feel dead inside and to secure alliances that will later be destroyed out of mere pettiness. How will you handle this if I cannot handle this myself? How could I bring you here and not think myself guilty for allowing you to experience these issues. Although in this place, unlike the present moment, your life will be a fair representation of how evil humanity can be to those individuals whose only wish is to enjoy the life they have. No one will stare at you as though you do not deserve to live. There will be no people in charge who want to steal your future earnings simply because you were not born into their idea of what a social structure should be; no demanding individuals who ask more from you than what you can offer, because they believe they do not have enough money for whatever it is they want.
Little one, I would like to physically describe this place to you before you get here. Being nothing but tight hot space constantly engulfing you. For a long time, you will feel comforted by the tightness and the nestled aspect of this place. Though as you mature you will come to despise it as well… only time will tell. Eventually this hot environment will drive you insane and you will want to rip free from its confines. You will want nothing more to do with the once comforting, now-suffocating tightness that is offered. Aside from this there will likely be no company to entertain you, no one there aside from yourself, although you may in fact have a companion in this tight confined space. I hope this is not the case, simply for my benefit alone. You see, this place is so close to my heart I cannot fathom it being unenjoyable for you. I want you to feel as though you belong here and the last thing I want you to experience is this indescribable rush of fear. As the kind individual I am, I will try to offer you peace in this place. Little one, I offer you myself, to coax and guide you in this journey through a new reality that will be all your own. For this is not my reality but yours and yours alone. In this place, there will be no one for you to look up to, no answers to any of your questions, there will be only what I have to offer you. I believe what I am offering you must have value, although that is for you to decide. For I am not you to begin with, and you are most certainly not me. Here, there will be no logistics to rely on and time will be nothing but a simple idea created by humanity. It will not bother you as much as it bothers me. For I must worry about how much time I have, to think about this life I will create for you. I must think about the idea that I don’t have much time left to contemplate. For you are so far away yet so close at the same time: a dream, that could have the ability to come true. You are what I will make into existence. It will seem like a nightmare to you, one in which you will think you might never escape. It will make you feel trapped and constrained, appearing as a prison of sorts. Enclosing you in a place so lacking in everything that you might very well go insane. For this, I apologize, but I have no say in the matter. This place will force you to question a new reality, and whether you should even exist at all. Is it even possible for you to exist? I am not sure. The idea was so strong minutes before as I lay in my bed, wide awake, but now I am not so sure. I know I would like you to exist eventually, you will be the light of my life. But, will you exist is the question. Of all the things this place will do, it will frustrate you, little by little, until you wish to escape this place, which you cannot, or at least not quite yet. Little one, this place you will be in is dark and gloomy, filled with what aids you. This I cannot fully explain for I do not know how this works myself. This place will force you to grow in the physical via your body and in the mental as in your mind, it will supply sustenance, which you will eventually use. Although this sustenance could also become your demise, which I most certainly do not want to explain, and I hope may never be the case. If it is the case, your life in this place will rather quickly become unbearable, and everything will end. All that had started will end with no indication or explanation, though it could also be excruciatingly painful for you, it could mean your destruction in this place that is foreign to you.
In this place, There will be no ideas spinning catastrophically in the recesses of your mind, or emotions slowly destroying you the longer you ruminate on their level of importance to you. These symptoms of anxiety are what I worry about for your sake. If I could have the power to control these symptoms I would because they could be a threat to your health. This anxiety has come from the idea of one person brutal enough to demand the right to control your future. I am aware that this does not quite make sense right now because there is no one who has the power to do this, which is why I am concerned that these anxious thoughts have come about. It also concerns me that I am worrying about a court case and a person both of which do not yet exist. This anxiety relates to a fantasy which might come to affect your health in the future. This is because my health will become your health at some moment in time, and if I am anxious when you are in this place, I will worry about how you will be feeling. Turning your attention back to the matter of this place, it will have no windows or doors for you to escape and there will be no mentor to lead you through this experience. All you will have is your developing mind, which will be miniscule. The little thing you are will not know the answer to anything for a while, for which I apologize, but again I cannot be of help with this. All your questions will be answered at some point soon, although you will have to wait for a very long time. I’m sure you have so many questions you cannot properly form them into words, lacking the mental capacity to do so. I oblige you to try, for it will be amusing to me, in ways that I will keep secret from you. Yes, your presence in this place will be a joy to me. You will be a little thing in this place, which only I know about, though I will not be there. There is one last thing I wish to explain to you, this place which I am bringing you to can be horrible, but if you make the right choices it could be a dream come true. When the time comes you will be brought into this place but for right now you are nothing but a dream. My dream.
A woman in her early thirties sits on the end of a cot in an old warehouse restored as a homeless shelter. Her head is in her hands and all is quiet, if she were to start crying there would be no one there to witness this. Her body is frail and weak, her cheeks are hollowed out and her clothes are ratty with dirt and grime. She sighs heavily and lays back on the cot, closing her eyes.
