The Death of Meaningful Conversations and The Rise of Political Gossip.
I don't care who the president is nor do I care about what they say live on your preferred news channel. Let's have a conversation about why human beings, as a whole, are tolerant of war and oppression. Or why we stigmatize and stereotype the unchangeable nature of passion and love. Or how we've forced sex to become 'sexual'.
How about we talk about object permanence and why you can't find your keys after you've set them down. Why your friends don't feel like yours until you're with them again. Why the smartphone stays on the table rather than in your bag. Why someone else's love doesn't feel secure until they're with you. Why we push away good people. Why we want to be accepted by the bad ones.
Talk to me about why you like your pillow cold. Or, better yet, why a cold pillow seems to be today's global preference. Do you think it's because the world is getting hotter? Or do you think its just another trend to fade away once the hashtags do?
I want you to talk to me...
Just not about Politics.
Yes I have heard about his death. No I don't know what he was thinking signing that bill. Yes I know they didn't get the votes. Yes I know they're being bombed. I watched it live on television. I know. I saw. I know. It's crazy. I know. I know. I know.
I hear it on the news. I hear it on the internet. I hear it walking through the stores, pushing carts down the aisles. I've heard it all. All the time. I'm forced to.
A lot of people say they overthink and it causes problems. My response to that has been to underthink. I am overthinking-phobic. I underthink too much it's pathological. But it also leaves me in this blissful ignorance. The people around me probably hate that tho. Or don't care
New solution to overthinking! It's called underthinking and you try to overthink but pretend you're not qualified for it and have very poor inner life and no ideas about anything
I I don't understand how people want you to open up,but when you begin to speak they're talking over you, then interrupting you and even steering the conversations back to them. It honestly reminds me why I enjoy blogging and even writing so much you can just share your thoughts..uninterrupted.
Words like "always" and "never" are like yelling into the void from the top of a mountain.
Except you're the void, and you're not yelling so much as whimpering.
Few words are as disempowering or negating as always or never.
When someone says, "I will never be able to do this," they're not considering that circumstances may change or that there may be different ways to approach the situation.
On the other hand, saying, "This will always be a problem," shows that the person isn't considering the possibility that the problem may not be permanent…
Or that it can be solved or at least mitigated with time or external sources of assistance.
In both cases, the person is being inflexible and not taking into account the full range of possibilities that can unfold with acceptance and the removal of definitive language like always or never.
This type of perceptual fixedness doesn’t help anyone when it gets used, least of all the person experiencing it.
So it’s better to recognize it and avoid it than to accept it and allow it to rule your life.
But this sad state of affairs is shockingly common in everyone from your favorite barista to your family physician and anyone in between.
That includes you and me.
And it’s something to be guarded against, in ourselves and others.
But why do people fall into these “always” and “never” mental traps?
Part of it is because people often don’t consider the limits of their knowledge in open-ended terms.
But also because people don’t know what they don’t know or even when they don’t know it.
This kind of thinking, in either instance, is a sign of overthinking or underthinking.
Those approaches close off any additional consideration by way of stern absolutism that is embedded in words like never and always.
Once always or never get used, overthinking or underthinking take over and mark points of no return.
And maybe that doesn’t matter if all we’re doing is shouting into said void.
Voids don’t have directions, and points of no return are mostly meaningless.
It’s the kind of existential drift that people experience when they feel like they can “never X” or “always Y” when X and Y aren’t really “always” or “nevers” in the truest sense of the words.
Few things are, but accepting them as such makes them so.
So now we’re in a directionless void, past a nonexistent point of no return, and disoriented as we drift into nothingness.
That’s what happens when perception runs into definitive non-conclusions like always and never.
It’s like drawing a sea monster on a map of the ocean and writing, “Here be monsters.”
Never, always, and words like them are the cartographical equivalent of a hand-drawn Kraken on a nautical map.
And that’s why it’s important to avoid using absolutes and to consider a range of possibilities for a more balanced and realistic perception.
Absolutes set us up for failure because the world is too complex and unpredictable to be accurately described by such black-and-white terms.
We're closing ourselves off from growth and change when we say, "I will never be able to do this…"
And implying that a problem is somehow immutable when we say, "This will always be a problem."
Neither is helpful.
Not in the short term and certainly not in the long run.
Overthinkers may use these signifiers as a way to feel a false sense of control…
While underthinkers may use them to avoid deeper contemplation and remain entrenched in their narrow view of the world.
Both overthinking and underthinking are reductionist approaches to understanding the world, as they both involve simplifying complex issues and reducing them to a single perspective.
This reductionism can be problematic because it fails to consider the complexity of reality, leads to a distorted understanding of the world, and can have consequences in decision-making and problem-solving.
Instead of using absolute terms or phrases, it's important to approach the world with an open mind.
But not so open that our brains fall out.
We’re still responsible for our thoughts and feelings, and we have a sense of purpose when we start with intentionality and form our worldview from there.
In service to a growth mindset (in the specific) and an agile mind (in the general), find solutions to overthinking and underthinking by stripping away the language that facilitates both.
In other words, never say always and never say never.
