7/20/16
I'm trying to keep up with this whole journal thing, because for some reason I think it will serve me some day. Like something I could reference if I ever need to. Like that time in college where I played a pregnant woman and I tried to “do research” by sitting in on a Lamaze class. God, that was embarrassing. "Hi, I'm Essie. I'm obviously not pregnant. But I'm doing this play at school where I have to give birth on stage, so I was hoping I could observe a birth, but the hospital staff said people don't really allow for random visitors in their birthing rooms, so, uh, thanks for letting me sit in on this class." I was so young! I had no business playing that role. I had no idea. Not that young women can't have babies - not that they don't. Obviously, I would have had one at 21 if things had been different. But now I feel so much older. Not like I feel much more ready to be a parent, especially since Walter is so steady. But today I just feel... tired. I'm going to take a nap.