#unknown perpetrator.

[testifiedtesticles]

getting caught committing a murder

DIRK: Hey. DIRK: Mild hiccup.

JANE: Oh, honestly! JANE: At this point, I may as well just move in! JANE: Move over, you lug.

[testifiedtesticles]

groundhog day: what frightens you easily?

Nothing really frightens me easily. Fear normally creeps up on me in the dead of night, when I’m sure I’m safe from impending harm of any kind. Other than that? Nightmares? 

[testifiedtesticles]

christmas: are there any family traditions you plan on continuing throughout your life?

I think the main tradition I intend to upkeep is binge-consuming the entire SBAHJ franchise once every 180 days (from prior completion) to keep my recollection fresh. It’s a simple reoccurring that I concocted while living alone, in the apocalyptic future, with no human contact until the tender age of seventeen. It makes me feel all warm inside.

Definitely going to keep up with my paternal problems. The so-called “daddy issues”. That’s a big one.

Hmm. I think I could probably deal with bone-deep fear every time I hear the grinding of metal in the sky. Spring is a lovely time for alien fornication drones and I, for one, welcome the crippling trauma they induce.

Oh, and rap battles with Saw and Square.

[testifiedtesticles]

Damara, Rohais, BGD. Please?

Very well. Consider this my eulogy. For purposes of clarity, I’ll be using the Alternian definition of cull. Take that to heart, or don’t.

PAIL

Realistically, I could just take the easy route here, make it all much easier on everyone involved, but I’ve been granted the wherewithal to make it happen. BGD, hands down. Hands up? I’m not sure of his stance on hands but I would hope he is at least leaning towards positive neutrality. Never had the pleasure but I’d be interested in the outcome.

Go on. Read that last word the way you want to. Get it out of your system.

CULL

Damara. First and foremost, I’ve already pailed her many times. It’d be nonsensical to remove the opportunity from someone else of the brolicious variety just because she’s a frequent flyer. Secondly, she’d probably enjoy the prospect just as much as I expect her to and we’d probably make a sexual frenzy out of it regardless. Or she’d flip it around to maul me for an hour.

PALE

Yeah. Well. This is awkward and no doubt embarrassing to bear witness to. But by the power vested in me, I diagnose Rohais with faux diamond to fulfill grey curiosity. Do not solicit her about this.

[testifiedtesticles]

Damara, Rohais, BGD.

This is an impossibly loaded ask. Add a please and I’ll consider my social suicide.