Hey, I heard you were taking prompts? Could you possibly write me some wincest where Dean has been cheating on Sam, who finds out - and due to his terrible self esteem is blaming himself for it, so when they're talking about it Dean is extra apologetic with snuggles maybe? Thank you, and have a nice day! xx
The Winchester’s had never been big on talking. They buried their heads in the sand and ignored everything - usually blaming themselves for whatever went wrong. That being said, starting a relationship with a brother you’re completely co-dependent on was never going to work. More so when said brother had just sold his soul and gotten a year in return for your life.
Dean had a little under a year left, and Sam couldn’t really blame him for wanting to enjoy himself with the time he had left. Sam could only guess what he’d want to do with his final months if he knew he had them - although - he knew exactly who he’d spend it with.
Somewhere between the grieving for their father and in a weird way each other, their own relationship had all but fallen apart and Dean was sleeping with everyone within a 2 mile radius of where ever they where staying at week.
"Hey, nerd. Why you got you’re pop face on?" Dean asked as he picked up a beer popping it open and sitting beside his brother, "Shit, dude are you crying?"
Sam only now noticed he was crying, quickly wiping his face he started to tell Dean it was nothing. Dean knew better, setting down his beer, he turned cupping Sam’s face in both of his hands. “Baby, what’s wrong? You never cry” Dean’s voice softer than it had been in weeks, “Come on - tell me I wanna make it better”
Sam scoffed angrily at that. “Make it better? How exactly? You’re dying!” He snapped, “In 11 short months you are checking out and leaving me here. Not that it makes much of a difference they way you’ve been over the past few weeks…”
Dean frowned, ducking his head embarrassed. “Sam. I’m only protecting you” Dean started but didn’t get to finish, cut off by and angry whimper from Sam.
"Don’t, De! Okay? I get it - one year to live. Who want’s to spend it wrapped in some fucked up relationship with their little brother when you could be fucking half of America right?"
That hurt Dean more than he’d ever be able to explain, guilt and hurt welling in his chest, sitting in a large ball making it hard to breathe properly.
"S-sam-"
" I’ve always known I wasn’t good enough for you and you must be pissed at me because you’ve just given up for life for me. I get it - it just sucks right now seeing you live your last months with everyone else-"
Dean pushed forward kissing Sam, causing him to stop talking.
"Shut the fuck up!" Dean growled when he pulled back, "You’ve got it completely wrong" Dean promised him, "In a years time. I’m going to be dead Sam. I can’t be with you and then just leave you… I’ve got to distance myself from you. Not for my own sake but for yours. Trust me, there’s never been anyone else I’ve wanted more than you"
A strangled sob left Sam and it only hurt Dean more.
"I don’t care. We’re going to get you out of this-"
"Damn it, Sammy! We’ve been through this-"
"How come you get to save me but I don’t get to save you?"
"Because you can do it on your own. You had a good life going for you Sam. You had Jess and college - a life. I’ve never had anything without you. That’s why! It’s my damn job to protect you and god damn it I’ll be damned if I fail now!"
Sam simply blinked, trying to get his tears away. Dean thumbed them away for him. Sam muttered out “I love you”
Dean closed his eyes. “I love you too Sammy - I never wanted to hurt you baby. I just want to protect you. Make sure even after I’m gone you’ll be okay. I don’t want you to hurt like I did. It’s horrible being alone Sam”
"Then at least give me this year. Let me deal with the consequences on my own - it’s going to hurt either way you’re still going to be gone. At least let me have some good memories of us - together. Not of you with someone else every night… Please"Dean didn’t bother saying anything, he pulled his brother to lay down on the bed, holding him as close as possible to him. "Yeah" He said after a long time, "Yeah, okay Sammy" Dean took a long steadying breath, he knew this was selfish. But he could never say no to Sam - and this time he wasn’t really even sure he wanted too.+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+Hey sweetie, this is my first request for you I think. So i hope you like it and what not. Request anytime <3 xx
