For Ret: 7. What feature (physical or otherwise) do they hate most about themselves?
asked by @argentbradamante
Ret is actually pretty hard on himself by default, there’s a lot about himself that he doesn’t like, only sees worth in his connection with the light and devotion to it.As such, believe it or not, I think Ret has the worst love-hate relationship with his good looks. He knows he looks good, he has to actively work at being boring and insufferable sometimes to get certain people to lose interest in him and even then it sometimes doesn’t work.The problem is that he doesn’t place much worth in looks, he needs more meaning than that, but in his experience it seems to be the only thing other people find worthwhile in him. Also, he’s actively afraid that it IS the only thing he has going for him (other than his commitment to the light). He resents his own good looks most while being too afraid to do anything to damage the only thing he has going for him on a personal level.So I guess the thing he hates most about himself is that “good looking” is apparently the most, possibly only noteworthy thing he has going for himself. Especially so after making his vows of abstinence from his previous vices (sex included), which just makes dealing with people determined to have his attention no matter how boring and dull he pretends to be that much more difficult to deal with (and drives home the point that people don’t actually care for him, just his looks, which is never enough to keep people).He’s low key about all this though, don’t think he’s ever actually told anyone. Maybe some random chick while he was drunk or high in his younger days. He doesn’t brag about it or use it to brag or exaggerate it by any means. He doesn’t see his good looks as brag worthy. Quite the opposite, actually. He feels his best feature - his good looks, only highlights how flawed he is in every other way. Like he’s stuck on the surface world with ugly insides hoping for something deeper in vain (pun not intended).He doesn’t think about it a whole lot these days though, it was more a thing in his youth, before his vows. Now he just hates it because it makes keeping his vows more difficult when people get persistent. But again, still has that deep fear that actively ruining his looks would render him entirely worthless as an individual. Which is also why he pours his everything into serving the Light. Desperate search for worthiness.
