i think you left an ache in me that refuses to go away. it’s there even after all this time. i cradle it close to my chest and shower it with the leftover love i have for you which doesn’t look like it will ever run out. i wish we could go back in time and start over. i wish we stayed just friends. i wish i didn’t know the feel of your hand in mine or how an unfamiliar warmth would seep into my bones when you smiled at me. i was never cold when i was with you. you were like the sun and i was icarus; foolish and naive and heads over heels. i wish i could rewrite it. i wish things didn’t turn out like this. we were stupid kids. stupid and reckless but i wouldn’t trade any of those moments we shared because nothing else can compare. believe me, i’ve tried. i’ve been trying ever since i met you to fall in love with someone else so the inevitable won’t hurt. yet, it did. it still does. no matter what i do the ache never dulls. it stays there and taunts me. i wish we never met. that our paths never crossed. that we remained strangers. that none of those things that culminated in me kissing you happened. because then it would be okay. it wouldn’t hurt this much. if i hadn’t met you i wouldn’t have craved the softness that i chase now. you joke about me loving tenderness, but dearest, i never did before i stumbled upon you. i try to replicate your touch and i fail. it hurts all over. you understand the pain in a way no one did and yet there was no pity. i miss that. i wish we could go back to what we used to be, but i don’t think that’s possible and i’m learning to make peace with it.
