#usermish

[deadpoets]

BLUE SARGENT & GANSEY + SNOOPY

[dermottlailas]

— Los Angeles was a monster, too big and too loud and too hectic. THE TROJANS were strange and misguided. There was a cardboard dog in his bedroom that Jeremy treated like a de facto member of the household. Jean didn’t understand any of it, but he knew on a bone-deep level that this was better than anything he’d ever had. It was worlds more than he deserved.

[dallaswinstons]

THE OUTSIDERS; S.E. HINTON

sixteen years on the streets and you can learn a lot. but all the wrong things, not the things you want to learn. sixteen years on the streets and you see a lot. but all the wrong sights, not the things you want to see.

[irvingsbailiffs]

he didn't want to leave andrew with nothing, but what could he possibly say?

[amzarashi]

there's this thing where you can't say certain words or phrases or breathe a certain way or touch something for too long or nudge the book that's been collecting dust on your bedside for two years because anything and everything could turn the world against you

i can't sleep at night because my breathing doesn’t feel right and the prayer i said five times in row doesn’t feel right so i have to get up open the door turn the lights on retrace my steps until my feet start aching from how bad i need it all to make sense to fall into place to not hurt the people i care about because guilt makes your heart sink like stone and i still haven't learned how to swim

fox reads me poetry until fox is all i think about until the world isn't so scary and the static in my brain is quiet i tell fox good night i say i love you but it's rarely there so i say it again over and over because repetition speaks things into existence until it piles up on top of each other until i can gather it all in my hand and squish it together like putty and use it to close up everywhere the hurt is leaking through

exposure therapy sucks. it's not that i can't touch door knobs or cross the threshold or have to wash my hands so many times or that i have to click the lock and turn the bathroom lights on and the bedroom lights off and the doorway lights on and the people around me have to say good night with an inflection that tells me i won't die tomorrow because i don't know what my brain wants more often than not

words have so much weight and i haven't told anyone i love them and meant it because i’m scared if i do i will doom them to my fate of picking at nails and skin so i use loopholes like my life depends on them. i say it with breaks in between. the pauses are periods so it's a string of words not a curse set into motion it'd be nice to breathe without having to think about what i can or cannot say

instead i send poetry, i say read the orange by wendy cope listen to 400 lux by lorde it's not a love language because language was made to share love babel was a death sentence there are many words i want to say but can't say but roland barthes says, i've got nothing to say to you but it's to you i want to say this nothing

[alinastarvko]

insp

[callumnovae]

ronan and noah's friendship is boys will be boys in its purest form

[eclpsedsun]

how's one to know? i'd meet you where the spirit meets the bones in a faith-forgotten land in from the snow your touch brought forth an incandescent glow tarnished, but so grand

and the old widow goes to the stone every day but I don't, I just sit here and wait grieving for the living

oh, goddamn my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand taking mine, but it's been promised to another oh, I can't stop you putting roots in my dreamland my house of stone, your ivy grows and now I'm covered in you

– ivy, taylor swift