Surviving Junior Year
Unlike my sophomore tribute post that was divided into two parts, my junior tribute will only be compressed in this one single post and it's not because I'm just lazy or anything, but because this academic year has been nothing but extraordinary.
This was supposed to be one of the most colorful and hectic times in my college life. I was honestly looking forward to the hardships of thesis, the excitement of caring for the mentally ill in Mandaluyong and the tears I will shed for medical surgical nursing along with my first tres with Sir Hibek's world literature class, but of course, life had to be nothing like we expect it to be.
The first term was so-so: I was still able to make it to the dean's list, made some changes in my living set-up as my sister moved out and went with the work force. I became more active in my extra-curricular life as I volunteered in a couple of medical missions outside Metro Manila. I also started living a more conscious life as I eat more vegetables even if I'm staying at the dorm, decreased my wastes as I switched to reusable cotton pads, bamboo toothbrush and abandoning instant coffee!!!!! I started doing intermittent fasting, as well, which helped me lose the unwanted weight I gained during my sophomore year. For the first few months of 2020 and my second term, I was able to make time for quick workouts and I have "embraced" the hair-free-albeit-high-maintenance life.
I was still on the verge of getting used to our class schedule when the COVID19 pandemic hit which then lead us to being caught on lock down for more than 2 months. We then had to switch to online classes for the rest of the semester and had to have our thesis topic defense ONLINE as well as some of our RLE/duty sessions. It was all sorts of unconventional but this is our reality now. We all thought we’d be back again in the classroom and see each other after a week of class suspension, but little did we know, we might not be able to return to our usual school routine until 2021. And even though I fully understand the reasons behind the measures that the government has been trying to implement to contain the infection, I am still somewhat sad to miss and cancel a number of plans I have been really looking forward to.
Anyway, I personally find online classes more challenging than the traditional learning set-up. It might be because I use school as a form of escape that will keep my mind preoccupied. The whole studying thing demands so much brain cells that I can’t really afford to wander my mind off or entertain any of my demons. But I guess without the structure that the traditional set-up provides, my mind —along with my body, gets confused as to where to draw the line between personal time and work time. It also doesn’t help that I am staying with my family. I have always preferred to have my own space where I can get my alone time and light breaks and my dorm gives me that peace my home can never provide. Because of these, even though I’m not easily distracted once I’m in “the zone,” what I find hard is getting myself in the zone.
I realized how much I value structure and sense of control during this quarantine season that when I felt like I’m surrendering these things to the higher ups (since they are those in charge and everything from then will follow depending on how they will address the health crisis), I can’t seem to catch my breath. I’m not sure if it’s already classified as a panic or anxiety attack, but it always starts as a feeling of restlessness, which will be followed by labored breathing and racing heartbeats. I’ll then have a hard time focusing on whatever it is I’m doing that I eventually become useless and unproductive for most of the day. I somehow got the hang of it towards the end of the sem by not forcing myself to do shit, and by just letting my mind and body be. Right now, I’m learning the art of meditation and hopefully it would come in handy when we start the new academic year.
I’m still looking for ways to preserve the little sanity I have left if ever we’ll still have this kind of set-up by August. I’m looking into keeping my dorm as I don’t really want to stay here in our family house for the rest of the year since UST already announced that we will have the blended type of learning for next semester. Most classes will still be conducted online but some laboratory and skills meetings would need face to face interactions, which would make living in a dorm impractical with the rent, utilities, food expenses and all. I might apply for a job but I know it’s going to be hard because of the economic effects of the lock down. If ever, I need to figure out how to make this work more efficiently and effectively.
PS. July 28, 2020
I received a message request from one of my professors along with two other blockmates of mine, saying that the three of us shared the top spot in the Dean’s List for the 2nd semester of our junior year! It literally caught me off guard because I have forgotten all about the rankings for a brief moment hahaha because of this, I received another scholarship offer from the University once again, and of course, I’ve gotten pretty neurotic about the whole thing thinking about who got the top spot for the 1st semester. I also started feeling like I don’t deserve all of this, because I know that I half-assed my way out the online semester. Hay nako, sometimes talaga I hate myself hahaha but I’m working on it!!! (see: my dump blog)
