Always rushed and always late. I'm Jastine, a twenty-something year old Manila-based frustrated RN. This little space right here is where I document all my life going-ons and etceteras.Isaiah 41:10
Our Taiwan trip last January 2019 has long been in my blog-to-do that writing about it today wouldn’t even be at all possible given that my memory now sucks —took me three “ano nga ulit yon” before I finally remember what it is I’m supposed to be doing here on tumblr in the middle of a such fine day. But since I still want it to be forever remembered, I’ll just do a photo dump of some sort and so here are some in-between shots that never made it to the gram:
I’d like to thank my auntie and uncle for bringing the whole family together once again after years of conflict. I hope we could be like this for a much longer time. ♥
Among all the places we’ve been to this trip, I think Nantou County was my favorite. But overall, Taiwan was a such a calm and progressive country. I wouldn’t mind moving here, honestly.
Breaking down all the things that took place before 2020 revealed it’s true dark self through blurry, under-exposed film shots.
📷 minolta hi-matic f
• Nordik x Curio Year End Party (December 2019) | 🎞️ superia x-tra400
Yes, I know this part did not really happen in 2020 but what can I do? Where will I post all these blurry film shots that I had scanned????? hahah Went to Poblacion with my old office crew to party, drink and play some games. We first went to El Chupacabra where we had most of our “team building” activities like party games and exchange gift. We then transferred to Almacen, which is a lovely little party place, and danced the night away. We finished around 2am??? And got stuck for about 2-3 hours trying to book a grab ride back home. We ended up getting picked up by Kaye’s parents huhu what a messy end for a fun night
• Johnny and Ellaine’s Wedding (January 25, 2020) | 🎞️ fuji c200
My fave Starbucks lovers finally got their happy ever after! This would also be my first time to attend a wedding ceremony, not to mention being a bridesmaid! Looking back, it feels surreal and at the same time flattering to make it on Ellaine’s entourage. I’ve only known them both for five years but for me to be a part of something big and meaningful to them might indicate that I did something good with our friendship. And they’re MY AGE. I was just a bridesmaid to my friends’ wedding... MY FRIENDS... I really am an adult now hahaha
This wedding also brought back some old time troubles since it was the excuse Carlo and I had to reconnect after more than two years. Yet another messy time. Anyway, it ended as soon as we began for I have learned that nothing good ever comes from dancing with the devil. Took me some time and gave in to temptation a few times though, but I’ve learned my lesson! *wink*
• 3NUR (February to March 2020) | 🎞️ superia x-tra400
Since I’ve been exploring the film life, I took some random groupies with my block-mates and friends in between and after classes.
most of RLE 4/5: my first nursing family after I got back. Had to leave them bec my real RLE’s claiming me hahaha
my other walwalers hahahah
My mini gurl grp (MIA Soph). Love these little demons hahahaha
Ahhhhh, easily a start of yet another gulo hahah and these pictures are the only thing I care to share hahahaha 🤡
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Anyway, even for just a few months, 2020 was able to make a statement that it will be the best and the worst year for most of us. We still have six more months left, and I’d usually say “bring it on,” but I’ve learned the hard way never to challenge the cosmic forces...
When Rico Blanco once claimed that “tadhana’y merong trip na makapangyarihan,” boy, he wasn’t kidding.
Unlike my sophomore tribute post that was divided into two parts, my junior tribute will only be compressed in this one single post and it's not because I'm just lazy or anything, but because this academic year has been nothing but extraordinary.
This was supposed to be one of the most colorful and hectic times in my college life. I was honestly looking forward to the hardships of thesis, the excitement of caring for the mentally ill in Mandaluyong and the tears I will shed for medical surgical nursing along with my first tres with Sir Hibek's world literature class, but of course, life had to be nothing like we expect it to be.
The first term was so-so: I was still able to make it to the dean's list, made some changes in my living set-up as my sister moved out and went with the work force. I became more active in my extra-curricular life as I volunteered in a couple of medical missions outside Metro Manila. I also started living a more conscious life as I eat more vegetables even if I'm staying at the dorm, decreased my wastes as I switched to reusable cotton pads, bamboo toothbrush and abandoning instant coffee!!!!! I started doing intermittent fasting, as well, which helped me lose the unwanted weight I gained during my sophomore year. For the first few months of 2020 and my second term, I was able to make time for quick workouts and I have "embraced" the hair-free-albeit-high-maintenance life.
I was still on the verge of getting used to our class schedule when the COVID19 pandemic hit which then lead us to being caught on lock down for more than 2 months. We then had to switch to online classes for the rest of the semester and had to have our thesis topic defense ONLINE as well as some of our RLE/duty sessions. It was all sorts of unconventional but this is our reality now. We all thought we’d be back again in the classroom and see each other after a week of class suspension, but little did we know, we might not be able to return to our usual school routine until 2021. And even though I fully understand the reasons behind the measures that the government has been trying to implement to contain the infection, I am still somewhat sad to miss and cancel a number of plans I have been really looking forward to.
Anyway, I personally find online classes more challenging than the traditional learning set-up. It might be because I use school as a form of escape that will keep my mind preoccupied. The whole studying thing demands so much brain cells that I can’t really afford to wander my mind off or entertain any of my demons. But I guess without the structure that the traditional set-up provides, my mind —along with my body, gets confused as to where to draw the line between personal time and work time. It also doesn’t help that I am staying with my family. I have always preferred to have my own space where I can get my alone time and light breaks and my dorm gives me that peace my home can never provide. Because of these, even though I’m not easily distracted once I’m in “the zone,” what I find hard is getting myself in the zone.
I realized how much I value structure and sense of control during this quarantine season that when I felt like I’m surrendering these things to the higher ups (since they are those in charge and everything from then will follow depending on how they will address the health crisis), I can’t seem to catch my breath. I’m not sure if it’s already classified as a panic or anxiety attack, but it always starts as a feeling of restlessness, which will be followed by labored breathing and racing heartbeats. I’ll then have a hard time focusing on whatever it is I’m doing that I eventually become useless and unproductive for most of the day. I somehow got the hang of it towards the end of the sem by not forcing myself to do shit, and by just letting my mind and body be. Right now, I’m learning the art of meditation and hopefully it would come in handy when we start the new academic year.
I’m still looking for ways to preserve the little sanity I have left if ever we’ll still have this kind of set-up by August. I’m looking into keeping my dorm as I don’t really want to stay here in our family house for the rest of the year since UST already announced that we will have the blended type of learning for next semester. Most classes will still be conducted online but some laboratory and skills meetings would need face to face interactions, which would make living in a dorm impractical with the rent, utilities, food expenses and all. I might apply for a job but I know it’s going to be hard because of the economic effects of the lock down. If ever, I need to figure out how to make this work more efficiently and effectively.
PS. July 28, 2020
I received a message request from one of my professors along with two other blockmates of mine, saying that the three of us shared the top spot in the Dean’s List for the 2nd semester of our junior year! It literally caught me off guard because I have forgotten all about the rankings for a brief moment hahaha because of this, I received another scholarship offer from the University once again, and of course, I’ve gotten pretty neurotic about the whole thing thinking about who got the top spot for the 1st semester. I also started feeling like I don’t deserve all of this, because I know that I half-assed my way out the online semester. Hay nako, sometimes talaga I hate myself hahaha but I’m working on it!!! (see: my dump blog)
“All Evie wants is to be normal. And now that she's almost off her meds and at a new college where no one knows her as the-girl-who-went-nuts, there's only one thing left to tick off her list...
But relationships can mess with anyone's head -something Evie's new friends Amber and Lottie know only too well. The trouble is, if Evie won't tell them her secrets, how can they stop her making a huge mistake?” —Am I Normal Yet by Holly Bourne
Yet another late book review... hmmm anyway...
I got this book the same time I got Anatomy of a Misfit, during my first Manila International Book Fair way back 2017??? For some time now, I've been reading young adult novels that center mostly on mental health issues. I've encountered some that were just okay -not distastefully done but were also missing a lot of the essential notes; some were more triggering than helpful (yes, All the Bright Places, I mean you); while the others were just... what the fuck. However, I think I hit a jackpot on this one. So far, this is the only book that was able to perfectly and honestly convey a story of someone who suffers from obsessive compulsive disorder. And I think that's important because sometimes, even if our goal is to raise and spread awareness regarding mental health illness, we somehow end up romanticizing it, and so to have a something that's brave enough to also talk about the not-so-pretty side of OCD is amazing. Definitely one of my favorite YAs. 9.7/10
PS. I think it's actually a book series? I'm still contemplating if I should read the other books.. hmmmm let's see..
I don't think I was able to properly document my hospital rotations and duties for this semester. I'm not sure what happened, but maybe because our first clinical rotation was a freaking hell. I don't want to get in to it because, after all, I am still here because of the college's funds haha. The 2nd and final clinical experiences that we had were all fruitful and I honestly enjoyed all my times in the Pedia and OB Wards in USTH. As for the lecture classes, I finally understood Pharmacology and I, definitely, still hate Physics.
If I were to compare this sem from the past one, I would have to commend how our teamwork within the RLE group has improved. We bonded a lot this sem and have gone through so much terror and stress together. I hope they won't transfer me to another group anymore for the next year huhu
I also got to experience my first bar night out with these youngsters this sem! We danced the night away and ate chicken wings until 4 in the morning. We stayed at Denisse's and did a mini-photo shoot in her room! We had a lot of cakes, and study sessions for the past 6 months and I think, now, it is safe to say that we are officially friends hahahaha
However, I wasn't able to make it to the Dean's List for this semester, but I did manage to bag an Academic Excellence Award for garnering the highest average for the whole year. I didn't even know that such award exists so it was completely unexpected! And speaking of completely unexpected, my college trio gurls (Denisse, Joselle and Sophia) were able to pull off a surprise dinner for me after the recognition rites! They even had my sister, Jeff and Kaye's participation! It was so cute and I was really touched because it is the first time someone did something like that for me :( I'm so overwhelmed huhuhuuhuh
Overall, this sem was just a blast of blessings and I can't wait to keep doing better!
PS.
Summer Term!
It was a month of cooking with counted calories and computing for the inferential means between two or more data since we only had Nutrition and Diet Therapy and Statistics as our subjects for this term. It was by far the chillest sem I've had! I was able to finish two K-Dramas, drink a lot and still have good grades without exerting much effort. Our second bar night out also happened this special term, and let's just say it was a little different from our typical drunk nights. I was, particularly, craving some Japanese *wink*... Oh to be with the youngins hahahahah
Finally got some time off and will to write this one down. From my last life update, I mentioned that I was given one of the best blessings I could ever ask for —a scholarship to finally continue and finish what I started. I think, after everything I went through, this is the universe telling me that this is where I belong.
I got back to school this August 2018, three years after I stopped. I admit that up until now I'm struggling to make ends meet but this time, though, by living off of my savings. It's hard because the cost of living is constantly stressing me out. But come to think of it, all the expenses are already at minimum, especially now that my basic school expense is not a problem at all.
Minus the financial stress, I love getting back in a classroom set-up and learning. I guess I missed studying so much that I'm actually really into it —I'm actively participating in all the activities and lectures, and I enjoy reviewing so much. All in all, I know I was just craving the knowledge I missed out on and just trying my best to give back to the people who helped me by being at least good with what I'm doing.
And well enough, all the hard work paid off. For the first semester, I got the top spot in a our class (and technically in our batch since we are the only section there is for Batch 2021). And what made this Dean's List moment extra special, is that it was the Dean of the College who confirmed it, during our Pinning and Capping Ceremonies.
Me and my gurls before the event starts.
The Pinning and Capping is actually one of the milestones in a nursing student’s life. It's like the ceremonial rites where you officially become a nursing student which I've been waiting for for 3 years. This event is already special on its own, so imagine how much tears I shed after hearing the news from the Dean.
"You did not disappoint. You are the top of your batch. Congratulations."
Cue the waterfalls. I was just crying during most of the ceremony, as it really was solemn.
Here’s a proof na nagkalat lang kami hahaha Cannot thank these people enough for seeing right through me and giving me a chance to fulfill my dreams.
The Pinning and Capping happened earlier in the second semester. And looking back, I still find it surreal that I'm finally hallway there.
RLE5 represent!
And of course, here’s a a pic of me with the people I do it for. Love you all!
We're almost done with it the semester right now, although this time I have to accept the possibility of not making it to the Dean's List. I'm still doing my best naman, but this sem is a lot more harder than the first one. It demands more and I don't really like the schedule they made for us. And me being me, I always choose sleep over anything. Plus, it's tiring to always study all the time hahaha But nevertheless, I'm still trying my best. I just hope that would be enough.
Anyway, I am grateful and I'm very happy to be here so thank you to those who have been God’s instruments to help me get me where I am today. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that my life would turn out this way. I guess everything is starting to make sense now.
Dumping all the photos that I planned to, but never got to post, here. All shots were taken during my college comeback, covering all of my nursing experience —from being a delivery room nurse, a ward nurse, a community health nurse up until to finding and making cute memories with my mini girl squad.
Delivery Room East Avenue Medical Center
Maria Clara Health Center
Postpartum Ward East Avenue Medical Center
College Gurl Gang and our little inuman sesh-s in between our busy sched
Always so late, but better late than never. Here's the part two of my life update.
Let's pick it up when I decided to leave the coffee shop life. I got lucky, I guess, to have come across a job that offers better wage, better working hours and load, and wider opportunities.
With this job, I got to know more about the corporate life-meeting with different companies, discovering more about sales, accounting, management and actually almost everything under the sun. I definitely learned a lot and had the best time going around Makati and Taguig, meeting different people. It made me realize how big the world is. And even if it seemed like I parted away with my science roots, I actually did not. I also got to learn more about ergonomics! We sell high-end office furniture from Scandinavia, primarily from corporate giant, FLOKK. Oh my gosh, their chairs are so freaking good! I loved how I can still relate my current job then to what I learned from anatomy-physiology class.
Other than the corporate life, I also got a glimpse of what it is to be a social media celebrity hahaha My boss is actually blogger Camille Co's long time beau! And on my second day, I already accompanied him with on a cover shoot with Preview, complete with the Blogger Besties Camille, Laureen Uy and Kryz Uy with their partners, the BloggerJowas!
It was all in all a surreal experience. My whole year and a couple of months stay there was really a full-fulling time for me and my career. It was my brain that was a little wonky.
Despite all the improvement in my life, I was still somehow in a pit. It was in November 2017 that I felt my lowest. I wanted it all to end. I was planning for it all to end. Luckily, I listened to that weak voice inside my head and pleaded for help. I went to my Ate, and let's just say, it was mainly because of her why I'm still here and able to write this.
I made it to the new year with a lot of hope that 2018 will be the year when things will start to get better. On December 2017, I visited UST to pay some overdue debts from the college, and then I was asked to meet with the Dean when office resumes after the holidays. I went in, and then after a few moments, I got out with a new scholarship grant that will allow me to go back to school. I got the confirmation in mid July, which then left me with no choice but to leave my job. I had to take full load classes so I really only had to choose one. This time, I finally chose me and my dreams, which leads me to where I am now and I couldn't be more happy.
“Outside, Anika Dragomir is all lip gloss and blond hair --- the third most popular girl in school. Inside, she's a freak. A mix of dark thoughts, diabolical plots, and, if local chatter is to be believed, vampire DNA. After all, her father is from Romania. Everyone else in Nebraska is about as American as an apple pie . . . wrapped in a flag . . . on the Fourth of July.
Spider stew. That's what Anika is made of. But she keeps it under wraps to maintain her social position. One step out of line and Becky Vilhauser, first most popular girl in school, will make her life a living hell.
So when former loner Logan McDonough shows up one September hotter, smarter, and more mysterious than ever, Anika knows she can't get involved. It would be insane to throw away her social safety for a nerd. So what if that nerd is now a black-leather-jacket-wearing dreamboat, and his loner status is clearly the result of his troubled home life?
Who cares if the right girl could help him with all that, maybe even save him from it . . . ? Logan. Who needs him when Jared Kline, the bad boy every girl dreams of, is asking her on dates?” —Anatomy of a Misfit by Andrea Portes
Of course this one is also a late one. I got a copy of this book when I went to my first ever Manila International Book Fair with my little sister and her friend. It has been on to-read list for a long time, and hay I should have read reviews first before getting a copy. I can't say it's okay because it really wasn't, at least for me. It was shallow and unnatural. It's cringey, too with an unexpected dark twist. It seemed to me that it was trying too hard to be chic. Ugh, I don't know but it just did not click. I'll give it score of 2/10.
I really hope that people would understand the titles that I choose for my trips, especially those for LU, it's so witty and I'm very proud of it hahaha
Anyway, this is my second time in La Union in two years. I also went with Kaye just like the last time, but now with her jowa and Jeff! It was another Triangle trip! We were planning to go for a long time already but we can't since no one will be left in the office. We mentioned this to Joni and then he asked us to go after a week or so. Another cool boss points! So of course we took the chance to unwind and have a really good time.
We reached San Fernando in a very unusual way. Instead of taking the bus, we took a random white van that was very sketchy. A lot of people were apparently going to LU that time since it was a long weekend so all the bus stations were full. We found the van near one terminal in Cubao. There were a lot of people in there, waiting for it to be full, too. After 4 hours or so, we got to San Fernando town proper, and had to take a jeep to get to Urbiztondo, where our booking is.
We placed our bookings only a few days before the weekend, so we only got a good enough place to stay for a night. We are planning to trek Tangadan Falls again this time with the other two first timers and try cliff jumping once again. When we get to our rooms, we immediately changed to our, this time, appropriate trekking clothes and took off.
Compared to last year's, they now offer motorcycle rides all the way to the falls' peak. It would cost us, I think P200 each, but since we actually prepped for the trek, all gear and outfit, we decided to take the long way. I personally also want to beat our trek record last time because we did pretty bad haha
On the way, we saw another tour guide rushing down to get help. Apparently, someone drowned. When we got to the cliff jumping area, midway to the falls itself, we saw a man being resuscitated. It pains me to see this because I know I could have done something had I known how to do basic life support. Although, I know I lack the knowledge and skills, I can see that the people who are trying to save the man were doing it all wrong... It's also frustrating to know that there were no trained life guards or paramedics on standby in a place that is always filled with tourists. We saw the man being carried out by the stretcher, around 20 minutes after we got there but we do not know anymore if he made it. We were all hoping he did.
Because of the accident, they no longer allowed people to swim on that part of the falls. As much as we want to make Jeff and Karl John try the cliff jumping, we don't really want to risk anyone's life, so we moved on with the trek.
We reached Tangadan Falls itself, this time in a much shorter time compared from the last and instead of going to the main catch basin (?), we went to the top of the falls. It was 45 ft up, and KJ wants to try and jump. But of course, we didn't want him to, so we only did the 10 ft jump on the other side of falls haha the one at the back. There were fewer people there but the water is still so nice and cold. After relaxing, we went down and back to our place again to change and get some rest.
Annoying mag-jowa moments hahahaha
Look at me, Storm-ing hahaha
We were ready to have dinner when we got out later that afternoon. None of us were in our swimsuits so we can't swim even if the water was calling us to take a dip. For this trip, we made sure to experience the locals' food and the beach life. So we ate with all our hearts and partied till we can't that night hahaha we were so lucky to spot an event serving cheap drinks with solid DJs! The youth in me has never been so alive in a long time. We danced and freaking got drunk yeaaaaah
I remember getting hit by a flag pole when I got up on stage that night. I think I also called out a couple of guys for hogging a tricycle...hmmmmm
The next day was terrible though, with the heat and hangover and all hahaha I woke up early, just like I always do after a night of drinking and was craving for breakfast already. After an hour or so, they finally woke up and then we headed out to Tagpuan. Their servings were small so we opted for the one in front of them instead where we planned to look for another place that offers air conditioning. The owner of the place heard us and offered us her friend's place. It was also nice that she noticed Karl John is Ilonggo so we really got along. After checking out, and settling to our new place, we rested for a bit. It was too hot to go outside so we waited for the sun to calm down.
Around 4pm, we all went out to finally visit El Union, Surftown's well known little coffee shop. I have been wanting to try their coffee since I've heard a lot of reviews saying that it is really good. And it was, oh my god. Upon entering and smelling the coffee, I was reminded why I fell in love with it. The food were also very goooood ahhhhhhhhh i think it was my favorite part of the trip. We also did surfing but we didn't get any surfing coach and tried to do things on our own. It did not go well compared to my first experience but all in all it was good day. Until I got stung by a jellyfish.
YUH. I was already walking up the shore with my board when I felt something painful on my knee, and then another one at the back of it. It stinggggggggs so bad. And I'm almost crying and was really struggling when Jeff dismissed me and said that I'm just being OA :( When I got out of the water, I saw that I have elongated red marks on my knee and when I asked the Kuya who rents the surfboards, he said that it was indeed a jellyfish sting. Tangina. I don't have a Chandler Bing around.
We got back to our place, and asked the landlord for some vinegar to treat my knees. I have low pain tolerance so it really stings for me while the rest of the crew were just laughing at me for my sheer bad luck. After changing, we went out for some dinner and spotted a nearby unli sefood grill place. It was all nice until Kaye complains of not being able to breathe properly. She's allergic to seafood, yet still insisted to eat there. In that moment we realized, we might not make it out alive in this trip hahaha
It was unusually quiet, only to realize that last night was the last night to have drinks because there's a liquor ban due to the upcoming elections. We all went home sad because we wanted to drink so bad, but then again that's why we have this long weekend pala because it's the elections on Monday. We headed home instead and watched The Belko Experiment that was playing on cable.
The next day, Jeff and I got up earlier than the two so we headed out to El Union once again before we leave for Manila. Kaye and KJ followed soon after and took some pics for the gram on our way back. We left for the bus terminal around noon but the terminal was already full and there's a long line of queue. We bought our tickets and went out for lunch at this well known halo-halo place, Halo-Halo de Iloko. I wasn't a fan of the Ilocano's dishes, mainly because everything is sweet, even their supposedly spicy food, and I'm more of a salty person. Our dining experience was okay, although we did not get to try their special halo-halo because it was out of stock.
We got back to the terminal after 2 hours, and luckily, we were just right on time. Our number was being called and our bus was already boarding passengers. It was a long ride back home but it definitely did not take us 10 hours just like before.
So far, this is my favorite trip with my friends. It was very chill and there were no pressure with regards to time or in budget, because I know I deserve this break. I also got to do all of the things I want to try in La Union and actually have some time to take my mind off some stuff.
Oh by the way, I'm hella blonde during this trip :P
I’m finally accepting the fact that I might not be able to put my thoughts into words, after all. So I’m saying goodbye —at least for now, to my 2017 Moral Lesson post hahaha and since there were a lot of things that happened to me since my last life-update (as if someone really checks this page out hahahaha), this will be my Catch-Up post! But! In excessive detail hehe (maybe this will be in divided into parts.. hmmm let’s see)
Okay, so the last update I had here was way back 2016 pa —wow, why do I even bother writing this. And there I mentioned that I have stopped schooling, and was working at Starbucks. Well, today is October 30, 2018 and as of today, well, I am glad to inform each and everyone here that I am back to school (!!!) and that I am no longer a barista, for more than a year now.
Disclaimer: This is my side of the story. Everything written here are based on my point of view and opinion. If you don’t like it, or are against it...well that’s too bad because this is how I really felt during those times and I can’t be sorry for feeling my own emotions. Okay?
The coffee shop life got too messy. First, my closest friends filed their resignations one after the other. And when they're no longer under the management, they were finally able to expose the people that I genuinely considered my second family. A lot of mean words were said behind my back, to the point that my life situation that I was trying so hard to recover from, was used against me as if they don’t know my story. Eventually, I dreaded going to work everyday. I suddenly kept my distance and ignored these people as if they were dead to me. I couldn't help it, I can't make myself pretend that we're still okay. I was like this for almost 4 months, and for the longest time, my heart was extremely heavy.
Then enter this guy who brought me so much trouble. He started out as a game, then I realized that it was only with him that I can sleep peacefully. Then he turned into someone who kept my mind up all night until he was someone who I had to sleep through just because I didn’t know how to deal with his entirety. Honestly, he affected me in ways I couldn't make myself admit.
It was a disaster, my last few months in Starbucks. I could feel my brain hurt every time. I'd use sleep as an excuse to escape all the thinking and living I had to go through; and when I couldn't sleep anymore, I'd pop myself some pills. No one could drag me out of the bed, not even Carlo when we "got back together." He'd ask me to go out for some drinks and late night food with him but I'd always rather sleep even though I just woke up from a nap. I also didn't eat enough.
I remember I called Kaye in the middle of a morning duty, during my first 15 minute break, and I was crying. I was telling her how much I don’t want to work with these people anymore. How much I wanted to quit. I just had the last of it, that day. Later that night, she told me someone she knows is in need of an assistant and I hesitated no second and sent my CV. I went for an interview the following week and I secretly took the job during our Store Meeting. I gave my notice to my favorite manager, Lao, and I sobbed so hard when I told him I'm leaving and why. It really sucked because I honestly love what I was doing, I think it was really cool. Plus, I just got my Coffee Master title some months ago. But I know I wasn’t well anymore and leaving was the only way to save myself.
Giving up the barista life was actually one of the hardest decisions I had to come up with. For the longest time, it was the only thing I had for myself. It saved me from my then crumbling life. I gave everything to this job and was completely honest with who I am to the people I met and worked with. Maybe that's why when it turned out they weren't the same, I was instantly in a pit. And I knew I had to get out of there.
“When teenage movie star Graham Larkin accidentally sends small town girl Ellie O'Neill an email about his pet pig, the two seventeen-year-olds strike up a witty and unforgettable correspondence, discussing everything under the sun, except for their names or backgrounds.
Then Graham finds out that Ellie's Maine hometown is the perfect location for his latest film, and he decides to take their relationship from online to in-person. But can a star as famous as Graham really start a relationship with an ordinary girl like Ellie? And why does Ellie want to avoid the media's spotlight at all costs?” — This is What Happy Looks Like by Jennifer E. Smith
Note: I have already written all my pending book “reviews” way before eh, but my notes got corrupted. Stupid iCloud, I dind’t had back up hnnnnnghhh
It was a book I got way back December 2015, my first Christmas in Starbucks, as a gift by my then assistant store manager Marj -Hi Madame Baby! It was the time I figured that books are the best thing to receive esp on giving seasons hehe
I immediately tried reading it the first time I got it but ended up not understanding a thing because I was distracted. With a guy ahahah I still remember our conversation vividly:
G: What are you doing meng?
M: Reading.
G: Which book?
M: This is what Happy Looks Like
G: Meng
G: I am what happy looks like.
And frankly, he was what my happy looks like. At least that time. But he also brought me trouble. A lot of trouble.
After that failed attempt, I tried to read it again after some time, but then, I think, I got caught up with work and other stuff, so for the second time, I wasn’t able to finish it again.
Third time’s a charm, I guess. I tried going back at it thinking that I wouldn’t have so much time the following year since I was expecting to go back to school by January. So I tried my best to focus and finally, I got to know what’s real story behind that little green dress Zer was talking about years ago. Weirdly enough, this book reminds me all the boys I loved before (and I don’t mean the book but the actual people!!!)
Anyway...
I don’t remember that much of the book, really, I just know that it was a little too long to not have a more complicated plot. Of course it was cheesy and it did made my heart flutter a bit. I love how I was able to finish the book the same way Ellie and Graham story ended — at the beach. Though there, they had fireworks and each other, and in my version I was alone but I had solitude and hope. With the sun setting for the first time for the year 2018 and with waves crashing just near my feet as I was seating on the warm white sands plus a really great book on my hands, I finally got a glimpse of what happy looks like, again.
Found a down time after work and then suddenly, I’m writing about not writing anymore.
I was supposed to make an appreciation post for 2017 last February, but we’re almost halfway 2018, and I still haven’t posted anything aside from that Sagada travel post. I’m not sure if I’m too busy with my life to actually have a time to sit down and write something to put here (just like what I'm doing now!!), especially since as per my About, this is a space where I oblige myself to share everything that is me and my life. And it's not that I don't have anything going on to share and take account of. At first, I thought that, maybe, I haven't experienced enough extremes -high or low- recently to take note of. But then I realized, that's not true. I have had my fair share of extremes especially the past year, mostly low, so why is it I'm not able to write? I guess, you know, all the inspiration in me has drained. Sad.
Although I still do get filled sometimes, and when I do, I try my best to take a hold of the thoughts and put them in my notes or drafted Tweets. But then I always end up forgetting the point I was trying to make. I think this is why I can’t ever make a career out of blogging, or even writing professionally. I find it so hard to keep up with the deadlines that it actually turns something I love and enjoy into something stressful and half-hearted. I’d get super frustrated trying to cram my thoughts during competitions and publications that I usually end up drifting away from the whole thing.
I remember I told someone about how writing, may it be here or in my little black notebook, is a kind of home that I will always go back to. It’s a form of escape. A kind of healing. I just wish I can make more time to reflect with myself, in black and white print.
Anyway, all I wanted was to share the things I have learned from the rollercoaster ride that is the last few years, but I never seem to find the right words that I ended up ranting about it here instead. Maybe it's the comfort that the heavy rain brings after a very long time of summer heat, that I find myself here again, trying to make sense of the thoughts I have had for so long.
The trip that almost never happened. Planning started around August 2017, and it was initially with Kaye, Dean, Jeff and I until Dean and Jeff couldn’t make it and so we had Kaye’s jowa and Roy, but at around 2am of November 23, there were only Kaye and I in the bus stop.
Manila to Sagada estimated travel time is around 12 hours, and I don’t think we can do that especially we were going straight from work —hustle is life! haha So we decided to make a quick stop in Baguio and just catch a bus from there to Sagada which will leave around 1pm.
So upon arriving in the City of Pines around 8am the next day, we had their signature Strawberry taho and walked around Upper Session Road and Burnham Park, grabbed a quick bite and got a cab and gone artsy to the BenCab Museum.
I’ve been admiring his work ever since and I’ve always wanted to cross this museum off my artsy-list and what better thing to do in Baguio if you’re only there to kill a few hours.
What I loved about this trip, and note that this is just our first major stop, is that we took a whole lot of pictures. As in. It’s like we had this trip just to freaking put something up on our Instagram feeds hahaha
It was a good three hour walk and photoshoot, and we do mean photoshoot because no corners with potential missed our sight (please see attached hahaahha), before we we went to the Center Mall to catch the last trip of the GL Trans Bus Line going to Sagada.
It was most anxious ride ever, well for me at least, and it lasted for more than 7 hours! I honestly thought Sagada was just around the corner from Baguio, like a 2 hour drive or something. Little did I know it was freaking 7 hours away with a road so narrow, our chances of making it was less than 12%. It was an endless journey of going up and around the mountains of Cordilleras and as much as I loved the cold fresh air that was breezing inside the all closed bus, I was literally panicking the whole time because I can clearly see the view as we were seating nearest to the cliffs AND IM DEAD SCARED OF HEIGHTS. No shit I was totally agitated the whole time.
We reached the town around 7:30pm and it was already so dark out. We went straight to the town hall where tourists must register once they arrive, and booked our Kiltepan trip. We got super exhausted from our La Union trip trying to get all shit done in a day that we decided to take everything slow for this one, and just basically go around and chill.
We were 5000ft above sea level on a November night, and obviously the temperature started dropping some more so we went to the first store we saw to buy my head a protection, which was a bonnet, and it was really nice, it kept my brain warm hahaha We were super eager to get a good enough place to stay in and eat in because we didn’t get any of those during our trip in LU, as well, and it was such a bummer. Syempre diba when you’re traveling, you’ll want to do most of the things that the locals do there diba, to know more about their culture and like appreciate being there more, right? So for this trip, we really wanted to get immersed with everything that is Sagada, and not just the tourist attractions, which really made me love the little town more.
After dropping our stuff in our room, we ate dinner at the Slabhouse which was also very close to where we’re staying. We didn’t stay that much outside that night though since it was super cold and we’re super tired plus we have a 4am call time tomorrow to catch the sunrise, so we immediately headed back to our room in Traveler’s Inn.
We were supposed to get ourselves cleaned but the water was ice and we’re basically dead when we got hold of our beds that our 10 min nap became a good 7 hour sleep. And we woke up 20mins before call time hahahahahaha so yes, we didn’t even bother showering HAHAHAHA and headed straight to Kiltepan with our other tourmates or whatever you call them
Freaking Sagada, I was literally freeeeezing the whole time we were waiting for the sun to rise. As in shaking and trembling ganon, no doubt hypothermia sya hahahahahahaha and Kaye was just laughing kasi gago sobrang nilalamig talaga ako that I even asked her to hug my leg ahhahahaha it was extremely cloudy though that we really didn’t see the sunrise but it was a magnificent view to hold, being so up high, almost touching the clouds.
And since I was shivering, I wasn’t able to get any good pics of Kaye and I wasn’t able to aura good enough to get a good shot as well (sorry!!! hahaha) but good thing our tour guide asked us if we want to try and see the Echo Valley with the Hangging Coffins. Of course we needed that gram photo so off we go.
Happy that it didn’t take so much trek or hike to reach the valleys and to see the coffins but it was active enough to get me all spurred up again and actually be in the right condition to aura pak pak ganon. But aside from that, the place wasn’t still really crowded since most of the other tourists are still picking oranges haha so we had the place all to ourselves, and no photo bombers, and a lot more time to actually understand why the Igorots hang their coffins.
We finished going around the touristy spots around 9am but we had to catch the bus going back to Manila around 1pm so we had a good four hour spare time to have lunch, go around, try more restaurants and get more pictures. And that’s exactly what we did. And after that we went home which was a twelve hour drive. Ewan ko ba, parang nasa bus lang kami the whole weekend hahahaha
But yuh, it was basically just a trip to get away from the city with a right amount of touring and chill, but maybe too much on the travel time haha it was really just to find other reasons to live, still.
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