Awsten Constantine Knight.
This playlist consists of songs that explain how awsten has been feeling lately. His anxiety has him thinking a million miles a minute and one of those thoughts are about how the anniversary of when he lost his wings is coming up. Awsten couldn't be with the person he loved the most at the time because he was not human. This lead to awsten ripping out his own wings, causing him to bleed out and almost die. He tells lies about how he lost his wings because he doesn't want people to see him as a coward. In the end, awstens human side died forever that night. He's afraid to give anyone his all due to fearing that the love he gives isn't enough, causing him to close off completely. Each song awsten chose represents how he's feeling, has felt.
I'm becoming this, all I want to do / Is be more like me and be less like you. - Awsten wants to become his old self, his old happy in love self. But instead, he's becoming something he fears.
I walk a lonely road / The only one that I have ever known / Don't know where it goes / But it's home to me and I walk alone - Awsten has been here countless times before, feeling lost within himself. Pushing everyone away on purpose and not telling anyone how he feels. He even stopped seeing and talking to his therapist.
Livin' life like this ain't real though / Every night like this I feel so /Dead wrong, collision is head on / My vision is dead and gone /Perception of right and wrong / I been here so very long - Awsten gave Emerson a vile containing his grace. It was more for protection of emerson and his mother. Ever since than, Awsten has been feeling empty. He felt as if Emerson wasn't grateful. Although he knows emerson loves him, awsten feels as if they're drifting apart and that is his own fault.
Can you save my / heavy dirty soul - Awstens soul isn't clean. His soul is dark. He's killed a few of his feathered brothers, some who he had been close with. Closer than anyone he's close to. Awsten made a deal with a demon to have his soul removed. Little did awsten know that he had to learn to fake certain emotions like happiness and sadness, up to the point where he believes he's actually happy until the darkness consumes him and all hope leaves his mind.
Hey dad look at me / think back and talk to me / did I grow up according to / plans - Awsten has always looked up to his father and has always been closer to his father than his own mother. It has been a while since awsten called his parent's, let alone his dad. His dad found out that awsten has been secretly giving grace money, taking the role of the father figure since grace came to him for financial help. Awstens father was furious to know what his son had been doing behind his back.
Petrified of who you are and who you have become / You will hide from everyone, denying you need someone - Awsten will push everyone away until he's completely alone and that's how he likes it. He enjoys letting the sadness and darkness consume him until he's unrecognizable even to himself.
