I'm not sure if we realize that typist is actually pretty ill. I'm not even sure that I really realize it. I try not to take it too seriously, it doesn't help, and I don't want people to worry. But in the end, it's a serious and I need to take that into account. These last couple days, well, they've been better, I got pretty sick this morning but that's because I have a fear of camping. But with no fuss and no fighting, and with no other reason than my health, I'm gonna probably leave this account. I won't be leaving roleplay, mostly because real life seems worse than any of this could, but I won't pull the woe is me card. Again, this is a probably, if I can find some way to revamp and make things more enjoyable here, than I will stay, but for now my queue is still going and so am I.
And because I want to make sure everyone knows and doesn't blame themselves:
I've had ulcers on and off since I was 10 and my parents divorced. It wasn't the divorce itself but the reason for my parents divorce is well... Pretty horrific and it still continues to affect me today. My father, if he should be so lucky to be given that title, should be in prison. But as a young girl, I had to decide whether to break apart my family, lose my brother and sisters along with my mother or let him walk free and move on. I hadn't seen my father since and I've been pretty strong about most things, my mom tells me all the time "You're my little survivor." but even then there is still a victim inside of me that wants some sort of justice or something. It might be another reason Taehyung plays the victim, I mean he's got a little piece of me.
Anyway, everything has been fine and dandy. My sister was getting married, which was stress as it was because... long story. I figured she'd have my step father who has been honestly a treasure in my life walk her down the aisle. Until the day of the wedding, I was not informed that she had actually called my father and asked him instead. I don't even think I have words for the emotions that I felt when he walked in. I've been upset that all these years though and he still can't say a word to me, that he doesn't look remorseful in the least. And ever since then I've just... no matter how hard I tried or what I did or whatever the case... I can't make myself happy like I usually do.
So this is no ones fault and I promise I'm going to be alright, I just need to get away from somethings and recollect myself while I let this fade. Anyway, I also ask that no one say anything about it or treat my differently because they know this, it doesn't change my muse, and that's who you guys know. I don't want sympathy or any of that, like I said I'm survivor, but I've been knocked down pretty hard and I gotta think of myself first.
And this was really hard for me to type out so I'm gonna go to bed.
