#vae-nalyze

[londubhh]

collectively the fandom has decided the turtles go through massive growth spurts post movie, and yes of course of course but walk with me.

this was supposed to be like two paragraphs but here we are, is anyone surprised??? if you know me you shouldn't be

tw for mentions of malnutrition and future apocalypse war stuff

bad future timeline. they're in an apocalypse. food is scarce and usually plants, meat is hard to come by. unless donnie pulls some artificial meat thing, but becomes hard to come by and his resources are limited. (and after he dies, then what?) I think this botanist would just make plants that are relatively calorie dense--more dense means less to fill one person, more to go around, etc etc, they're fighting the Krang and they need strength however, again, food is scarce. so yes, growth spurts, they grow up, etc. teenagers turn into adults yes of course of course.

but Leo survives, goes back in time with casey, sees how little and young they were when everything started, and food isn't scare. he has all the vitamins he needs. he already towers over young leo, but his shoulder fills out, the bones of his face aren't as prevalent, he never realized how weak he felt until he wasn't running on empty constantly. there's a brightness to his skin, maybe from the sun he hadn't seen in years, maybe from better health, he doesn't know.

he looks in the mirror and imagines what his brothers would have looked like if they were with him, how widely they'd smile at the smallest of things (the sun was shining today. it felt amazing).

every time Leo looks at the good timeline turtles, he sees every difference between them. their skin is brighter, their spots of color, their eyes glow in a way the krang took from him and his brothers. the light in their eyes, the way they carry themselves without the constant exhaustion.

little leo ends up an inch taller than him. it's not a huge difference, but it's there. the others, they grow up to be a little taller, a little bigger then he remembers his brothers, because they weren't malnourished. he's got this brightness to him that leo had to forgo, he wasn't able to balance it alongside the weight of the world like younger him can. he thinks his brothers would have preferred to grow up alongside younger leo, he was everything they pushed him to be and more

raph's muscles are more defined and his knuckles aren't constantly bruised. there's no cracks in his plastron, just the one from their own battle with the krang. he smiles brightly, still so, so gentle. his spikes are stable and his skin is soft. the callouses from training are nothing compared to what f!raph had. he was always covered in bandages. always. he doesn't grow to be much taller than leo's raph, but he's significantly bulkier. his muscles are formed from training and not long, dangerous fights with the krang. they're born from a love and not necessity

mikey, he can't look at mikey for long. mikey walks, because he has the strength to stand on his feet. he runs, because he's not aging rapidly. leo had forgotten how vibrant green his skin was, long since faded. he gets specks of vibrant deep warm brown hair, a color he never saw his mikey wear. there's no specks of gray. he's still little, smaller than the rest of them, but Leo's mikey was skin and bones. no matter what they did--donnie was always trying to come up with ways to help--he couldn't keep weight on. present mikey is so beautifully healthy. there were scars on his hands from the portal, but there weren't bright and vibrant and taking everything he had.

and donnie, his donnie had constant bruises on his shoulders. he never took his battle shell off, too dangerous, the krang could attack at any minute and he'd be vulnerable. Leo can't remember the last time he saw it prior to donnie's death. had it really been years? of all of them, he gets the tallest in comparison to his future self. Leo tries not to think about the meals donnie skipped, "I'm not in the front lines, our fighters need it more", the sleep he never got. his donnie bore a bone deep exhaustion, leo's not sure his brother ever rested during the apocalypse with so much infrastructure depending on him. donnie had his own share of scars from the fighting, but he destroyed himself too. he should have done more he should have supported him and then he wouldn't have--

anyway yeah f!leo being reminded that his brothers lived a war and will never escape it

unless, yk, they somehow end up in this timeline and he gets to see them recover, see their eyes shine and their bodies fill out

I can't stop thinking about the future timeline send help

[londubhh]

Ur refusing to acknowledge the maternal bond she had with her students because she understands they're traumatized and doesn't want to take the place of their parents, Gray certainly wouldn't allow that, and is too wounded by the loss of her daughter to be a mother.

yes, of course of course, but also consider a deeply traumatized Ur who's lost her entire family and is convinced she'll lose them too if she allows herself to consider them her sons

[londubhh]

TW for mental health issues, brief illusion to emetophobia

Lyon has no idea how to function in a “normal” world. The way he grew up was chaotic, dangerous, and then he spent years trying to revive a demon.

Adjusting to Lamia Scale, the biggest challenge is learning to be safe. He’s waiting for the ball to drop, for something to reveal itself. He’s on edge. He gets anxiety attacks from the excess adrenaline he constantly has. His nightmares are worst then ever. Sometimes, his anxiety is so bad he gets physically ill. He doesn’t tell anyone, hides it, has one hell of a facade that helps him feel a little less like a skittish child.

He doesn’t know a life without danger, so he lashes out because under his skin something is wrong and there’s a storm brewing—nothing is ever simple, and it certainly isn’t just fine. He overanalyzes every little thing, every person. At his core he’s just scared. So, he creates danger. Goes on difficult jobs. Anything to get the foreboding that’s itching at him to go the fuck away. He’s restless. Peace is new to him, and new things are scary.

Jura keeps telling him that he’s safe, but it’s normal not to feel it. Lyon thinks that’s dumb. If he’s safe now, he wouldn’t be feeling like this. His intuition is trying to warn him. How could being safe possibly feel so terrifying?

His friends say it was hard for them, too, after Deliora, to feel safe. But that’s not the problem. Lyon doesn’t have this specific thing following him, haunting him. He remembers how Gray’s trauma followed him, it didn’t look like this. If anything, the memory of being unsafe haunts him more than anything that made him feel like that. That’s not to say he doesn’t have incredibly traumatic events that follow him, he does, but the ghost of his fear hurts more than the memories that feel numb and like nothing at all. So many things have happened to him, his brain can’t pick just one. Maybe he’s dramatic, he’s never been good at letting things go.

He’s never felt anxiety like this before, he always had an outlet or a reason for something to be wrong. Now it just sits and festers. Every noise is amplified. Sitting in the guildhall or city square or anywhere is overwhelming because so much is happening that he can’t pay attention to everything that might be a threat. He can’t help but feel stupid, weak, maybe a little guilty for assuming that there’s danger in a guild that’s been incredibly kind to him, even if his. relationships with people are messy.

He pushes everyone away and scrutinizes them with a mask of superiority. People think he’s smug, which sometimes yes, and he’s constantly pointing fingers for no reason. It’s hard to get along with him, which only reinforces the idea that somethings not right here. If they weren’t up to something, they’d shrug his accusations off rather than get offended by them. Sherry says he can be intense, Lyon doesn’t understand how that’s a problem. If “nobody’s asking him to change”, why are they trying to help him learn to trust—he’s been an untrusting skeptic for a long time. That’s a change.

And then Tenrou happens and all of that nervous energy gets put into finding them. It’s not a good combination. It doesn’t take long for Lyon to push himself into an intense breakdown. He was already hypomanic, and the whole thing kicks off a need to address several mental health disorders he doesn’t wanna touch. He’s not bipolar, because he’s seen what that looks like and it’s not this.

His breakdown starts small, cracks show to his friends. Then it gets larger, to everyone, and the guild sits stunned as the man they thought was an asshole and hated them just. breaks. And they’re painfully reminded of how young he is, and how blind they’ve been, especially as a guild full of so many traumatized people.

They become fiercely protective of him during this time, try to gently push him and teach him how to function in a world so unfamiliar, be understanding while setting clear boundaries. He’s learning how to operate in a different world, they know, and some of his habits and misunderstandings have horrific implications.

Lyon can be a bit much, but they’re starting to understand why. He never talks about what he went through, but there’s a tremble in his frame and physical scars that he hides that tell them it was bad. Even the people who didn’t like him can’t help but want to pull him back from it, because yeah Lyon’s an asshole sometimes but nobody deserves to be weighed down by their trauma, especially at this intensity. Whatever world he lived in before, as a child, was fucked. And a guid full of people who have lived through their own horrific events and traumas can understand, emphasizezb

And, slowly, he starts coping better. He gets better. And the boy he thought died at some point between Ur’s death and the decision to revive Deliora starts resurfacing. He doesn’t exactly know what it feels like to be safe, maybe he’ll never completely feel that way again, but he learns ease and peace and to laugh, that some people truly don’t want to hurt him.

He’ll always have high walls, a tightly woven facade that keeps him from falling apart, but he also has people he feels comfortable enough to breathe around, and that’s enough. He makes friends, works with the guild. His edges start to soften around the people he trusts, and underneath it all Lyon’s a lot gentler than they ever expected him to be.

Wrote this in like ten minutes so if it doesn’t make sense and bounces around blame the ADHD

[londubhh]

the first year Lyon was in Lamia Scale was probably such a fucking ride. I mean. I think he would have been considerably more calm post Galuna, Gray literally beat a lesson into him, but I just know this kid had authority issues. The last time he had a decent authority figure was probably Ur. So he's just being a little asshole for the first few months. And then he starts to get better, Oracion Seis happens.

And then Tenrou. And that's a roller coaster and a half.

By the end of the time-skip, Lyon's a very well respected member of Lamia Scale, one of their top wizards, etc. But in the beginning? Oh my god he was a disaster. Half of the guild hated him because he can be such a little brat. And then he was going through obscene amounts of grief. It takes a few years for him to get his shit together career wise.

[londubhh]

Y’know for what’s arguably the most unhinged and fucked up thing he did on Galuna we never really do see repercussions for it. Like bud you can’t just order the eradication of an entire village because they asked for help???

There is something to be said for how relatively calm Lyon is. He’s pissed that Gray killed Ur and decides, hey, I’ll give you a change to skidattle and let me do my thing. But Gray doesn’t, he’s taking his dream away from him again, and that’s when Lyon get’s really pissed.

Please go to therapy my dude. Why is your entire sense of self worth and happiness based in this one thing.

No comment this just cracks me up. Okay buddy, you’re special. You’re special to me dw. This guy did not get enough hugs as a child and decided to make it everyones problem.

Also there’s no reason for his hair to look this nice after taking off the worst mask known to man kind.

[londubhh]

There's something about an older Gray reflecting on his time with Lyon and Ur that's so interesting to me. Like him growing up and realizing things he didn't understand before, or was too angry to really pay attention to, only now that they're both gone/that it's been so long that it'd be weird to bring up to Lyon post-Galuna

[londubhh]

Big fan of how all the Northern mages seem to have the a smaller, similar eye shape, bar Toby. And Natsu’s always teasing Gray about it, and a lot of the cast has a more rounded eye shape, so I’m hearby headcanoning that this is a Isvanese trait.

Sherry’s eye shape changes later on but I blame that on all of the female characters looking the same, and even then her eyes are a little smaller. Chelia’s the other exception, and they are cousins so maybe they have some Fioren in their family. It’d make sense since their family moved to the country and she’s so much younger.

[londubhh]

Lyon holding resentment that Gray couldn't just let them in. That Gray was always so angry, and when they meet again he's still so righteous and angry. And the boy he was always trying to reach still doesn't listen to a damn thing he says. That nothing Lyon did was enough for him to realize all he wanted was to be friends, and all he wants now is for Gray to let him chase the last chance Lyon has at something important to him that Gray ruined. But he can't.