#valid is upset

[validinsanity]

I have no internet and prob wont have it for a while sooooo if u need me text me ✌

[validinsanity]

Im going to go see an apartment morrow and i am terrified beyond belief. The super is really chill when i talked to him on the phone n i liked him. I hope its a good place wish me luck guys.

[validinsanity]

ok i have been venting on here a lot because i don’t have much of anyone on here that knows me in real life and i am not expecting anyone to respond to me this is just me talking to the void i am not expecting anyone to talk back. 

my life has been a mess of anxiety and fucked up bullshit and it keeps piling up and i fcuking can’t. my brother is a verbally abusive asshole and its come to the point where i NEED TO MOVE OUT like yesterday and i am having a ton of self fucked up harm thoughts that i have not acted on at all but that does not mean i don’t need help (can’t afford anything right now so i can’t do as of now). on top of this my other family members all keep piling up a ton of problems. these problems hit my mother far more severely than they do me and in turn this fucks me up. LIKE I CAN’T DEAL WITH EMOTIONS VERY WELL i repeatedly say this because i REALLY DON’T KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH THEM and they all end up jumbled up. and when my mother is messed up i lose all control and i can’t i fucking can’t i can deal with people being hurt i didn’t care when my bro got stabbed i didn’t care when my brother yelled at me i was ok i could deal but when i see my mom upset i fucking can’t and i break and i don’t know what to do and i feel fucked up and i don’t know what’s going to happen. i’ve had self harm thoughts and have thought of so much bullshit but i love living and i have so much love for my friends and i don’t want to end this i don’t want this fucke dup everything. im not suicidal so don’t worry but i feel like im drowning and i wanna cry a lot. 

[validinsanity]

my novella life

ok so my week has been a ride. like my brother got stabbed, found out my brother’s gf is pregnant n it’s the guy’s that stabbed my bro, HUGE miscommunication error at my job cost me 3 weeks worth of labor to go DOWN THE DRAIN, my niece is pregnant, the father iS FUCKING 37 YEARS OLD AND SHE’S 17?!?!!!!, i burned my cosplay fabric and i just need like 4 strong drinks right bout now. 

[validinsanity]

So like my coworkers set up a baby shower for the one that was pregnant and no one told me about it but they did send a company email to everyone.... but i dont check that because they never showed me how to log in???? So now i feel terrible that we were supposed to bring a gift and im hiding at my desk feeling guilty. Ultimately its my fault for not checking the email but i wish people would tell me? Like everyone gets to talk to eachother and im the only one to themselves for the most part.

[validinsanity]

the part where u can put charms on my phone broke ;A; im upset i used to carry birb there and since his string broke i was gonna put a charm of gems on it but now its broken! ;n;