Your Suffering is valid
We have all felt valuable at some point in our life. We all suffer from time to time.
Like many before me, I valued suffering. My inner struggles marked growth, they shaped me and made me stronger. They filled me with motivation, they inspired others. At least that's what I thought. Struggle makes us stronger. We all struggle. We all suffer.
What right do I have to complain?
‘My struggles made me stronger’ I boast, wearing my pain like a badge. A badge of adulthood I thought. A badge I would use to discredit others around me.
“You don’t know my struggle”
“My life was hard, I had it rough”
These are the words of my parents, my mum in fact, now competing with me in suffering.
Her words minimized my life; each one discredited me, each one cut me down inside until I felt guilty. How could I know what real pain is? She knows it so well.. But underneath entitlement came fear, and a sharp knife of regret
“You think I’m a bad Mother?”
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This is what we teach our Children; we teach them to hide their problems, we teach them to suffer in silence, and we teach them young.
Most of all, we teach them they are not valid.
Modesty, we say, is a real hero trait. Be humble. Know your place. Harden up.
You’re not as good as me.
These thoughts are toxic; disingenuous thoughts about personal worth through struggle; strength with no weakness. And as we lie to ourselves and tell people we are okay, a graveyard grows inside us where gardens once lay. Walls become a fortresses that keep others out, fear drives that reality forward. Fear that we are not good enough, that our struggles are not valid.
Thoughts of some unachievable martyrdom, a worthy victim of circumstance. That ‘worth’ is the problem here
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“Your playing small does not serve the world, there is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that others won't feel insecure around you, we are all meant to shine as children do” - Marianne Williamson
Our greatest strength is admitting weakness; finding the power to make ourselves vulnerable, and address our problems brings out our true strength. That's how I feel; our burdens create barriers in our lives, they weigh us down, keeps us from reaching any form of height in our lives.
I know because I am privileged, I meet brave people everyday.
As a counselor I meet people of all walks of life. Real people, vulnerable people. They could be there because their cat died or their best friend committed suicide, neither is any more or less justified than the other. Both are vulnerable.
They cry, they cry a lot. They unpack a world full of chaos, they lay their dreams at my feet, and I do my best to tread carefully. I hold their hand as they pick up the pieces of their life, as they enter dark places and find hope; to me they are true heros.
For many of them life will never be the same again. It took so much strength just to be here with me, I would never value any of them any less, because they manage something that so many of us fail to do.
They take care of themselves.
And I hope you all will as well
Mad Love
-David