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I need my alters to have like winter alternative outfits because there's only one of us that has an outfit that works for winter weather

#vamp.text #vamp.leo #plural #plural system #plurality #endo system #endo safe #dni anti endos #pro endo

i love being so terrified that i throw up. 10/10 wouldn't recommend!

#vamp.text #whatever man

i talked to my friends a bit ago about my identity and how i struggled with feeling like i had to like men specifically. not masculine people, but men. and the more i thought about it, the more i realized i wouldn't really want to date a man– specifically a cis man. i would only date trans men and, even then, maybe only under very specific circumstances. and it got explained to me that i likely struggle / had struggled with comphet. especially after i explained that my attraction towards people has really only felt sapphic in nature and how i feel very connected to lesbianism both historically, socially, and politically my friend said it would make sense. on top of that, i also felt a need to be a trans man despite not being a binary trans person at all. so i was forcing myself heavily to be someone who i'm not. i accepted a while ago i'm not a trans man, rather something nonbinary and it fluctuates– but i guess with my orientation i felt like i had to be fitting of a social standard to be "queer enough"

i guess this is me coming out as a lesbian

#vamp.text #i know i'll have my masculine days but truth be told i feel very comfortable with femininity now that i'm on testosterone and top surgery #i think. all i needed was that to be able to explore myself #and to move out #even back in middle school my attraction to men felt fake #so i guess i should have taken the hint then #queer struggles #comphet #lesbian #trans lesbian #transgender #genderflux #nonbinary

what if. lesbian blog for my stupid thoughts about my wife

#vamp.text #i will obviously talk to it about making the blog first #need the wifes permission for lesbian posting!!#i used have an nsft blog but deleted it a while back #and not that this would be it but i might post some stuff on occasion if i do #i just want a blog where i can. femme out. if you understand

anxiety so bad i think i need to be sedated

#vamp.text #how am i supposed to go to a pride event if i can't even handle this #a discord call about a dnd campaign i'm participating in btw #how am i supposed to go to a bar crawl if i can't even handle a call with two people i don't know #life is miserable #put me on more meds #speaking of.#i don't actually know if i took my morning meds #so that might be why tbh

i need to work on berrytree stuff but i think i will combust if i do

#vamp.text #everyone. go check out berrytree #berrytree #system app #traumagenic system #did system

my abuser is still on this platform. he is actively still stalking me. i will never truly feel safe on any social account, but i want to live and create and share. thats all i can do

#vamp.text #what else can i do #block and move on #thats all i ever do #thats all i can do #it means nothing #it changes nothing #but i'm trying #i'm sure he still lies about me #not much i can do about that either

i'm so bad at words and it only gets worse. i feel miserable

#vamp.text

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