Blood is Thicker than Water
SUMMARY: Kaoru would have been fine being a vampire, he was not fine being an unfinished vampire. And who was the man who wouldn't leave him alone?
WARNINGS: mentions of blood, unspecified assult
NOTES: this is my submission for Nika for Sk8 secret Santa.
Ao3 // Main Masterlist // Twitter
Being turned into a vampire wouldn't have ruined his life. Failing in being turned into a vampire however did.
High school 3rd year Sakurayashiki Kaoru was enamored with a mysterious boy from third year who went by the name ADAM. When the time came and Kaoru was offered a never-ending life and being by ADAM's side, he couldn't say no.
When Kaoru woke up after a night he could barely remember, his first thought was 'Should have listen to Kojiro.' A thought which didn't help clarify anything for Kaoru didn't know who Kojiro was or why the name made him feel safe. Kaoru spent the next few days in a fugue state, his memories foggy and distant. The hard he tried to remember that night the harder it was. He could remember a head of blue hair, the taste of acceptance, the smell of blood, feel the two small holes on the side of his neck.
Adam was nowhere to be found. Kaoru was left confused, alone, suddenly sensitive to sunlight, and unbearably thirsty. His ears itched and burned where his piercings were, so he took them out to his relief and sadness. His parents' forced visions of his future didn't seem as unreasonable as time went on and his memories faded deeper into the fog of his mind. If his parents noticed his change in personality, they said nothing.
He was unable to sleep, a restlessness deep in his bones causing him to quietly pace his home. He was opening and closing the cupboards and fridge, hoping that something would help ease him. The only thing that caught his eye was the raw steak in the bottom shelf, the blood gleaming the artificial light in the door. When he came back, he was sitting on the floor, tears dripping as he violently sucked the blood out of the raw steak. 'What happened to me that night? What is wrong with me?' Kaoru sobbed. He could feel the blood drying on his chin, the metallic taste lingering on his tongue.
The weeks preceding that night were ugly and lonely, the lack of memories making relationships hard to maintain. All except one. A tall, broad chested green hair man lingered around his orbit and his memories, comforting and anxiety inducing all at once. He didn't seem to take Kaoru's silent treatment. The not-a-stranger tagged along behind him everywhere, constantly making Kaoru question things with no possible answer.
"Kaoru, we've been friends for years. You're going to tell me, after all this time, you are going to do what your parents tell you? What about computer engineering?"
"Dude, I had to have done something to piss you off. Avoiding me isn't going to solve the problem."
"Kaoru, is this how you want things to end? Our graduation day, and you say nothing to me?"
Kaoru sighed deeply, his attempt to sneak away thwarted. He turned around to face the boy that had haunted his hazy dreams. "You just don't get it do you? I have nothing to say to you anymore. I am done with this farce; I refuse to be affiliated with an oaf like yourself." Kaoru snarled. He had hoped the yearlong one-sided relationship would fizzle out. He refused to acknowledge the pain his heart felt at his own vile words. The sense memory of the steaks he sucked dry; the metallic taste rose up his throat.
"Kaoru, I know you don't mean that. I want to help you. Please let me help you. Something happened. You have been hiding it from me and I refuse to let this be the thing that pushes you away from me." The green haired man stepped closer, hand raised, eyes filled with concern.
"You...you idiot. You know nothing. Leave me alone." Kaoru swept off with a flick of his long hair. He held his breath as he walked away, so the familiar stranger wouldn't see his shoulders shake with tears. Kaoru felt his heart break more and more with each step.
"Kaoru, I will always be here for you. Whenever you need it." The raised voice echoed through his head with every step.
Kaoru didn't turn back. He paced evenly and precisely towards his lonely future.
Kaoru spent his years alone, perfecting his craft and building up his facade. Once a week he blended raw meat and straining it for the blood. He wasn't dumb, Kaoru knew that night he can't really remember, the boy with blue hair, the small round scars on his neck, he knew he was a vampire. The mysterious blue haired boy must have tried to turn him, and it failed, leaving Kaoru memoryless and fangless. The monotony of his life was broken up only by the few emails he received from a man who went by Kojiro. He knew they went to school together, only able to remember their third year together, but he appreciated the passive updates and unobtrusive questions. Kojiro had gone to culinary school in Italy, France and America for years. He had wanted to open a restaurant and was hoping to do so after he returned to Japan. He had a job opportunity at a place near Kaoru's shop. The owner needed to retire and was looking for a new chef to run the place.
"How are you Kaoru? Are you eating well? Drinking enough water? I will be back soon, if you would like to make plans. I am not expecting an answer, haven't for a while. I am hoping that all these years, all this space, maybe you'll have found what you lost." The last email read. "I should be back in a month. I hope you accept my invitation; I do miss my best friend."
When the day arrived when Kojiro was to return, Kaoru made sure he was fully booked with appointments. He refused to give in and see this man who claimed to know all about him. In the end, Kaoru wasn't the one to decided when he went and saw Kojiro, a client had asked to meet there over lunch. The moment he stepped through the door, Karou would never forget. The green haired boy was no longer. Kojiro had grown to be several inches taller than him, his chest was twice as wide as Kaoru's. Kaoru could feel the broken heart he had been nursing for years heal, and his soul was soothed. Het felt his life settled into place, the semi-familiar face, easing his tense shoulders.
"Hello! Welcome to Sia De Luce. Come on in, we have a table reserved for you, Mr. S-" The hostess was cut off by a booming voice.
"Kaoru! Welcome! I am glad you finally stopped by. You look good." Kojiro poked Kaoru in the ribs chuckling at his flinch. Kaoru glared hard, but it didn't even seem to faze him.
"I am working, you giant. Leave me be." Kaoru huffed at Kojiro who nodded sagely, stepping back.
"I will do that. Kaoru, when you have time, step in again. Work hard and enjoy your lunch." Kojiro bowed slightly and returned to the kitchen.
Kaoru ignored the invitation for several weeks, instead filling his days with work, and working on his AI program; Carla. He continued to live his half-life. He was only able to shed his staunch outer layer once a week, at S. It was a massive skateboarding ring that runs once a week, the one thing from his rebellious teenager years he enjoyed. He had a large following, due to his cold personality but also his skating style. He was picky who he skated against, more so enjoying the atmosphere. He did have an eye on a skater who used firecrackers, a skater with fiery red hair with pure love for the boards he made, a young kid with nationally recognized talent, and a skateboarding prodigy with a snowboarding background. The kid was young and infrequent appearances who was growing more regular. The once snowboarder was very new and seemed attached to the hip of the fiery red head. 'They all have extreme talents, geniuses in their own right. Miya has been coming more often, wonder what is up with that? Reki has been smiling more and getting better. Langa is doing just fine. His snowboarding background gives him a solid foundation. I think I will introduce myself.' Kaoru skated through the crowd, looking for the gaggle of people he had been thinking about.
When he got there, Kaoru almost turned back, Kojiro was standing amongst them, skateboard in hand, shirt hanging open. Kaoru felt his heart give a weird lurch.
"You gorilla, what are you doing here?" Kaoru's voice came through slightly muffled through his mask.
"Cherry Blossom? You know Joe?" Reki asked, awestruck.
"Yes. I have the misfortune of knowing this imbecile." Cherry admitted. Joe just beamed at the acknowledgement.
"Hey, I will have you know I graduated top of my class in culinary school. I am no more an idiot than you are." Joe tried to defend himself.
"Oh? I was the one who helped you study for entrance exams, so I don't think that helps your case." Cherry snarked. He froze, crystal clear memories of the two of them crouched over books in his mind's eye, the stress of trying to help Kojiro pass the exams for Kaoru's school of choice making him bite his fingernails down to throbbing wounds. 'What? how am I remembering that? My memories before third year have always been foggy.
'I passed, didn't I?" They were too busy arguing to notice that the others had crept away from the bickering pair. Kaoru huffed, turning away to end this conversation. He wavered on his turn, Kojiro there to stabilize him. He looked up into the concerned face of his once best friend his vision fading.
'Today was supposed to be drinking day. How did I forget?' Kaoru thought horrified. The familiar constant ache in his throat, the cracked lips, all symptoms of pushing the limit growing unbearable. He knew all the extra work he picked up drained him more than he realized, physically, mentally and blood-wise. He was thirsty, unbelievably so and now he was being carried off in Kojiro's arms like a damsel.
When he came back around, he was in the living room of an unfamiliar apartment, clothes changed, breathing too quickly and so thirsty he actually felt it in his bones. He sat up and the room spun sharply. Kaoru let out a groan on accident, not wanting to alert Kojiro he was awake. He settled himself, realizing his useless baby fangs dropped and he couldn't get them back up, he was too thirsty.
"Kaoru? You finally awake?" Kojiro said, raising his voice to be heard from the kitchen. "Shit. That hurt." Kojiro came through the doorway, thumb wrapping in a bloody towel. Kaoru's eyes zeroed in on the bloody splotches on the towel, shoving his urge to drink down deep in his gut, hoping the acid will burn it away.
"You...you...you heathen. You brought me home with you? What right did you have?" Kaoru snarled. Anger as a weapon, using it to push people away.
"The fact that you are my best friend. Have been since we were in kindergarten. I had every right, especially when you looked like death warmed over and I don't know where you live. Why won't you just accept that I want to be there for you when you need help?" Kojiro waved his hands around violently. He was getting angry, Kaoru could see it in the tightness of his jaw, and sharp gestures.
"Stop this. Please. Stop pushing me away, for reasons I don't understand. Don't make that choice for me." Kojiro took a step forward, wounded hand forgotten.
"I don't have to explain myself to you." Kaoru said. 'Yes, get angry. Be alone is easier than pretending I know you.' He thought. He just wanted to be alone, alone with his cursed existence, lack of memories, his calligraphy.
"You're right. You don't. I wish you would though. I know you. I do, even if you think I don't or rather don't want me to know you." All of the fight and anger left Kojiro as quick as it entered. He looked down, eyes widening with surprise at his bleeding hand like he forgot about it in his desire to connect with Kaoru. "You are always the most important person in my life. You created this distance, with no words as to why and now you get angry when I want to close it." Kojiro turned around, to return to the kitchen.
The sight of his back, something Kaoru knew-with everything in him-he had never seen before broke something in his chest. Kojiro was always following Kaoru wherever he went, whatever he wanted to do. "Kojiro. Please. " Kaoru's voice broke, his hand reaching for the broad back turned away from him.
Kojiro whirled around, blood drops sprinkling the floor. "Kaoru, what-why are you crying? I'm sorry, I shouldn't have gotten angry." Kojiro rambled as he hurried to sit neat Kaoru, unable to stop himself from gently caressing his face.
"Kojiro. I'm sorry. You're right. I am pushing you away. But seeing you actually go would break what little bit of me is left." Kaoru said, voice thick and wet. "I don't want you to go. Please don't go." Kaoru fisted the front of Kojiro's shirt.
"I won't. I promise. I'll be here as long as you need me." Kojiro soothed. "What can I do to help? I just want to help." Kojiro pulled Kaoru closer, protectiveness and affection welling up in his chest. Kaoru already on the verge of crying let out a small sob at the action. He wasn't an emotional person by nature, but he was so thirsty and tired and lonely and lost and anxious. Kaoru could smell the blood on Kojiro hand, it was so close, filling his nose he could practically taste it.
Kaoru was drowning under his vampiric symptoms, his desire to know the man holding him like he was sure he did once before, all he wanted was to not be thirsty, not be alone anymore. He could feel his resolve weakening, the blood trailing slowly down Kojiro's thumb mixing with the few tears he had been shedding. He didn't even try to stop himself, tongue flicking out and catching a drop, his mouth salivating at the taste. The metallic coppery taste soothed his dry mouth like nothing ever had, not even the blended meat concoction he survived on once a week.
"Kaoru?" Kojiro asked hesitantly. Kaoru moaned lightly, licking more of the blood off Kojiro's hand, before pulling the wound up to his mouth and sucking on it. He was pulling deeply; the blood flow having slowed significantly from the original incident. Kaoru was happy his saliva had slight anti-coagulant properties, allowing more blood to flow. He took a breath through his nose, sucking hard, tears leaking at a greater rate from relief. 'This tastes wonderful. I can feel my strength returning. I feel wonderful. Is this what I have been missing? Kojiro must think I am crazy. I am drinking blood. Actually blood, from Kojiro. He is going to hate me for this. How am I supposed to explain this to him?' Kaoru thoughts were rambling, unable to focus past the relief he was getting. "Kaoru? If this is what will help you take what you need." Kojiro relaxed into the couch, containing his panic and questions for now.
Memories came flashing through his mind's eye. Things he had forgotten, the everyday things like walking to school, or the bigger things, like Kaoru telling Kojiro he was gay. Kaoru felt like he was watching a movie, all the missing years and memories and togetherness returning the more he drank.
Kaoru let go of the wounded hand in surprise. His mouth was tinged red, blood smeared around his lips, teeth dyed pink. "I remember.' He breathed. He stared at his trembling hands, trying to find his composure. "I. Remember? How? How can I remember?"
"Kaoru? What is going on? What do you need?" Kojiro tried to ask but Kaoru wasn't listening. He pulled away to climb into Kojiro's lap, facing him. He could feel his cheeks straining from how big he was smiling.
"Kojiro. Kojiro. Kojiro. I remember. Somehow." Kaoru took a deep breath, trying to center himself. "I have something to tell you." He looked up into Kojiro's eyes. Kaoru was trying to ignore the fear he could feel brewing, but Kojiro's face only held love and acceptance. and some confusion. Kaoru grew somber, slumping in Kojiro's lap.
"In third year, I thought I fell in love. I didn't. I did fall into a trap. I was turned into a vampire. I wasn't properly turned into a vampire though. I was given fangs to start, and to finish I lost all my memories before that week." Kaoru started. "I pushed everyone way and did what my parents wanted because I didn't remember anything. You were the only one who stayed at all. You drove me crazy, never taking a hint, always there when I turned around. Then you left, and I didn't know what to do. I lost track of everything." Kaoru went silent, the courage leaving him as fast as it came.
"Kaoru, you are the most important person to me. I can't stand the idea of not being near you. You are so smart and snarky, and you try so hard to not be a burden on others. I can't let you be alone. I am sorry I had to leave but I want to be worthy of standing by your side." Kojiro smiled down at the man in his lap. "I am sorry I wasn't there for you more in our third year. You went through a traumatic event, and I only worried about myself. How have you been handling being a vampire?" Kojiro asked.
"Not well. I usually blend meat and strain the blood to drink it about once a week. the method is vulgar and laborious but effective. I think I need to be doing it more often, but I can't stand it." Kaoru huffed a deep sigh. "That is partly why I fainted at S tonight; I had been overworking myself. I was anxious over a lot of things and ignoring my needs. I am sorry I had to trouble you." He shifted on Kojiro's lap, embarrassment evident.
" I can't drink from a person unless there is a wound already. Like your hand. I am not only cursed with this vampirism I didn't want, I was cursed poorly. You have been the only light in a very bleak life and that was before I remember everything. Even when I didn't know you, I could depend on you and your humor and your strength and your compassion." Kaoru confessed looking off to the side, a slight blushing staining his cheeks.
"I was never mad at you. I pushed you away, you were never to blame. Even when I tried to you stayed. I can never thank you enough for that. I am so glad that I remember." Kaoru took a few deep breaths, like he was preparing himself for something.
"I love you." "I'm in love with you." Their voices overlapped, smothering the words. They stuttered and talked over each other before Kaoru clapped his hand over Kojiro's mouth.
"I love you. I have loved you for years, even as I forced distance between us, I didn't want to be a burden on you. But now I know, I have loved you for even longer than that. I wouldn't spend all these years with you if I didn't." Kaoru said.
"I love all of you, fangless and blood sucking and calligraphy. I couldn't stay away even if I tried to. I know almost everything there is to know about you. I can't wait to learn even more. You will never be alone again. You have never been a burden to me, I am strong enough to help you carry yours. Rely on me. For the rest of our lives." Kojiro bowed his head.
"Yes." Kaoru's answer was simple, but his smile was large and bright. "Thank you for never giving up on me."
"Anything for you. Now let's get you cleaned up. We can share my bed tonight. We can face the rest of our lives tomorrow, together." Kojiro stood up from the couch, cradling Kaoru in his arms. He carried them to the bathroom, he slowly and carefully stripped Kaoru of his clothes while the bath heated up, taking the time to wash his back and hair, not letting him lift a finger.
When Kaoru protested, Kojiro shushed him. "I have wanted to do this for years, let me have this please." The intimacy of the actions brought tears to Kaoru's eyes, no one in all his years dotted on this like Kojiro was. Memories of Kojiro forcing him to eat, drink and sleep when obsessed with projects came to mind, and Kaoru was hit once again with the love the man in front of him held just for him. 'You go ahead, soak for a while. I am going to find you some clothes and make a snack and the bed." Kaoru nodded absently, still amazed at the newfound memories he had. They all weren't complete but maybe time or even more blood will help. 'Like Kojiro just said, we can face the rest of our lives tomorrow, together.' Kaoru slipped into the overly large tub and closed his eyes.
When he opened his eyes next, he was being carried again, dressed in some clothes that hung off his frame like a child playing dress up. He was tucked into bed, a warm body slipping in behind him. "Good night, my lovely Kaoru." Kojiro murmured into his hair. "I hope when I wake up this wasn't a dream. Promise me you'll be here in the morning?"
"Every morning, Kojiro. Good night." Kaoru wasn't sure if his words made it out of his head or not, but he figured only time will tell, and that was something they both had tons of. Time. Together.