#varholt

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pretend the ship is wholesome for a moment. they’re my emotional regulation

also sorry I keep changing varholt’s hair color I just can’t decide

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varholt and andolont headcanons:

varholt is andolont’s biological sister, chronologically older but physically younger, and representative of the varholtsk people before she became one of the four kingdoms in the andolont succession crisis that led to her sister’s collapse.

andolont and their father usually spent the winter in sumraland, on varholt’s future territory, and she always dreaded that.

andolont… showed her off? like varholt (as the norgri part of sumraland pre-independence) was the territory she was most proud of. basically the golden child, literally (breadbasket—wheat probably grown) and figuratively. andolont was ashamed of varholt’s foshayti features and mannerisms—as her closest relative and norgri from the start her critique wasn’t as severe and she wasn’t punished harshly as long as she stayed loyal, but their closeness and the sheer amount of time they spent together meant it got much deeper under varholt’s skin. she never chose what she wore for important events.

when andolont was little their father entrusted her defense and general care to varholt. depending on how permissible it is for someone to breastfeed a younger sibling, either varholt or a varholtsk woman was andolont’s wet nurse, for the breadbasket metaphor. also since andolont doesn’t exactly have a mother.

varholt’s blood relation to the andolonsk meant she wasn’t as upset by their rule as peoples who they’d completely subjugated, but her opinion of them was not always high. especially since she saw andolont in all of her least flattering moments as her caretaker and found it difficult to take her seriously as a ruler. andolont did genuinely love her, but from the beginning it was clear it was only because of what varholt did for her and very much conditional.

andolont went absolutely apeshit when she declared independence, and it feels like a tragedy on both sides because she was the territory andolont felt she could always trust to stay, but also varholt had war crimes committed against her. they are not on speaking terms. andolont keeps a lock of her hair in a box under her bed. varholt had a lock of andolont’s hair from when she was a baby but she threw that out.

andolont, ironically, thinks she was too soft on varholt while she was loyal.

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normal sibling interaction

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varholt

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og image:

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don’t ask how varholt’s scythe interacts with her hair

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changed varholt’s hair color because fucking wheat

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so i’m reading the body keeps the score and it’s talking about a) the numbness that people with ptsd often feel when living their daily lives post-trauma as a result of their brains still emotionally being stuck at the trauma (with the unintuitive result being that high-risk activities and other things that are reminiscent of the trauma can be very appealing as a way to feel alive) b) the fact depersonalization as a trauma response has to be treated bottom-up (directly helping the amygdala and the hindbrain calm its shit as opposed to helping the neocortex tell the amygdala to calm its shit more strongly which is what most therapy does) because the thing about depersonalization is that the rational brain just is not present to be helped. its gone. the guy is offline. and bottom-up treatment involves engaging the hindbrain, which is usually physical sensation and sensory stuff. and uh gestures vaguely at the pile of reasons kuft-alum stays with varholt