#vent 0

[515snj]

living with dan is one step up in my life but i had the worst luck bc it also means living with his family that is ALSO super toxic and manipulative so i’m back at page one again and things won’t get bettr til we somehow can make enough to pay for our own place and all our insurances : ) 

and honestly if ur reading this and need 2 roommates with animals just fuckin ask me we dont care where u live we just want out

[515snj]

atari, my ferret, just passed away... im very upset. we tried EVERYTHING but her body was refusing to get better, and the vets weren't giving us much of an answer... im so angry she didn't deserve to die she was only a year old

[515snj]

are u ever just READY to DIE

[515snj]

i want answers. they did xrays, blood work, and they all said they couldnt find anything wrong!!! they just gave us antiobiotics and stomach ache medicine. we were finally getting her to eat but she was still a fuckin skeleton and only wanted to lay down constantly....

[515snj]

pride was gr8 but i keep getting pissed off about the main speaker there. the dude who gets on the mic to announce stage performances.

1. he asked how many straight ppl were here like that mattered? and was kinda cheering about it 2. he said he disagreed with the brown & black being added to the flag ( yea he was white )

like  dude..e. these topics do not need to be discussed it’s PRIDE we ain’t here to argue or think about non-LGBT+ ppl

[515snj]

i remember through all of middle school and elementary i was always bullied and had 0 friends bc i always pretended to be an animal + had horrible social skills + was ""fat"". around high school i started learning to keep more "chill" and things were less hetic. ppl even spread gross rumours around about me to keep anyone else from being my friend lmao

[515snj]

i dnt vent a lot so im just gonna do it just this once for now

i would cry if i wasn’t so numb but i really wish i could feel again and stop feeling like super exhausted/faint everytime  i use a little bit of energy to do something

no one is giving me answwers on how to get better not even my therapist he just gives me “coping” skills even though they never work and no matter how much i try to insist i need another solution

i keep going to my favorite places and doing my fave things but i still feel fuckin DEAD like really intense dead like its far more than just feeling numb??? and i just wnna feel myself again but idont know how to i just wanan feel myself again this has gone one for forever

i’ve tried eating better, excersizing more, sleeping more, sleeping less, cutting caffeine, taking vitamin d, use coping skills, doing things i like, everything. im just doomed????i feel myself disconnectin again as i type this i feel my boddy begging me to sleep even though i dont want to 

[515snj]

like i can’t even take care of myself anymore. i can’t clean up or do the simplest things like i used to. because my body just turns against itself and it just makes me so upset and scared. i cant tell anymore if its a physical or mental thing but no one rly cares too much to be rly helpful about it not even doctors or therapists yknow