#vent.. sorry

[a-person-k]

I drew Matt's eyes. I thought I needed something to make myself feel better.

-

I'm slowly going back to when I felt worse. There is no reason to cry, but.. I don't know... I keep crying.

How can I cry when there is no reason to cry?

It's strange... I keep on looking for the reason. Searching for the reason inside, outside of me.

My doctor told me not to do so though. He told me to focus on what I can do to feel better. So I draw.

But after I finish a drawing, I go back to feeling bad. I am taking the emergency medicine every day, how can I become better now..

I also just remembered. I wrote in my diary that my heart aches because I feel insignificant. And I've been feeling insignificant for a long time.

[ur-fav-is-disabled]

Excuse me about my left field post.

The issue I have with being disabled is the relationship I have with my dad.

He never takes me anywhere. Why? Because I’ll “just complain” from Cerebral Palsy causing so much chronic pain if I’m excessively doing even the simplest things. Never tells me when he makes plans to take my sister on holidays and trips because I struggle so badly with social activities.

I hate it.

I’m his forgotten child.

And I know that if I was normal, he’d care about me more. I wouldn’t be such a burden. But I’ll never be normal.