#vent.tw

[novabun-ships]

No but for real... I am so bummed out that I cannot see my Cesy... like super fucking bummed out...

I looked on Amazon and there are copies being sold that cannot play on the blu-rays I have. F/F/C Yanked it from all streaming services and made the dvds non existent.

I seriously do feel like crying, I am not bullshitting-

I miss him </3 and I have no way of seeing him. Maybe gifs but its all the same ones I've reblogged because there is so little of him. It feels like I had no time with him at all and my heart physically feels like its aching... (here's where I'd be silly about the irony of "time") I'm too fucking sad to joke honestly.

[a-cosmic-nova]

Keep bouncing around.

I made a specific side blog but got too scared of being judged and moved it. I ended up making a main blog(new acc) specifically for it but now that I'm slowly starting to get comfortable with the idea of having said blog, I've basically abandoned the new acc to once again create a side blog... also subtly slid a note into the pinned on main and oh no I've gone cross eyed...

pls do not rb. (my settings are still broken... ugh.)

[attackradish]

The ultimate terror (aside from being evil of course) is that I’m inherently careless and ungrateful, and I’ll never be able to appreciate things or give them the care and reverence they deserve? I have broken things and worn them out and if I was more careful and appreciative maybe this wouldn’t have happened. I have received gifts and I don’t think I experienced the degree of joy I was supposed to, and some of them I rarely use. My mom lent me a softcover book because I was really fascinated by it and I haven’t gotten around to reading it, and I accidentally creased the cover. What if I get good food and I can’t fully recognize how good it is and the experience is wasted on me? I’m terrified this isn’t something I can fix because when I try to get more enthusiasm out of my heart there isn’t any.

[transatlantic1sm]

vent below cut (haha) because i aint doing so well.

tw under to.

tw; sh, sui ideation

i had to go and break the 3 month streak? hm. 3 months of nothing. now ive done it every night since then. im not even bleeding, im a pussy. i cant use a razor, im scared. im desperate for scars. scars. i need them. i need to feel valid. ive got 4 scars, 3 of them from when i was nine. NINE. I DID IT WAS A DAMN PENCIL. a pencil. i was nine. a child, a kid. i did it on my hand because i was inexperienced, i lied and said i walked into a bush, it was pretty obvious. but whatever. i used a knife once, you bet it didn't work, blunt as fuck man.

i tried to reach out. i did really try, did absolutely fuck all - no offense to those two who i reached out to, i know you tried but its my needs, nobody can feed my needs.

i just feel lost. ive relasped. i spiraled. and theres nothing i can do.

[alert-arlert]

i’m being forced to attend my uni graduation and i wanna die

[novabun-ships]

I was having some thoughts and I don't really have a place to share them.. I mean I kinda do? But still, even in a public space it feels like I'll be judged? Its nothing bad at all! I'm just a scared little weeny to voice this thought ;;^;;

[novabun-ships]

Just an FYI not that any of you would know because I've just been writing privately and gushing to myself but Leo is becoming a big big main... (like up there with Cesar and Ani)

I'm gonna marry my golden retriever boyfriend 💜💙

[novabun-ships]

Having a baaaaad fuckin day—

Stressing mostly, I have to try and scramble to get my noa printed so I can sign my daughter up for summer swimming classes cause they fill up fast but I don't have anything printed yet and today is the day everything opens.

On top of me trying to get this small gift made and finished before mothers day (for my non biological mom) making her a scrapbook. She's my exs mom yadda yadda he burned bridges everywhere yadda yadda we are closer than ever blah blah

Then on top of that I have 0 energy, I'm bitter to my very core lately and I can't dig out of it. I don't get into it, don't want too but lately everything is pissing me off because my shitty fucking brain is stuck in a loop of a bunch of fucking shitty things about myself.

ON TOP OF THAT I now have the worry about bitch for brains making that fucking appeal and I'm worried about what the 12th is going to look like—

I'm stressed and upset and have no where to fucking channel it. Please take me to a field and fucking shoot me.