#venting offical

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Reminder that you are loved 🫂

[venting-offical]

Okay just returned from Summer camp of two weeks. In there I had a couch/authority figure/ person responsible of me and they were supposed to have personal convos with everybody. When we had our we got pretty connected and somehow I opened up majorly. It ended up happening a few times over camp. At the last day (two days ago) they got us all bracelets, and personally said that they wouldn’t mind getting texts from me if wanted to and wanted to remind me they still existed even after camp.

Now I already texted to ask if the bracelet is water-proof, and I don’t want to never see them again. They are about 6 years older than me. Advice?

hmmm I don’t really have advice other than send them memes

Maybe someone else who sees this can give some 🤔

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(No advice just need the void) I think I’ve been filling up my schedule with things because every time I have a break for more then a day or two I have a depressive episode and need things to distract from it all

🫂

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Happy pride y’all

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Oh my god restarting my blog was a mistake.

I came back to it bc one of the ppl I was p involved w plotwise was rly distraught over my character's "Death" (We had discussed beforehand that while I'm on HIATUS the character in question is just gonna be incapacitated for a while) and so I thought "Ok, my schedule's gonna be less packed bc I'm gonna be out of school and stuff, why not end the HIATUS now?"

Well 3 days in, and already it's become the center of a plotline, and the other character is just being possessive as shit over it. I never explicitly said this wasn't ok, but I never really said it was either. And I don't mean "Oh no please keep yourself safe character, you've been presumed dead for a while and I don't want anything happening to you" No. Straight up just "I'm gonna lock you in a tower rapunzel style and go on an insane downward spiral when you don't like that" Like dude??? I get that you wanna progress a plot but you gotta tell me these kinds of things first???

I think the most frustrating part about all this to me is that we don't like being the center of attention like 90% of the time. Yeah sure I like writing characters that help progress the plot, but I don't like it when I have a character that decides the entire plotline esp w/o any warnings. I usually write like side characters, and at most seconds in command, but especially in someone else's storyline, I just don't wanna have that kind of responsibility. (Sidenote: I would've been completely fine with all this if like. the mod actually discussed half of this with me earlier, bc now it just feels like I'm being forced into some box of a character that the other mod already decided)

I have since told the other mod like "Hey, can my character not be the center of attention here? We're too deep into the plot than I'm comfortable with" (esp bc I as the mod, out of character, am being dragged in) and they said it was fine. Which is good! I'm glad! But then they started vagueposting the shit out of the conversation and didn't actually change anything so. Yeah.

I am this close to just ending the blog right now no warning. The only thing keeping me right now is the hope that just maybe the mod will finish up their arc quickly so that I'm not suddenly pulling the plug on someone else's story

Little sidenote: Thanks for having this blog up, seriously helps a ton and we appreciate this sm T-T

I think the only thing to do is ignore the vague posting and maybe try to end your character’s plot line but idk i haven’t been in any kind of similar situation

but whatever you do just make sure it feels right for you 🫂

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I normally wouldn’t do this kinda stuff but I just feel like I don’t have anywhere else really to go

I’ve had a relationship for over 5 years with my best friend and now partner, and they’ve gotten me through some of the toughest times of my life, due to recent stuff however I’ve realised that they don’t treat me very well, they overstep my boundaries quite a bit, use my interests to hurt me and are just really disrespectful to me recently over online drama involving the amazing digital circus (yes strange I know) but a few weeks ago we had a large argument over it and they ghosted me all day, and said that they got their phone taken away and were forced to go to the doctor (which I’m starting to have a hard time believing with how fast they insisted we go back to normal).

but anyway the only thing I asked of them was to take a break from the internet and to be respectful of said boundaries, and they didn’t do that. And when I confronted them about it recently they said I not only ruined their whole day but also said it was unfair that I wasn’t on break with them. Which kinda defeated the whole purpose of it, and when I said as much they said that that had been bothering them for days

they constantly 180 on stuff and it can be incredibly frustrating. They have BPD which I understand but they don’t handle it in a healthy way and often lash out at me emotionally. But I’m honestly scared of having to break up or confront them again when they didn’t listen or respect what I asked before. I love this person but I genuinely can’t see this relationship going anywhere further if they keep doing this to me. But also because I’m the only person my partner has really, they’ve told me over and over how their scared of loosing me and get really upset when I don’t text them back even when I’m doing something

I just don’t know what to do, if you have any advice I’ll happily take it. Have a good day and thank you

I don’t know if my advice will do much (ive not been in a relationship before) but the only thing I can think of is simply if this is weighing on you like it seems that it is it’s good to step away even if you simply decide to say to them “I need to take a week away from this for myself to see if I this is right for me”

no matter what happens with them and you life will go on and more will change and you will be okay 🫂

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Not any tw I can think of

I have a list of movies on letterboxd. It's supposed to be movies that make me feel like I'm not weird or less than human for my mental stuff, but it's becoming a genuine guilty pleasure. Not in the joking way that people use when they're having a cheat day on a diet they're trying for fun or something, but genuine making me sick to my stomach guilt.

And they do make me feel human, they make me feel like a normal person, and I watch them all the time, they make me feel like I'm not alone in the universe. But I've genuinely considered moving the list to a piece of paper and hiding it, removing all digital evidence other than the memory it existed, because the thought of someone going through that list and knowing exactly what I hide behind even my limited masking makes me feel like I'm a bad person.

It's not even movies that are like, horrible and offensive, it's nothing like that. It's stuff like Adam 2009, Lars and The Real Girl, I saw the TV Glow. It's just characters who don't fit into the norm, or struggle with "human" stuff. I want to share it so bad with people, but if I do they'll figure out that I like it because I relate to the characters, because I know I'm not subtle. Logically I know that no one would care, my family is really supportive, even before I got all my mental diagnoses and figured out whatever else I relate to from the movies, but I feel like it's some deep dark secret.

Some of them I can show others under the guise of liking it for the genre, but most of them I can't. I'm half tempted to give someone one movie and just go "Hey, this is how I feel a lot of the time, you can watch it if you want, but don't tell me how you think about it in relation to me at all, just tell me how you liked the plot if you watch it." Even that feels weird, because it's still admitting that I feel subhuman.

I'm tired. I just want to tell people I love how I actually am, under the masking, and the stuff I don't say even then because it makes me feel nauseous. I just want to feel human without feeling like I'm going to have eyes on me if I ever admit how I feel human.

I genuinely wish I knew how to help. But i myself am dealing with something similar. Telling people stuff especially stuff that’s important to you is difficult

🫂 stay in there