#venttxt

[firstmammaltowearpants]

I get it, really. Dean is not normal and he owns it. He has to because otherwise it would only hurt more for him.

Sam is the only human being that could understand him because of their shared experiences and upbringing. Dean and Sam are both not normal so when Dean sees Sam living a normal life, making genuine connections with other people, NORMAL people at that, jealousy boils inside of him.

When you're a fucking outcast freak compared to everyone else, seeing the one person you thought understood you be able to blend in with other people makes you feel like you should just fucking die even though it shouldn't be their fault but fuck, that person should be YOURS.

[pekoetea]

i hate this. i hate feeling alone and scared. i wish i was loved. i wish i was loved.

[pekoetea]

whats it like to have parents who genuinely care for you without being abusive. or to have a parent who puts you before them. who expresses concern not only to get patted on the back by other people. whats it like to be raised not feelin like a burden because you’re always the problem in their lives and not always having to fight for the proper attention you’re supposed to get. what’s it like to trust that those who are supposed to care about you and take care of you will tend to your needs and make you feel safe. whats it like feeling like you belong and to feel safe and happy and wanted.

cause idk. i wish she never gave up on me (though i dont know if she ever did try) and i wish she didn’t put me into abusive situations knowingly and i wish i didn’t have to fight all by myself to protect myself. 

[pekoetea]

-sweeps that under the rug- well anyways,

[pekoetea]

me, trying to stay cool over this: im not gonna lose my shit over this im not gonna lose my shit over this. this is fine. this is fine. stay cool. dont have a breakdown.

[pekoetea]

im still upset over this and its been like 40 mins im fucking pathetic lol