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Name: Gnawty

Debut: Donkey Kong Country

If you had to be one animal to be the first, most basic enemy in a Donkey Kong Country game, essentially the Goomba of the African jungle, what would you choose? Would it be a beaver? No! That wouldn’t make sense! Silly billy! But Rare decided to be professional silly billies! I wasn’t there, but they probably had a meeting where someone said “We should put a real doofus of a beaver in the game”, and everyone else clapped. And I would have clapped too! Look at this thing! It’s hilarious! I am very happy they made this strange decision.

Beavers have all sorts of fun abilities! Swimming, tail-slapping, dam-building, tree-felling, GNAWING, there is a lot a beaver enemy could do in a game! Gnawty walks left and right and does nothing else. This is also something beavers can do in real life!

I truly hope this does not all come off as insulting toward Gnawty. I love Gnawty! I would not change a single thing about it. Its presence, its design, its funny sound it makes when defeated. All perfect! I just think the concept makes it even more hilarious. And besides, there is a trick up its oily cloaca... ever heard of Gnawty’s Special Attack?

In temple levels dwell brownish, seemingly Elite Gnawties, who operate gigantic millstones, running around to roll them and potentially crush Kongs! Are they seeking revenge for their fallen brethren, or are they stalwart protectors of these ruins, trying to stop any intruders from destroying its walls to reach its sacred Bonus Games? Or maybe they’re just getting their exercise, at an inconvenient time for everyone else! They love to run on a wheel!

The Guy Who Is Never Pleased: “Heh! You call that GNAWTY? That is a paltry level of gnawtiness! I could handle a few more degrees of gnawtiness, easy!”

Well then. In that case, it’s a good thing we have...

Very Gnawty

Very Gnawty is arguably gnawtier than a regular Gnawty! It has a LAIR. That is a gnawty thing to have, you don’t usually have a lair if you’re a goody little gumdrops! You have an abode in that case.

Very Gnawty is gnawty enough to be a boss, hoarding a hoard of the Kongs’ Banana Hoard in its lair! It is also pretty pathetic. It takes like, ten seconds to defeat. But it sure is funny! This is just a bigger Gnawty, named Very Gnawty! I love it!

The Guy Who Is Never Pleased: “Nope, still not gnawty enough! I came here to see some REAL gnawtiness! You’d better step it up!”

REAL gnawtiness, eh...?

Really Gnawty

How about a big Gnawty that takes TWENTY seconds to defeat! Now THAT’s gnawty behavior! This one can jump higher! It has a more fashionable checkered tail! And of course, it’s named after the fact that it is even gnawtier than its predecessor!

The Guy Who Is Finally Pleased: “Thank you, Really Gnawty. You showed me how to have a positive outlook on life :)”

Thank goodness! Honestly though, Really Gnawty is NOT the gnawtiest Gnawty. It’s actually Very Gnawty, because in the GBA version...

Very Gnawty (who is brown in this version for some reason) shows up uninvited to DK’s house! When DK enters, Very Gnawty gasps and escapes right away, clearly knowing this was gnawty behavior. Congratulations on being the gnawtiest Gnawty!

Finally, I would not dare talk about Gnawty without mentioning Beaver Bother! I always assumed this bonus game was about being bothered by beavers, but then I played it, and learned it is you who is bothering the beavers, who are quite scared of a little bother! Bothering them into a hole. That is so rude! Bodaciously bothersome! But it’s funny. Sorry Gnawty, you know I love you! But Beaver Bother is funny!

#very gnawty

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