Reading adult books as a kid
Two books I read as a kid went right over my head: Catcher in the Rye and The Green Carnation
Actually, let me back that up. Catcher in the Rye is amazing to read as a child because, in my case, at least, I was very willing to see the world from Holden’s perspective. It was easy for me to do that. I read it in third grade, so I was about 9 years old, and I thought it was thrilling that there was a sex worker and a pimp in the story. I really liked it.
Then, I had to read it for school when I was 15 or 16. Unreliable narrator, obvious. I had grown as a person during that gap, probably more than in any other period of years in my life. It was a completely different experience.
Well. For the kid who grew up fast but apparently not fast enough, the subtext of The Green Carnation was not easy for me to grasp. Or rather, the context wasn’t. I remember thinking I was ready to read it, priming myself with a thought like “Remember: conservative Victorian values--yadda, yadda, yadda, let’s get this gay clown car on the road!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOO!”
I was so desperate for anything gay I could access. It felt like there was nothing. I’d read The Picture of Dorian Gray and walked away feeling immensely disappointed in how not scandalous it felt. I thought The Green Carnation would be much different! It would be the thing that opened my world.
But uh... Like damn, I looked so hard and couldn’t find even a hint of bedsharing. Like that was what I really wanted. I’d read this book in my elementary school library (Neil Armstrong Elementary in Scranton, PA in the U.S.) called Goats where a boy and a girl who are bullying victims are left stripped and wet in a lake or something, and there was this uncomfortable detail about how the girl’s cold and wet nipples looked, and I remembered thinking “aha! if I’m allowed to read this, certainly some gay background vibes must exist in this library!”
I came away from that book wondering “Where was the scandal?” (in the book, since I knew about the historical context) and I really only liked my Frank Harris book about Wilde and my collection of Oscar Wilde’s letters I had, which I was able to buy from a library that was getting rid of their hardbound copy. To this day, I take great comfort in the shiny library dust jacket on that massive tome of a book.
SO yeah. Had to get that out of my head. NOW, I understand much more what I’m looking for. I’m embarrassed to admit that even as late as watching TAB, I grew to understand better.