#vin.exe

[vincent-frankenstein]

[vinniethots]

"Words without deeds are meaningless. As such, regret without changed behavior is not regret at all."

[vinniethots]

j can prolly tell im being distant. I hope to hell j can't, but I'm v v v easy for j to read, so its unlikely its gone unnoticed. I feel.. bad about it. but I don't have a solution. I'm just. stuck. on the idea of running away and starting over. it would hurt j, so. so fucking much. I don't think there's a single thing I could say that would soften the blow. not even saying I needed space to breath, bc i can't promise j I'll come back. its basically, and full stop.on our friendshio forever after that. like. it hurt when grant dipped. but. I think me doing the same, or even similar,might legitimatly destroy j. and I can't. I can't say. that if money weren't a problem, that hurting j would stop me. and i hate it. I feel, like an absolute heel for pulling away, when I know there's no point, its not like I have anywhere to go. I'm not going anywhere, I have no exit strategy, or even an exit option, idk. I'm. I'm fucked up, in so many ways.

[vinniethots]

this tweet is, coming for my fucking throat RN. god. I just. I just want to go. want to leave. fake my death, change my name, move somewhere completely different. maybe even out of the country. I'm just. too fucking poor. god. god if I had money. there'd be nothing stopping me.

the only thing other than the money problem, would be j, it would kill them if I left, it would hurt so fucking much. but god. I dont know what I could say to make it okay. if there even is anything. and I don't know if I'd want to go back. I'm just. uuuuuuuugh.

[vinniethots]

a haha hah hahahaha, saw honey beer when trying to add a couple songs too a playlist, I'm just.... it took me out, I was not prepared, !!!!!

*DREAM POLICE ON REPEAT TO COPE*

[vinniethots]

I would have had a car by the time dad moved to Texas, so its feasible I could have just stayed w/g&g. or maybe with Momma k if I'd still made friends w/ grant. im also thinking about the trouble I could save myself with my teeth... uuuuugh. this is such an attractive hypothetical, like. god. gooooood.

[vinniethots]

tabby and j are talking about what they would change if they went back to like, 12, w/all their memories... and that would have been late 2008? so like, depending on on exactly when in 2008, I.... if it was just me who had all their memories... I can't say say I'd talk to or make friends w/ any of the people I currently know.... like. if it was the summer before 7th grade, I might just.... go back to my dads and stay there.

I would have only been in the ctown school district for like, 2 months max, at that point. so that would put all of 7th-10th in oly, and. that alone would change so much. even if I still went w/dad down to texas, which is a debatable choice, that would completly change my social circle, if I even bothered to cultivate one.

I'd still have my family members, but everything else would change drastically just on that one choice.

[vinniethots]

j I sware to fucking god I'm not.... I'm not ignoring you I just literally do not remember.... I'm so fucking tired of this shit....