photograph
wait for me to come home
loving can hurt
loving can hurt sometimes
he chooses not to go to the graduation ceremony even though he knows he really, really should. instead, he wanders around outside with his camera, places he doesn’t usually go so as to not be found so easily.
he was supposed to take pictures for the yearbook, for the school newspaper, but he can’t bring himself to even turn to face the direction of the hall. all he can think about it the fact that two of the most important people in his life are walking that stage and he’s not going to be seeing them in the hallways, not going to be dragged to soccer games and soccer parties by his sister, not going to be able to curl up and cuddle with his boyfriend, and his heart hurts.
but it’s the only thing that i know
he glances up at the sound of his name -- a call of “sebby!” -- in a familiar voice and he pulls his face away from his viewfinder, straightening up, pink hair in his face. his heart gives another lurch and he doesn’t say anything as vincent approaches him, clad in his graduation gown and he has to glance away again, back to the flower he had been taking a picture of.
he knows vincent won’t ask him why he didn’t go to the ceremony -- in the same way, he knows for sure that dalena will -- and he doesn’t want to explain that he couldn’t watch them both move on with their lives without him in it. he can feel the lump in his throat as his boyfriend approaches him quietly, making his way across the field and sometimes he wonders how the other male always knows just where to find him, even if it’s somewhere that he’s never been before.
he feels arms wrap around him and he can’t help the soft sniffle that he emits, lifting his camera back up to his face to mask the fact that he feels like he might cry soon. he’s pulled back into a warm chest, spun and he’s blinking up at his favorite person in the world -- his favorite person that is leaving and graduating and leaving him behind -- tears in his brown eyes as they meet blue, not having a choice because of the fingers gently holding his chin.
come live with me in new york.
he can’t help the way his mouth falls open, surprised, and it’s obvious in vincent’s face that he hadn’t meant to ask so bluntly, that he had had a whole speech prepared to ask him in the most romantic and special and memorable way but that’s probably one of his favorite things about his favorite person.
when it gets hard
you know it can get hard sometimes
he settles in with vincent in a nice apartment in new york and he likes it. he likes it more than he can imagine and he has a few flowers sitting on the windowsill of their fourth floor apartment that looks over a park and a fountain and he thinks it’s probably his new favorite place. he takes photographs at the fountain, he waters his pot of hydrangeas and the orchid and the peonies and he smiles when he takes pictures of those too.
he’s going back to school in three days and he doesn’t think he’s ever hated an idea so much in his life.
he doesn’t want to leave.
he ends up arguing with vincent, about how he could just stay here and enroll in a school here or something, finish up here, not worry about his powers since they were pretty useless to him anyway. ( what use was speed if every time he ran for too long, every time he ran too fast, every time he ran in general, that he felt like his chest was on fire, that he needed to take a good thirty minute break before he felt okay again? )
he loses the argument when his sister decides to call from home, with pietro and esme with her and they all talk him into going back to elias and he sulks for two hours and forty four minutes before vincent apologizes for ratting him out and he cries in the other’s arms for another good thirty seven minutes before he can calm down enough to pack.
it is the only thing that makes us feel alive
he stays pressed to vincent’s side the entire trip to the airport, unable to even allow the other to step away to grab a bite to eat, to go to the washroom even. his boyfriend indulges him, knowing he would worry about being forgotten the entire time he’s away and he promises to visit him on school breaks, and call him every night and text him all day as long as he promises not to text in class.
he promises. ( but he doesn’t know if he can keep that promise or not. )
he somehow gets to the gate with the other by his side the entire time -- there had been some negotiations about him getting through customs considering who both of their parents are, but it had gone without a hitch after that -- and he turns to vincent as his flight time nears.
but i don’t want to anymore. i never did.
he’s tugged into a tight embrace, face tucked into vincent’s shoulder and he sniffles softly, somehow having been able to stave off his tears the entire preparation for this trip but he can feel them tickling behind his closed eyelids as he presses his face into his boyfriend’s shirt, unable to stop himself from tearing up now.
he feels something being tucked into his hand and he pulls away to glance at the little book in his fingers. he opens it quietly, intrigued and curious, tilting his head to the side and he doesn’t know what it is until he catches a glimpse of what’s on the first page. it’s a picture of them, the first time they met, sitting in a circle of light on a bench, his head pillowed in vincent’s lap. ( he doesn’t remember this, but he’s heard the story enough times to know it’s definitely them. )
if you’re ever sad, look through this okay? it’s us. everything ... i have one too.
he glances at the other, eyes widening and there are tears glistening there before he pulls vincent into another hug. his heart is hurting again, but it feels a bit lighter. his boyfriend will miss him just as much, right? right. hopefully.
he gets on the plane, tears streaming down his cheeks but with a smile on his face as he hugs the little album close to his heart.
we keep this love in a photograph
we made these memories for ourselves where our eyes are never closing
hearts are never broken
he spends a lot of time looking at the little photo album. it has printed pictures as well as the polaroids he had taken, and he sometimes wonders how vincent had made a copy of everything so that they could both have one.
he sits in the places that the pictures had been taken in, looking at them quietly, holding them up to the sun, remembering the things that had been happening in the photographs.
time’s forever frozen still
he looks at the picture of them, sprawled on the grass with the sunlight dancing in their hair and their laughs ringing in the air. it had been a picnic and he had been dragged out of his dormitory room against his will with the excuse of nice weather, warm sunlight and good company. the weather had been nice, the sunlight had been warm and the company had been much better than just good. the two of them had chatted the day away, vincent somehow having been the one person who could pull long replies from him and he smiles softly to himself, touching his throat. he still remembers how sore his throat had been that night, after a long day of just talking.
he thinks of the picture of them bundled up in scarves and beanies and covered in snow, bright smiles on their faces, his dimples obvious even in the picture. he had been dragged into an impromptu snowball fight, literally tugged into it by vincent and dalena and a handful of other friends who all immediately bombarded him with snowballs and he had been wrought on revenge, jason having dumped a giant handful of snow down his shirt and he remembers chasing them all around for hours, ending the night with rosy cheeks, runny noses, hot chocolate, lots of laughter and memories etched into his heart as he snuggled with vincent for warmth.
he glances at the picture of them on the beach, the bright blue ocean in behind them in the pictures and he smiles quietly to himself, thinking of the day they had spent with their sandy toes in the ocean, the smell of salt in the air and the horrid sunglasses tan he had gotten that day. he remembers how he had been pulled into the ocean by the other, laughing and protesting half-heartedly -- he was quickly realizing how easily he had stopped protesting to being dragged into things by his boyfriend -- getting dunked in and swallowing salt water almost immediately. he remembers feeling like he was choking on sand, dying with laughter at the same time.
he passes the days where he misses vincent by reliving memories, even though they’ll never replace the real thing.
loving can heal
loving can mend your soul
he calls vincent when he’s finished his homework, hoping the time difference isn’t too horrible, thinking it’s probably early afternoon where his boyfriend is, he’s entirely unsurprised when the other picks up on the second ring.
he can’t help the words that blurt out almost immediately upon hearing the other’s voice, tears springing to his eyes and he wipes at them furiously with the sleeve of his hand, listening to vincent talk quietly about everything he’s learning at tony stark’s tower and in his lab and he honestly thinks he could just lay there and listen forever.
you should sleep soon. you have class tomorrow morning right?
he also regrets giving his boyfriend his schedule, sighing softly and he sits up gingerly, rubbing at his eyes. they’ve been talking for hours, and he knows it’s only because vincent’s dad is so close to tony stark that he’s been allowed to talk on the phone for this long. it’s more than he could ever ask for and he nods quietly, despite knowing the other wouldn’t be able to see him, making a soft noise in acknowledgment.
he stays on the line until he falls asleep, vincent’s soft humming lulling him into unconsciousness, heart warm, a smile on his lips.
and it’s the only thing that i know
he’s woken up by a loud knock on his dorm door and he shoots awake in his bed. his roommate isn’t there for some reason -- he thinks he’s probably sleeping over at some girl’s dormitory again -- and he glances around, terrified. there’s another gentle knock and he swallows, not knowing what to do or who on earth would be at his door at 4 in the morning during christmas break and it takes him another five minutes to finally decide to answer the door.
he peeks through the peephole, not seeing anything, and he furrows his brow in confusion, sudden anger surging through him when he realizes it’s probably a prank.
he pulls open the door, ready to yell at whoever had woken him up, his blanket tugged around his shoulders like a cape -- only to see an envelope laying on the floor, innocently. he leans down to pick it up, seeing that it was unsealed, and he frowns to himself as he opens it. he really hopes it’s not one of those glitter bombs that his roommate had gotten just a few days ago, tugging out a note. it says ‘look up’ in an oddly familiar scrawl though he can’t place who’s writing it is.
he glances up, only to gasp and drop the letter when he finds himself face to face with his boyfriend and it takes his brain a few moments before it really registers what’s happening. and even then he can barely believe his eyes.
vincent? wh-what are you doing here?
what else? to spend christmas with you, silly.
he thinks it’s the best christmas present he’s ever received.
i swear it gets easier
remember with every piece of ya
he wanders the grounds, spring having sprung and he smiles at the sight of little flowers starting to bloom in the warm sunlight. he wants to take pictures to send to vincent, scrolling through the screen on his dslr to figure out which ones he might send.
he misses his plants in their apartment in new york, wondering absently if his boyfriend had really been taking care of them like he had said he would. he could always buy new ones, he guesses, if they don’t survive the care of the other male and he smiles a bit to himself at the thought of their apartment. he misses it. he misses having a big bed and he misses not having to share anything with his roommates. he misses his little blue basket that had carried his medicine and hair products, having left that for their washroom and he sighs softly, snapping a picture of a sunflower.
he blinks at the picture he’s taken, smiling to himself. it’s a good picture, he thinks, nodding to himself as he goes to find a different thing to take pictures of. he’ll send that one to vincent. a sunflower for the sun in his life. it’s perfect.
and it’s the only thing we take with us when we die
he lays in the grass under the tree they always used to take naps under or study under or have picnics under and he smiles to himself, feeling the sun warm his face and his body. his back is a bit damp, the morning dew not having completely evaporated before he had settled down, but he doesn’t mind as he lets his eyes fall closed.
he’s doing well in school, the basketball team is doing well too, he hasn’t had an asthma attack since the year before, the time during the basketball game, he’s been doing good with keeping his friendships intact.
he talked to dalena recently and pietro and esme and he feels happy.
he thinks the reason why he’s been doing so good lately is because he doesn’t want vincent to have to worry about him. he knows his boyfriend probably already does that, and he tries to help by keeping an eye on skylar and on what she’s doing. ( he is friends with joyce after all, and it’s not too hard to get a little bit of information about his boyfriend’s sister. )
he relaxes quietly, thinking of how different the past couples years and this year are, feeling the sunlight dancing on his face and he even feels calm. he remembers how anxious he had always been, how he used to wear his mask whenever he was in public even if no one ever really recognized him. his hair was still pink, thanks to a certain rogers, and he doesn’t think it makes him the odd one out anymore. he likes to think that it makes him unique, extra special.
he really only has vincent to thank for this, and for this he’ll be forever grateful.
and if you hurt me
that’s okay, baby, only words bleed
inside these pages you just hold me and i won’t ever let you go
he’s been busy with finals and the first time he’s touched a phone or a laptop in days is when he’s finished all of them. the first thing he sees though, is definitely not what he had expected. there are pictures of vincent partying -- he swallows, knowing it was just something that tony stark did, that it wasn’t anything big, nothing he had to worry about -- pictures of him surrounded by girls and guys alike, obviously popular because of his last name.
he sees the bright smile on his boyfriend’s face and he has to swallow again, his throat tight and he knows he doesn’t have a reason to be hurt or a reason to be jealous.
oh, you can fit me
inside the necklace you got when you were sixteen
next to your heartbeat
where i should be
keep it deep within your soul
he realizes his phone has a ton of messages and he decides he’ll go through those first, heart leaping to his throat when he sees that the majority of the texts are from said boyfriend. he takes a couple moments to calm down, knowing these were all things he was supposed to have read days ago even though he had warned vincent he would be suffering from a temporary social media ban to get through his finals. there are mostly picture messages, vincent in his tank top and baggy jeans and there’s a smile on his face in the familiarity despite the tightness in his heart.
he doesn’t think he can get through the pictures until he notices the necklace his boyfriend is wearing and, despite everything, that brings a smile to his lips.
he remembers how they had purposely engraved one of the tags with their initials. he had been against it, thinking it was too cheesy, too public of an announcement for him to be okay with it but he could only hedge so much for so long and vincent ended up getting it done anyway. seeing it now though, makes him feel a surge of relief, smiling as he goes through the rest of the messages.
he smiles to himself as he reads them, the messages varying from ‘i don’t know why i have to go to this stupid party’ to ‘this girl in front of me is throwing up and it’s kind of fascinating how much is coming out’ to ‘i miss you’ and even ‘hurry up and turn your phone back on!!!”
he didn’t think he could feel happy again after seeing those pictures, but he realizes they’re mostly tabloids and paparazzi photos after he checks online to see if there was anything interesting about the party. ( it turned out it was just a cover up for something with the avengers, and vincent had been the most well-known person there, considering tony stark hadn’t even been at his own party. the media had to focus their attention on someone, of course. )
so you can keep me
inside the pocket of your ripped jeans
he keeps the little photo album with him at all times, either in his backpack, or his camera case when he’s out, or under his pillow when he’s in his dorm and he keeps a special eye on it as he’s packing up his room. it’s his turn to graduate now.
he sees dalena and esme and he runs up to them, steady but quick enough as he wraps his arms around his older sister and gives her a squeeze before ducking down to give his younger sister one too. the ice cream maximoffs were reunited once again, his sister chimes and he can’t help the soft chuckle that falls from his lips, eyes bright even though he spends most of the time scanning over the crowd, using his height to his advantage, looking for a different blond head.
he reaches down to gently touch his pocket, the little photo album residing in its special place as he looks for his boyfriend, hoping that he would show up despite him not having shown up for the other’s graduation.
holdin’ me closer ‘til our eyes meet
you won’t ever be alone
he walks the stage without catching a glimpse of vincent and his heart sinks, gaze drooping to his feet as he heads down the steps on the side of the stage.
he feels someone tug on his arm and he doesn’t even look up as he tries to pull his arm away, but the arms that wrap around him are familiar and the quiet chuckle is even more familiar and he glances up immediately, and he feels a surge of emotion that seems to pour into every bone in is body and he actually slumps against vincent.
did you really think i wouldn’t come? i wouldn’t miss this for the world.
he sobs quietly into the other’s chest, not realizing, or maybe not caring, that the ceremony was still continuing, feeling fingers tilt his chin up and he shakes his head, wanting to hide his face. there’s a soft press of lips against his own and he makes a soft sound, surprised but happy and he feels his heart swell, kissing him back with everything he could muster, wanting to pour all his feelings from the past couple months into the kiss.
he’s packed and ready after the graduation ceremony, after everything that’s needed to be done is done and over with and he says his goodbyes to his friends that he won’t be seeing over the summer -- the friends that he won’t be seeing for a while. he spends a good while with everyone after he’s checked and double-checked his dorm to make sure he didn’t forget anything. they chat for hours, about their finals, about their families, about what they’re doing with their lives until he pulls away, wanting some alone time with his favorite person.
he wanders the school grounds for the last time, hand in hand with his boyfriend and he’s never felt happier or more relaxed than he does right now and the smile on his face hasn’t left it since he stopped crying at the ceremony.
are you ready to go home?
he doesn’t even have to think about his answer, a ‘yes’ on his lips as he glances at the other with a dimpled smile on his face. he ends up taking a moment to think of a better way to word his answer, thinking it was too cheesy, too heartfelt, too sincere. but it was the truth.
home is where the heart is, he thinks, and his heart is definitely wherever vincent is.
