So Lucky (short story)
“Your nest–” Perchclaw was going to say the words carefully, but Redkit had already tensed up.
“Sorry! I’m fixing it!” Instantly, she began pushing the moss inward to make it fluffier.
Perchclaw’s heart weighed heavily at the sight. Redkit had been living with him and Vireosong as their daughter for a moon now, yet she had her moments of fear. Her trauma must have been truly bad, if the need to be perfect or frequent nightmares were any indication.
Too, Perchclaw saw his own fear reflected in his daughter’s eyes, so deeply rooted that he could practically follow the strings all the way down to her thumping heart. It brought him to a horrible place, the Shadowclan nursery, where his mother fed him just enough to keep him alive. He could never be good enough for her, how could he be good enough for a mother who wished him dead? She pushed him away so that he wasn’t even sure she had mourned when the snake had bitten him.
Redkit’s past was the opposite, she was never good enough and that meant extra, horrible attention. Perchclaw had grown apathetic until new, better parents took him in and taught him that who he was was good enough. Redkit thought that everything she did was wrong and could be scrutinized.
“Hey, hey,” Perchclaw began gently. He lowered himself to the ground, tucking his paws beneath him so that he looked as unthreatening as possible–and cringed that he had to make himself unthreatening to his own daughter. Angry, too, at her so-called mother. “Your nest is very pretty. I like the flowers you put in them.”
Redkit’s ears were flat. “You do?”
Perchclaw smiled. “I love how you decorated. Do you think you can find some flowers to put in my nest so we can match?” On the one side, he loved that Redkit felt comfortable to put the flowers in at all now. On the other, she shouldn’t worry that her father wouldn’t like it.
Redkit’s ears pricked. “I know where a bunch are!”
Perchclaw slowly stood, purring. He allowed Redkit to take the lead until they came across a field of differently shaped and coloured flowers. They were rather withered and dull, but to everything else in the Dark Forest, they might as well be as bright as the sun.
One flower in particular caught Perchclaw’s eye. “Look at this, Red!” He went to pluck it. “See this?” He asked when she faced him. “It’s a white chrysanthemum. It represents truth. Do you know why?”
Redkit shook her head, eyes round.
Perchclaw spoke around the stem. “Because when adults hold this flower, they can only speak the truth.”
“That’s not true!”
“Try it,” Perchclaw insisted. “Ask me anything.”
“Umm….did you really like my nest?” Redkit’s voice fell shy.
“I loved it,” Perchclaw answered honestly.
Redkit’s grin, ear-to-ear, was enough to warm his heart so that he wouldn’t be surprised if it burst into flames and turned his ribs to ash. “Was it….was it perfect?”
Perchclaw’s eyes narrowed lovingly. “Dear one, everything you do is perfect. I love you, so I love everything you do.”
Redkit stepped closer, smile happy but eyes slightly frightened, like she was expecting this to be a trick. “Why?”
Perchclaw began to think how to word it right, then decided that thinking would make things too complicated and it was best to just talk and improvise. It would be easy, what he would say was the truth. “Because I had a mom before grandmommy, who was bad and made me feel bad. She made me think that I was bad. I thought that I was bad for a really long time.” The recognition in Redkit’s gaze pained him. “But I wasn’t. I was good, I just had a bad mom. My new parents–your grandpas and grandmommy–taught me that I deserved love anyway, and they loved me. They loved me so much that I began to love myself. Their love was unconditional. That means they love me no matter what,” he added with emphasis. “I am so lucky to have them raise me, I’m so lucky to have brothers and sisters who love me, and I’m so lucky that your dad loves me, and I’m so, so lucky to be able to raise you. I never thought I would have a kit. I thought I wasn’t good enough to take care of anyone. But I am, and I love you so much. Every day I wake up and see you, every single thing you do is a miracle to me because there was once a time that I thought I wouldn’t be good enough for you. I love you so much already, and I hope that I will be a good dad to you, because that is what you deserve.” It was a long, simplified version of things. Still the truth. Perchclaw had to take a breath.
Redkit took several long heartbeats to respond, standing and staring. Perchclaw began to wonder if she was too young to understand when she rushed forward, headbutting him roughly in the chest, and exploded into purr after purr, rubbing her head and chin all along his fur.
When they returned to the den, Vireosong, who had been visiting his sister, watched curiously as his mate and daughter slipped through the log entrance, jaws filled with white flowers.
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@ambitiousauthor
--Fun fact! Red chrysanthemum is what Myrtle gave Alder, meaning love. Family thing I guess?
--Just to be clear, this is just a tiny fib! The white flowers are regular flowers.









