1. I need to figure out whether I'm the problem
I get home to clean and make sure the physical makeup of my life doesn't match my guts. Except I need some red, and a couple. I sort of crave a square but that phase is over. I think. My main priority is distracting myself from something I've always been aware of. Which gets kind of difficult when even attempted humor feels like an obligatory grin. I heavily despise the word suffer, but maybe that's the right one. A tattoo sounds like a good idea. Being caught off guard is one of my least favorite things, and here I am. Different. I remember it like it was last night, how awful change felt. I carried myself on this pedestal of being prepared for anything, but not that. So how do you go back to feeling unprepared..the old..the familiar? "I'll put the sparkle right back in your eyes."