something you never needed, never asked for, never wanted
you’re welcome and im sorry

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something you never needed, never asked for, never wanted
you’re welcome and im sorry
👌 4 lilah <33
the call being sent to voicemail only amped up caleb’s panic. with everything that had happened to gunner, he didn’t feel comfortable not being in constant contact with those closest to him. “lilah?” he grunted into his phone. “please answer. i just want to know that you’re okay. you’ve been .. you’ve seemed distant lately? and i don’t trust this place anymore, don’t think it’s particularly safe for any of us. not to mention-- just. please. i would lose my mind if i lost you, i would literally lose my mind. let me know you’re safe.. okay. call back.”
👌 (for bas and sneak one in for bella sh)
BAS:
“i never told you this because i was terrified you’d beat my ass, but i accidentally peed in your bed one time when elias and i got drunk. i swear i thought i was in the kitchen. i don’t think i’m making this any better. you can pee in my bed back if you want revenge?”
ARABELLA:
“hey bella. amsterdam is kind of shit. not like, the city. just. did you hear about gunner? i’m kind of worried about the rest of us. i don’t trust anyone, anymore. ‘cept elias. ..and you. you’ve put up with a LOT of my shit. probably deserve a medal or something, i don’t know. best sister mug? ... i’m really sorry i wasn’t nicer to you back home. i was just jealous. don’t-- it’s a long story. but.. i miss you, kid.”
👌 fr gunner
“i hope you know i don’t regret it,” jack whispered into the phone, having been sent to voicemail for the third time in the past two days. he was pretty sure gunner absolutely hated him at this point, hadn’t even been back to their shared dorm. maybe rooming together had been a mistake, but it had seemed innocent only days before. “even if we can’t still be friends, which, like-- that would suck dick. and not in a hot way.” he paused, lifting his glass to his lips and staring into the muted tv. “i hope you come back to the dorm soon. i promise it won’t be weird. i won’t even mention it, i just.. i had to do it. i don’t know why. it’s so easy with everyone else, but not with you. i haven’t figured that bit out yet. please come back.” the click of his phone when he hung up was almost deafening.
👌 fr gunner
“hey, gunner.. it’s naomi. i don’t really know why i’m-- why i’m calling you? is this dumb? do you care? ... anyway ... i’m just out at some bar with these girls i met in my history of european film class.. it’s weird not being in class with you, by the way. i think our project turned out so well because of you. what was i even saying? oh yeah-- ( no, i think i’m going to head home, you guys go on without me ) i’m, uh, i miss you. i mean, like, i missed you when you were gone but.. i miss you just like in general. i’m sorry for how things ended. i fucked up. i’m. fucked up. okay. bye--”
voice message sent at 1:02 am.
“…it took me a long time to pick up this phone and talk to you,” she breathed into the receiver of her phone. “I knew I would get your voicemail and that’s okay, like you said, it is better this way. It is easier and yet I wish you had picked up all the same. I find myself listening to your voicemail more times a week then I should…just so I can listen to your voice.” she shooed a waitress away as she knocked her arm straight against her tall glass, spilling the contents all over the booth. “It hurts a little more every time I do listen to it because it’s a goodbye and just like Peter Pan I hate goodbyes, but I respect your decision and this voicemail to you isn’t to try to fight you on it but rather…closure for myself. A goodbye of my own.” she fumbled with the napkins on the table, phone smushed into the space between her chest and neck. “I love you…loved you. And I don’t mean in a best friend way even though I loved you in that aspect as well. I mean I loved you in a best friend falling in love with your best friend cliche kind of way. Even in these few months when I learned you were unhinged, damaged, broken…and I just thought to myself but so are comets and shooting stars. You were a walking form of hope and every time you looked at me I knew things were going to be okay or get better. You were home…you were the moon and all the stars in the sky and I was in love with you. I never told you because I didn’t know those feelings. I didn’t see them, but I see them now when you are gone. It’s like a Nicholas Sparks plotline.” she sniffled, vision blurring as she soaked up her spilt milkshake with the napkins she crumpled up. “And they will go away if they have not already, but I wanted to tell you. It isn’t okay that you left me but at the same time it is…and it isn’t okay that we aren’t friends anymore…but it will be. I’m used to it.” the tears had fallen now. “You do not have to thank me for being your friend throughout the years and don’t say you love me if you are saying goodbye to me in a voicemail.” she paused, regaining her breathe as her shoulders shook and nearby customers gave her wary looks of concern. “Consider us ‘stopped.’ One day you will understand things from my shoes and perhaps will be at peace with yourself because you aren’t the monster you think you are. You deserve to live. There are things people can come back from and look at all the guilt and suffering already bearing down on your back. You will overcome this version of yourself and be reborn like a Phoenix. Oh Harry, you were my everything. I needed you so much, always remember that for the next time you think you didn’t deserve my friendship. Thank you for taking me into your family at such a young age. I am afraid I would not have this softness in me if I did not surround myself with people who showed me kindness in the first place. Thank you for that. I wish you the best. All the happiness in the world. Take care of yourself and have a good life. Goodbye, Harry Styles.” @ofharry