Tropical White Morning Flower (bit of a mouthful lol)
my aesthetic is Midwestern Gamer, moving towards art hoe as jeans get harder and harder to shop for.
My main criteria for shirts and dresses is that it has a high neckline so t-shirts and artsy fartsy shirts overlap pretty nicely there
I’m not super fond of bodycon stuff because it’s just the same problems as jeans!! never fits right
and just like a true gamer I haven’t had a haircut in like three years and the past few times I’ve had my haircut I didn’t get it styled I just donated it for the free haircut when life was starting to leave haircare behind
Man, if you ever feel lonely or need to talk you can always hmu. I always try to answer as soon as I see the message. You'll be alright, you just hit a minor bump in the road but you'll get back on your feet.
Honestly I feel like I’m really immature. I’m not saying it to boast, goodness why would anyone do that? I just feel like I’m really far behind mentally and at this stage I should be thinking other ways and my interests should be others.
I don’t know where I’m going with this. I just always feel off. Like I shouldn’t be enjoying the things I do enjoy at this age. Not like I’m gonna stop world building, drawing, writing or playing video games. Far as I can tell I’m not hurting anyone.
thank you! also, i wanted to break down my feelings about what you posted and how i feel similarly, esp the first part. maybe you’ll find something that helps you understand you better? at the very least we can discuss haha.
(this got really long and probably off topic but i mean, let’s start here and keep going? maybe? your call)
a little background: i’m 28, white, grew up in a relatively liberal but predominantly white and affluent neighborhood. i was born prematurely, at about 6 months, and my mom has always ascribed me being a so-called “late bloomer” to this. my parents split up when i was 7 and i’ve had depression and anger issues since then; i’ve been taking antidepressants since i was 12. i’ve had mixed feelings about sex and sexuality all my life, and it wasn’t until i was 25 and realized i could actually transition and be the person i always felt i was that i started feeling more positive about this.
i say all of these things bc they get tangled up in my feelings pretty regularly; it’s not very cut and dried, esp when i talk about my current situation. i can’t just say “i’m sad bc i’m dysphoric” or “i’m sad bc i’m unemployed” - it’s not just one thing.
i feel immature a lot, esp on tumblr. i cringe when i see 30-something fandom moms acting like they’re 15 while also taking on a parental role to minors, but i also cringe when i see 19yo lgbt lefties acting like they have all their shit figured out and mocking those they perceive as lesser. i don’t really think i “should” be anywhere mentally, but i feel like i want to be somewhere ahead of where i am, i just don’t know how to get there.
a lot of my problem with my maturity level is, i spent something like 10-12 years stagnating, actively refusing to grow or leave my emotional comfort zone. i would say this was from... age 12 to age 22/24? i couldn’t find people i could relate to, so i didn’t keep friends. i went from friend group to friend group every year or two bc i didn’t connect with anyone. it seems like almost all of the friends i’ve had have been flaky and uninterested in keeping up their end of the friendship. the only time that wasn’t the case was when we were forced to see each other every day in school. but i mean, it could just be me and my actions and that there’s something i’m not seeing. it happens so regularly it has to be me, but i don’t know what it is i’m doing? maybe i’m just eeyore all the time and i can’t see it, so people get tired of interacting? idk
anyway, people being super flaky makes it even more difficult to make/keep friends at this age than the usual late-20s-early-30s-starting-a-family-with-my-spouse routine, it’s ridiculous.
I think it was Naruto. Before that I into a lot of manga and other stuff but the first fanart I draw was Kabuto Yakushi.
6. List your OTP from each fandom you’ve been involved in.I kinda late bloomer in shipping business, so this is a short list ( ˃̣̣̥ω˂̣̣̥ )Viet x Thailand (Axis Power Hetalia)
Halflight x Orbeck
My Hunter x Alfred (this is quite obvious by now lol)
Flash and BatmanDante x Nero ( And with the new game come up >:3c…… )
17. Who was your first OTP and are they still your favourite? Viet x Thailand was, though by now I prefer to keep them as close and trusted friend.
51. Rant or Gush about one thing you love or hate in the world of fanfiction! Go!I love the opportunity fandom bring to a work. In the game, we have journey, goal and Pvp and the endings….But fandom? I could spend hour to trace some pattern, watch them unfold and overlaps. The other could bring up tons of stories and theory that if show in the game progress, would surely cause a mess. Fanfiction is like an endless field of opportunities for stories, and I absolute adore it.About the hate part, let just say “gatekeeping“. And I highly doubt I could string a coherence sentence to show HOW MUCH I hate the idea that somebody have to think in particular way /know some particular thing (more often than not those standard was bring up by one individual for a personal beef) to be count as “one of the clan“.
🌈 - what’s your orientation and gender?: I’m something more masculine leaning (not sure if full-blown trans or not, I likely am and am still in denial) and I’m bi.
🌹- what would be your ideal date?: Man, you’re most likely to win a good date in my books if it involves food. I don’t care if it’s a 5 Michelin star French gastromolecular experimental pop-up or just the Chinese buffet down the street. I just love food (that I don’t cook).
💘 - what personality traits are attractive to you?: I really don’t know. I know sweetness is a factor, but I don’t know what kinds of personalities I’m actually attracted to.
💋 - what do you find physically attractive?: I like people with a little more meat on their bones, or can pick me up over their shoulder. Or both. Both is good.
🐻 - what is your favourite animal?: Ooh, I love bats! But I also love hyenas... and servals... and anteaters... I really dig spiders, too...
💭 - when did you realise you were lgbt?: Probably the first time I ACTUALLY realized it was when I met my first ex. He was gorgeous and helped me look into my more masculine side and it felt right and things just... happened from there.
💌 - what makes your heart melt?: When people are sincerely romantic. Not like you see in movies where it just... feels forced because some dude likes this lady, but those real, tender moments when the world just feels soft, even if it’s brief, when your partner’s voice gets all soft and they mutter about how much they love you... that gets me. Every time, without fail.
🎤 - do you have a favourite lgbt song?: Jenny by Studio Killers
🍀 - what’s your fav thing abt being lgbt?: Probably the self-exploration aspect, because it really is a journey of the self. Finding out who you are, and maybe finally getting some sort of explanation as to why you were how you were or are how you are, and finding a name for it, is very gratifying in it’s own way.
🌠 - advice for young lgbt people?: You don’t have to come out if you’re not ready to. It’s okay if you can’t come out because you’re not in a safe place.
☁️ - where do you see yourself in 5 years?: I don’t know. Probably working somewhere as a peon for minimum wage, but at least I’ll be living with my boyfriend at that point, probably. And who knows, maybe I’ll finally decide on what I am and maybe transition to that if I can.
