Me
Ever since I could remember I have been overweight. When I was younger I never really thought of it as a bad thing. I was (thank goodness) never bullied for my weight. People accepted me as I was. At home it was a slightly different situation. While I wasn't bullied I was treated with a lot of passive aggressiveness. Also I was always told that I had a beautiful face,but because of my weight I guess that didn't matter. I know they meant well, but it still crushed my spirits. I'm 29 now and can't look myself in the mirror; I hate what I see. Don't get me wrong I think I'm gorgeous but that's because of my inner beauty.
Do I know I'm fat? Yes
Do I need to be reminded about it? No
Am I happy about it? No
Do I plan to do something about it? Yes
Do I love the way I am? Yes, but do not love my weight.
"Don't judge a book by it's cover.", is a quote that resonates in me. People seem to never get past my looks. I'm an awesome person. Sometimes I admit my social anxiety takes over and I come off as extremely shy, but I'm nit once you get to know me.Although, I must admit that if at first I meet a person and we click I won't be shy. *Sigh*I am so complicated, but so lovable. It does hurt that my weight is an issue. Not just with others, but mostly with me. I have such a mental block. I know I'm pretty, but I just don't feel comfortable with my body. I know this isn't true, but I feel like others judge me because of my weight. I struggle everyday with it. Somedays I don't have the energy and just want to give up. But I won't. I can't.
People seem to have this idea of me just sitting down and stuffing my face all day. I don't. My doctors don't even believe that I don't. They give me this look of like, "Yeah, right I bet you don't." Like seriously why would I lie? What purpose does that serve me? I don't like liars and I don't like to lie. Do I lie? Sometimes, yes but only if i have to.
Ever since I've started going to therapy I've learned things about myself. I just need more patience and to not give up. If I do (give up) then I will never be happy.