Allura was panicking. She had told the Paladins to behave themselves and to try to avoid scaring the natives while she was speaking with the delegation. But they just... didn't listen. Instead of staying in the social room where they had been led, where there were plenty of refreshments and seats, the five humans had disappeared. A few civilians saw the group heading towards the forest nearby, where there were many deadly creatures and poisonous flora. Even Shiro had gone along with them, despite the fact that they knew the forest was dangerous. And their tolerances couldn't possibly include such foreign substances.
So now, Allura was sitting with the delegates, having finished their discussion, simply waiting for the Paladins to return. It had been vargas since the message was delivered that they had disappeared, and the only reason there wasn't a panic was due to Allura assuring all present that Voltron was composed of clever warriors who could handle the forest. Hopefully.
"Princess, we need a little help," Shiro's voice crackled from the Altean's comm.
"What sort of help?" Please don't be medical.
"Some of the civilians are panicking and we have no clue why. We need someone who knows more about their culture."
"I'm on my way. I'll bring the delegation." Allura was quick to explain the situation to the diplomatic party, glad that this was likely just a simple misunderstanding. She prayed it was something as simple as smiling with teeth or a throwing something.
The Paladins were located near the outer edges of the city. They were easy to find as they were surrounded by a circle of hysterical Rynnians. Each of the humans had bags slung on their shoulders, the largest on Hunk and Shiro and the smallest on Pidge. Allura was relieved at the sight, given that the humans at least knew what was and wasn't toxic to themselves. If they had gathered something too dangerous, she could simply get them to put it away from the other beings. She and the delegates pushed past the edge of the crowd, almost to the Paladins.
Then the stench hit her. She stopped instantly, recoiling back in horror. They smelt of blood, reeked of death and must and something else foul. The Altean pulled back enough that she wasn't overwhelmed completely before addressing the Terrans.
"What in Altea is that? Is one of you injured?"
"I KNEW IT!" Lance shouted triumphantly, turning towards Keith. "I quiznaking told you! It's the smell!"
"Lance, are any of you injured?" Allura repeated, narrowing her eyes the best she could without squinting. The Blue Paladin turned giddily towards the royal, a bright grin on his face.
"No. The problem is that all of you are herbivores!"
"Of course we're herbivores! Most known sentient species are herbivores! Only a few are carnivorous!"
"No, princess. I mean, you're all herbivores. That means you don't handle the smell of blood well!"
"One of you is bleeding‽"
"No! We just went hunting!"
Silence. Dead silence. Allura was frozen, staring in utter terror at the human.
"Rynnian civilians, please vacate the area temporarily while the situation is handled." The crowd was fast to comply, the delegates backing up and several warriors lining the edges of the streets. Once the common folk were far enough away, Allura once again spoke to her team.
"Lance, please confirm that your species refers to the gathering of edible flora as hunting."
"Nope. We're omnivores!" The boy did a hip wiggle as he spoke, and Pidge facepalmed heavily at his antics. Hunk giggled and nudged Keith into smiling. Shiro was just tired, and decided it would be best to take over the conversation as soon as possible.
"Omnivores... How?"
"Princess," Shiro spoke up, drawing the alien's attention. "We're technically evolved from natural omnivores that mostly ate an herbivore diet. As we developed, our tool-making skills grew exponentially. As humans joined together in larger groups, gathering enough flora to sustain each member became a lot harder. With our better tools, we made better weapons and managed to develop better hunting skills. By now, our diet is still largely herbivorous, but with more meat than before. The Castle provides us with the necessary nutrients to keep us healthy, but nothing satisfies a human like a nice steak after going without for a long time."
"... what are in the bags?"
"I think you know."
"What are in the bags, Shiro?"
"Three of those large antlered creatures in what me and Hunk are holding, and the other bags have small game and lots of plants Pidge said were safe to eat."
"That is the smell?"
"If you smell blood, then yes."
"As much as I fear the answer, I must ask: what is a steak?"
"A slab of meat made tender and cooked with seasonings. Often served to a little undercooked so it isn't too chewy and satisfies our carnivorous nature. Now, if you'll excuse us, we know what's wrong and can probably get all this to the Castle with little problem."
"Yeah," Hunk agreed, shifting his bags a little. "We couldn't get past the Rynnians because they were panicking saying we were hurt or something and we just couldn't get through."
"If you must, get the... food," Allura shuddered at considering flesh and blood to be a meal, "back to the Castle as soon as possible. I'll tell Coran to not panic."
The Paladins nodded and swiftly rushed towards the large ship. Lance and Hunk could be heard discussing something called tacos, and Allura was loathe to find out what they were. With a deep breath, the princess turned to the delegates, face twisted in a grimace.
"I am very sorry about all this. If you would like, I can send you the guide my advisor and I are creating to document humans and their... strangeness. It is still in its preliminary stages, but it will likely help to avoid another incident."
"Are you sure we should be trusting beings that eat meat," the lead diplomat inquired. "Only three other species are carnivorous, and one is-"
"I do understand your concerns," Allura interrupted. "But I must tell you that it would be better to keep on the good side of Terra and its inhabitants. I know the only race outside their own solar system that is carnivorous is the Galra, but humans are nothing like those of the Empire. For one, they are not outside their solar system yet, though the Green Paladin informed me they soon will be. Secondly, humans seem to have strong senses of justice. They will not harm any sentient being, and many times will avoid harming non-sentient beings if they find the creatures to be appealing in some aspect."
The delegation discussed privately for a moment before facing the Altean once more.
"Please tell us all you know."
Humans are omnivores. They mostly eat flora and, so long as their nutritional needs are met, can eat only flora for the entirety of their diet. However, they prefer to include the occasional meat in their meals. They can hunt better than many natural predators due to their sentient nature. Terrans will not always attack fauna if they are hungry. They instead wait for habitats with a plentiful amount of animals and use weapons to hunt. They can and will hunt if in an environment where there isn't enough flora to sustain an herbivorous diet. They will do the same if in a large group, hunting and surviving together.
Humans can make their own tools. These tools include weapons. If stranded or surviving in uninhabited terrain, they will create tools to aid in their self-preservation. Do not assume a Terran is weaponless. They hunted before their advanced toolmaking skills and sentient nature. Avoid fighting a human that is trying to survive. If stranded with a human, reminding them of your likely herbivorous status will probably cause them to gather whatever food you need to survive and will sustain themselves on mostly meat.
If a human smells of blood, remain calm. Ask if they are injured. If they are not, ask if they have been hunting. If they have not been hunting, ask after the smell. Attempt to not panic if it is revealed they have killed a non-sentient creature for their carnivorous meals, which are listed below. The common examples are tacos and steaks. Tacos can be made for herbivores as well. Simply request 'vegetarian' and check for possible poisons disguised as 'seasonings'.
hello friends! I’m trying to boost my blog & writing a bit and so for the next week or so? I’m gonna take requests for voltron drabbles/oneshots!
How to sumbit:
Send me a message or an ask with the following:
*If you wanna ask on anon, I’ll just post the oneshot to my tumblr so you can read it :)
1. your pairing or main characters - (will not do any underage stuff cause that's weird. I’m usually okay with shalad!n stuff but they must be aged up and both over 18. Usually not a fan of any shidge stuff though.... & I’m most familiar with klance though tbh)
2. scenario or AU - (college au, canon, high school au, etc.)
3. any other little tidbits you might want in the oneshot!
THINGS I WILL NOT ACCEPT:
- minors or underage smut
- rape/non-con
- intense gore
- nothing super crazy kinky ?
- just be kind please about what you request
Send this around to your pals and reblog! This will be a first come first serve thing so don’t be shy!
If I’m especially proud of anything I write for you guys, I might post it on my blog or my AO3 which is TheoreticalMindGames
Lance tapped his fingers against the ground again and again, eyes boring into the laser wall that kept them trapped in the cell. Two sentries stood outside, stiff and cold. He had been silent from the moment the Galra had captured him and Pidge on their intelligence-gathering mission. The others were sure to come for them, but the Cuban worried about what might happen before then. Pidge was his little sister in all but blood. He didn't know how he'd survive anything happening to her.
Loud, heavy footsteps pounded their way towards the cell, causing Pidge to scoot closer to Lance, her hands clenched and shoulders tight. The older Paladin moved a bit in front of his comrade, just as tense but ready to fight anyone who tried to hurt the younger. A large Galran commander, broad and furred, stopped at their cell, motioning at the sentries to lower the laser wall. They obeyed, and the commander walked towards his prisoners, teeth bared in what was either a smile or a snarl.
"So we've finally caught some of the famous Voltron Paladins," he growled out. "And you were foolish enough to bring the Green Lion along. Three little presents for the Emperor. Only," the Galra paused, and his mouth closed as he smirked, "he doesn't care about the condition the Paladins of Voltron are in. Which means I can do whatever is necessary to obtain the possible information you have."
"I knew the Galra were stupid, but I didn't know you were dumb enough to think that we'd give you intel."
"Silence, Voltron scum. With the right methods, you'll give me anything I want." Lance grimaced, but quickly turned it into a smirk. The Paladins had learned rather quickly that it is much harder for aliens to lie or hide their emotions, so even amateur acting among humans would be considered highly skilled for other races. It worked to Voltron's advantage that Terrans were underestimated by aliens, leaving them to believe that such skills like lying were beyond the humans' level. Even the Alteans had yet to figure out that the Paladins could lie with ease.
"We're trained in the art of torture, both in inflicting pain upon our enemies in ways that leave them begging for mercy, and in withstanding that which is inflicted upon us. We have watched each other suffer and learned to defy our natural protective instincts. Unless you have something new to give us, which I highly doubt, there is no way you will succeed in getting information." Pidge side-eyed her companion, but was quick to catch on and smirk as well, as though completely confident in her abilities to resist torture.
"Then I guess we'll give you something new, Blue Paladin," the commander sneered, signaling the sentries to grab Lance. As he was dragged out, the Cuban's only thoughts were of how it was him and not his little sister. The Green Paladin looked on with a stoic face, set in the act that had only just begun, but horror was in her eyes.
Lance was taken to a new room and stuck in a chair. He was flanked by two sentries and four Galran soldiers lined the walls. The door closed with a slam, and the Blue Paladin knew he had no chance of fighting his way out. Though he followed Pidge's lead in retaining an expression of indifference, his heart clenched at the thought that whatever torture they had in mind didn't require restraints. It was a scarier notion than if he had been completely subdued.
The commander moved into Lance's view, his sneer still present. He beckoned a soldier forward, a large box in their hands. It was placed on the table, a dull thunk echoing in the room. The soldier scurried backwards as the contents of the container were unloaded. Several beakers, a few sealed cartons, and a plate of what seemed to be mint leaves. Lance attempted to maintain his straight face, keeping himself as still as possible as he studied the probable poisons. It made sense now. He had no chance of fighting his way out, and poison didn't require restraints. All it required was getting it into the desired person's system.
"Well, Paladin, I do hope that you've prepared for your inevitable demise. Maybe you'll manage to squeeze out a surrender as you burn from the inside." As he spoke, the hulking Galra opened one of the cartons, carefully using a scoop to measure out some bright red powder. He seemed extremely cautious of the substance, and Lance tensed in anticipation. The scoop was brought towards his face, and the sentries on either side of him held their guns aimed at his head. His only chance of living was ingesting whatever was given to him.
The commander grasped Lance's jaw, forcing the human's mouth open and dumping the powder in. The boy's eyes widened as he tasted the poison. It... was... spicy. All of the Galra in the room were staring at their prisoner, the underlings peering nervously at him as though he were about to collapse.
But Lance's mind was elsewhere. The poison was spicy, not a whole lot, but maybe like a jalepeno, and only for a moment before it started to fade. He had swallowed immediately, and the burn felt no worse than his mother's mild chili, made for the young ones and their low tolerances. Many of the foods in space were bland, practically tasteless. Even if this poison was deadly, Lance wanted more. He missed spicy foods, missed the burn and the numbness that came with them. He was the kind of person that had tried ghost peppers and Carolina Reapers for fun.
"Is the pain so much that you can't speak, oh great Paladin," his captor asked with venom and victory in his voice. "Do you think you were prepared enough for this?"
"What is this," Lance suddenly questioned, turning to face the Galra head-on with curiosity dominating his expression. The being was surprised, but nonetheless answered.
"A deadly poison that burns through all it touches, C18H27NO3. We learned the human word from the Champion when he was given a small portion of it, to test his strength. Your species calls it capsaicin."
"Capsaicin?" The commander nodded, his smirk back in place, though it disappeared with the next words. "I love this stuff! When my team comes to save us, can we have your supply?"
"For what?" one of the soldiers spoke up fearfully, their eyes trained on the Terran.
"For food! We use capsaicin to season our food! It's delicious!"
"It burns!"
"I know! It's sooo good!" The commander slammed his fist onto the table, growling. He closed the carton and moved it aside, pulling one of the beakers over instead.
"Perhaps this will be better suited for our motives!" His voice raised as he shoved the glass container over to Lance. The boy was less nervous about this, instead grasping the beaker and promptly downing the entire dark liquid. If the powder was capsaicin, then chances are the other 'poisons' were actually not toxic to him. Hunk had once mentioned that many foods humans consumed were considered highly poisonous. The liquid was black tea, served cold.
"So why is black tea considered poisonous? Lemme guess, the caffeine?" The Paladin leaned back in his chair, arms rising to go behind his head. He was greatly amused by the faces of the Galra in the room, and decided that he would take this to the next level. Their own plan reversed and used against them.
The Cuban leaned back forward, bent over the table as he grabbed another beaker. It was fizzing, so he assumed carbonated soda. It was indeed Diet Coke, or something similar.
"Man, these poisons are failing at their jobs. The first is in many dishes back home, the second is used to keep people awake, and this one is soda. We drink it as a common beverage or a treat." He snatched a carton next, pulling out a piece of pineapple. "Mmm, bromelain. The snack that eats you back." He popped the fruit into his mouth, then a few more, chewing with vigor at the delicious taste. Oh how he had missed Earth foods.
He proceeded to wash down the snack with some of the next beaker, though he stopped halfway through chugging it when he realized what it was.
"Shiro will kill me if I get drunk, and I'm not risking it to prove a point. Ethanol may be a fun recreational drink, but not for kids." The Galra seemed more alarmed at that (though Lance would only later learn it was a combination of him referring to himself as a kid and calling ethanol a fun recreational drink), but Lance was already grabbing the container of clear liquid.
"Seriously? You guys think water is poisonous?"
"THAT IS DIHYDROGEN MONOXIDE AND YOU SHOULD BE DEAD TEN TIMES OVER!" the commander screamed in the Terran's face. Said Terran sighed.
"Bud, humans need dihydrogen monoxide, or water as we call it, in order to survive. Our planet is literally 70% of this stuff. It rains this stuff. We sweat this stuff. I told you that there weren't any methods that could get me to talk. Now pass over those mint leaves and whatever else you think should kill me. I want to save it for Hunk so we can have some food that actually has flavor for once."
The alarms blared before any of the soldiers or higher-up could respond. All personnel rushed from the room, desperate to leave the human behind. Lance was perfectly happy to wait. Chances are they would forget about Pidge due to his terror tactics, and that meant that the sentries would-
Yep, there they were, powering down. The others must've been spotted on the cameras while getting the female Paladin out. Lance got to his feet, whistling a merry tune. He put all the containers and the plate back into the box, closing the lid. With a small heave, he began his way out, carrying his cargo towards where the Lions were most likely to be held.
About five minutes into his rather casual escape, Keith and Pidge came barreling around a corner. The smaller one let out a sigh of relief, pleased to see her brother-in-arms unharmed. Both showed confusion at the box, but neither questioned it, reserving that for later when they weren't on an enemy ship. Instead, they each grabbed a side of the Blue Paladin and his cargo, and took off once more for the exit route.
It took them an hour to get back to the Castle, between lugging the box back to the Green Lion, taking care of any soldiers between them and their escape, and getting rid of the cruisers. Lance immediately disembarked the robotic feline and headed for the kitchen, box in his arms. The other Paladins followed after, curious as to what was so important their comrade risked his freedom to obtain it. Pidge and Keith also wanted to get the story of how Lance wasn't locked up or injured in any way when they found him.
In the kitchen, the Blue Paladin of Voltron began unloading the contents of his prize, and Pidge immediately whipped out a scanner. Her face lit up at the sight of her screen, recognizing what the information was saying about the 'poisons'.
"No. Way," she whispered, looking up at Lance with the biggest smile ever. "No. Quiznacking. WAY! OH MY GLOB, YOU FOUND EARTH FOOD!"
"That's Earth food?" Hunk picked up.
"Quiznack yeah! No more tasteless goop!"
"You risked not escaping to get food?"
"Shiro," Lance called, silencing the chaos that was rising. "I told them that we Paladins are trained in the art of torture and can withstand both our own pain and watching each other in pain. Told them that there wasn't anything they had that could hurt us enough to break our wills." Shiro blanched for a moment before he realized what that meant. The Galra would always take whatever the Paladins said as truth. "That commander that tried to torture me thought he had some great way to break me... Poison."
"They thought these were poisons?" Keith asked incredulously. Lance nodded.
"Not only did it let me know that they don't know anything about humans who train against torture, but also nothing about human biology. I mean, even if all of this was actually toxic to us, a lot of people that learn to resist torture build up immunities to poison as well. They know nothing about us. And guess what, Hunk?"
"Hmm?" Hunk's eyes caught the mischievous glint in his bro's eyes. This was gonna be good.
"The first thing they gave me... a scoop of capsaicin."
"No way." Matching grins spread on the duo's faces. At the Garrison, in their first three months there, Lance would eat jalepenos with every meal thanks to the large variety of food the cafeteria provided. A benefit of going to a prestigious school that felt a little bad about how hard it pushed its students. He kept eating the peppers at every meal and as snacks for his entire school experience, but in those first three months, the other students couldn't seem to believe it. Some thought he was exaggerating his tolerance of spiciness, and some wanted to see how much he could handle. Soon enough, there were kids buying the spiciest foods and peppers they could, then going up to Lance at meals or between classes to bet against him eating it. Every single time, Lance would accept the bet, devour the food, and pull the money from his stunned peers' fingers. Several occasions, he was late to Iverson's class and was seen towing whatever frozen kid had bet that time behind him. Iverson hated it when that happened, mostly because every other student vouched that it wasn't Lance's fault and that he was probably suffering an awful burning sensation at that very moment. He wasn't.
By the end of those three months, he had gained over $3,000 from the bets, and the faculty couldn't do anything. He split the money with Hunk, especially when his roommate used that money to buy spices for food he would always share with the Cuban. Throughout the rest of the school year, whenever someone new transferred in, the other students convinced them to do a bet as well, if only so they could watch someone else suffer as they had suffered. It continued the next year as a tradition, with former peers tricking both younger and older kids to bet, and some bringing in items they had saved just for that occasion. Pidge was never tricked into betting, due to her insistence on being alone, and neither was Keith, because he was an extreme loner that no one could seem to befriend.
Hunk and Lance therefore both knew that there was no way aliens, who couldn't handle capsaicin, who had practically tasteless food because of their intolerances, could somehow give Lance something spicy enough to hurt him in any way.
"Someone want to clue us in?" Pidge asked, eyeing the rest of the Garrison Trio.
"Did you ever hear about the Spice King?" Hunk shot back, as way of a response.
"I did," Keith interjected. "I never met them, but I heard that it was someone who could eat anything from bell peppers to Carolina Reapers and still make it to class on time."
"Oh, I think I did, too," Pidge exclaimed. "I heard in passing, but I was so obsessed back then that I never found out anything more than they existed."
"Well, the Spice King was a kid in our year," Hunk started. "He was this dude who could indeed eat anything spicy. The only reason he was ever late to class was because he made sure that whoever gave him the food got there as well. They almost always froze up because he would just accept what they gave and eat it on the spot. Kids in our year bet against him every day, multiple times on some. The dude earned a few thousand because they wouldn't stop. Usually, students would convince others to bet against him just because they wanted it to be done by everyone. Happened every year as well."
"Adam told me about that kid. Apparently, the teachers couldn't do anything to stop the betting. It wasn't gambling because the outcome was always the same and it wasn't like anything was being sold. Do you know who he is?" Shiro had his arms crossed as he stared curiously at the Yellow Paladin, who was now beaming in excitement.
"It was Lance."
Silence.
"The Galra tried to feed me, the Spice King, a spoonful of spice to make me give them information. Apparently, it was supposed to burn really badly. It wasn't even that bad. Barely jalepeno level. And then the commander went for some really dark liquid, and at that point, I was like 'if they think capsaicin is poison, what else do they got that is poison to them, but not to me' and so I just took the beaker from them and downed it. It turned out to be black tea, and I just gave up on the whole pretending to be a prisoner because they thought I was gonna die from caffeine. Caffeine. If I remember correctly, I had soda, water, pineapple, and a bit of alcohol, but- but," Lance held up a hand to stop Shiro's lecture, "I only chugged it because I didn't know what it was and I stopped the moment that I realized it was ethanol. Although, to be honest, it was really watered down. Well, not watered down, because water is supposedly toxic, but it was real weak. Like, a preteen could probably drink that entire beaker and it wouldn't do anything. It's right... here." He pushed the glass container towards Shiro, knowing that the man would want the alcohol away from children and near his own mouth. The dude was a tired dad in every sense. "Anyways, they got really terrified, especially when I kept making remarks about Terran uses for each 'poison', so all the Galra rushed out the moment the alarm went off, and then Pidge shut the sentries down so I just packed up the box and brought it along. I thought we'd all enjoy some flavor in our food. I also wanted- no, I needed the spice. Spice is life."
Shiro sighed, and picked up the beaker of ethanol, plainly about to down the entire thing. He was prevented from doing so - and the others were prevented from asking their burning questions - by a high-pitched, very terrified voice.
"PUT THAT DOWN, NUMBER ONE! IT'S HIGHLY TOXIC!"
"WHY IS THERE A BOX OF POISONS ON THE TABLE? GET THEM PUT AWAY, QUICKLY!"
"NUMBER THREE, STEP AWAY FROM THEM, YOU'LL BE DEAD IN TICKS IF THOSE TOUCH YOU!"
"Woah, woah, guys, it's okay," Shiro attempted to calm the Alteans.
"IT IS VERY MUCH NOT OKAY! WHY DID YOU EVEN BRING THOSE ABOARD?"
"PUT THE BEAKER DOWN, NUMBER ONE! WE NEED YOU ALIVE! THINK OF YOUR CHILDREN!"
"QUIET!" the Black Paladin snapped, patience running out like a little kid runs out of Halloween candy. The aliens fell silent, staring in shock at the leader of Voltron. Said man held out the glass, tipped it slightly in a cheers that showed the liquid quite clearly, then swiftly pulled it to his lips and drank the entire thing in one go. Allura and Coran both gasped in terror, eyes comically wide as they could only gape at the human. Shiro finished the drink off with a satisfied exhale, his own eyes closing for a moment as he simply took in the moment.
"Well, you were right about it being weak. I don't think an entire barrel of that stuff could make me so much as dizzy. And princess, Coran, this stuff isn't poisonous. At least, the- uh... Lance, what's the stuff that's in what you had?"
"Bromelain, caffeine, capsaicin, dihydrogen monoxide, ethanol, and carbonation."
"Those aren't poisonous to humans. They're actually considered common foods and drinks on Earth. Once Pidge finishes scanning it all, Hunk'll probably include it in our meals. No offense to either of you, but your food is awful. It's so bland that I once licked a rock I found on a planet just because it was salty and took away from the horrible taste that goo left in my mouth."
"Oh, I remember that," Keith put in. "That's why we got those salt-licks from the Earth store at our last mall trip."
"You- how are you not dead?" Allura finally blurted out, face tinging blue.
"Ethanol, or alcohol as we humans call it, is a large part of human culture. It used to be safer to consume products with ethanol than it was to consume just water, so people gained higher tolerances to it. It still affects us, and we can still die, but if it's taken in moderation and you wait until your body is fully matured, the effects are extremely minimal. Even now that most people have access to clean water, alcohol consumption is a common recreational activity. That said, Lance, you better drink lots of water. However weak that stuff was, I don't want to risk anything." Lance nodded as Coran spoke up.
"You consume ethanol, a known poison, which is still considered toxic to humans, for fun?" A nod answered. "What about the C18H27NO3? And the C39H66N2O29? C8H10N4O2? H2O?"
"Translation?"
"Capsaicin, bromelain, caffeine, and water."
"Oh, well, capsaicin is a poison found in peppers and I think a few other plants. Humans use it as a seasoning, and depending on where each person is from and how they grew up, tolerance levels vary. For example, Lance can eat a pepper that burns your hands severely. His tolerance is really high, probably one of the highest I've heard of. He was famous at the Garrison for it. On the other hand, I can barely handle a jalapeno, which is a pretty mild in comparison. Scratch that, it is very mild when compared to a Carolina Reaper."
"Bromelain is known to be toxic as well. But for us humans, it usually only causes a tingling or itching in the mouth, occasionally mild reactions in our stomachs as well. Our saliva and stomach acids digest the bromelain before it digests us, and so many people enjoy consuming pineapple, which contains bromelain, as a snack. There's even this big, extremely long dispute about whether pineapple should be put on pizza or not. Personally, we all had that discussion, and have agreed to each their own."
"Caffeine is commonly found in coffee and some teas, and in many sodas, which are all beverages. Chocolate is a treat that also can contain caffeine, and it's eaten by basically everyone who isn't allergic. Caffeine has been known to have adverse effects on people, but it's much like ethanol: consume in moderation and it won't do as much harm. It's actually used to help people focus and become more aware of their surroundings. What I wouldn't give for a cup of coffee."
"Black?"
"Common misconception. I actually enjoy mochas."
"Nice, but have you tried a con panna?"
"I was going to but my plan was derailed by a certain Empire of purple aliens."
"We have to get coffee at the Earth store. Or maybe a poison store. I mean, if caffeine is poison, the odds are good it'll be there. Then, Kaltenecker and I are making you the best con panna ever." Allura cleared her throat to gain Shiro's attention once more.
"What about dihydrogen monoxide? How is that considered nontoxic?" All five humans exchanged amused looks, chuckles slipping out at the chaos they were about to unleash.
"Princess, dihydrogen monoxide covers 71% of our planet. Most weather revolves around it and humans are actually made up of 60% water, with our brains being about three-quarters of water. We need to consume dihydrogen monoxide to live. I think the only reason we didn't die from dehydration is because the Castle started producing water for us. Really glad, too. Dehydration is an awful way to go."
"Your water is dihydrogen monoxide?"
"What's your water?"
"We Alteans did not have water. It's only translated because of other races and their need for liquids. Coran and I gain most of our fluids from goo and hydration pouches."
"Okay, so what does dihydrogen monoxide do to most species?"
"Number One... think instant death."
"Can we put this aside for now?" Hunk called out. He was holding the spice in his hands, running his fingers like it was solid gold.
"What're planning on making?" And just like that, the Alteans and their dismay were left behind to discuss something else. Allura and Coran exchanged looks and swiftly left once again to the control room, pulling up their new log.
Humans are extremely resistant to toxins. Many chemicals in Terran foods and drinks are highly poisonous to most other races. A list of known poisons in Terran victuals is included below. Some of these are actually harmful to humans, yet they will still be consumed. Once again, a list is included of these chemicals. Important chemicals to remember for the care of humans are caffeine and ethanol. Caffeine can be used to bring a human into a more alert and focused state. Effectiveness is yet to be discovered, and the chemical should be given in extreme moderation until more data is collected. Ethanol is known to be harmful to Terrans, but is still used as a recreational drink. Sparingly give to humans, and only when they are stressed or somber. It is a rule that only fully matured humans are allowed to consume this beverage, given the harmful effects.
Dihydrogen monoxide covers a little under 3/4 of Earth's surface, and is necessary for the survival of humans. Under no circumstances is it to be kept away from a Terran who requests the substance. Terran weather usually includes dihydrogen monoxide, so caution is advised when visiting Earth. Until further information is gathered, avoiding visiting the planet at all would be prudent. Be warned that humans are 60% dihydrogen monoxide, so touching a human's skin or fluids would be very dangerous and should be prevented at all costs, especially if a being is unprotected and/or particularly susceptible to the substance. Humans will likely not realize they are covered in poison, so it is best if they are reminded each time they meet with a being from another race, until they remember on their own.
Data is still being collected about this species. Approach with caution.
"What the heck, Coran?" Lance's shout echoed through the hallways. When more, less coherent shouts continued from the Blue Paladin, probably directed at Coran, the other Paladins followed the noise curiously.
In the middle of the medbay, laying on the floor, Lance was struggling to get Coran's hands off of his leg. The Altean seemed to be trying to drag the boy into a healing pod, only stopped by the death grip the human had on a nearby table. It was definitely a good thing all the tables were magnetized to the floor to avoid movement.
"Coran, I told you, I'm fine!" Lance screamed at the alien. "I don't need a healing pod!"
"You shouted gibberish and didn't react to something shocking!" Coran countered. "For you, that's all that is needed to warrant at least a scan!"
"That was one time! We were in the middle of a battle!"
"You didn't come in afterwards!"
"REFUGEES NEED IT MORE THAN ME!"
"YOU ARE A PALADIN! YOU ARE DEFINITELY IMPORTANT ENOUGH AND YOU WERE DEFINITELY INJURED ENOUGH TO WARRANT PRIORITY!"
"GUYS!" Shiro hollered over the two of them. The duo froze, staring at the Black Paladin. Both seemed extremely hopeful that he would support their side of the argument. "What is going on? Lance first, mostly because this might be another 'humans can do weird things'."
"Coran and I were just cleaning the healing pods, and you're not supposed to keep using one of the rags if it gets to a certain level of dirty. So, I'm over here," Lance pointed to the left-most side, "Coran's over there," he pointed to the right, "and he's got the bucket we're supposed to put the rags in when they're done. And I just finished my rag, and I don't want to walk all the way over there, then all the way back, just to put it in the bucket. So I ball it up, toss it into the bucket from where I'm sitting, and shout, 'Kobe!' Coran turns right as this happens, and his eyes went all wide, then the next thing I know, he's tackling me and demanding I go into the healing pod."
"Coran, what's your side of the story?"
"Why aren't you questioning his side?" Coran asked instead.
"What d'you mean?"
"He claims to have thrown something from there to there and hit his target," the Altean gestured as he spoke, "and says he shouted some form of gibberish as he did, and you aren't challenging it."
"Well, sure, it's a bit hard to believe someone made that shot, but Lance has good aim. And 'Kobe' is what some people shout when they throw and make the shot. It isn't that strange."
"So Lance has been trained in throwing?"
"... I'm beginning to think this is something that has to do with us being humans and you being Altean."
"What is this about throwing?" Allura walked into the room, pausing to give both Coran and Lance an appraising look.
"OF COURSE!" Pidge yelled suddenly. The entire group turned to stare at her, confused. Seeing this, she launched into an explanation.
"We've already learned that humans are a lot different than most aliens, maybe all. We have high tolerances to things that are considered deadly, we adapt to new environments and temperatures with ease, we literally consider living with other predators that aren't sentient to be completely normal. It would make sense that Alteans..." Pidge paused for the drama, "...are like primates." Lance, Hunk, and Keith all let out noises of understanding, though Shiro, Allura, and Coran remained confused. Lance clicked his tongue, ignoring the weird looks he got from his alien peers, and instead started his own explanation.
"In the Garrison, we had an entire biology unit dedicated to the fact that humans are extremely unique compared to Earth animals. One of the biggest discussion topics was the one about how primates, our closest biological counterparts, can't throw things very well. But humans..." Lance stopped, jerking his leg from Coran's grasp, and stood. He grabbed a small roll of bandages, then turned sharply.
"Catch!" Hunk caught the roll, tossing it to Shiro quickly. The leader snatched it from the air on reflex, chucking it at Keith's head, who then lobbed it at Pidge. The motions quickly escalated into a game of hot potato, though there was no timer. Lance almost dropped the bandages when Hunk faked throwing it at Shiro again, before instead flinging it towards his buddy. The Cuban caught it with his foot, bouncing it up into his hands and launching it back at his bro.
The Alteans watched on, frozen in abject shock. They had been so sure that most of the Paladins had never completed their training, but here they saw that the humans could throw with extreme speed and precision. If it was something they all could do, then it was no wonder Shiro didn't question Lance's accuracy.
"When did you all learn to throw?"
"Two! Booyah!" Lance cheered as he flung the roll into the bin where it was meant to be.
"You are very skilled for having learned two decaphoebs ago. Or rather, less than two, given your strange times," Coran praised. The humans shared weird looks with each other, preparing themselves for what was about to happen.
"Um, Coran," the Blue Paladin began. "I didn't learn two decaphoebs or two years ago."
"Then what did you mean by two?" Allura inquired, curiosity piqued.
"I learned when I was two years old."
"You learned... how to throw... with speed and accuracy... at less than two decaphoebs old?"
"Yep. It's a little early, but my brothers wanted me to start practicing so I could join some sports when I grew up. Probably why I'm the sharpshooter now."
"How do you say that so casually?" Allura demanded. "It takes decaphoebs of experience to learn to throw with even a little accuracy. Alteans and Galrans can throw with some speed because of our strength, but even then, we cannot throw much more than a few meters. Coran can throw due to practicing since he began his training, but he misses a quarter of the time."
"Well, humans have the natural ability to throw with a bit of speed and accuracy, and we have a lot of activities that are based on that fact. Sports like basketball, baseball, football, ultimate frisbee, all of them require being able to throw. I learned to throw better at a younger age, but things like a simple game of catch is pretty simple. What we just did was easy because we aren't that far from each other and there are only so many directions that we'll aim for." Hunk shrugged as he finished his answer. He had been the most involved in that unit of the Garrison.
"You all can throw because of biology? Not training?"
"I mean, if we want to throw better, we still have to practice, but yeah, that's the basics of it all. Watch. Lance, go long!" Hunk tugged off his shoe, waited for his bro to reach a certain spot, then hurled it through the air. With a small jump, the Cuban caught the shoe and threw it at the ground.
"WOOHOO! I LOVE THIS DAY!"
"Lance enjoys catching and throwing things more than a lot of activities. Do it enough and he's basically a dog. I once literally played a game of fetch with him because he was having a depressed day. Perked right up and I could barely keep up for the rest of the day."
"Perhaps we should include throwing in our training, then," Coran suggested. The next moment, the Altean was receiving a hug from behind as Lance laughed ecstatically.
"¡Gracias, gracias, gracias!"
"What?"
"He's saying thank you. Lance, let go and I'll find a stick for you."
"Puedo ser humano, pero mi alma es un perro."
"Si hermano. Now let go of Coran." Lance did so, racing out of the room with Hunk trailing afterwards. Pidge and Keith followed, wanting to see if their comrade would actually play fetch with a stick, and Shiro hesitated before tagging along, not keen on an actual injury happening.
"Coran, I believe it is yet again time to update the guide."
"Indeed."
Humans have the ability to throw with amazing speed and accuracy, developed from a young age. They are born with a larger natural aptitude for throwing, and improve upon it as they mature. If the word 'Kobe' is heard, assume that a Terran has thrown an object and most likely hit their target. Some humans enjoy throwing and catching objects more than is considered usual. These humans are likely to be more proficient at throwing, and should be given many opportunities to practice their skills.
Terrans also sometimes participate in competitive games called 'sports' or simple recreational games called 'catch'. These are based off their throwing abilities, and often including passing a specific item between players via throwing. Do not get directly between two or more players, as, while humans will often change their targets, they may be attempting a pass at that moment and the speed at which they throw could cause physical harm. Do not distract a player for this same reason.
Both Alteans and Galrans would need to train for over twenty decaphoebs to be at the same skill level as many mature humans are naturally. For an example of this, a clip is included of the Paladins of Voltron, who are all Terran, playing a game of 'catch'.
"C'mon Keith! Just follow the instructions! When I say Vol, you say Tron! VOL-"
"Voltron?" Lance facepalmed for what felt like the millionth time, a headache already forming once again. He'd been trying for a week to get his teammate to understand the chant, but he just couldn't get it! It was frustrating beyond belief.
"PALADINS! THE GALRA ARE APPROACHING! TO YOUR LIONS!" Allura's voice rang out from the speakers in the hallways, and both Paladins wasted no time rushing to their hangars. Shiro was already out and racing towards their enemies, and Lance and Keith followed soon after. Hunk was the last one out, once more complaining about the stupid zipline not supporting his weight.
There were three cruisers advancing on the group, and fighter jets rushed towards the humans in droves. The team began blasting immediately, explosions lighting up the nearby space more than the stars and the Castle's light. They fought hard, but it was obvious they couldn't do much individually.
"We need Voltron!" Shiro called out, and the group went into formation. As they did, an idea struck Lance.
"WHAT TEAM?" he screamed as they merged.
"WILDCATS!" four voices screamed back. The Paladins felt the rush of confidence that came from the simple call and response, and it was enough to let them finish off the Galran ships in only a few minutes.
The humans boarded the Castle laughing, meeting in the lounge with grins firmly in place.
"Lance, that was perfect," Hunk told his friend, pulling the other into a side-hug. "I can't believe none of us have done that sooner."
"Well, I thought it was better than the Voltron chant," the Blue Paladin responded, eyeing Keith.
"That one actually makes sense," the boy said defensively, arms crossed.
"That's why I think it's better. The Voltron one makes sense to most of us, this one makes sense to all of us."
"Excuse me," a voice interrupted. The Paladins turned towards Allura, only now noticing she had entered the room. Both her and Coran seemed rather confused. "But, who are the Wildcats? They are a team? Of what?" Pidge smirked at the princess, glasses glinting in the artificial lighting.
"Schools on Earth sometimes have names that they call their students in a general sense, and their sports teams are named after that. There's a school with kids called Wildcats, so their basketball team is called the Wildcats. However, actual wildcats are just what the name says. Cats that are wild, as in known to be vicious and not meant to be around humans much if at all."
"And what are cats?"
"Small feline predators with sharp claws and teeth, impeccable balance, night vision, and a strong hunting instinct. Their tongues have small hooks on them to help rip the meat from their prey's bones, and they can jump really high or far when they pounce. Humans domesticated some, creating smaller variants called housecats. We also took lions and tigers, two incredibly dangerous and very big cats, and bred them together to make an animal that can't even reproduce. Some big cats are kept as pets or in captivity in zoos and stuff, and they could kill us in seconds. But they're fluffy and occasionally very sweet, so we keep attempting to befriend or domesticate them more than we already have."
Allura and Coran were silent. And horrified. Very very very horrified.
"You keep these creatures in your homes?" Allura finally asked, eyes wide and seeming to be unable to comprehend what had been said. To be fair, Pidge had made it sound rather terrifying, or at least caused unease to her fellow humans. Lance was the only one unaffected. He blamed Tumblr.
"Yeah, of course we do," Lance commented, joining the fun. "Same with dogs. Those are canine predators that rely more on strength than agility when hunting. They're used for hunting, pest control, disability management, companionship, and pretty much anything else we could think of. They travel in packs more often than felines, and the wilder canines are wolves and coyotes. Unlike housecats, dogs can get really big. I mean, English Mastiffs are absolutely huge, and that's just one breed. Dogs are more likely to be kept as pets because they're generally considered friendlier, though nowadays it's a 50-50 chance. And that's just dogs and cats that's being counted. If you put in all of the other types of animals, snakes - reptiles that don't have legs and some are venomous, and some just literally squeeze the life out of you - and lizards - basically snakes with legs that don't use constriction but instead sometimes use their tongues or claws and just latch on - and frogs - the poison dart frog is tiny but deadly - and all sorts of birds, from eagles that dive at high speeds and snatch prey off the ground to parrots that can mimic sounds so well people have mistaken them for sirens or babies crying. Humans like taking the animals that could kill us and making them pets so that we can enjoy how cute they look. Or just feel kickbutt when our boa constrictor hisses at bullies but no one can get rid of it because it's a certified service animal."
"Princey was terrifying."
"Hunk, you only thought that because he tried to hug you before I explained that he does things like that."
"HE WAS TRYING TO MURDER ME!"
"HE WAS SAD WHEN YOU STARTED SCREAMING AND HE JUSTED WANTED TO SHOW THAT HE ACCEPTED YOU AS MY FRIEND! HE WAS GIVING YOU HIS BLESSING! HE SULKED FOR THREE DAYS AFTER YOU REJECTED HIM, HUNK! IT WASN'T MURDER!"
"ATTEMPTED MURDER!"
The argument escalated, with questions tossed in by the other humans about why Lance needed a service animal and why a boa constrictor and why Princey and more. Most questions were ignored in favor of the shouting match between the two bros. Shiro put a stop to it when Pidge and Keith looked at him for guidance. After all, the Yellow and Blue Paladins never fought. Ever. And now they were fighting about something obscure and personal.
The Alteans left the moment the teens raised their voices, heading directly for the control room.
"Coran, pull up a new log, and please make sure none of the Paladins can access it. A secure file for just you and I, at least at the moment."
"Of course, princess! And what should I label it?"
"A Guide To Humans." The log was created and pulled up, and both aliens stood at the computer. Together, they inputted their newly learned facts, agreeing that they would never understand their Terran companions, but they may as well try. Especially if they somehow found living with other predators to be normal and beneficial, and yet could make it sound absolutely horrifying.
Humans live with many different predators from their home world that are domesticated for different uses. These uses are listed below as they are discovered. Fauna that are considered 'normal' or 'okay' to be kept within a home, as 'pets', will also be listed and described. Beware, as the human's normalcy for having these creatures may cause their analysis of other 'alien' creatures' danger level to be incorrect or considerably lower than the official assessment.
If in a battle and struggling, verbalizing the question, "What team?" (preferably in a raised and/or enthusiastic voice) will result in any Terrans to respond with the word "wildcats" (at an extremely increased volume) and an aura of confidence within the humans. This most likely can be used every battle with continual effects, and will leave the humans with increased success and higher dopamine levels. It will also unify any Terrans, so there is a possible use in causing multiple groups of the beings to join together, despite any previous disputes or separations.
On all accounts, proceed with caution until new data can be collected to verify the information and theories presented here.
Lance tugged at the suit he wore, hating it with every fiber of his being. Ever since the Alteans found out humans are mostly water, they insisted that the Paladins wear special suits that covered from their necks to their ankles to avoid a catastrophe. Allura and Shiro were to explain the situation, and arrangements would be made to let the Paladins wear normal clothes if possible. They'd been lucky so far that no one had died from something like a handshake. But the suits were skintight to avoid any water escaping too early, and Lance hated it.
It was sunny as well, so Lance desperately wanted to be free from the fabric that regulated his temperature. It made him feel constantly at a neutral point, and he just wanted to feel the blaze of heat from sunlight and bask in the warm glow. It took nearly half an hour to even get past the pleasantries and another two hours to get the arrangements set up. The humans were escorted to an open pavilion, like a gazebo, where there were several pitchers of water for the Terrans to drink, and every diplomat that came with had full-covering clothing to protect their skin. The Paladins were given a place to change, and Allura made the mistake of saying that they could wear whatever they wanted seeing as they worked so hard protecting the universe that the diplomats did all the safety work.
It wasn't a mistake to Lance, but it was to the aliens.
Lance forwent the shirt and jacket, instead putting them with his suit. He was glad he had managed to find some old Altean clothing and make shorts out of a pair of blue pants. He slipped the shorts on and sprinted back to the gazebo to find his fellow Paladins in much different attire. That is to say that they were wearing their normal clothing and Hunk was the only one to not wear the full outfit. All he'd done was take off the vest.
"Lance, what are you wearing?" Allura seemed perturbed by his lack of covering, but the Cuban ignored her, instead finally leaving the shade and flopping down on the purple space grass. It was softer than regular grass, like silk or one of those really soft blankets. The teen hummed at the feeling of sun warming his body, soaking up every ray like a lizard.
His peace was interrupted by the screams of the diplomats and Allura. He wondered why until a guard ran forward with some sort of umbrella that held a shield all the way around the being's body. None of the aliens had been in the sun. Coran had mentioned in the briefing that the sun was out for only about a quarter of their year, meaning they had no natural adaption for the heat and radiation. The guard had almost reached Lance when the Paladin launched to his feet and took off running away from the shade. He was a Cuban boy, and he loved the sun. Humans were already terrifying, what was one more thing like this. It wasn't even that weird considering the solar cycles of Earth.
As Lance was being chased down by now several severely concerned and mildly fearful guards with umbrella shields, Pidge managed to get the diplomats to calm down by saying she was a scientist and could explain it all. Although some looked stunned that she said she was a scientist. Maybe they had social castes or something? They wouldn't understand being both a warrior and a scholar. Research for another time.
"How is the Blue Paladin handling the heat? Not even the adaptive nature of the Alteans can adjust from the shade to the scorching temperature."
"Earth has several climates. Lance is from one that is more hot and that's why his skin is darker as well. He can handle the heat just fine because he grew up with a similar temperature. Next question."
"How can he also handle the cold of the shade then? Even if he could withstand it temporarily, he should be stiff from the lower temperature, and he spent over two vargas in it."
"Humans can handle temperatures ranging from -40 to 50 degrees Celsius, which Allura can calculate better for you. We prefer the 0 to 30 degree range, and many humans can live in most climates on Earth. There aren't many places that aren't inhabited at this point, and part of that is due to our ability to adapt to new environments with relative ease. Next."
"How many climates?"
"Hundreds, next."
"What are the worst? To give us a better view of your extremes."
"Some places have active volcanos, so we have to be careful of the molten rock they spew. We have tectonic plates, which cause earthquakes and can bring down entire cities. Our Poles are extremely cold, under -60 degrees at least. Next."
"Some of you live near active volcanoes?"
"Yeah, and we swim in the nearby groundwater because it has good minerals for us. Next."
"Your planet has earthquakes? And they can level entire cities?"
"Yeah, but that's our fault. We built them on fault lines. Next."
"Did you learn your lesson?"
"Yeah, when the buildings fell down, we built them back up better than ever. Next."
"You rebuilt the cities in the same spots?"
"Yes, next."
"How did you find out your Poles were so cold? From what our scientists know of Terra, it's rather undeveloped comparatively."
"We sent people. Before you ask, yes, the first few groups died, and yes, we sent more with only slightly better equipment. Humans are curious about our world, and we'll do a lot to discover more. Next."
"Why is the Blue Paladin refusing the shade if he can handle the cold?"
"We live on the Castle, and only get a simulated version of sunlight. It's not often that we get to relax a bit and enjoy our surroundings. Lance misses the sun and its heat, so he doesn't want the shade. He wants to sunbathe, like a snake or a cat or something. Call the guards off and you'll see." The diplomats, somehow managing their fear of and for the humans and their planet, did just that.
"Lance, you're free to tan!" Hunk shouted over. Lance, trusting his bro, skidded to a halt, then let himself fall backwards. He wasn't too far from the group in the gazebo, having had to run circles around the guards. Hopefully Allura didn't notice that the guards were rather undertrained. They could barely maintain the chase! And they couldn't turn very well.
The diplomats and Allura watched with fascination as the Terran boy simply laid on the grass, eyes closed and letting the sun shine directly on him.
"Feeling better, buddy?"
"Mi hermano, we better get these allies! I'm not giving up this chance!" Hunk laughed, especially when Shiro received questions as to what Lance meant.
"He's saying he's glad you have sunlight and it's another reason that we should be allies. Mostly a joke."
"But why?"
Lance paid the conversations no mind. He only moved when Hunk yelled, "Turn!" at him. It was something they came up with so Lance never got close to burning. He would flip over whenever the call went out. The Cuban laid through the entire peace talk and treaty signing and whatnot, and groaned in displeasure when he was told it was time to go.
He was up on his feet in a second once Pidge said she'd taken some time while waiting for Allura and Shiro to finish up calculating how to fix the fake sunlight that gave them Vitamin D on the Castle. More sun, whenever he wanted, and it wasn't the weak sauce of the giant Altean ship? Yes please!
Feeling much better than before, Lance ran over to the group, refusing the shirt Hunk tried to give him. It was a halfhearted attempt, given that the Samoan knew his bro wouldn't want it in the first place. The team of Terrans headed back to the Castle, this time taking the sunny route. The diplomats and Allura remained in the shade, discussing some less political topics. One in particular came up.
"Is there any way to obtain more information about Terrans? We would never have known that the Paladins were so adaptable and biologically dangerous if you and the Green Paladin had not told us."
"Actually," Allura smiled warmly, "my advisor and I are compiling a log. 'A Guide to Humans', we titled it. I can give you viewing access, although, I must warn you. Almost all of our information is in the preliminary stage. We know next to nothing about humans and their planet, and we may find that some of the data is false. An example that recently happened was that we found Terrans have strong tolerances to quite a few poisons. But we had to update the log a second time after investigating further and discovering that only some of them have strong tolerances. Most have mild tolerances, but only a few can handle some toxins in larger amounts."
"Which poisons?"
"I believe it would be better if I simply sent you the log."
A varga later, Allura and Coran were adding a few new sections to their guide.
Due to the many different climates that somehow coexist on Earth, humans have a large range of temperatures they can tolerate, along with having the ability to adapt to a new temperature very quickly. On the Terran scale labeled 'Celsius', humans can handle temperatures from -40 to 50 degrees, with their comfortable range being about 0 to 30 degrees. Some humans prefer warmer temperatures and some prefer colder, depending on where they were raised.
To elaborate on the different climates Earth sustains, there are a few extremes that should be made known. Some populaces live near active volcanos, occasionally submerging themselves in the dihydrogen monoxide found nearby the deadly formations. They claim to do it for the beneficial properties found in the substance. Another climate is the freezing cold of Earth's poles. They are, at their warmest temperatures, 0 degrees or less. Humans, with their still young technological advancements, deemed their curiosity of the poles a worthy cause to send groups of their own people to the frozen locations. After the deaths of their initial teams, they sent more.
Earth also has tectonic plates, and earthquakes are common enough that Terrans often pass off the tremors as normal. Some cities are built on fault lines, and are damaged by larger quakes. Humans, instead of doing what most races would and relocating, rebuild their cities in the same places with better foundations.
Be receptive to suggestions a human may give about how to handle a new climate. They likely have a good knowledge of how to withstand different temperatures and how to handle the unfamiliar conditions. If a human requests specific equipment for the trip, it would be best to supply. Most Terrans will never risk the safety of themselves and others to extort the goodwill of another being. The younger a Terran is, the less likely they are to be greedy in those situations, unless the Terran is not fully matured, in which case they will not understand the circumstances well.
The Paladins had once again won an intense battle. It had been on the planet Cygoth, which was home to a group of humanoids. The Cygi, as they were called, had skin in shades of pale pinks and purples and blues. Their heads were like those of bald humans, but with upside down ears and eyes like felines. Instead of five fingers and five toes, the Cygi had four fingers and six toes, to aid them in their strange environment, along with bug-like wings that hid under hard green and yellow shells.
Said environment was one with 'extreme weather conditions' and 'toxic' rain. The Cygi lived in caves that were on a large cliffside. Since the elements often got within the rocks and all the animals were terrestrial and highly territorial, the aliens would hang upside down and crawl across the ceilings like spiders. They also collected rare minerals that grew down to build their homes and helped them grow food in their strange way of living.
It was these minerals that the Galra wanted. Stronger than 98.97% of all other metals or rocks, they could be used to create impenetrable ships and armor. The Cygi had called Voltron to Cygoth to aid them in protecting their resources and freedom. After they had succeeded, and it became clear that the team only wanted to help, no reward necessary, the leader of the Cygi offered an alliance. New armor and some upgrades for the Paladins and Castle, an increased amount of trade for the aliens, and a plethora of allies for both because of their union.
The talks were boring, and the four younger Paladins found themselves quickly becoming inattentive. Lance got them excused and Pidge ran straight to the edge of the central cave, ignoring how the Cygi were suddenly watching them keenly. It was likely to avoid the Terrans getting attacked by the fauna or killed by the 'toxic' rain that was cascading down just outside. A device was pulled from the depths of the Green Paladin's armor to scan the substance pouring from the atmosphere, and they all peered over the girl's shoulder tensely.
The screen lit up in green.
"HECK YEAH!" Keith shouted, his voice echoing loudly against the stone walls. "Nontoxic!"
"C'mon, Paladudes!" Lance waved his hand at the others in a beckoning motion. "It's time to explore this world and turn Shiro's hair whiter than before!"
The kids dashed forward towards the more organic part of the planet's surface, but paused and turned at the sound of buzzing.
A large group of Cygi were heading straight for the humans, frantic expressions and furiously beating wings drawing the Paladins' attention. It seemed that the team's newest allies were more knowledgeable about their intentions, and were attempting to avoid what they assumed was a dangerous situation.
The teens were not about to let that happen.
"BREAK FOR IT!" Hunk screamed, and there was no way that Shiro and Allura didn't hear that. They only had a few minutes before they would be caught in their escape. The humans dashed for the entrance, and Keith was definitely gonna make it. Pidge wasn't, and Hunk was a coin toss, so Lance took action. The self-sacrificing idiot.
The Blue Paladin grabbed his smaller friend and threw her at his bro.
"CATCH!" The cook caught the child easily, still sprinting to freedom. But the action left Lance behind the herd and much closer to the Cygi. It became obvious how close when his feet left the ground.
"What the flippity floppity flapjack‽ WOAH!" The flying aliens were swift to bring the Terran over to the suspended platform where Shiro, Allura, and all the diplomats were staring down from. It was from there that the kids had originally climbed down the rungs of the strange ladder to get to the floor. "Ah, you lily-livered sons of witches! You snackers! Oh, tick-tack snick-snack frick-frack paddlywack! My father will hear about this, you barnacle-covered Caprisun knock-offs! I'll steal your kneecaps and eat your curtains! You moldy walnuts!" He continued spouting off insults as he was carried over to his leaders, smiling slightly at the look of exasperation on Shiro's face. His words stopped the moment his feet hit the mioxite platform, smile growing exponentially.
"Lance, what were you guys doing?" The older man didn't let Allura speak, taking over the conversation immediately.
"The rain isn't toxic for us, so we were gonna explore. I gotta join the others soon."
"No, you don't gotta."
"I do gotta."
"Why?"
"You want Keith and Pidge alone in unknown territory with just Hunk as their voice of reason?"
"You definitely gotta."
"Shiro, Lance, what is going on?" Allura finally managed to interject. The humans turned towards the Altean, both confused. Lance had just said that he and the others were going to explore Cygoth.
"What d'you mean, princess?"
"What code was Lance speaking?"
"Code? What co- oh." The Black Paladin's face lit up in realization. "She meant the curses. Lance, explain."
"I was cussing without swear words."
"What?"
"I was spouting profanities without ever using actual words that are considered profane. For instance." The boy faced his fellow Terran once more. "Let me strawberries and cream go before I rocky road your face, you useless paperclip."
"Where's that from?"
"Ice cream flavors with the classic inanimate objects with no function. From Tumblr."
"What is ice cream? Is it more... omnivore things?" Allura seemed to be scared she might have to hear more about the meat-eating habits of humans.
"Nah, don't worry, princess," Lance assured her. "Ice cream is a chilled treat back home. We found out that there's many animals we can safely farm for their milk. When done correctly, it doesn't harm the animals, and we can process the milk for consumption. Process the milk properly, and then you can get ice cream. It comes in many flavors."
"Such as?"
"Strawberries and cream, and rocky road, to name some."
"Are any of those poisonous?"
"I think lactose might be, which is in a good portion of milk, and some nuts are, and definitely chocolate. So, to animals, yeah, most ice cream is toxic, but not always enough to do more than a stomachache."
"Princess, I can take over explaining, but Lance has to go make sure none of the others get into trouble."
The Blue Paladin took that as his cue to leave, climbing down the ladder once more and bolting back to the entrance. In moments, he had disappeared from view, joining his fellow humans outside the caves. Shiro watched him go, internally wishing he could join them.
But they had once again caused a situation that needed explaining, and Lance was needed to prevent an actual disaster from happening, so Shiro had to do damage control solo this time. That's what he got for letting four teenagers kidnap him back into space.
If a human seems to be speaking in code, yet other humans seem to understand them, even on a basic level, ask if they are speaking in 'slang'. This is a Terran term that encompasses many variations of speaking. Much like the difference in linguistics between Blue and Green Zithians, humans will likely have very different slang depending on where they spent their time. A place called Tumbler often fosters a more complex version, whereas Insta Gram has a simpler code.
Humans might invent their own slang in order to packbond properly with one another. Two groups of Terrans hailing from the same locations may have entirely different lexicons due to the change that each team may make. Some individuals may even know more than two versions of slang, in order to establish better relations with their fellow humans. There is very little evidence of what requirements are needed to include learning more than one variation of slang. An example of this would best be shown by the following interaction:
Terran Blue, addressing Terran Yellow: Then he just yeeted it at me, as though I was gonna sit there like a soggy popsicle.
Terran Yellow, responding: That doesn't explain why you turned him into an ice cube.
Terran Green, addressing Terran Blue: "Blue", what was the 411 on those rocket launchers?
Terran Blue, responding: The main man blew a gasket. Didn't make it far, but managed to nab a couple of the suckers.
Terran Yellow, addressing Terran Green: You throw a glitter bomb down the chutes and I'll cop all the cookies.
Terran Green, responding: Do it and you'll lose your kneecaps.
In the above interaction, it was explained that Terran Blue and Terran Yellow were discussing an instance where an object was hurled towards Terran Blue's head. He dodged the object and used a weapon to freeze his opponent in a section of ice. Terran Green was inquiring about a mission and the weapons that were supposed to be gained if it succeeded. Terran Blue informed of the partial success they achieved, after which Terran Yellow warned Terran Green to not perform certain playful acts. Terran Green responded with a more intimidating warning.
However, as seen, there were many different instances of slang usage. All three of the humans used at least two versions, yet they all hold very different positions. Terran Green is a scientist, Terran Yellow is (assumed to be) a chef, and Terran Blue is (assumed to be) a diplomat. Their needs for their positions are greatly varied, leading to confusion as to the education of humans.
In all events of slang use, please proceed with great caution. A greater percentage of this subject is unknown than the previous logs. Refrain from attempting the replication of slang unless the code has been explained to you by a Terran. Humans have not shown much aggression yet, but they may do so if provoked on an emotional level.
