Discover Top Posts Tagged with #warning grief

Hi folks,

I don’t write personally very often; still, I wanted to take the time to say it’s good to be formally back after a time of being off-grid.

The pandemic has been, to put it mildly, excruciating on all of us to some degree in multifaceted ways.

Like many of us, I quite abruptly experienced deep loss during that time.

Loss of the worst kind; a parent. My father.

The man who took me out in the woods, taught me to appreciate nature, stories, hard work, education, love.

You know a loss is truly profound when the quiet in your life is deafening.

That's the truth of the weight of grief; I simply survived. Not thrived, but survived.

During that time there was no writing, no painting, no time spent in the woods.

I didn’t -- or more aptly, couldn’t -- post this year about Father’s Day.

And that’s OK.

Lately, I’ve been forgiving myself for not being OK; trying to give myself that empathy I so often extend to others and yet so seldom offer myself.

Truthfully, it is still hard to get my head around the fact that I cannot simply pick up the phone and hear his voice with the simple push of a few buttons.

But it’s OK not to be OK sometimes. It’s OK to be vulnerable. And it is OK to start putting your life back together whenever you can, however you can, crumb by crumb.

One thing I am sure of is, I was so lucky to be loved. And dad truly loved my art.

He always cherished my insane doodles, painted my room walls white as a kid so I could draw on them, and he often made doodle requests.

It’s time I let myself get my joy back, one doodle at a time.

So here is to new beginnings, and here is to the rebirth of old flames kindling. <3

I love you, dad -- and thanks for being in my corner every time.

I know you still are.

- A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens

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Grief is always so weird.

I see cool things and take pics to send to my sister then I remember I can’t. I hate it cause it’s her favourite time of year too so there’s so much she’d love to see.

#trigger warning grief #warning grief #trigger grief #tw grief #grief

Today I had to sit at home with my daughter and say goodbye to my sister through an online portal at her funeral in Ireland.

A funeral that was planned. seemingly, entirely by her father. A service that barely showed who she truly was, had none of her personality and humour, that lacked her children and spoke of a person who I barely recognized as my sister.

I’ve had numerous calls and texts about how my being cut out of any of the services was the final slap for both her and I, how it’s been noticed by friends who knew the truth and how it’s been a topic of conversation.

Today, I say goodbye to my sister in the way I know she’d approve of, by buying a taxidermy animal, eating take out and watching horror movies. It’s partly how I spent my last evening with her, thankfully not overly long ago. And is exactly how I want to remember her.

I’m no longer a big sister and I don’t know how to feel.

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#trigger warning grief #warning grief #trigger grief #tw grief #grief

I never thought I’d be in this kind of situation. Besides losing my sister, my (and hers) whole found family now is starting to get suspicious about the circumstances and we know there’s nothing we can do.

A history of depression means the authorities are writing it off as a tragic loss with a history of repeated attempts that ended successful this time.

The more days that pass the more strange things appear and we’re all helpless to prove any of it.

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