I had such a terrible day at work. I made some mistakes, BIG mistakes that I didn’t know at the time were mistakes because I’m still a noob at the job but
I feel awful. I got stressed and anxious and I could barely eat and I just wanted to curl into a ball and cry. Ugh. All of this for minimum wage. (They’ll probably send me away on monday)
I’m finally home. I just... I feel down. Very down.
So I was kindly notified by some followers that they've been seeing my graphics being reposted on weheartit, twitter, and ig and it honestly breaks my heart kinda? Like hecky yeah, I'm flattered bc they like it enough to want to save it and such, but really bitter because it clearly says on my graphics page to not repost on such sites... And I know I kinda have no right to be mad in a sense? because they were never my pictures in the first place /to/ edit, but at the same time, I put a lot of effort into making those graphics and SIGHS. I'm conflicted on how to feel tbh. ): The people I've seen repost on ig, I asked kindly to remove but they haven't responded yet... =/ But those who repost on here, WHY MUST YOU DO SO. Why can't you simply reblog it??? It's less work than to actually have to go through the process of saving it and such >.>" It's also kinda rude & annoying.
Also, this isn't a matter of reposting or such, but I've also seen some people using my edits/graphics as icons & header and i'm honestly super flattered as well! But I just wish they'd tell me first before they do so... >.>"
Ugh. I'm super torn and conflicted on how to feel about these issues tbh. ):
Never have I been more done. I would like to, at this point, get on a bus to nowhere and never stop moving. Failure I can take. Failures? Apparently not. They don't prepare you for failure well when they put you on a goddamn pedestal and knock you off as soon as you get your balance. I am so, so very done. "I feel a yell perched under my chin. I feel as if I start, I won't be able to stop." Feelin' the Graham today but with less murder.
I'm sorry about the language, but I know what shit feels like. I know what depression feels like ffs I have it! im not just gonna drop promises when i tell you i am going to be there. I feel no one takes me serious about anything. If I say that I mean it.
So, for real. If any of my followers need me, I am always going to be here to talk. I know how shit it feels to have no one to talk to, and I'm not going to let you suffer in silence because no one will talk with you about it and support you.
This is my "Sorry but I needed a moment to say this" rant.
I’ve been watching this go down all day and for the most part I’ve kept my mouth shut, except for this. Then I read Hilary’s post here which threw me back into one of my literature classes from college – the topic of Epic Romance in particular. From a literary standpoint an Epic Romance is comprised of several specific points, but I’m only going to label the most important ones – the meeting, the separation, the trials, and the reunion. Now while it’s true that Neal and Emma have been through these steps, (and are obviously repeating a couple) but for Epic Romance both lovers need to end up in the same place at the end of their ordeals that they were in at the beginning.
I'll put the rest of my rant under a read more.
For Neal and Emma this would mean that Emma would have to be able to put her trust in Neal again, something that does not seem at all likely to me. Neal has hurt Emma so deeply that I don’t believe she’ll ever be able to fully trust him with her heart again, she’ll always be expecting the other shoe to drop and for him to decide that it’s better to run than stay with her because he has never shown her that he would choose her when it comes right down to it. In fact every time he’s been presented that chance he’s done the exact opposite. If their love was an epic romance that wouldn’t be the case – he would be fighting to stay with her against any and all attempts at being pulled apart.
Examples of this would be Snow/Charming who have done nothing but fight to be together even when facing death. They are pulled apart over and over again but they never stop fighting for each other. They never give up and leave the other because it would be “better for the other person” or “giving them their best chance”. They don’t make those kinds of excuses because they know that being together is worth the pain and the danger.
Outside the world of OUaT you can use Wesley and Buttercup from The Princess Bride as an example: They are separated by tragic circumstance, face trials before reuniting (Wesley with the Dread Pirate Roberts, Buttercup with the temptation of Humperdinck and the grief of losing her lover), then reunite and go through dangers like the fire swamp, r.o.u.s.’s, and even death in Wesley’s case in order to find their way back to each other. Upon being forced to marry Humperdinck Buttercup is ready to take her own life than to give herself to another man.
We don’t see any of these types of reactions from Neal or Emma throughout either season. Neal had multiple opportunities to seek Emma out but each time he chooses not to go anywhere near and even actively tries to convince her to hide his whereabouts from Rumple rather than take his chance to be with Emma (I know there were other circumstances there – Tamara, etc. but if he’d really wanted Emma he’d have done something). Even when she gets out of prison he could have sought her out, told her about his past and helped her face her destiny instead of running as far as possible in the other direction. Emma at least tried by going to Tallahassee for two years to try to find him but eventually she gave up on ever reaching Neal and healed in the only way she could – by cutting herself off from the emotions that had caused her so much pain and rendering herself unable to fully trust another person again.
So I don’t see them being anything close to endgame, even though I do believe that both of them still love the other. Of course they still care about each other, you don’t ever really get over that kind of love but you do move past it. Personally I see Neal’s return as an obstacle for Emma and Hook rather than the happy reunion of two lost lovers. Whether he comes back in Neverland or after the return to Storybrooke, I see Emma having to face his return as a challenge to the feelings that she’ll have developed toward Hook because we’ve already seen their relationship starting to build. He is the first man who ever came back for her, who decided that leaving wasn’t worth it if it cost him his chance with Emma. I think that Neal might be a catalyst for a separation between Emma and Hook (if they’ve progressed that far by then) and the start of their own fight for each other. We’ve already seen so many parallels between them and Snow/Charming which does fit the definition of an epic romance that I can’t believe that they won’t end up together eventually.
Ughhh so my schedule for school is basically stupid and I hate it cause I'm not taking jazz band and that makes me so upset. Like I can do it without the class but I love the actual class. and instead I'm taking AP computer science. But I'm only taking it cause it's AP so it'll get up my gpa because I NEED to be valedictorian and even then that's not guaranteed so what's the point. Ughhhh and it's not like even if I wanted to I could just drop AP cause my dad would be pissed. Because he already thinks I'm wasting my time by just taking band. And I seriously don't even think this is fair cause kids that get C's or even B's don't have to care about things but I do. And I seriously hate when people tell me I don't have to do these things and they dont matter and I don't have to be smart. Because that's dumb and they're dumb. It's too late because everybody already cares too much and it's so annoying because people always ask me how I do on tests and when they do better they rub it in my face like. SHUT UP. If I did that to you EVERY DAMN TIME. You'd be mad. I'm not the standard for what's the best. It's cause you don't PAY A FRICKEN ATTENTION to what's going on and you act like its cool to not give a crap!!! And yea sometime I'm too lazy to do my work so I ask my friends but I KNOW What I'm doing unlike you people!!! And it's not fair!! Cause when I don't know stuff it's the end of the world!! But when you don't know it's okay! I'm tired of these standards! But they won't ever go away! Cause people are so damn stupid!...the moral of this story is don't smart...or Asian..or have friends..or like jazz band..
oooh but i have an idea..if someone asks what i got on my AP geo test i'll say i got a 1. and then after they make a fool of themselves jk u piece of shit.
sorry im also mad about another thiing about jazz band but none of u care so ye.
