@washonest / ASKED : “ if you walk out that door don’t bother coming back. ” from nina !
KAZ KNEW it was only a matter of time. he’d pushed, & pushed, & pushed, & now it has finally come to the BREAKING POINT. it isn’t a surprise that it’s come to this, & it isn’t a surprise that it comes from nina. why, then, does the beating of his heart increase ‘pon her words, his hands stilling just inches from the doorknob? ––– hadn't he wanted this? wasn’t this what he’d worked so hard to achieve? every insult, every snide remark, every act of indifference or disregard he held towards his crew & their safety : it all boils down to this. kaz knows he should feel relieved. he knows he should pull open the door without a second thought & leave her there, blissfully unaware of her well-being. instead, the ocean inside of him swells, threatening to pull him under. tear prick at his eyes, betraying him, for as much as kaz had tried to create distance to avoid the crushing weight of abandonment that pooled inside him, they would always be a part of him that yearned for the closeness that had been created between them.
PERHAPS THAT was what scared him the most. he had tried to guard his heart, building carefully constructed walls of callousness for the sole purpose of avoiding feelings like this. feelings that pool in his stomach, rising higher & until, sloshing against the barricade of his heart with such force that kaz is left with only two choices: he built walls around it, closing himself off to the pain that still lingered following jordie’s death. every action kaz had taken since those fateful nights in the ocean, lost & alone & clinging to the rotting corpse of his brother, had been a calculated move to avoid this very occurrence from happening. & here is where his anger takes him. he clutches to it like a welcome solace, something familiar amongst the discomfort he feels.
HE FEELS anger at himself, for the way he'd behaved, for the conflicting emotions within him, but anger at nina, too. nina, who had never before given up on him dedpite every insult & roadblock & dangerous mission kaz threw at her. nina, who kaz had submitted to the threat of death over & over & over. nina, who had taken too much. nina, who had finally called his bluff.
KAZ HUFFS something of a growl as he spins on his heel, fingers that once reached for the door handle now clenching into a fist at his side. he crosses past nina, not meeting her gaze as he reaches his desk in a single fluid motion shoves a pen pad of paper into nina's chest.
❝ WRITE DOWN every detail of your plan. mark every path, every exit strategy, every enemy we could meet, every way we could die. then, go through it until you've memorized it. i'm not wasting my time or my crew on some silly idea, zenik. ❞
