#watching hr

[guiigemar]

"it would if it was anyone but you." said with an atrocious amount of affection.

[guiigemar]

this is so important to me.

also love how it's quickly followed by Ilya trying to take care of his father in spite of how he's been treated and in spite of distance. Ilya put's so much into his relationships and it's so often not recognised.

[guiigemar]

one of my favourite scenes to come out of these first two episodes. you can just see how damn glad Shane is to be speaking to and close with Ilya for the first time in six months. Ilya's making his little jabs and Shane's just got the softest smile on his face, he's absolutely enamoured. that "wow, genetic?" genuinely makes me so fucking emotional.

equally brilliant is when you see Ilya read this in Shane as well as feel it within himself and then you watch him close-up, pull away and bring it back to strictly sex.

[guiigemar]

I am now starting to think about how the line "you're starting to sound like him" would set back Shane so much. Someone's fucking SEEN him and Ilya, he's even saying it out loud on the ice. Can only begin to imagine how this would impact Shane's relationship with Ilya. Think this does a fantastic job adding to why Shane is consistently so so terrified of any part of his relationship with Ilya being perceived.

[guiigemar]

i love him,,, so polite

[guiigemar]

another great little moment. Hudson's fantastic here. It really feels like you can see on Shane's face him thinking about all the lies he is constantly telling about himself and his relationship with Ilya. He's already hurting from pulling away from Ilya but he can't speak on it, he can't confide in his parents, at least in his head he is a liar. He's not living up to people expectations, real or imagined.

[guiigemar]

Oh man Scott getting sick of the jabs and confronting Shane about Ilya on the ice to the extent of getting Shane to fight. I find it a welcome addition to the books. Like how does that repression and internalised homophobia manifest outside of shame? What happens when that fear is expressed outward? This fear hurts yourself and others, and especially others in community with you. fucking props to Jacob Tierney man!

[guiigemar]

this genuinely makes me ill.

ilya just won't let himself feel, he's so terrified of his own emotions towards shane that when shane gives him this piece of uninhibited affection he feels he has to pull away. they both feel so trapped in different ways by their lives and the situation around them, my heart just fucking breaks.

also there's something so special about the care shane shows here after ilya has treated shane so carefully through his first time. (also also the intertwined fingers...!!)