#watching notes

[expressiveair06]

Honoka then soon after says this:

Thheyrrrrre. .

[ultravoyager]

On the final episode of Madoka Magica. Hooooow is it gonna take 25 minutes for Madoka to blast the Walpurgisnacht. I guess there's the after scenes but they couldn't take that long. Also Madohomu focused episodes are the best ones. I love Sayaka but those two are special.

[dimples-of-discontent]

“Absence, darkness, death: things which are not”: 14x18 watching notes

“What’s Deal with Catharsis?”

Let’s talk about catharsis. 13x04 has been haunting me since it aired. I couldn’t get over Dean sitting on a therapist’s sofa asking “So what’s the deal with catharsis?”. I know it’s obvious but it is also a dramatic term and we are hardcore missing some catharsis in this show. Essentially, it’s the purging of negative emotions that are typically repressed which, in drama, enables renewal or restoration. One of SPN’s narrative problems, for me, is that it gives us precious little in the way of catharsis. There are notable exceptions (12x22 when Dean confronts Mary in his dream, for instance) but for the most part negative emotions are repressed, sublimated, and remain unaddressed. 

This is especially (haha, autocorrect turned that to “epically,” which is also true) for Dean and Cas. And it’s not sustainable. We need some purgation of their negative emotions, we NEED them to know crucial bits of information that reveal their true feelings instead of repressing them: Cas killed a million Deans but Dean doesn’t know! Dean was nihilistically depressed when Cas died but Cas doesn’t know! Cas sacrificed his soul (and happiness) to save Jack and Dean doesn’t know! The layering of dramatic irony is all very well and good, but we need to stop it at some point.

“A quintessence even from nothingness”: Absence and Negative Space

Do I actually think that will happen soon? No. I was interested in “Absence” being the title of this episode since absence is defined by the things it is not. Cas explains it in terms of Jack--not bad but the absence of good. And that’s kind of where we are with DeanCas too. It’s not definitively one thing (romance) but it’s the absence of any other convincing explanation. If they aren’t these other things--brothers, friends, war buddies--then what are they? “Absence” also refers to Mary, of course, who was absent from their lives once and now is again to be experienced not as a person but a lack. Their whole maternal relationship is defined by feelings of loss and absence so in a sad and terrible way it’s returned to normal. SPN is full of things that are not definitively one thing but which are NOT a bunch of other things and, in all cases, the slipperiness of the definition is itself the narrative problem.

SHAMELESS RENAISSANCE POETRY PLUG please go read this poem by John Donne on the winter solstice, which is all about death and renewal:

Study me then, you who shall lovers be At the next world, that is, at the next spring;        For I am every dead thing,        In whom Love wrought new alchemy.               For his art did express A quintessence even from nothingness, From dull privations, and lean emptiness; He ruin'd me, and I am re-begot Of absence, darkness, death: things which are not.

It’s called, “A Noctournal upon St. Lucy’s Day, being the shortest day” and I adore it. Also...it (along with a lot of Donne) seems so SPN-appropriate that I think he would have been a fan. (Donne is the preacher who wrote the “no man is an island” sermon and asked “not for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee”. He had a massive command of rhetoric, yo.)

Anyway, “absence, darkness, death: things which are not” is what the title immediately made me think of. Jack promised a new beginning, forged from the darkness that was Lucifer, and part of me is still convinced that this is what he’ll bring, despite appearances. We all predicted early on that he’d have a moment to go darkside and, yeah, this is it! His choices would also matter--because this is Team Free Will--but it would then be his choice to act evilly. Even if that happens, though, he can choose not to and part of me thinks he will. We don’t have other Big Bads on deck for the end of this season/start of S15 so I’m assuming episodes 19 and 20 will focus on the Jack problem until it reaches a crisis that carries us through to the summer. But how they will resolve it, I hope, has more to do with the power Jack holds to create as well as destroy. Or maybe Chuck’s reappearance will set this balance off? We’ll see.

Also, “absence makes the heart grow fonder,” which I’m going to keep an eye on as the season goes on.

Destiel is Pain

It’s fascinating that the promos were edited to suggest that this was an episode with MAXIMUM DEANCAS DRAMA OMG!! when it kinda...wasn’t. I know @occamshipper​ pointed out that they edited it just like a het romance drama, centering on the “you’re dead to me” and building up the angst and tension. And that was there, but it wasn’t everything. PR isn’t showrunning, yes, but it does mean something; it means they think the GA cares. And that’s kind of a big fucking deal at this point because what the GA cares about determines what we’ll see more of in the show. It’s not definitive at all. But it’s a trend and an important one that some fine folks have been tracking for a while.

The “you’re dead to me” was not not a big deal--and I had hoped very much that we’d get an apology along the lines of, “Cas, I’m sorry. What I said--I put the whole Jack thing on you and that’s not fair. I did the same thing. We all did. You didn’t fail us.” Let’s cross fingers and hope we hear that the next time they talk (since Sam stopped Cas from trying to give comfort in this episode...pray4Sam who was SUCH a brother-in-law/marriage counselor here). But it’s a Buckleming next so I don’t hold out hope. In any case, it’s a big deal because while Sam now knows that Dean doesn’t consider the whole thing Cas’s fault Cas doesn’t know that and will continue to go on thinking that a) he’s only good the Winchesters insofar as he’s “useful” and b) he’s a failure to Dean specifically. THAT’S TERRIBLE AND WE NEED TO CORRECT IT IMMEDIATELY!!

But we won’t correct it immediately because the show is riding DeanCas tension as basically the A plot at this point. Building angst to a breaking point surrounding Jack just emphasizes that. Jack caused our biggest DeanCas rift to date, both by Cas’s unwavering support in him that led to betraying Dean (running off with SOME WOMAN after stealing the colt from under his pillow after the mixtape scene, layering romance trope on romance trope) and by coming into existence the same day Cas died. Jack’s essential good or evil nature has been the biggest disagreement in their relationship for 3 seasons now so it makes sense to center a crisis on it. 

And Dean doesn’t even KNOW about Castiel’s deal with The Empty! He doesn’t know that Cas traded his soul to return Jack’s to earth...only to have it be destroyed. True, The Empty said it would only come when Cas was happy and the thick angst we have now doesn’t suggest he’ll be happy anytime soon, but I think Dean and Sam are about to find out about the deal and Dean’s about to be pissed the fuck off at Cas for doing something SO STUPID (so like a Winchester). Maybe in the same conversation where Dean apologizes we can have Cas tell him the truth about the deal? Like, can they talk please? The real villain was miscommunication all along though, right?

Zombie Moms

Just a little sidebar to tell myself to return to 13x12, “Various and Sundry Villains” (a Yockey ep) and the two witches who were able to get Rowena the Book of the Damned (crucial in this episode, as Rowena unwittingly leaves it with Jack) try to resurrect their mom and bring her back...wrong. Because necromancy is extremely tough (and why didn’t Jack need any victim blood to bring Mary back the way that the Plum sisters did??) what they bring back is just a murderous simulacrum that was, honestly, what I was afraid they were planning to do with Mary. I’m relieved that they didn’t.

Both episodes owe a great debt to the Buffy episode “Forever” (5x17) where SPOILERS FOR BUFFY after their mother’s death her younger sister attempts to bring her back, only to realize at the last second that it’s not possible and the thing outside the door is a horror. It’s a very intense episode about grief, following “The Body” (5x16), one of the most devastating TV episodes to ever air. It was obvious to me that Yockey et al. were using that episode in 13x12, though not totally clear how. They even cast the zombie Mom like Joyce!! 

In any case, in 13x12 the sisters’ refusal to let their mom go was an example of the toxic sibling codependency that Rowena used to kill them (as they beat each other to death, one using a hammer just like demon!Dean). In 14x18 Jack’s desire to bring Mary back is an example of his being unable to cope with the reality of his actions and his fear of losing the Winchesters. That’s not toxic codependency, but it is a refusal to go through the stages of grief. There’s definitely something going on here--and going on about Moms--that I can’t pick apart now but want to (or hope someone else will!!).

On which note, my chemo fatigue has found me so I’m gonna sign off. Apologies for typos or lack of clarity. I have really missed doing episode notes, though, so maybe I’ll be back to it soon. I’m psyched to see how this season wraps up, how about you?

[tinkdw]

14x03 watching notes and mini meta

My feelings are summed up with this gif x:

So much good stuff, where to start?! Longer / specific meta’s to a topic are linked and underlined. Okay, let’s dive in :)

- Sam’s beard. This was too good I had to do a quick visual meta on it right after I watched it. Dean really loves scruff on men, has flirted with guys with scruff, literally told Cas he liked his peach fuzz, but on Sam? HELL NO thats my brother! Brilliant, funny, sibling jibing, cute and bi!Dean stuff Bobo, kudos.

- Dean’s repressing his memories and pretending he doesn’t remember just like Hell, a callback to season 4. While he’s got a different Supernatural scar (Michael wound v Cas’ handprint which is another Supernatural forced bond v chosen bond with Cas theme just as Amara was) and all the Dean / Michael parallels going on since season 4/5 pointed it out and Dean in the end bravely went against his duty and destiny to be true to himself instead of the Michael mirror he was supposed to be while now he’s being told/asked again “are you like Michael or are you your own person?” Next up: PROVE IT. Excellent.

- The perfunctory Jack hug v the Cas eye love making wow, I mean I speculated that we wouldn’t get a hug because thematically it made sense not to with the holding back and empty space theme between them so having a Jack hug but not a Cas one was so jarring and supposed to be. It was done so well to show how much deeper the feelings are between Dean and Cas without a hug. Wowzers. Dean is looking at Cas then Jack launches in to hug him which he accepts but then just continues to just keep staring at Cas. Those two can convey more with their eyes than most can do with their whole bodies, it was so intimate and so much while at the same time showing the whole empty space holding back thing we yelled about all of last year after the mirror opposite of Cas being restored to Dean, on top of the romantic music when the scene starts but crescendos like crazy as soon as Cas enters and ends when Dean walks out. Pfffft.

Kaia, Cas and Jack mirrors, Dean’s metaphorical “am I like Michael?” arc and all the rest under the cut.

- Kaia! My anon from last week was right kudos! I’ll admit to having been totally wrong about that link with the scar, this is cool! The symbolism of Michael, epitome of the metaphor of toxic masculinity and Dean’s hang ups being terrified of little queer girl Kaia is just... wowzers. So much symbolism there, meanwhile Dean is literally stuck in the middle being harmed both physically and emotionally by this tug of war. All we need is for Kaia to become textually good, be emancipated, to help Dean defeat Michael (come on, the symbolism of the two of them doing it together? With help from Dean’s family Cas, Sam and even maybe Jack?!) and we’re good to go on a Dean Sublimation Winchester to Dean Emancipation Winchester textual storyline. 

*grabby hands*

- Dean’s comment of “I didn’t mean to be a dick” while Jack’s all “everything is my responsibility” which is Dean’s MO makes me FEEL THINGS. 

- Dean is throwing himself into the case to avoid his feelings and left Cas behind with ease. IMO, totally metaphorical as well as useful for the plot. Leaving his feelings and things that make him emotional behind? Better leave Cas there then, can’t have Cas and all the feelings that go with him next to him just being Cas when he’s precisely trying to bury his feelings, running away from them. Sam then acknowledging that this is “kinda your thing” is great. Yes Sam.

- Note the different music between Cas and Dean and Sam and Dean’s “moments” >...>

- Jody loving Sams beard lol, I just... love this. Whatever meta wise, it’s gold :p

- SAM AND SERIAL KILLERS!!! Just before we get Dean and horror movies! Showing their different interests! Yasssssss :D :D :D :D :D THIS IS MY ENDING THE TOXIC CODEPENDENCY LETTING THEM BE THEIR OWN PEOPLE JAM!

- Jack was going to leave and now isn’t because he wants to help someone, he is truly a Winchester.

- IT’S MARKED GROSS STUFF. All the headcanons of Dean and Cas doing domestic shit around the bunker. Throw in Sam on occasion too where Sam and Cas both eye roll at Dean’s childish antics with indulgent smiles and you got me one happy headcanoning fangirl. Thanks Bobo :)

- One of my dads! *internal screaming*

- “My mum probably hates me cos I ran away” Sam mirror?! Jack mirror obviously, but hey everyone’s a TFW mirror. Everyone’s a mirror of someone who’s a mirror of someone these days. It’s hard to keep up.

- Dean’s barrelling ahead but Sam has actually done intel, he is the rightful leader here. Dean is an emotional liability. This is gonna rear it’s head.

- Ok but is the necklace clearly not cursed...

- “First love strikes quick and to lose it like that” - I mean!! 

A. Great that the GA get the textualisation that it was romantic that we’ve known since the ep aired, but great that it’s clearly canon now not just subtext. Though showing that clearly the subtext they did use (which was ALL DeanCas parallels) was supposed to show a romance story there >....>

B. Sam totally gets losing your first love to a Supernatural being and being set on revenge, throwing yourself into hunting to mask the pain. Jess rearing her head so late in the game is heartbreaking.

C. Insert matching gifs of Kaias death and Cas’s death too (which we paralleled to Sam x Jess and John x Mary at the time). Pffft. Then straight on to taking about Dean. More pffffft.

- Kaia was trying to stab Claire when they first met. Ok we get you want to write Destiel but openly queer Bobo, I love it, keep going.

- Jack losing someone and blaming himself while Cas looks like he is too. Jack is lamenting his powers... really to be a good Cas mirror he needs to find the solution here thanks to his mind and his human, powerless side to show this is just as powerful as having ‘powers’.- Oh look! He does ;) That’s not significant at all. Side eyes.- Cas is so proud :p

- Dean definitely seemed to have a Michael callback moment there. Excellent, I’ll be keeping a tabs in case it continues as per my spec that he will display Michael-esque behaviour over the season for plot and metaphorical reasons.

- Dean “I’m gonna do whatever it takes to defeat Michael” and going Michael on Kaia is an exact mirror of Nick murdering the neighbour in a fit of rage over “I’m gonna so whatever it takes to get revenge for my family”.

- Kaia / Bobo points it out that he’s like Michael okay lol hammer to the face but good that makes it simple :p

- Scared - “you always have been”. Flashback to Dean going nuts at Kaia and calling it what it is. Fear. No brainwashing, just Dean. As I said at the time >...> Of course it was all Dean and this is him too, it’s about how scared he is to be alone, to lose the people he loves, to feel unloved, unwanted, unuseful and all his hangups. This whole thing has been a giant neon sign pointing at Dean’s inner demons since day 1 and Bobo is clarifying for us just as Dabb clarified the Jack-Cas stuff earlier because of course it only makes sense to their character arc if they’re making their own decisions.

- God I love them.

- I’m already expecting stans to be mad that Kaia saved the 3 best hunters. *rolls eyes and moves* on ITS METAPHORICALLY SYMBOLIC and IMPORTANT TO THE PLOT.

- Jody feels like a John callback here about raising hunters and feeling like you’ve already lost before youve started whilst at the same time clearly is Bobo lamenting the loss of Wayward Sisters. Man... clutches heart strings.

- Cas “you made me so proud”. He’s so sweet and kind and argh. Proving that Jack is both hunter and angel. “Let’s go on a hunting trip” and Cas making soup?! End me! where’s the fan art?!!!!!

- Oh dear. Jack... Chekhov’s bloody cough.

- Dean actually opened up within one episode?! Wow. Character growth! He admits he was repressing and it was stupid. He admits he does remember some stuff as a clear mirror opposite to how long it took him to open up in season 4. He felt like he was drowning. Wow the depression metaphor. Now he feels responsible again. Sigh... a whole season of Dean pain. Well, we were prepared, let’s just tighten that seat belt.

- ALL THE HUGS FOR BOBO!!!

[lavenderleahy]

This is me, screaming into the notes app on my phone as I watch Moriah because @hermioneindisguise is watching Endgame and I can't text her.

Reactions pre- the first commercial break. Spoilers ahead (duh).

----

So dean's gonna tell at Cas and just ignore the conversation he had with Sam about them all knowing about Jack.... cool cool.

But that Destiel STARE.

"Takes one to know on3." SAM FINALLY EXPLICITLY CALLED DEAN OUT ON BEING A NERD. I AM LIVING.

Oh damn. They called out Trump "who made a demon deal with Crowley" 😂😂

"You've been [to hell]." DESTIEL CALLBACK.

[castielscarma]

Optimism 14x06

And boy am I optimistic! Let Speight direct every episode and let Yockey write every episode. This episode was a delight, funny and thought-provoking and just.. Gah! My watching notes, in all it’s rambliness and I’ll prbably expand on some of it when I have time. Feel free to tag me or add your own thoughts! - *I loved loved the recap! with the music

-  *Library girl is wearing a trench coat like Cas but she also reminds me a bit of those two sisters in I think it was Various and Sundry villains, the toxic codependent sisters that Rowena cursed.

- Dean is wearing a green shirt (He looks gorgeous in that color) Also green is life! He will be fine in the end, and he is starting to feel better (or fooling himself into thinking that)

- When Sam and Charlie are in the car talking and in the background there is a D & Ca and then the rest is obscured  ( Dean & Cas). Coincidence? I think not!

- Jack pointing out that it wasn't Dean's fault what Michael did to him! Ty, Dean needs to hear this, over and over again.

- “Maybe I'm allergic to sitting around doing nothing.” Jack, my sassy bean I love you.

- Two old ladies on wearing an yellowish jacket, the other one wearing a green one. They are old age Dean and Cas. 

-  Dicks red rooster dinner and there are cocks everywhere <,<... lol. 

- The picture on the wall, a red barn and sunset. Got me thinking about that barn where Dean first met Cas all those years ago.

- Harper Sales is the girl’s name.. Like sails as in a ship that sails off lol. And Harper is a huge romance book publishing company.

- Sometimes you just have the sex.. and Dean touches the very long cock shaped like... well a cock making it not point at him.Dean sitting down with Jack and two cocks are behind him (the paintings)

- Ty Charlie for reminding Sam and US that you are not the Charlie that Sam and Dean think they know.

- Pie is important! <3

- “You ever read a romance novel?” Dean has! Oh Dean, I just want to hug you. Dean reading romance novels is now canon. Ty!

- “No, you back off, old man.” OMG Jack <3 I died xD

- Again there is talk about hunters retiring and leaving that part of what they do, and I love it. It instills a sense of hope, that this isn't something you have to live by and die for.

- Did library girl (Dean with ascot) give Jack the MacCook book? What does this mean.. 

-  Jack said Christo! It didn’t do squat lol

-  This episode is so funny!

- Jack: I'm 99% sure she is in love with me Dean:That's not how it works kid. Jack.. ok but she was looking at me with these googly eyes (Yeah which two idiots looked at each other all googly eyed and in love ?? <,<

- Jack: If she is I need to know everything about sex, go. XD

- Harper is in love with a dead guy. Dead love, zombie guy was her first love... something something. Writing a letter where Jack is going to die.. yeah Jack is so going to die.

- Dean: “Yeah, silver stake through the heart, that aught to do the trick. Jack: And that's...love? Dean (pauses, thinks and makes the most adorable face)  Eh, actually, love can get crazier then that..// I MEAN COME ON! If this isn’t a callback to Dean going the stabby stabby with Cas in the barn and their first love then... -I just adore Dean and Jack's dynamic. Dean is such a good dad!! 

- And look at Jack giving Dean advice over not beating yourself up over your mistakes, twice in this episode! 

- <3Omg I knew it was coming but Jack! =(

- This episode set in stone that Yockey reads all our fan fiction lol....

[expressiveair06]

She's a little bit gay

[expressiveair06]

(at episode 8→) Futari wa Precure has pretty good timing in its scenes. I also really like the troubled relationship between the two leads.