#waxedthoughts

[waxedthoughts]

Even when it’s all over, I still look at you

[waxedthoughts]

Yet I am the only one who suffers, still not understanding what this is.

[waxedthoughts]

I wish you were still here, you always knew what to do. I’m tried of being the one who makes all the decisions, but alas I’m grateful for you teaching how to be on my own. Nobody will ever know the version of me that you had and for that I will forever miss you. I’ve been missing a part of me for over 6 years. Thank you

[waxedthoughts]

Decaying away

Slowly and surely

Every feeling

Reminds me of

My mistakes.

Are you

Another mistake?

[waxedthoughts]

I feel to much, so therefore I will always present as too much for you.

I take without acknowledgment and yet I still ask for more.

My worst fear is being forgotten, yet I keep pushing people away. I crave to be understood, yet I am too complex for my own well being.

Will I always fall victim to my own existence, I am a person who can’t be loved. I feel for people, who pity me for being me. I will always hope for a love that will truthfully love me , see me for everything I am.

I am too much and I can only hope that one day, you will love all of me. No matter how much I present to others, no matter how others look at me. Will you accept me for all that I am? Will you be with me through this dark time, with hope that it will be worth it in the end.

Thank you for it all, even if you do leave me in the end. Thank you for the experience 🌱

[waxedthoughts]

I am what I fear the most, and because of that I will always struggle to find peace. Follow me as I slowly descend into this madness of my mind, where all is wrong and light at the same time. May my mind be clear of my futures wrongs and keep me near the life’s edge.

[waxedthoughts]

The days stretch long, yet shorter through time,

My love still veiled from your watching eyes.

My mind, a whirlwind of thoughts and rhyme,

But my heart, slowly hidden, silently lies.

I wonder, love, how you see this gray world,

As I watch it dull and fade in my view.

But then I realize, as the edges swirl,

You are the color, the brightness in hue.

Why do I feel so faded, so slight?

While you glow with such brilliant light?

Will our colors blend, or will I dim yours,

As I fear the dullness that it may cause?

I crave your attention, but you remain unaware,

Of how you paint my life, with colors so rare.

Should I show you the shades that I see,

Or leave you shining, forever free?

I don't wish to dull your radiant glow,

To find my joy in the colors you bestow.

So from afar, I'll watch and wait,

And maybe, one day, I'll be as bright as fate

[waxedthoughts]

I would like to think , that I could live without you.

That I am not dependent on your existence, and that I am capable of being on my own. I am a stronger person, I am but someone known for loud emotions!

Yet

Existing becomes hard when you are not here, my body starts to shut down, and every thought of life slowly starts to leave my body. My mind in focus on you, and only you. I believe that I’m just worried, like any normal person..right?

Yet

I start to feel like a dog who has been abandoned… clawing at the door , listening for and any sound to see if you’re here? My thoughts become cloudy. it’s like my purpose is gone.

I have never been able to understand who or what I am, and yet I have this weird attachment to you. You are the only thing I know is true.. but I know you despise me.

I cry, and cry and cry for you , just to look my way and yet you still hurt me.

Do you enjoy my pain? Does it bring you joy?

Is it sad that I know you hate me.. you have said how I suck the happiness out of you.. and yet I still linger hoping that maybe you’ll change your mind. I do not care if you have to hurt me… if it keeps you happy then okay. I’ve never been able to live for me and if you are taking my freedom then.. I suppose I’m forever to be trapped.

You kill me mentally, and I have known this for a while. You hurt and tug and make me a horrible person, I hate who I am with you.. but it’s all I have of myself now. I don’t matter, but you do.

Why can’t you see you are causing me pain.. why can’t you see I’m tired, I don’t want to be the one who has to end it , but I can’t do this anymore. I’m going insane