counting stars.
ft. @idyulhee; a shoulder to cry on & whispered secrets @ a park, late at night.
hyukjae claims he’s never been too good with words. but considering his latest ramblings, one would believe he’s lying about it. he went off, he didn’t randomly just go on a random rambling as he usually do, but he literally went off, and at no other but aroon, his best friend.
former best friend.
former everything.
and now he lacked the words to explain what was happening to him. to explain what was wrong with him. because everything was wrong. everything was going the way it shouldn’t go. because he sabotaged everything and all thanks to jealousy. all thanks to a love he couldn’t quite understand. to an identity he was just coming to terms with. and now here he is, walking through the dark streets of seoul, a large hoodie embracing his body. his hoodies were, as is, too large for his body but this time? it is larger.
he’s stopped eating. stopped doing anything. all he does is be in bed, plug his headphones to his phone and listen to music all day long. if it’s not that, he’s trying to work on music and if it’s not that, then he’s outside the dorm, either at the shelter, either at some alley just feeding stray cats and dogs. whatever he has to do not to face aroon, not to see him, not to even acknowledge his existence. and now hyukjae can’t wait for the day they get to move out, the day he gets to stay away from the man he loves, the man who would never even see him in any other light than best friends.
it’s not raining too much, it’s the kind of rain that’s just slightly annoying, little droplets of water sprinkling on his face as he stands outside celeste’s dorm. he shouldn’t be bothering yulhee with this, he knows. yet, here he is. plus, it’s not like anyone could catch them hanging out, because hyukjae believes he’s not really that interesting to be followed around, so they should be safe, right?
he had texted her moments ago, asking her if she was awake, to come down and meet him. so now he waits, hands shoved in his pockets, tired feet shifting from one to the other. he sees someone come out of the building and when he sees it’s no other than the woman he was hoping to see, hyukjae is almost brought to tears.
how pathetic.
he holds them back, however. doesn’t want to break, certainly doesn’t want that to happen in front of her, not right now at least. “noona.” he calls for her, voice low, just as it has been since some days ago. “thank you.” he approaches her and holds his hand out for her to take, if she wants, of course, “can you walk with me?” he hopes she won’t notice the noticeable weight loss aroon had pointed out to him, or the big bags under his eyes. he’s definitely not the hyukjae people are so used to seeing. that sparkle in his eyes, that innocent smile, it’s all gone.
and he has no idea if that’ll ever be back.