Camilla would almost look offended, if she weren’t used to this sort of reception from the redhead already. She doesn’t relent in her affection, either.
“Why, I’m greeting my adorable retainer! I’m thrilled to know that you’re here, and wanted to show you just how happy this makes me. You wouldn’t happen to know of Beruka’s wherabouts, would you? Ohh, that would just tickle me pink to be able to hug you both at once!”
Thaddeus wouldn’t know why he does half the things he does. He collects things to an excess and organizes them all by use, color, time and place of origin, how much they mean to him and whether or not they could be used as a weapon in a pinch (and a surprising number of objects can be used as a weapon in desperation). Some things he keeps stashed away like time capsules or hidden treasure, and every single location of every single item is committed to memory like a grandparent remembers every grandkid’s birthday.
But he doesn’t know why he does any of this--does he?--or where in his life did it become important to him to hoard objects. Most items do not have sentimental value, and fewer still could hardly be considered junk. It’s simply what dragons do, but dragons are meant to hoard actual treasure. Thaddeus has books and undeveloped film and an unreasonable number of instruments and records and vintage wine bottles and military memorabilia--all very human and so unlike his kin that Thaddeus could hardly be considered a dragon. Thaddeus couldn’t be considered human, either, and assimilating for a century has grown exhausting. But so has being empty, and so has being alone.
Plugging his ears with the sounds of melodies was what gave him some solace, ever since he learned what music was. He’d learn to play the instruments when the bars would close in the morning and he could stop serving drinks; somewhere between the time of blacking out and waking, and there was no noise in those few hours. It only made sense to fill the emptiness, and he could learn the mixing of notes and practice his melodies. Any time he could find a piano or a violin, any time no one was looking. That was where he could go, and that made growing up a little more bearable.
And now it only makes sense to fill up the walls and the corners--no empty spaces--but sometimes the music grows too loud. When it begins to stagnate, it looks wrong; certain words beckon Thaddeus to destroy everything, take it all back, consume--it’s wrong, it’s all wrong--and he has to reorganize it all until it looks right again and the quiet resumes.
He knows why he does it, but he pretends like he doesn’t. Then the quiet is persistent; quiet until it’s ringing, and abusing substances is what will make the ringing stop. Don’t destroy it all. It’s all wrong, but it’s okay. Don’t be like him. Drink and forget. Drink and forget. He cannot consider himself a dragon, the same way he is one. Thaddeus doesn’t make music like he used to.
🔮- describe emotional pain, Thaddeus (Sweeney Todd voice): My friend
If love exists in the ability to make another person happy, how can someone who can’t make anybody happy ever really be in love?
It's the way there's empty spaces where an "I love you" should be. The words came up once before, all at once like bile, and it was an accident.
Thaddeus tells himself he only said it because he had to justify lobbing Hadyn's arm off--spray the blood of an another in the name of love. It sounded better in his head, when the rest of his senses were charred and nothing but Kai mattered. Back then, Thaddeus hoped Kai would reciprocate, or at least stop crying. Neither of those things took place. Although time has passed, that same empty space has made its home in Thaddeus's chest.
He can't be certain now if love is what he wants and he's avoided saying it ever since.
He already has Kai. That should be good enough without words attached.
Kai has been here.
He even offered to move in with Thaddeus. For the first time in a while, things are simple. That's how it should be. Kai hasn't cried or been mad at Thaddeus or tried to leave, so he must be doing something right.
But it doesn't feel like enough. It feels too unresolved, like a song being silenced before it can reach the very last note.
And in all this time, Kai has not once asked for something in return. Everything is about everyone else. It's not quite painful to see, since Kai is happiest in the happiness he can give to others. But Thaddeus feels less special, in a way; all these happy feelings are shared with everyone. Open, and outpouring, and ignoring the fact that happiness is a limited resource. Kai spreads the happiness he should keep for himself. Thaddeus would rather be the one giving Kai his smile. A secret one that he wouldn’t have to share.
Maybe Thaddeus has been alone too long, or maybe it's just him being true to his draconian nature, but Kai deserves to be selfish more than anyone. Kai should be allowed to expect more and have more and take anything he wants. Instead, he expects nothing.
Whatever makes you happy.
If that will make you happy.
I'm happy if you're happy.
You. You. You.
Kai doesn’t think of himself. Kai doesn’t see himself as special. But to Thaddeus, he has never had something so precious. He might even be willing to part with his possessions for Kai in order to understand what would make him the happiest. If Thaddeus really is good enough without all the "you's." If he, himself, is good enough as the person he is to make Kai happy, in a way where Kai doesn’t need to do anything at all. It’s the only way Thaddeus is certain he can resolve the notes--by giving Kai a smile he doesn’t want to share.
🎩- my muse will talk about you, the mun! ( humour us, Citizen-man~ )
“Are you the reason why I have this nickname now? I know I was only “citizen” according to that dragon clan, but this feels like a meme. What was your full name, again?”
( From the excessively detailed headcanon meme: 11, 22, 28 & 35~ )
11. Intellectual pursuits? At the moment, Tsukasa doesn’t have any...but he likes computers and he does dabble in some hacking programming. I figure since he’s been inside of a virtual space for so long, he would be savvy in a lot of computer language.
22. Given a blank piece of paper, a pencil, and nothing to do, what would happen? Probably doodle and fold into origami shapes.
28. Who do they see as their best friend? Their worst enemy? In WC-verse, his best friend is Hadyn. Across all verses/settings, his worst enemy would be his own memories.
35. What activities do they enjoy, but consider to be a waste of time? Video games ironically lmao but if he has fun wasting time then he doesn’t actually consider it to be a waste.
(・∀・ ) = The character’s emotional state most of the time
Besides under the influence of drugs and alcohol? Thaddeus is pretty ambiguous. His emotions are pretty heavily guarded because he’s uncomfortable expressing them (like, you have to get him even more drunk lol looks pointedly at Mukuro), and because certain strong emotions will directly affect the weather around him. Thaddeus is on a pretty even keel for the most part. He’s mellow and would rather be in a chill (ha) atmosphere.
(´；Д；｀) = What worries the character
Thaddeus is aware of his mental health and his ego, and he worries about both constantly. He’s afraid of becoming a megalomaniac and dangerous like his father, since dragons like him have an inclination to be selfish, possessive, and materialistic to an extreme. He’s not sure what emotions are appropriate to express most of the time (clinically, he is on the psychopathic spectrum)--he emotes and does his best to guess what he should say/do and how to respond based on what he understands as “good” morals. He walks a razor’s edge on letting his whims guide him and doing his best to be a good person, even though he messes up a lot.
Nudity. Most types of physical contact. He gets embarrassed over talking in certain situations or with certain people.
😘:How does your muse show affection?
Preparing food and treats and stuff is what’s easiest for him, without being too personal. On a more intimate level, he’ll give little surprise gifts and hold hands. He’s not very confident about going further than that until he knows for certain that it’s okay.
😡:What happens when your muse is furious?HE LOSES HIS SHIT. He will have a total meltdown and tantrum, break things, throw shit, choke a bitch, masturbate, confound the barriers of reality, swing his fists, and scream a lot.
💍:Would your muse ever propose to someone?Magic Conch Voice: Maybe someday.
