Blackbird || 10 Years || Self-Para
Singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to be free
Word Count: 3,981
The sound of keys jingling and a lock turning disturb the silence that fills the quiet apartment, noises alerting to the incoming presence. A bag rustles before the door swings open, a flash of red hair viewed before the woman who enters. Roxy shuts the door behind her, locking it quietly and moving towards the small kitchenette. Her eyes travel across the white cupboards and the simple tile counter top all aspects she has become accustomed too. Her first thought upon moving in had been of Riley’s reaction to the blandness of it all, the colors she would recommend and where they would be placed. Colors that would turn the place into more of a home. Her memories take her back to Mystic Falls so many years ago, when the two had put together what had been their home. She remembers laughter and splashes of color, moments of simplicity that they had grown used to and taken for granted. They’re moments she misses but has come to accept as her past, letting them remain where they are though never forgetting. Mystic Falls was where she had lost everything and it was in the rest of the world that she had gained it again.
10 long years have passed since Roxy had left Mystic Falls, stolen away in the hours of the night to give herself a fighting chance against the Original who had made her his slave. The only person she had said goodbye to had been Riley, unable to handle more than one farewell. It’s been awhile since she’s thought of Mystic, and as she steals a beer out of the fridge, she smiles briefly. 11 months of her life hardly seems like a lot, considering her now immortal soul. But she feels as though it was a lifetime, a separate section of her life that marked the beginning and the end all at the same time. During her time in Mystic, she’d made friendships, relationships, lost her life, and learned how to live all over again. Shaking her head and smiling softly, she stares out the window and raises her bottle towards the horizon in a mock toast. “Mason, wherever the hell you are, you owe me a serious apology asshole. Save a seat for me in that afterlife.” As she drinks to the man who’d recommended Mystic, she can’t help but wonder what’s become of the town she’d once resided in. Questions about the Lockwood pack spring up often in her mind, of Tyler and Caroline and Faye, of Derek. She raises the bottle to her lips, sighing as she recalls the last time she’d seen him.
She had wanted to tell him that she was leaving, but the words had died in her throat. It had been cowardly but Roxy was not a fan of goodbyes, had chosen instead to write and leave the letter on his doorstep.
Hey there Mr. Alpha,
By the time you get this I’ll probably be miles out of town, heading towards some horizon I haven’t seen before. I’m sorry I didn’t say goodbye in person, but honestly I’m not sure if I could have made myself leave. But this bond needs to be broken....I can’t be indebted to Klaus any longer. Mystic isn’t a safe place for me to attempt to do this, so I hope you can understand why I was forced to leave sooner rather than later. And that I didn’t tell you when I was leaving or where I was heading to. The less you know the safer you’ll be. That answer can’t be what you wanted to hear, and I wish there was more I could offer you right now but there isn’t. After I get out from under this, Klaus may come looking for me. I can’t risk him finding me, so I doubt I’ll return to Mystic Falls again. Things are too complicated for us right now Hale, but maybe in a few years I’ll come looking for you. If for some reason I can’t... Time will tell, okay? Stay safe Derek, and take care of yourself. I love you.
Red Sox
In the letter she had left a piece of herself, and had shut off that part until she could properly accept everything she felt for this one man. Emotions in her mind were a vulnerability, and now to have them when she was a potential target was dangerous. She was not naive, nor self-centered. She knew that there was a chance of Klaus finding her though she could not imagine him going out of his way to find her. But driving away from her sister and the friends she had made had been more difficult than she had anticipated. It didn’t keep her from driving until the tank was near empty. On the road again with no thought other than getting far enough away, Roxy slowly began to regain her composure. She still worried endlessly about Riley, called from payphones when she could and wrote when she couldn’t. Yet there was no denying the difference that came with being on her own. Bouts of loneliness came and went, soothed with liquor she managed to compel from local dives. They never seemed to last long though, and her life soon took on a peace that she’d never known. She drove when she wanted, found places to stay when she didn’t. Somehow things were simple, and she had wondered if this was what freedom felt like.
Glancing out the window, she can see the way the sun is already beginning it’s slow descent towards the horizon. Every sunset marks the end of another day that bleeds into the next in an eternal cycle. And yet, not one was like the other. It’s become a bit of a ritual for Roxy to sit on her couch and watch the day end, with coffee or a beer bottle in her hand. Curling up at the far end of it and allowing her head to recline on the arm rest, she considers how she got here.
For one, she had broken her sire bond. A few months after her departure, she began looking for places to go. Somewhere out of the way and undisturbed, where she could break the bond in as much peace as possible. Alaska hadn’t been her first choice, but going out of the continental United States seemed like a good idea. It was in one of the mountain ranges that Roxy had located a cave, had pulled in wood to light fires and keep herself warm. She’d laughed mirthlessly at the smoke that had risen and wondered how she had ended up where she was. Alone, and facing endless nights of torment. She’d gritted her teeth and located the part of herself that was struggling to return, struggling to break free of the restrictions that limited her mind. From that small part she took courage, strength, and resilience. It was almost homage to the woman she had been before she had died, and as she felt the bones in her body begin to shift she did her best to concentrate on that.
To say the breaking of the bond was brutal was a cruel understatement. When Roxy had been bound to the moon it had been, in a sense, simpler. Every bone in her body would break with it’s rising and she would be powerless to stop it. With breaking the sire bond, she was forced to keep the breaks going, to relentlessly torture herself for the sake of being in control of herself again. The beginning was worse and often she would stop, covered in sweat and shaking as she fought to catch her breath. Every cell in her body protested when she stood on weak legs and started turning again, only to fall back down after transforming half way. The pain would wrack through her body and nausea rolled over her in waves, body shaking in dry heaves in between. Slowly, so slowly she nearly missed it, things came a little easier. About a week into the endless transformations she noticed that they were over a fraction of a second sooner than they had been a few days previous. A seed of hope sprouted, and it gave her strength to throw herself into the grueling process with more enthusiasm.
The pain never left, remained as rough as always. But what Roxy noticed was that though the pain did not lessen, her capacity to handle it grew. She found reason to keep going when she was able to think through the pain. She thought of her sister, to whom she would one day return. Of Missy, her best friend who was fighting her own demons so the two could come back to each other. She thought of her mother, who had taught her courage and her father who had attempted to steal it from her. All the memories of her life further fueled her fire, and excruciatingly slow Roxy felt the bond beginning to lose it’s hold. It took over a month, an endless number of transformations and more of her mental strength than she had believed she possesed. But finally, finally as she let herself fall to the floor of the cave in relief, covered in blood and sweat, she felt the relentless deep seated hatred for Klaus that had been missing all those months. No gratitude, no debt, nothing. And so she did the only thing she could think of at that moment. She laughed, for the first time in months.
A smile lifts the corner of her lips and she remembers the overwhelming sense of victory, of finally getting herself back. With a grimace, she also thinks of how eager she’d been for a shower and a meal. Or twenty. But she’d craved a beer in the worst way, and Roxy laughs now and raises the bottle to her lips.
Not everything had been smooth sailing, and only a few weeks after she had made her way back to the continental U.S. did she find herself at a loss once more. Of course she and Riley had kept in touch, more through letters than anything else and it had been far too long since the pair had seen each other. When Riley suggested visiting, Roxy had jumped at the idea and found another hotel to stay in for the time being. She was constantly switching residencies and would likely change again after Riley’s visit. She hadn’t been able to tear the door open quickly enough, and finally Riley was there in front of her after months. The smile that crossed her face was wide, threatening to split in half. Roxy had taken in Riley’s appearance, assuring herself that her sister was really there, alive and whole. It was while she'd been noticing all the things that were the same that she discovered some essential things missing. The way a mortal body would fidget more, the silence where lungs would be expanding. The lack of a heartbeat.
When she asked what happened, it was almost a rhetorical question as she knew what happened. There was no doubt in her mind that Riley had been a consequence of her early departure though the topic was never directly broached. It was simply placed in the pile of things that the Northmans knew was there, but did not discuss. Instead, Roxy paced and thought of what to do though the answer was glaringly obvious. They needed to break Riley’s bond. Mid-thought, she had whirled around and fully let herself understand what Riley’s new hybrid status entailed. Eternity. The realization had barely formed in her mind before she was across the room, clutching Riley tighter than she had in a long time. A startled laugh left her throat and she shut her eyes, a relief she wasn’t expecting slamming through her. Pulling back, she’d cupped Riley’s face and placed a kiss on her forehead, something she hadn’t done since they were little. “It’s us against the world kid.”
Walking Riley through the breaking of the sire bond hadn’t been an easy feat, though Roxy kept her own personal struggles to herself. Those weeks they spent attempting to break Riley’s she became more of a coach, calling words of encouragement and motivation. When the strain was too much she would tell tales of their childhood, anything to distract momentarily from the pain. Riley’s resilience surprised her, as the younger girl would be back on her feet quickly and ready to continue. Hearing Riley’s screams had taken their toll on Roxy though she would never admit it, and the guilt she felt seemed to stretch out like an ocean. But when Riley finally broke the bond, and the two were celebrating in buckets of Cherry, the guilt seemed to melt away. The smile on Riley’s face was genuine, and there was nothing but happiness in her expression. For the first time, Roxy let the guilt of things she could not control leave her shoulders, and she’d sat a bit straighter. When she and Riley parted ways again, it was with trust that she would be okay. Riley now had Chase, and Roxy trusted him as well. She knew they would take care of each other, and so she watched them go after a few weeks time.
Roxy leaves her perch on the couch and walks to hall closet. Standing on tiptoe, she reaches for the shoebox on the top shelf where she keeps important items. Riley often writes to her, regarding tales of distant lands she’s visiting and Roxy dutifully keeps them in proper condition. Taking the top off the lid, Roxy smiles at the letters that are almost drowning in each other. She regards them fondly, though her eyes travel to one that is distinctly more battered than the rest. Hands reaching for it, a part of her past materializes in the first letter that Riley had ever written her, after she had first become a hybrid. She keeps it, a testament to what they’ve gotten through. As she moves to put it back, she smiles at the postcards that Care has sent her over the years and the familiar scrawl sets off nostalgia. Even then, she keeps looking and finally finds what she’s looking for. The wings she’d had personalized on the one announcement had been for shits and giggles, and as she stares at it she smiles that much wider.
When Missy had shown up in the apartment she’d had in Canada, Roxy had been beside herself with a happiness that she hadn’t felt in a long time. After being on the run for nearly five years, her life was one of exploring the world when she wanted and how. Even so, she missed companionship and there hadn’t been much time for any long lasting friendships. Besides, nothing could ever replace the one she’d had with Missy. The two had finally found their way back to each other, had proved the odds against them wrong. If Roxy was honest, she hadn’t been expecting to see Missy very soon and to have her as a constant part of her life for whatever time she could was more than she could have asked for. It had been a reprieve from the hectic lifestyle she had begun to live, and the duo ended up living together for a year’s time. In that time span, they went to Washington and had their tuckaway wedding. Roxy had compelled the pastor to allow the two to exchange ring pops instead of actual bands; any promise they’d made was not one that required jewelry to prove it. Afterwards the pair had celebrated with a bottle of tequila and a canister of twizzlers, laughing until they cried.
“Well I hope your happy ass doesn’t get tired of me any time soon Miss, you’ve got vows to keep now.” Roxy had said, coming into the living room and sitting on the floor with her head reclined on the sofa. She had smirked when Missy rolled her eyes, playfully ruffling her hair in amusement.
“I think I’ll keep you around a bit longer Red. Besides, what’s the point of this marriage if I don’t get any of the perks?” Her eyebrows wagged devilishly and Roxy’s resounding laughter filled the apartment, Missy’s intermingling with her own.
In their time together, the friendship they shared and the bond they had only solidified, becoming an existential part of who Roxy was. With Missy’s help, the strength she’d fought to find for so long came back to her and she began to breathe with lungs that were finally whole. The booze, the laughter, and the nights full of simple conversations were perks gained throughout the entire experience. What mattered most was that Roxy had her best friend back after what had felt like a lifetime. They traveled together making memories as they went, ones that Roxy would always hold close to her heart. They had both grown to fit the molds that they’d been asked to fill, thriving in the lives they hadn’t asked for but had been shoved in either way. Together, they faced the world and all her terrors, soul mates that recognized the others presence and let it fuel the strength that only grew. But whispers eventually caught up to them, and Roxy heard of talk of an Original who was to be feared. One of a kind. Missy was eventually called to help her fellow angels, and the two parted ways.
This parting was different than any of the others, as the two recognized that goodbyes no longer existed. It was merely until they could see eachother again, when spare moments could be shared with even a simple drink. Missy popping in took some getting used to, and the first time Roxy had nearly gone through the window in panic. Missy’s laughter had filled her room as Roxy cursed the woman for scaring her half to death. Even Roxy couldn’t help the way her lips quirked upward in response to the laughing. A system is loosely established between the two, and when Missy shows up Roxy only raises her eyes with a bemused expression and asks for a beer. Somehow Missy always knows where she is, and there’s never a doubt in Roxy’s mind that she’ll find her the times she moves. Even if Roxy puts her foot down the one time that Missy appears in her room to find the redhead in a compromising position with someone she’d picked up at the bar. They adopt the sock on the door method after that.
Roxy laughs, shaking her head at the memory. The last time she saw Missy was a little over a month ago, and though the elder girl missed her friend, it was a part of their relationship. She shuts the box, setting it back in its place. Walking to the kitchen, her fingers graze the countertop and she hums a few bars of a Ke$ha song that reminds her of Riley. Unknotting the bag she’d entered with, she lifts the groceries she purchased and begins to put them away. While she does that, she also prepares a cup of coffee with the mix she found during the day in a Venetian market.
Somewhere amidst the confusion, she’d ended up in Italy. Roxy had kept moving around throughout her time away from Mystic, after her time with Missy, and kept in contact with a select few. She’d tried to keep in contact to the boy who’d been like her younger brother, Scott McCall, but had been disheartened when her letters went unanswered. She and Ava kept in contact over the years, writing letters here and there as well intermixed with phone calls. Smiles had lit Roxy’s face as she heard about the girl’s life, getting a career in the teaching field. Every now and again Roxy would send her bags of coffee that sounded particularly intriguing from wherever she was. Ava and Ethan were still going strong, and Roxy suspected that there would be some sort of formal union in the future. Another friend who had remained close to the redhead was one Rachel Lamont. Their letters were fewer and farther between, though lengthier each time they were received. Rachel had ended up with Thayer, and last she had heard from them Rachel had been pregnant. A girl would soon be added to their family, and Roxy hoped to one day meet her.
Something about Europe had intrigued her, and since Roxy had never been outside of North America she didn’t hesitate in deciding to travel. Spare jobs here and there helped her gather the means to travel and she was off. Europe was beautiful in it’s entirety, but Italy had captivated her with the romanticism of it’s locations. Something about the world being at her fingertips made her want to experience it and she’d visited Pompeii, Sicily, Rome, Florence, Milan. All places she’d never dreamed of seeing but that drew her in all the same. But Venice had left her breathless, and Roxy found the means to remain in the city that had captured her heart. It was there that she had remained for the better part of two years.
A knocking on the door disturbs Roxy from her thoughts, and her fingers curl imperceptibly around the mug in her hands. A sense of dread makes it’s presence known, as it always does when someone comes to her door. The idea that a certain Original will catch up with her is not one she likes to entertain, but logic does not let her forget it. One day she’ll have to face the music, face the wrath of the man she’s betrayed not once but twice.. Squaring her shoulders and moving stealthily from her perch near the window, Roxy steps cautiously towards the door as quietly as she can. She prepares herself to fight within an inch of her life like she always does. Sneaking a glance through the peephole, she simply freezes. Her breath catches in her throat, unbelieving of who she sees on the other side of her door. It’s impossible, her mind was playing tricks on her. She hasn’t seen the man in years, not since she left without so much as a goodbye. But somehow there he is and she must have whispered his name because he’s looking up, eyes burning holes through her though the door hasn’t even been opened. Derek. She doesn’t waste time tearing it open and then she’s in his arms and the way he says her name sounds like a prayer. She hadn’t found him; he had found her. She doesn’t let him go for a very long time.
Though she is on the run, Roxy is suddenly experiencing the world in it’s entirety. She is no longer bound to the constraints of time deciding when she will wither and die. Nor to a full moon that forces her to become a creature of the night at it’s rising. She is no longer indebted to a vampire who is more creature than man, unhuman and inhumane. Eternity stretches before her and yet, she no longer fears it. Though she never would have asked Riley to turn, there is no denying the relief that comes with not having to lose her younger sister. Years have passed and the two have grown together, both timeless pillars of strength. Through their hardships they remain a testament of family, and are now on the other side of the storm. Eternity would see that it truly was the two Northmans against the world, paddling ceaselessly against the current of time. She and Missy, her best friend and soul mate have Always and Forever to find joy in the world. Despite the fact that Klaus Mikaelson may one day catch up to her, Roxy Northman feels free. She is finally free.
(x)
