After completing his third wildly successful solo world tour, Niall Horan wants nothing more than to go home and relax. His wife, Elise, has something else in mind: a surprise vacation to Hawaii. Even though they normally plan all of their trips together, Niall shrugs it off – because how can he possibly know what’s hiding beneath the surface?
Preview
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Extras:
Interview with Ellie
Death of a Bachelor
Since wdwcff won an award (and was runner up and honorable mention for an award each), I thought I would share it again!! Thank you so much to everyone who read and who voted. I can’t believe I was actually nominated, much less that my fic actually won! Thank you all so so so much. I couldn’t have done it without your support.
And, of course, thank you to everyone over at @1dcraftawards for doing this. It means the world to all of us writers. Thank you for everything!
Niall waits, tightening the clasp of his hands. Tension is radiating off of her in waves, and it makes him sit up straighter. He was right – something iswrong. Her silence and nerves confirm it. He exhales slowly, trying to relax, but it isn’t working.
It could be anything, he thinks, but that isn’t exactly comforting.
Finally, Ellie shifts in her seat and her shoulders slump. Her eyes close, and all of the tension drains from her body, but it’s not a relieving sight. Instead, she looks a little lost. The corners of her mouth are drawn down. She sits like that for a moment before seeming to compose herself together and then she leans forward, looking intently at him.
“I’m sick.” She states, calm and untroubled. Unfazed.
Something cracks inside of him.
Niall tries to speak, and then stops. He swallows. “What do you mean?”
Ellie sighs, pushing tendrils of brunette hair out of her face. “I’m sick, Niall. And I’m not going to get better. It’s…terminal.” She’s glaring at him suddenly, and it’s the angriest he’s ever seen her, and the most exhausted. The kind of exhausted you are when even the rage crackling inside of you isn’t enough to keep you moving forward. It’s not the only emotion there – he sees the anger in her eyes right alongside acceptance and defiance.
He’s so focused on her that he hasn’t noticed how he’s reacting. But then he looks down at his hands, and Niall realizes that they are trembling. He clenches them both into fists and the trembling continues even then, and suddenly his breathing is tight and hard, and everything is blurring. There’s something rising up inside of him – words or vomit or something, he doesn’t know what – and there’s an urgency to it, like if he doesn’t release it, he’ll explode.
He does, but it’s only two words, and it’s more of a sputter than an outburst. “You’re dying.”
Ellie nods, her expression guttering into something akin to despair. “Yes.”
They sit there in silence for a minute, maybe two, just looking at each other. Words. He doesn’t have enough of them, any of them, because his wife is fucking dying and has been and this is the first that she’s told him of it.
He thinks, then, of all of the things that suddenly click together: the gynecologist appointment he had felt was a lie, the decision to not go see Panic! At the Disco, the throwing up, the weight loss, the planned-without-him-vacation-they’re-still-on that Ellie sprung on him when his tour was over. The crying when he suggested that they make a baby.
His breathing is grower harsher with every passing second. His lungs feel like they’re about to rupture. “I…you…you should have…told me. When did you…when did you find out?”
Ellie presses her lips together and rubs at her face, lines forming on her forehead. “I found out in September of last year.”
He was still touring last September. “I would have cancelled everything for you, we could have found doctors, I would have done anything.” Niall’s voice is growing louder with every sentence, and he’s almost hyperventilating. His fists are clenched so tightly that his nails are breaking into his skin. The sting only makes his fury worse. He wants to throw something, break something and watch it shatter. “And you kept it a fucking secret from me?! That you’re terminally ill?! What if we could have fixed it all of those months ago? What if we can still fix it? Why wouldn’t you tell me- “
She lifts a hand, and he stops, chest rising up and down. He’s struggling to breathe. His throat feels tight.
Ellie shakes her head, still so calm underneath the exhaustion and anger. Maybe it’s because she burned out months ago, and he never knew anything about it. “I was dying in September, too. And probably long before that. It was too late. The cancer…it’s already progressed beyond what we can salvage. And I knew…” her chest hitches, and there’s a suspicious shining in her eyes, “I knew you would want me to go through all of those hellish treatments on the off chance that I wouldn’t die. But my quality of life, Niall…I didn’t want that. I don’t want that. It won’t help. Maybe if it had been caught years ago, but at this point, those treatments won’t help. Why prolong a life when it’s just going to be shitty? I’ll be more miserable than I would be otherwise. I would rather spend this time with you enjoying myself and the time that I have left.”
Niall tries to steady his racing heartbeat, but he’s having a difficult time. Because Ellie isn’t wrong. He would have wanted her to try radiation or chemo – hell, he still kind of does. And doesn’t that just prove her right, in some sick way? Who the fuck is he to pressure her into trying a treatment she’s sure won’t do anything at this point?
There is a tiny part of him that still whispers that she’s wrong. Surely this can be fixed. His head is spinning, filling with names of doctors, people who will tell him if he’s right.
“That’s not the only reason I didn’t tell you.” She says and then pauses contemplatively. “I also didn’t tell you…because I knew you would cancel the tour and come right home, and I knew you wouldn’t tell your fans an exact reason why it was cancelled, but then the media gaze would be on us. And they would investigate and find out. And I wasn’t ready for the world to know. I’m still not.” Ellie sounds desperate and pleading now; her eyes are shining with what he can now see is tears. She’s about to cry.
He can’t take it.
“I need…” he shakes his head and gets up from his seat, trying to reconcile who he was earlier this morning with who he is now. Because he is completely different now; all of his hopes and dreams are dying just as surely as the beautiful, lively even, woman is in front of him. “Air. I just…”
Niall stumbles out of the hotel suite, past all of the orchids that are facing almost accusingly towards him. He ignores them, ignores the whisper of a breeze coming from the open lanai to the gardens, and shuts the door to the Orchid Suite behind him.
His legs give out, and he leans back against the door and slides down against it, then thumps his head back into the wood. Staring at the white wall across from him, he thinks he can hear her crying – but it’s so faint – and everything is shattered glass in his hands, cutting and bleeding and tearing him to shreds.
He remembers a saying a teacher said to him once, back when he was a lad in Ireland. It doesn’t cost anything to dream.
Niall thinks of the family he’ll never have, of the light of his life dimming and then forever going out. He tries to contemplate an existence without Ellie, and there’s nothing there. It’s a blank, bleak future. He doesn’t even want to get up off of the soft carpeted floor here – it’s pointless. She’s still going to die, and with her death, every important piece of him will die too, leaving behind a fractured shell.
It doesn’t cost anything to dream. It costs everything.
Hours later, Niall picks himself up off of the carpet and wanders back inside the room. He’s numb. He’s probably hungry and thirsty since he didn’t eat breakfast, but he doesn’t feel it right now. His body is merely transporting his head from room to room, and his mind is empty.
Ellie emerges from the bedroom with red rimmed eyes. She wraps her arms tightly around herself, looking tremulously at him. “I should have told you,” she states, voice small.
Niall stares at her, drinking the sight of her in, from her head to her toes. “No,” he says roughly, and then shakes his head. Instantly he’s moving, wrapping his arms tightly around her and holding her close. She tucks her head into his chest and clutches him back, fingers tightening in the fabric of the back of his shirt. “It doesn’t matter.”
Because it doesn’t. He’s not going to be the asshole who holds a grudge over his dying wife’s head – even if, in the back of his mind, he knows it does matter, and this could have been done differently. They could have had more time…he would feel more prepared, he thinks.
Even though that time would still be tainted with the knowledge that it would eventually run out, an hourglass nearly empty of grains of sand.
He presses a kiss to the top of her head, taking a deep breath, memorizing the scent of her that comes with it. “I love you, Ellie. I’m sorry.” He’s not sure what he’s apologizing for – her cancer, or his earlier outburst. Perhaps both.
She sniffles faintly. “Don’t worry about it,” she replies, and then pulls back to wipe at her eyes. She sniffles again, and then forces a bright smile onto her lips. “Let’s go do something. Okay? I want to get out of the room.”
“There’s an aquarium not too far away,” he murmurs faintly, a sinking feeling in his chest; he doesn’t have the heart to tell her that he doesn’t want to go out. In fact, Niall wants to go home to London, where everything is familiar and comfortable, and their friends and family are close.
Instead, they’re isolated from the familiar on an island, and Ellie isn’t going to be around forever. The thought constantly takes the breath out of him, and he’s about ready to crumple to his knees from the weight of it.
But. Aquarium. He can do that. For her, he can do it.
“Let’s get going,” Ellie murmurs, fanning at her face. She avoids looking at him for a second, and then pastes that same smile back on her lips. “Are you ready?”
“Yeah,” he replies, and a muscle in his jaw twitches with the force that he grinds his teeth together. “I’m good to go.”
“I went wedding dress shopping today,” Ellie sing-songs her way into the bedroom, twirling about the room and kicking her leg out as she does it, like a poor ballerina. “It was kind of terrible. And there are definitely pictures of me going inside the store on the Internet.”
She flops onto the bed face down by his feet, and Niall lifts an eyebrow, amused. “So…why are you so happy then? Unless it’s a front and you’re about to screech in anger.” He’s certainly not worried about fans knowing she’s wedding dress shopping; they posted an engagement picture a month ago.
Ellie rolls onto her back and tilts her chin up so she can peer at him. “No screeching. I’m not a bridezilla yet.” She shrugs and lifts a hand, picking at her nails. “It just…kind of made everything more real. I went wedding dress shopping. That’s something you really only do if you’re getting married.”
“Hey, there was that bride who went shopping and wasn’t engaged yet on Say Yes to the Dress,” Niall points out, reaching down to flick her nose. There’s a part of him that wants to deny that he’s ever watched it, but hey – sometimes those ‘reality’ tv shows can pull you in. It also doesn’t hurt to get an idea of what his fiancée will be going through.
She swats back at him, unfazed. “Yeah, but he did propose in the store, but that was totally fake. I bet you that he had proposed earlier, and they made a deal with the show or something. For drama.”
He hums softly, dips his head down in a nod. “Makes sense. So, it went terribly, though?”
Ellie purses her lips. “I don’t entirely know what kind of dress I want. And I didn’t really feel good in all of them. Some were just fine. Nothing felt like the one.”
“Well, you’ll just have to keep trying, baby. Don’t try on the styles that you didn’t feel good in. We’ve got plenty of time to find a dress and do all of the other eight million wedding-related things we have to do.”
She giggles and sits up, scooting closer to peck his lips. “May 18th, 2020.”
Niall smiles and leans in to kiss her, banishing away the thoughts of what else will happen in 2020: an album release and the start of another, second, solo world tour. For now, work can wait. He has a woman to get married to.
“I’ll be the one in a tux,” he jokes, earning another laugh from her lips.
“And I’ll be the one in white,” Ellie replies teasingly, wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing her lips to his.
Ellie is entranced by the moon jellyfish, and Niall is entranced by her. They’re in a dark room, surrounded by tanks that are blue-lit to show off the incredible creatures inside. She’s in shadows, the edges of her softened – actually, his eyes are just watering up once again.
The Waikikia Aquarium is beautiful, unsurprisingly. Everything on Hawaii is, from the towns to the sky above. They’ve been wandering around for a while now, and they’ve made it to the jellyfish exhibit. Ellie has been standing in front of the moon jellies, just staring, for roughly five minutes. He thinks she’s watching the progress of a brine shrimp being eaten by one of them.
“I wonder what they think about,” she murmurs into the quiet, tearing her gaze off of the tank to look at him briefly before gazing back into the blue.
“I wonder if they think,” Niall replies, and then cringes at the harshness of his tone. He sounds a little too accusatory right now. “If anything, it’s probably about food. Reproduction. You know, the usual stuff.” He adds on, trying to soften his earlier words.
“The meaning of life,” Ellie muses, her hands rubbing together as if they’re cold. “Reproduction and survival. Wouldn’t you say?”
“No.” Niall presses his lips together. “That might have been the purpose of life back when humanity first started out, but the meaning of life is different now. It’s…love, and happiness, and fulfillment.”
She sighs softly and then turns back to him, stepping closer and taking his hand in hers. He was right, earlier – her hand is freezing cold. He winces at the bite of her skin against his, and then covers her hand with his other one, attempting to warm her up. “That’s much better,” she murmurs, and he isn’t sure if she means his definition of the meaning of life, or of the warmth he’s providing.
Either way, he’s ready to cry in the middle of the jellyfish exhibit, staring at the love of his life.
The corners of her lips tighten, and she withdraws, meandering further throughout the aquarium. Niall follows slightly behind her, noticing her in new ways. He can see the frailty in her now – in the boniness to her shoulders and in the way she walks, like she’s trying her best just to move – that he couldn’t, or wouldn’t, see before. Just yesterday he had thought she was glowing.
The tears finally fall at the Hawaiian monk seal exhibit. He’s watching the monk seals swim and playfully brush by each other when he feels a bit of wetness on his cheek. Reaching up to his face, Niall blinks rapidly, and finds that he’s crying when he pulls his fingers away and the wetness there shines in the daylight.
It hits him all at once, and he ducks his head, rubbing his eyes with his arm. It’s too late; Ellie has already noticed, and she frowns at the sight of him. “Baby- “she starts, but he shakes head and she falls silent.
“I can’t…” he pauses, his lower lip trembling. “I can’t act like you’re fine. I can’t just pretend everything is normal. I don’t know how you’re managing, but I can’t.” His voice cracks on the last syllable, and Ellie wraps her arms around him, murmuring soft, soothing words that he actually can’t distinguish. He just hears her.
She presses a soft kiss to his cheek, and Niall hopes that the surrounding visitors think that they’re two lovers caught up in an embrace, when actually his life is falling apart at the seams.
“Let’s go home,” she whispers in his ear, and he nods, because there’s no place like home, and he wants to shut himself up in their house and hold her until. Until…
Until there is an ‘until’.
“How are things going, my love?” Niall rasps through the phone, looking down at the piano keys before him. He has one more night to make this song perfect, and then he’s going to perform it for his newly-minted wife. Tonight is his last chance to finish it, and he’s having a bit of a rough time. There’s so much he wants to say to her – how can he pack it all into just one song?
He’ll just have to make an album, then. Slowly, over time. For now, this one song will do.
“I am definitely wine drunk,” Ellie giggles back, and he can hear it in the syrup-y tone to her voice. Not quite a slur yet. “But not too drunk. I’m not going to have a terrible hangover with it. Actually, I’m drinking water right now, and I ate a bunch of bread before drinking.”
“Sounds like your bachelorette party is everything you’ve dreamed of,” Niall comments, grinning. “Wine and carbs.”
“Mhmmmmm,” she hums back. “How’s your bachelor party going, babe?”
“It’s going very well,” he replies, like a liar. In all truth, there isn’ta bachelor party. He got together with his friends earlier in the day, and they laughed and drank (but not too much) and then he came home and continued working on this song. “The lads did a great job.” There’s suddenly loud cheering from the other end of the phone, and he can hear Ellie laughing far away for a moment, and then she’s back.
“There’s no male strippers there, I hope,” Niall chuckles, clunking on one of the keys gently.
“God, no.” She laughs again, and she sounds so happy and buzzed that he can’t keep himself from smiling. “The only man I want stripping for me is you. Nicole just chugged some sort of alcohol concoction all the way down.”
Ah, there it is. If Ellie can use a word like “concoction” correctly, she’s not that drunk. That’s something he’s learned throughout all of the years of their dating. But she is having a good time, which is the point.
“Alright, baby,” Niall says, still staring down at that one key, “I’ll let you go. I’ll see you tomorrow, right?”
“Absolutely.” She promises. “Goodnight, Niall.”
She hangs up, and Niall sighs softly, setting his phone down on the bench beside him. He hunches down over the piano in their living room, setting his fingers properly on the keys, and then looks over the music he had already written, words scrawled along the top.
The wedding is at 4:00 tomorrow afternoon, and he really only needs to make sure the cake is delivered, and the venue is prepared, and then get ready himself.
He can finish this song by then. It might be rough, but he can get it done.
He already knows the title: ‘Elise’. And he has a majority of it written – just needs to finish it up.
Niall’s got this. After all, songwriting is what he does.
There is a lot that goes on when someone is dying that Niall never knew about. Doctor appointments, executing a will, and even tentative funeral plans. All of it is depressing as hell, and the often-gloomy London atmosphere doesn’t help.
Niall learns, as soon as they’re back home, that Ellie has a kind of metastatic stomach cancer. He couldn’t handle learning it in Hawaii. Metastasis means that it has spread around the body and it’s infecting other organs and body tissues. It’s cancer, and that’s the most he can stand to know – the medical jargon doesn’t make sense to him, and he doesn’t think he can bare to make himself learn it.
He looks at Ellie differently, too. There’s a war of protectiveness and sadness fighting inside of him every time he sees her. And the worst part is that she notices the difference, too.
She never says anything about it; in fact, they very rarely talk about her illness at all. They talk about the symptoms, like the vomiting, the weight loss, the trouble swallowing, but rarely the cancer that’s causing them.
“You should play Nicotine by Panic! at my funeral,” Ellie says one morning, after taking a sip of tea. “That’s my favorite song, I think.”
Niall nearly chokes on his eggs. “I’m not playing a song named after a cancerous substance at your cancer-caused funeral.”
Ellie bursts out laughing, and a moment later, he joins in with a moderate chuckle. “That was a good one,” she chortles, shaking her head and taking another sip of her drink. It’s kind of sad, really, that their sense of humor has devolved to this level. And that’s the most they ever really talk about the cancer. It hurts too much, for both of them.
One late, late night, when it’s dark enough that it seems like all light is nonexistent, Niall wakes up for seemingly no reason. When he lets out a quiet groan and rubs at his eyes, he realizes that Ellie is sitting up and staring at the window directly across from their bed. The curtains are still drawn, so there’s nothing to be seen, but she still stares, lost in thought.
“Babe?” Niall asks into the darkness, panic edging his voice.
She turns to look at him, a sheet of hair falling across her face. “Hey,” she answers quietly as she pushes it back. “Sorry if I woke you. I just can’t sleep.”
“You didn’t wake me.” In fact, he’s not sure what woke him up. “How about you come down here and give me a cuddle?”
She doesn’t say anything for a second, and then nods and lays back down, curling into him. He wraps an arm around her and snuggles into her, ignoring how some of her bones in her shoulders jut out uncomfortably into his skin.
They lay there together quietly for a long time, though Niall is positive they’re both still awake.
“I love you so much,” he breathes out, releasing the words like a long-held sigh. “I love you so much, Elise, and I just want you to know that. Nothing has changed that. Nothing will change that. It’s you for me, always, baby. No matter what happens.”
Ellie is quiet, and then she shudders, and Niall realizes with a start that she’s crying. “Oh, baby,” he murmurs despairingly, tucking her closer in his arms. There’s nothing he can say or do – she’s dying, and they both know it. She’s dying, and it’s painful, both physically and mentally. Watching her waste away is killing him, and the thought of the bleakness of his steadily approaching future makes him want to lay down and never get back up.
“I love you too,” she sobs into his chest, clawing at the sheets covering them both. “I love you so much, and I am so scared. I don’t want this. I don’t want to go. I want to stay here with you and live. There’s so much we never got to do.” All of it is half-unintelligible, but he understands every word she says.
Niall’s eyes burn as they water up, and he fights to keep the tears locked away. “I know,” he whispers back, swallowing harshly.
“You have to promise me that you’ll move on someday,” she cries out quietly, her entire body trembling under the force of her grief – the grief of a life not fully lived. “Promise me that you’ll do everything we never got to do with someone else.”
“I can’t,” Niall says firmly, chest beginning to heave under breaths straining to stay strong. “I can’t promise you that. I can’t, and I won’t. Because you’re mine, and I’m yours, and no matter what, it will always be that way.”
Ellie leans up and kisses him hard, the salt from her tears a sting on his lips. He tilts her chin up slightly and pulls back a moment later, engulfing her in the fiercest embrace he can manage without hurting her. He starts to hum the song he wrote her, ‘Elise’, and he feels her quake with the weight of it.
I won’t let you go. I won’t let you go. I won’t let you go.
May 18th, 2020 is here, and Niall is getting married.
He’s about ready to walk down the aisle and take his place in front of the priest. He takes a look at himself in the mirror, checking himself out in his black tuxedo, and then finger-combs his hair just slightly. He’s got to make sure he looks his best.
“Come on, mate,” Louis jabs him in the arm and grins cheekily. “You look great. Let’s go shackle you down to El, eh?”
Niall rolls his eyes playfully. “Why did I ever make you my best man?”
Louis chuckles. “Because I’m devastatingly handsome, and levelheaded, and pretty smart, too- “
“Shut up. Go take your place, you self-absorbed knob.”
Louis smiles and sets his hand on Niall’s shoulder. “You do look great. And I’m very happy for you and for Ellie. Let’s get you married to the love of your life.”
“That’s a better pep talk,” Niall mutters, smiles, and then spins on his heel to walk steadily out to the altar. The priest smiles kindly at him, and Niall dips his head, turning to face the aisle. He folds his hands nervously in front of him twiddling his fingers together as he waits. He stops to wave at his parents and brother, and then twists his hands back together to prevent any anxious movement.
The music starts not too long after and down walk the bridesmaids and groomsmen. There’s only two, and then the little flower girl (Ellie’s cousin, which was her idea) toddles down the aisle, adorably scattering rose petals all along the floor.
But Niall can’t focus on anyone but Ellie as she slowly steps in time with the music, practically waltzing down the aisle.
He’s beaming before he even fully takes her in, and he takes a moment to wipe at his eyes. They were watering up, and it blurred his sight of her.
She’s wearing an A-line dress – something he only knows because she talked about dress types with him before shopping, definitely not because he watches Say Yes to the Dress – that has peach undertones to it. It’s cinched at her waist with a crystal band, and the top is covered in lace flowers that continue up the straps and trail down the rest of the dress in little bunches.
But the most radiant part of her is her smile – she’s smiling so hard and so wide, it’s incandescent. She is incandescent.
She walks unaccompanied down the aisle, something they had discussed months ago. There would be no handing off the daughter here, because they had walked together into this relationship. She gave herself fully into it, and so did he.
Niall holds his hand out to her when she’s close enough, and she gracefully places her hand in his. It’s only then that he realizes his hand is shaking, but it’s from joy and nothing else.
“We are gathered here today…” intones the priest, and Niall is hardly able to pay attention. Instead, he looks at his bride in full, taking in little details with every glance. The veil she has on has lace flowers on the edges. Her hair is down, and curled into loose, beautiful waves. Her lips are pink, and when she smiles, it makes his heart beat even faster.
Niall blinks, and then he has to say his vows. “Oh,” he starts out, looking a little puzzled. “Sorry, I was a little lost in…” he gestures at all of Ellie, and she laughs, face flushing a delicate pink. “Elise Grace Williams…the first moment I saw you, walking past me at Harlaxton College, I knew you were the one for me. There was something about you that just told me that…you were it. You were the woman I was meant to spend my life with. And these past seven years with you have been the most special and important years of my entire existence. You have been the rock to my storm, the muse for my music, and my best friend. I love you so much.” He takes a deep breath, pausing to wipe at his eyes. Ellie’s eyes are shining too, and her smile is gentle, encouraging.
Luckily, public speaking hasn’t been an issue for him in a long time.
“I vow to always keep your best interests in my heart, and to do things for us, not me. I vow to continue to be your best friend, and always support you, even when you don’t need it. I vow to love you every day, at your worst, at my worst, and every moment in between.” Louis steps forward with Ellie’s ring, giving him a wink, and Niall carefully picks it up and holds it ready. “This ring is a token of my love. I marry you with this ring, with all that I have and all that I am.”
He slides her ring onto her left hand, and his vows are complete.
Ellie is crying now, tears flowing down her cheeks. But her smile remains, as the priest asks for her vows next.
“Niall James Horan.” She starts, and then lifts a brow. “Since we’re apparently stating full names here.” The crowd laughs, and he chuckles as well, grinning so widely that his cheeks hurt. “I never planned on falling in love with you when we first met. In fact, falling in love with you was a complete and total shock, and some days I still wake up and look at you, and I’m surprised all over again that I’m lucky enough to have you. You are a beacon of positivity, and you have taught me how to love even the most gray and cloudy days because of it. You have brightened my entire life, and I am so completely in love with you that it’s mildly ridiculous. Like, it’s bad.” Ellie laughs, and a warm feeling grows in his chest.
“I vow to take care of you no matter the difficult days that lie ahead, because the good days will outshine them always. I vow to listen to you, because it’s so important to us. I vow to go wherever you need me, because our life together is fluid and it’s essential that we stay together. And I vow to love you every moment of every day, because we are forever, Ni.” She sniffles and then laughs, murmuring a quiet ‘sorry’ before continuing on, as Louis steps forward and hands her his ring. "I give you this ring to wear with love and joy. As a ring has no end, neither shall my love for you. I choose you to be my husband this day and forevermore."
She slides the ring on to his left ring finger, and he beams down at her, taking both of her hands in his. The priest begins to speak again, but Niall doesn’t bother to listen until he hears the words he’s waiting for: “By the power vested in me, I pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.”
They almost lunge for each other, laughing as their noses bump. But then Niall cups her cheeks and leans down slightly and presses his lips to hers. It’s brief, because there are people watching, and when he pulls back, he slides his hands to her waist and picks her up and spins her around as the crowd of family members and friends cheer so loudly, he’s afraid the windows will break.
They’re married. Finally.
Hours and hours later, they’re home, and Niall is still in his tux, sitting on the bench of the piano. They had agreed to go home after the reception and travel to their honeymoon the next day; that way they could get some sleep in their own home and get comfortable.
“Babe,” Niall calls hoarsely, “can you join me in the living room?”
“I’ll be there in a second!” Ellie yells back from the bathroom. She’s cleaning herself up a bit and taking her makeup off, since it’s messy now anyway. He already helped her out of the dress, and watched as she hung it in their closet, winking at him and teasing him with the phrase, ‘for special occasions.’
He waits, bouncing his knee up and down. When she finally comes out of the bathroom and into the living room, his breath gets caught in his throat. She’s wearing a white, thin nightgown, reminiscent of her wedding dress. “Ah. So that’s what you’ve been doing.”
She smirks and sidles on up to him on the bench, cozily pressing her side up against his. “What’s up, love?”
“I have a wedding gift for you.” Niall says after clearing his throat. “Just listen, yeah?” Without waiting a second longer, he launches into playing the ballad, starting out with deeper notes and layering his voice on top.
He sings, and he plays the piano. He sings about his love for her, about the happiness she brings into his life, and how none of this life that he has would be possible without her. It’s a love song in the truest sense.
When he’s done, after a crescendo to one final sweet note, he’s panting and she’s crying. She embraces him without saying anything, just clinging to him like he’s the only thing that matters. He sighs into her hair, relieved that it’s going so well. “So,” he coughs out quietly, because she’s about ready to break his ribs, “did you like it?”
“Like it? I love it, baby.” She pulls away and sniffles, eyes rimmed in red. “Can we get that recorded? I want to be able to listen to it when you’re on tour.”
Niall leans in and pecks her lips. “’Course, love. It’s our song. It belongs to us. I’ll get it recorded for you, and then you can have it always.”
Her smile is small, but full of joy. “That’s the best wedding gift ever, baby. I’ll listen to it whenever I miss you.”
He chuckles. “Or you could, I don’t know, call me.” He cackles when she punches his shoulder softly and laughs harder at the look she throws at him. “I know, it’s not that easy.”
“You’re awfully busy on tour.” She says quietly, and then brightens up. “But that’s not for a while yet, and we have all this timeto spend together.”
Niall brushes a kiss against her shoulder. “That’s right baby. It’s just going to be you and me for a long time. A looooonnngggg time.”
“Sounds like the best kind of vacation,” Ellie replies, rubbing her nose against his, and then scrunching it up cutely.
Niall stands up and picks her up, throwing her over his shoulder. She squeals and laughs, and Niall darts into the bedroom, chuckling the whole time. He sets her down on the bed, grinning at her while she coyly smiles back.
“We’ve got forever, babe.” He promises, and then leans down to kiss her, smiling at the thought of the future to come.
In a surprise move after nearly two years of public silence, singer Niall Horan released a song near midnight last night. It’s a ballad entitled ‘Elise’, and despite the sorrowful tone permeating it, the song is steadily climbing the charts worldwide.
Fans are streaming it already in support of Horan, as the song is about his late wife, who the song is named after. Elise Horan passed away after a long struggle with cancer five months ago, and it’s obvious that the singer is grief-stricken.
Support him by purchasing the song; there are links below.
All proceeds from ‘Elise’ are being donated to Cancer Research UK.
The End
“I don’t want to lose your touch, I don’t want to hurt this much, I can feel you slipping away…”
Even though Ellie isn’t pregnant, or so she claims, she’s still something. Niall tries to get her to see a doctor here on the island, but she refuses on the pretense of vacation-salvation. “I don’t want to ruin our trip,” she insists, setting a placating hand on his arm. Neither does he, but if she keeps getting sick, that might be what does it.
She’s both distant and close immediately after the incident in the bathroom. She’s affectionate, pressing kisses to his cheeks and lips and cuddling with him merely ten minutes later. It almost distracts him from the problem, but when he looks at her and she’s unaware of it, there’s a distance in her eyes that wasn’t there before.
And God, he’ll do anything to remove it.
Ellie falls asleep quickly, while Niall is still staring up at the ceiling an hour later. Something isn’t adding up right. He’s missing something, and the only one who knows what it is happens to be asleep next to him, breathing deeply. She’s dead to the world.
She’s always been able to fall asleep easily. The first night he slept over with her, she was out like a light a bare five minutes after crawling into bed, while he had hardly moved for fear of doing something wrong or weird. It’s something he envies. Insomnia is a common issue that he faces, considering how much of the year he spends touring, traipsing through time zones and jet lag.
Sometimes, his best work has been spun from his worst exhaustion. The song ‘Flicker’ came from several late, late nights work, and observing friends’ failing relationships all around him. He and Ellie had always been strong relationship-wise, with only a few bumps in their otherwise smooth life together. But way too many nights at 1 am with friends going through heartache and a studio before him had led to the ballad. Maybe a little bit of the emotion came from being afraid that someday he and his girl would be in that situation, but it never happened.
It’s always been him and Ellie, from day one of their friendship.
It’s that comforting thought that finally puts him to sleep.
“Do you think they’ll be mad at me?” Niall asks late one night, dark half-moons smudged under his eyes. He’s tired and frustrated. He feels like to going to sleep would betray his music; it deserves his attention until it’s right. Hence, the late hour. Ellie is keeping him company, sipping tea and reading a book. He knows how tired she must be – and she’ll be tired tomorrow too, when she goes to work. But she does it for him, without him asking, without complaint, often. It makes him feel lighter than air.
“Who?” she asks, pausing from her reading to take a sip of her tea. She made it an hour ago. Surely it’s cold by now, but Ellie doesn’t seem to mind.
Niall hesitates. “The fans,” he replies after a moment. The enormous amount of people he categorizes under one label. The enormous amount of people who made One Direction successful, sometimes purely by force of will. The enormous amount of people he doesn’t want to disappoint – at least, not all of them.
Ellie doesn’t answer for a moment, shifting to tuck her legs underneath her. “I don’t know,” she answers thoughtfully. “Some of them will be, because we can’t do anything without angering someone, but I think a majority of fans will be fine.”
Niall frowns down at his notebook. He’s been rewriting the same phrase for hours now, and he’s stuck on it. He’s not scheduled at the recording studio for a few days, and he can’t stop thinking about what’s to come. “What if I don’t make it as a solo act, babe? How do I come back from that?” The self-doubt has become crippling, and it’s affecting his writing. At the rate he’s going, he’ll be lucky if he adds another word to this damn song.
She sighs and sets her book down, turning to look at him with tired eyes. “Niall. You are incredible.” Ellie says firmly, and he can tell by the look in her eyes that she means it. “Your fans know it. Not One Direction’s fans. Your fans. They will love you and your music no matter where you go with it…probably. I can’t guarantee it. But what I can guarantee is that if you write the music you want to write, no one in this world will be able to stop you.”
Niall leans over and kisses her softly before resting his forehead on hers, closing his eyes. She cups his cheek gently, rubbing her thumb over his stubble. He’s forgotten to shave. “I don’t know how I’d be able to do this without you.” He tells her honestly, because that is their code. Honesty first.
“I am your biggest fan,” she replies, and he snorts, leaning back only to flick her nose. She flips him off and pulls her book back onto her lap, grinning madly, like it isn’t nearly midnight and she isn’t exhausted.
“I guess I can’t deny it any longer, I guess,” he chuckles and leans back into the couch, striking through a truly god-awful phrase with his pen. Write from the heart…his heart. “Thank you, Elise.”
At the sound of her full first name, Ellie raises an eyebrow at him. “You’re welcome, Niall,” she responds very formally, and they both giggle before returning to their duties. Niall is trying to keep his heart in mind, gearing the lyrics towards a beat he’s made, while she slowly turns pages.
“We said the hiatus will only be 18 months.” Niall points out a half-hour later. “Do you think they’ll be mad when they realize it’ll be a hell of a lot longer than that?”
“Oh definitely.” Ellie laughs, shaking her head. “But they’ll love what you put out nonetheless. Stop worrying, Niall. Write.”
Ellie sleeps in so late that Niall almost goes insane. He’s minutes away from throwing cold water on her when he finally hears a scratchy “babe?” from the bedroom. He’s there instantly, and even though he’s concerned, his chest feels warm when he sees her pouting at him from beneath the quilt.
“What’s wrong?” he asks, sitting down on the bed. It’s like sitting down on a cloud, the thing is so light and airy. His back feels great after sleeping on it, even though it’s only been two days.
“Missed you,” Ellie grumbles and flings the covers off of her, before crawling over and wrapping her arms around him in a Koala-esque hug. “You got up early.”
“I think you got up late,” Niall counters, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “You’re sweaty, babe. Why don’t you take a cool rinse in the shower? You’ll feel better. Then we can eat and decide what to do today.” Nothing too physically exerting, he adds silently. Ellie slept for eleven hours, which isn’t typical. They both strive for a solid eight when he’s not touring.
She sighs softly into the crook of his neck, tickling his skin and making his shoulder twitch up. She giggles quietly, pulling back enough to place a kiss to his neck. “Fine. I’ll shower. But only if you join me.”
Niall shakes his head, not in denial but in defeat. “Christ, woman. You’ll be the death of me someday.”
Ellie rolls off of his lap and hops up from the bed, before pointing at him. “If you’re gonna be the death of me, that’s how I wanna go,” she sings, quoting the song ‘Collar Full’, by Panic! of course. Who else would she be singing?
He rolls his eyes and follows her into the bathroom, not bothering to fight the smile blooming on his lips.
Ellie reaches into the shower and turns the water on to cool, before pulling her shirt off and shimmying out of her pants and panties. Niall swallows harshly as he watches her undress. This – this desire for her, despite all of the years they’ve been together, has never lessened. If anything, it’s only grown stronger.
Niall watches as she steps inside, and then hurries to follow. He yanks his pants off with the speed of…well, with the speed of a man desperate to be naked with his wife. His boxers follow suit, and then he’s practically leaping into the crystal stall.
Ellie smiles at him over her shoulder, water streaming down the lines and contours of her body. She seems to shimmer in the lighting, the water catching it and amplifying it ten times over. Niall opens his mouth, pauses, and then says, “you look like you’re made of diamonds.”
She bursts into peals of laughter. “What?” She chokes out, leaning a hand onto the wall to keep her balance. Niall chuckles with her, not embarrassed at what a flop his flirting was. “I look like diamonds? What kind of line is that?”
He takes a step closer, feels the spray of the water ricochet off of her and onto his own skin. It’s bitingly cold and he nearly winces but braves another step forward. “You’re shining, babe. Like diamonds.”
Ellie rolls her eyes, smiling, because she doesn’t believe him, but it’s the only way he can describe how she looks right now. “Honestly,” Niall insists, “the way the light is shining on you, and you’re wet. You’re beautiful.” His lips quirk up. “Like diamonds.”
“I like how you think,” she replies, looping her arms around his neck. He flinches at the cold slickness of her skin, and she presses her body tightly to his, giggling. “You may flatter me all that you wish.”
Niall slides his hands down to palm at her ass, smirking down at her. “What does flattery get me?”
Ellie’s eyes light up, and she reaches back to turn the water warmer before slinking her way down to be kneeling in front of him. His eyes widen, despite himself, and he reaches a hand down to fist into the wet strands of her hair. He shuffles back a bit so they’re out of the water, and she grins, looking impishly up at him. “Why don’t you find out?”
Fifteen minutes later, they both leave the bathroom smirking. Niall because he got off, and Ellie because she got him off. They had separated a few minutes ago to rinse off with the unspoken promise that he would get her later.
“So,” Niall states as he pulls on a fresh pair of clothes, “what do we want for breakfast?”
“We can eat here for breakfast,” Ellie suggests as she tugs on a pair of shorts, wiggling to get them to sit right on her waist. “Order from the menu and then decide what we want to do for the day.”
He agrees, and they order a delectable breakfast that’s served to them on the lanai, with the lush gardens in sight. Ellie pops a bite of fruit into her mouth and then glances down at the comprehensive list of everything the Halekulani Hotel has to offer them. “They have so much,” she marvels after swallowing, shaking her head. “We could stay here for a month and not get it all done. So many options.”
Niall takes a bite of a fluffy pancake and reads over the list. “We should do a couples’ massage.” He says, biting his lip. “This one. The Romance Remembered one.” He wiggles his eyebrows at her and she laughs.
“Yeah, we can do that. Jeez, it’s five-and-a-half hours, babe. But we get a whole bunch of things with it, including food. And mani-pedi’s.” With wide eyes, Ellie glances up at him. “Okay, let’s totally do that. If we start it at one, we’ll be out by 6:30, which gives us time to see the Hula. We’ll just miss the beginning.”
“Alright then,” Niall grins at her, “let’s do this.”
They book the massage and relax inside the hotel room for a few minutes before heading to the spa. “I guess I did sleep in late,” Ellie admits begrudgingly as they begin their walk, and he nudges her in the side with his elbow.
She takes his hand and he smiles, intertwining their fingers. The simple act reminds him, again, of how much he loves her, and how even though this trip wasn’t planned on his part, it’s truly incredible. Just being with her is incredible and he can’t even fathom doing this with anyone else.
Ellie is his, and he is hers. That’s how it will always be.
It’s late when he gets the call. He’s been waiting for it, but he hasn’t done anything to make it happen faster, either.
Niall clicks accept, and Ellie’s tired, harrowed face appears on the screen. She’s frowning a little, a soft downturn to the corners of her lips. He knows this means she’s not solidly upset with him, but if this call doesn’t go the way she likes, her anger will rear up like a cobra ready to strike.
But this call will go exactly how she wants it to. How he wants it to. Because Niall knows exactly what Ellie is calling about.
“Niall.” She greets lightly, not without a tiny bit of warmth. “How was the show?”
“It was good.” He answers, trying not to feel the sting of her politeness. It smarts anyway. She’s gone on the defensive, and he can’t even blame her. The rumors have filled her head with poison, and it’s not exactly the first time, but she’s always been so strong before. She’s never looked so…doubtful. “My first Jingle Ball solo was a success, I would say.”
Ellie hums softly, nodding. She probably kept an eye on Twitter during the performances, staying up way later than necessary, because he’s in America and she’s home in London.
His chest feels tight. She’s always exhausted for him.
“I’m glad,” she says quietly. There’s a pause, and then she sighs softly and runs her hands over her face, like she’s trying to smooth the stress away. “Niall, are you cheating on me with Selena Gomez?”
He shakes his head. “No. No, of course not,” he replies, voice catching on the last syllable. “God, Ellie. No.”
Her lower lip trembles. “You should hear what they’re saying about you two. And about me.” Her voice is thick with tears and her eyes are red. She’s been crying already, and he hadn’t noticed. “I get messages on Twitter, on Instagram, everywhere. They send me pictures of the two of you laughing together. And I’m stuck here in London.”
She could always quit her job and come around with him, or at least be able to visit more often. The words are on the tip of his tongue. But to say that would be to hurt her feelings worse, because Ellie loves her job and it gives her purpose when he’s not there with her.
Instead, he says, “You shouldn’t read that shit, Ellie. You know it’s made up, or out of context. I’m not cheating on you. Selena and I are just friends, and barely that either.”
She chews on her bottom lip, a nervous habit. “Well, you do have a type,” she forces a laugh out, “you can’t blame me for being concerned.” Niall winces at the words. Several other pop-culture news sites have pointed that out. They don’t really look thatalike, Ellie and Selena, besides the fact that they’re brunettes. Anything to sell a story.
“Babe,” Niall starts, already feeling weighed down by this call and the why-won’t-you-trust-me feeling rising in his gut. “You know I’m not like that. You know it. Why would I cheat on the love of my life?”
Why would he? Underneath the quiet strain of this conversation, he can still feel the beating pulse of his love for her, thumping in time to his heart. Ellie is such a huge part of him now; it wouldn’t be like losing a leg or an arm. It would be like losing his heart and dying, because without it, how will blood pump through his body?
She sighs gently and nods. “I don’t know. This is just…a lot. I love you. We’ll talk tomorrow, okay? I’ve got to get some sleep.”
Niall nods slowly. “I love you too, Ellie. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
She smiles briefly, and then disappears after hanging up with a quick tap of her finger. He exhales and leans back on his bed, flinging his phone onto the covers next to him. Never did he think he would have this many issues concerning his friendship with Selena, but people talk about bullshit all the time. Anything that will get views, whether it traumatizes the person it’s about or not.
It’s worse than the spectacle about One Direction and what they’re all going to do now. He’d already experienced a hit of that when Zayn left, and the band hadn’t even broken up. This is personal, though. It’s a personal attack on his life, and on his girlfriend’s.
Niall closes his eyes after turning off the lamp.
Tomorrow. He’ll do something about it tomorrow.
The massage opens with a salutation from the staff, which leaves both of them grinning, albeit Ellie in a slightly embarrassed way. She’s never enjoyed having everyone’s attention purely on her, but Niall is used to it at this point in his career.
After, they’re led to changing rooms where they can place their clothes and take a robe instead. Before they go into the furo bath, they’re instructed to rinse and cleanse themselves. Ellie sticks her tongue out at him as she moves under the water, and he smiles as he watches her. There’s something intimate about this, watching her rinse off, even though they showered together mere hours earlier.
He rinses off next, and by the time he steps out from underneath the stream of water, Ellie is gone and the curtain leading to the bath is twitching in her wake. Niall pushes past it and blinks, coming to a halt as he takes in the steam-filled room. A few feet away is a large indent, similar to a pool, filled with hot water. In its center is Ellie. She’s chest-deep in the water, back to him; a few strands of hair from her messy bun have fallen, and they’re trailing in the water.
He stands there, watching her. She knows he’s come in; he can tell by the slight tension in her body. She’s ready to turn to face him, ready for anything and everything.
Niall slips into the water, wincing a bit at the heat of it. As he slides in, he relaxes further, letting the warmth ease his body and his mind. He wades over to her, and wraps his arm around her waist, tugging her closer. Ellie leans into him and smiles, turning her head slightly to see him. They fit together, Niall realizes not for the first time. There’s always a bit of shock at that thought. They fit together like puzzle pieces that are made for each other, cliché as it is.
He pinches her side and she squeaks, batting his hand away. “No sullying the water,” she instructs, and he laughs, reaching over to pinch her again.
They soak for a while longer before emerging from the tub feeling relaxed and happy. They don their robes again and are led to a massage room where, side-by-side, they’re treated. Niall nearly falls asleep as his tired muscles are worked, and he’s pretty sure he’s heard Ellie start to snore. It’s just so relaxing that neither one of them can help it.
Once the massage is done, the facials begin. Ellie chooses a purifying facial, while Niall goes for a rejuvenating one. He’s never had a professional facial before; he’s done the face masks and peels with Ellie before, but not anything like this. It’s bliss unlike anything he’s ever known, but a small part of that comes from knowing his wife is right there next to him, being treated the same way.
Hours later, they’re seated on the terrace in their plush robes, facing the ocean and snacking on first-class treats the chefs have prepared for them. Across from him, Ellie is staring out at the sea. She takes a sip of her champagne and smiles. She looks at peace – her shoulders are relaxed, and all tension has been drained from her body.
“Is this what a new car feels like?” He asks after taking a moment to savor this. A breeze rifles through his hair, and Niall feels like a new human being.
Ellie nearly snorts her champagne. “You’re so dumb,” she says, gasping. “That almost doesn’t even make sense.”
Niall chuckles and pops a broccoli-ricotta toast bite into his mouth. “It makes enough sense for you to understand what I mean.”
She shakes her head, hiding her smile with her champagne glass. “I do feel completely new. Like all of my worries have been removed from my body.”
Her words are distant, at odds with what they’ve just experienced. “What worries do you have, babe? You can share them with me.”
Ellie turns to look back out at the ocean. The sun is making its slow descent, and the ocean looks like it’s paved in gold right beneath it, turquoise fanning out. It’s achingly gorgeous; looking at it almost hurts. He can feel the ache of it in his chest.
“Just typical stuff, babe. Deadlines. Work. You know.” She says, and he nods, because he does know. It won’t be too long before he’ll have deadlines of his own. He doesn’t always obey them, because writing a great song isn’t something that can be time-constrained. Not only that, but he enjoyswriting and creating music. He always has. That makes the stress almost nonexistent.
Ellie loves her work, too. She loves building organizations from the ground up and watching them go on to do something incredible, with cancer research or helping underprivileged youth. But it requires a lot of the day-to-day bullshit he doesn’t have to deal with, exactly. His day-to-day is vastly different from hers.
An attendant comes to check on them, and then the mani-pedi session starts. A kernel of concern is growing in his chest, even as his nails are trimmed and buffed like never before. Because the magic of this spa day made him forget Ellie’s exhaustion and sickness yesterday, and her sleeping in late today.
Ellie smiles over at him and he returns it, even as he looks her over to make sure that she seems okay. She’s glowing, really, sipping on champagne and enjoying life.
But that worry continues to grow inside of his chest, a seed sprouting, even as he tries to ignore it and force it down.
Ellie calls him immediately after his tweet has gained some traction. He’s pretty sure she has his account set to alert her anytime he posts or retweets something; otherwise she would have had to been scrolling on Twitter already, and judging by the time, she’s just getting out of work.
“You didn’t have to do that,” she says, voice sounding a little strangled. She’s surprised.
“But I did.” Niall answers in a low voice, scratching at the back of his head. Her shock has him feeling oddly defensive – he loves her, so much, and defending that love shouldn’t be surprising. Especially when it’s addressing something that’s gotten this insane. “It got out of hand, love. People are always going to talk. We both know that. But when it starts to become dangerous and affect our relationship, I need to kill it right then and there.”
He imagines she’s smiling. He can hear it in her voice when she speaks. “Thank you, Ni.” She whispers, gratitude in every nuance of her tone. “Now I can tell my parents to get off my back. They’ve been hounding me about it.”
Niall laughs, even though it rings a little hollow.
It’s rare that he says or brings attention to his relationship with Ellie. They’ve been through a lot in the few years they’ve been together, good and bad. She’s never asked him to stand up for her or to tell off fans for attacking her. She’s weathered it, because she knew it wasn’t worth it, and would likely only add fuel to the fire.
Not that he hasn’t defended her or their relationship before. They avoided publicity as much as possible in the beginning, but it wasn’t long before news of them broke, and then Ellie received quite a lot of hate. She had made all of her accounts private, but still. It had broken his heart then, and it did now, too.
“I love you.” Niall whispers back, swallowing harshly. “I can’t wait to get home to you, love.”
It’s tough to try to fix problems in a relationship when you’re not even home and won’t be for a while. He had never known that until he started dating Ellie, until he cared so deeply it nearly broke his soul.
“I love you too. Come home to me soon, okay?”
After hanging up the phone, Niall goes back on to Twitter to reread what he posted.
@NiallOfficial: It’s time I addressed the rumors concerning my relationship with Selena. Normally I don’t do this, but this particular rumor has been taken too far. There is no relationship between us. I am with the woman I love, and that is all that matters. Posting or speculating rumors that suggest otherwise is hurtful both to me and to Elise. Please respect our relationship.
They leave the spa in the clothes they went in with on, and complimentary goodie bags filled with expensive chocolates and soaps.
“Look at my nails,” Ellie grins, wiggling her fingers at him. They’re painted a deep red color, similar to blood. “They’re so shiny. And my toes match!”
Niall chuckles, shaking his head. “You are so easy to please.”
She pouts at him and wiggles her fingers some more. “They’re pretty!”
“Like you.” He ducks his head down to peck her lips, and she blushes, lips parting to form an ‘o’ shape.
“You’re a flirt,” she accuses, but she sounds happy about it. “Come on, let’s get changed to go to see the Hula event.”
At the room, Niall decides to remain in the white shorts and black t-shirt that he’s already in – hey, why waste perfectly good clothes? – while Ellie changes into a dark blue, floral patterned dress. She pairs it with strappy sandals, and then adds a pair of pearl earrings he recognizes as a gift from him for one of their anniversaries. Niall feels a lump form in his throat. She’s so beautiful. How did he ever get so lucky?
“Come on, babe,” he says after clearing his throat gently, shaking his head lightly. “You look gorgeous. Let’s get out there.”
Ellie smiles softly at him, nods her head, and takes his hand. Together, they walk out of the hotel room and out towards the beach. There’s an area permanently set up that houses a Tiki bar, tables to sit at, and a stage for whatever entertainment is going on. Niall, ever the gentleman, pulls a chair out for Ellie first, scoots her in, and then sits down across from her. There’s a small placard on the table that serves as the menu, should they choose to order food or drink. The only light comes from the bonfire in the center, the many flickering torches set up around the perimeter, and the moon that’s beginning to rise. It’s beautiful, like everything on Hawaii is. Niall stores a picture of the scenery in his mind, to save for later.
“I could go for some wine,” he says, picking up the placard and reading it. “You want some? I’ll go get it.”
Ellie nods in agreement and voices what she would like, so he gets up and makes his way to the bar, ordering the wine once he’s there. Niall’s feeling pretty full from the delicacies they ate earlier at the spa, and he’s guessing she feels the same way. While he waits for their drinks, the Hula performance starts up again, dancing in time to the music. He looks over his shoulder at Ellie, smiling to himself as he watches her watch the dancer.
There’s something so entertaining about it. Her eyes are wide, and her lips are spread wide in an entertained smile. Her joy in watching the dancing is childlike, innocent and peaceful. Those butterflies take off in his stomach. He could watch her forever.
He’s so in love with her that it’s almost disgusting. Niall had never known that, in the right relationship, love would grow. It’s not that he thought love was a stagnant entity; he just never thought it was something that grew exponentially, and it does.
Niall takes their wine glasses back to their table, ducking awkwardly to avoid getting in the way of anyone’s viewing of the stage, where the Hula is still happening. There are more people on stage now, and the music is loud. It is, quite honestly, fantastic.
“Here ya go, love,” he mumbles as he passes Ellie her wine.
“Cheers,” she grins and clinks her glass against his.
The event ends at around eight, and Niall claps along with the other audience members, Ellie loudly joining in. He shakes his head, amused, as she whoops as well. Once she’s finished, he glances at her across the table. “Want to go for a walk on the beach?” He asks, setting his now-empty glass on the wood.
“Yes,” she replies, before looking up at the sky. “It’s beautiful out. We could do some stargazing.”
“You’ll have to show me the constellations. I can never make sense out of the stars.” Niall tells her as he stands up, stretching and letting out a quiet groan.
Ellie walks up to him and stands up on her tippy toes to press a sweet kiss to his lips. “I’ll try my best. I don’t really know them. I’m not much of a ‘connect the dots’ kind of person.”
They laugh quietly and walk, hand-in-hand, down towards the beach. Prickly grass melds into smooth, loose sand, which turns into crashing waves ten feet further. Niall pauses just before the wake line, willing to get his shoes sandy but not wet. He looks out over the ocean, which is glimmering under the moonlight. The sound of the waves crashing onto the beach is soothing. Despite their breakage on the sand, most of the water ends up back together anyway. Cohesion at work – the molecules stick close, even briefly, to keep the matter whole.
“Do you prefer sunsets or sunrises?” Ellie asks abruptly, breaking him out of the trance he was falling under. He blinks at the question, shakes his head.
“They’re both pretty spectacular.” He answers, feeling far too uninformed on the subject matter to make a proper decision. Niall has seen a hell of a lot of sunsets in his time, and plenty of sunrises from early mornings. They weren’t always appreciated. Some of them have been set to pretty shitty days. So, who’s to say which is better? Maybe it depends on the day.
Ellie pokes him in the side. “That’s not an answer.”
Niall takes a moment, reflecting on her words, scrambling to give her an answer she wants, which is just an answer of any kind. “I think it depends on what side of the world you’re on.”
She looks up at him, curious. “How so?”
“Well, if you’re in the east, anywhere east, especially on the coast, then a sunrise will be better because you can see all of it. The same goes for a sunset in the west. If you’re in the middle, it can go either way.”
She hums softly and squeezes his hand. “Perspective.”
He nods his head. “Exactly.”
Niall isn’t entirely sure what he’s feeling at the moment. His emotions are rising and falling – one minute he’s ridiculously happy, the next he’s achingly sad, for no reason. Maybe it’s because the moonlight is bleaching the color out of almost everything, leaving the world in shades of grey. Maybe it’s because, deep in his chest, that seed of worry is still there.
Without warning, he turns towards Ellie and kisses her, hard. She gasps into his mouth and winds her fingers through strands of his hair, tightening them into a near-fist. It hurts a little, but he likes it, likes feeling so grounded and caughtby her. She’s got him, and she’s never letting go.
After a moment of frantic kissing, Niall pulls back, breathing hard. Ellie’s panting too, and she shakily reaches her fingers up to brush against her lips.
“I love you,” he starts, “so god damn much. And I just really need you to know that.”
Her eyes are wide. Slowly, she nods her head, and then reaches for him, pressing her lips to his gently, the calm to his storm. “Let’s go back to the room. Okay?” She murmurs after breaking away, pressing her hand to his cheek. Niall leans into her touch, needing it so badly that he could hardly stand it. She brushes her thumb over his lips, and he nearly weeps from the sensation of it.
They hold hands on the way back inside, too. Niall’s heart is beating hard in his chest – he’s not drunk, he knows that. He only had one glass of wine, and his alcohol tolerance is quite high. So why did he react that way?
There’s an answer in his mind, but it’s just out of reach.
They dust their shoes off at the mat in front of their door, and Niall unlocks it with the room key. He slides his shoes off and leaves them there, hardly taking the time to straighten them out, before walking straight into the bedroom. Ellie follows quietly behind him, and he can feel her eyes on his back. She’s probably worried about his slight outburst. He can’t blame her.
“Niall,” Ellie begins, and he turns to face her as he takes his shirt off. She’s biting her lip. “Unzip me?”
“’Course, love,” he mumbles back, striding over to her in just his shorts. She turns her back towards him and pushes her tumble of hair over her shoulder, exposing the column of her neck. Niall unzips her slowly, gracefully, and the dress slides off her smoothly. She wasn’t holding it up.
“Are you okay?” She asks, back still to him. Her bra, he notices, is a pale pink. It matches her underwear. So many colors, he thinks. Pink, blue, red. She’s a painting half-made, but breath-taking anyway.
“Yes,” Niall replies after a moment, sounding more than a little dazed. “I think that the day just got to me. It was wonderful.”
“It was.” Ellie turns around to face him, casually stepping out of her discarded dress. “You’re wonderful.”
Niall leans down and pecks her lips softly. “I’m sorry if I freaked you out.”
She smiles playfully. “I doubt you’re the only person to freak out after staring into a dark, depthless ocean.”
He laughs, decides to play it off like that’s exactly what happened, even though he’s not even sure what actually did happen. “It’s spooky out there. The ocean isn’t nearly explored enough.”
She rolls her eyes, wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing her body neatly up against his. “You’re goofy, no matter how much I agree with you on the exploration thing.”
He presses a kiss to her neck, smiles against her skin when he feels her shiver. “So much exploring to do.”
Ellie snorts and leans up to kiss him leisurely, as if they have all the time in the world. He slides his hands down to her hips, squeezing her there softly. He can taste the bitterness of the wine they had drunk earlier on her tongue. It’s more intoxicating than the beverage – he’s drunk on her, on the feeling of her body against his, of her hands around his neck, of his lips on hers.
It progresses slowly, despite their near nakedness. The lights dim – Niall takes a moment to breathe and turn them down on the switch on the wall – and Ellie grins at him, sitting back on the bed and gesturing for him to join her. He does, sliding in and getting right back to what they had been doing a moment earlier: kissing.
Ellie lays back and he moves to hover over her, pushing the curtain of her hair off of her face, chuckling as he bumps his nose against hers. Ellie giggles quietly, and when he meets her eyes, he sees that hers are sparkling with happiness.
“Let’s make a baby.” He murmurs softly, leaning in to brush his lips against hers once more before deepening the kiss.
She’s still. Niall pulls back, confused at the sudden change in mood. “Babe?” he asks, rolling off of her and sitting up on the bed. Her hands are covering her face, and panic flares in his mind. “I’m sorry. What’s wrong? What can I do?”
Slowly, she pulls her hands off of her face and sniffles. Her eyes are watery, and as he stares in horror, a single tear slides down her cheek.
“Oh, Ellie, baby, I’m sorry,” Niall whispers, cupping her cheek in his hand and brushing the tear away with his thumb. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“You didn’t,” she answers, voice cracking. But it’s so clear that he did. “Can you just, like, hold me?”
He nods his head and tucks her into his arms, adjusting them until they’re lying on their sides in bed, spooning. He’s the big spoon, because she needs him to be right now. Niall kicks the covers around until he can reach them, and then he pulls the blankets up and over their bodies. “I love you.” He whispers, biting his lip. He can’t see her face, just the back of her head, and it’s killing him. He wants to see her face, see her expressions. He’s fumbling in the dark now.
She sighs softly, and that’s the only response he gets out of her. Slowly, her breathing evens out and she’s fast asleep.
Niall sighs and gently disentangles himself from her, reclaiming his limbs from where they were knotted with hers. He quietly gets out of bed and pads over to the bathroom, looking at himself in the mirror. He looks tired, and more than a little nonplussed. Yes, he had his freak-out earlier, but what was hers about?
That gnawing worry is back, chewing at his brain until it’s all he can think about. Ellie had said earlier that she wanted to have a family – how had he set her off now? She could have said no, but instead, she cried. Something is wrong.
Something is wrong, and he’s going to find out what it is.
Niall hardly sleeps that night, tossing and turning through the hours. Come daybreak, he’s given up hope of catching some shuteye. He brushes his teeth and showers, and then runs out of things to do. So, he waits.
When Ellie wakes up, he’s ready. She glides into the living room wrapped in a white robe, smile ready for him and lighting up the room. There’s coffee already laid out on the table across from him, and she takes that seat and takes a sip slowly. “Mmm…thanks baby.” She holds the mug in both hands, like she’s warming her skin.
“Ellie…we need to talk.” Niall states, trying to keep a tremble out of his voice. He’s so worried. God, he’s so worried. Why does he have such a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach?
She sits up straight at that and puts her full focus on him. “About what?” She asks, looking concerned. Her voice is clear; there’s nothing there in her voice or on her face to explain away last night’s tears.
Niall takes in a deep breath and then harshly blows it out. “Something is wrong with you. I don’t know what. But you’re going to tell me what it is. Now.” He looks steadily at her, folding his hands together and placing them on the table.
Ellie’s lips part, but she says nothing.
“Breakfast for dinner in bed? You’re spoiling me,” Ellie giggles, clapping her hands together as Niall carries in a wooden tray laden with pancakes, sausage, eggs and bacon.
“I most definitely am,” he replies, grinning as he sets the tray down on the bed. Ellie grabs it and scoots it closer to her, giving him room to climb on and sit back next to her. “No man will ever spoil you like me.”
She rolls her eyes, smiling, and pops a bite of scrambled egg into her mouth. “Delicious. I see what your plan is. You want to feed me scrumptious food, so I never leave you.”
Niall cuts a bite of sausage and stabs it with his fork. “Absolutely. And even knowing my plan won’t let you foil it.”
They giggle quietly together, and then he feels a piece of bacon poke him in the cheek. Raising an eyebrow, he turns to look at her, and she looks expectantly at his mouth. Warily, he parts his lips and Ellie gently feeds the slice of bacon to him. Carefully, he bites down and chews. “That’s a good baby,” she coos, and Niall nearly chokes on his bacon.
“I am nota good baby.” He retorts, scoffing quietly.
“You totally are.” She scoops up a bite of eggs, readies the spoon. “Here comes the choo-choo train!”
Niall looks at her, sighs deeply, and then parts his lips and lets her feed him again. In retaliation, he cuts a piece of pancake and offers it to her. She grins and eats the bite off of his fork, and they spend the rest of the evening feeding each other breakfast foods, laughing all the while.
Afterwards, they’re lying on the bed next to each other, when the thought just pops into his head. “Marry me.” He says into the quiet, and then turns his head to look over at her – it occurs to him, just then, that the ring he bought months ago is tucked away in the closet, out of reach. Fuck. He’s done this a little wrong.
Her eyes fly open, and she shifts on the bed to face him. “What?” she breathes out, face turning a light pink.
“Marry me,” Niall says again, a little more unsure. “Ellie, babe, I love you so much. And sitting here, eating in bed with you…I don’t want anyone or anything else. I want you, forever. So…will you marry me?”
Her eyes glint with tears, and she shakily presses her hand to his chest. “Yes. Yes, of course. God, Niall, yes!” she squeals with delight, hastily rolling herself on top of him and pressing her lips against his.
He’s giddy with glee and laughing against her lips, reaching his hand up to hold her steady on him. “I love you. I love you so much.” He murmurs against her lips, and she grins, cupping his face in her hands.
When she looks down at him, he can see the pure joy in the curve of her lips, the sparkle in her eyes.
“I love you too. Let’s get married, baby.”
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Perhaps forty feet away, there is a black Range Rover parked on the asphalt. The windows are too dark for him to see inside, and the car is too far away at any rate, but Niall’s heart beat picks up in speed. That’s definitely for him – he can’t go through the airport without getting bombarded, so the airport lets a vehicle come to get him. He lurches to his feet quickly and takes the suitcases the flight attendant passes him. “Thank you, Nancy,” he murmurs as she does the same for Louis, and then the stairs are down and he’s charging down the steep steps with no regard for his safety. If he breaks an ankle, she’s worth it.
Niall starts running towards the Range Rover, yanking the suitcase along behind him. The front passenger’s door flies open, and then a small figure is darting towards him with the ferocity of a lion.
Her face becomes clearer the closer they get to each other, until fuck it,he’s ditching his suitcase on the tarmac because it’s causing drag, and then they’re careening into each other, colliding in an entanglement of arms and legs and faces immediately smooshing together for the briefest of seconds.
Niall puts his hands on her waist, and he’s home. He’s safe. He picks her up and twirls her around, listening as her muffled laughs turn into quiet sobs, and then he’s holding her tight in his arms again. Elise presses her face into his neck, and Niall can feel her lips trembling against his skin, and the wet streaks she leaves behind. Her arms encircle his neck, clinging tightly.
Gently, reverently, Niall places his finger under her chin and lifts her face up. Ellie allows it, a smile curving her full lips upwards until she’s grinning toothily at him, even as tears flow steadily down her cheeks.
Taking his time, he leans down and presses his lips to hers and man, he had thought just touching her was home. That was just the foyer, the entranceway – this is where he belongs. With Ellie, his hand curving over her waist and her fingers tightening in his hair. He almost moans from the simple touch, but there’s plenty of time for that later.
There’s a soft sigh from behind them. “Guess I’ll grab your bag for ya, then,” Louis mutters mostly to himself as he stalks back towards the plane to grab Niall’s abandoned suitcase.
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the real question is, did Niall ever take Ellie to see Brendan when he was in Kinky Boots?
ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY!! Ellie lost her mind when learning about it, and turned pleading eyes on Niall, who just sighed tiredly and bought tickets and then they flew over to where it was showing and saw it twice.
Ellie was estactic and Niall enjoyed it. More than he let on, of course.
