Best Things Come In Threes (Part. 8.1)
[Baek Dongha x Female Reader x Do Seongmok]
I write adult content and treat grown themes so MDNI (18+). I’m sure I’ll forget to list some triggers but I’ll try my best not to do so!
(Part. 7) // (Part. 8.2)
Title ~ Load-bearing
Genre ~ Hurt / Comfort
Summary ~ Reader meets Dongha and Seongmok. Little by little, she's sucked into their duo, the distinction between the two more and more difficult to make.
Warnings ~ canon divergence (the union wasn't dissolved), AU(the characters are older, towards end of UNI), cussing, violence, sexual themes
wc ~ 12 k
Song Suggestion : "All that I know is mirrors inside me, they recognize you. Please don't deny me."
A/n ~ Reader is referred to as "____"
As always, reblog, like and COMMENT ! Love these little chats we have in the comments 😘
MASTERLIST
Oh my God, this has been a LONG time coming. Sorry to those who waited that long for this chapter but to make y'all forgive me I gave you the longest bit yet 🥺
So long in fact, I have to post it in two sections ! Don't worry it's already written. I'm just editing the posting details in the drafts ;)
Just know I almost melted my thighs off in this heat, working on this like this was my full time job—with my eyes halfway focused on the TV screen, cheering for France's national football team. Their defeat robbed me of sleep but at least I wrote instead so...
P.S : I received one request on a Dongha story and this month was so eventful I couldn't focus on it. My slow ass felt it would be disrespectful to get on that without finishing at least this chapter first ! I'll try to see what I can do and if the inspiration strikes. If not, I'll get to it once I finish this story.
Enjoy and see you on the other side !
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APRIL
Your sister’s guffaws echoed around the room. Head tipped back, you clutched your side, struggling to catch your breath. Eyes on the ceiling, you followed the colorful patterns reflected there, mirth dulling as your weight sunk into the pillowy mattress.
« Feels good finally talking to you. »
The room spun when you jumped up, mouth falling open. « Girl. Are you kidding me ? We’re on our longest streak so far. Haven’t missed a single Sunday since the year started. »
« Yeah, but… I mean it’s good to have you back. Smiling. Joking. I missed you. »
Your heart stuttered when a wet sheen covered her eyes.
« And you’ve got some colors back in your face. I was getting worried for a second there. »
One shoulder lifted. Something about the move looked awkward on her.
You froze, genuinely dumbfounded. You were so used to worrying about her that you hadn’t even considered the possibility of her being troubled by your melodrama.
The thought was humbling.
Weirdly comforting.
Her throat cleared and you tried to blink the glaze out of your eyes.
« Anyway, I’ll stop now. Release you from…this. » She gestured around to the both of you. « Just felt like it needed to to be said. »
It took her waving goodbye for you to snap out of your stupor. « Wait ! I—»
Her eyebrows jumped up and you hawked out a cough. « I have like, twenty minutes until… »
The words died on your tongue. You steeled yourself. « Until Dongha comes over. »
She straightened, her head momentarily blocking the light from her bright room. Shadows fell over her face, enhancing the storm in her expression. « Wow. Before the sun set ? »
Ouch.
Lips pinched, she cursed under her breath. She clasped both hands, actively schooling her features. « So how are things with you two ? »
An amused smile spread onto your lips. She said it so politely, it somehow managed to come off as rude.
« We’re taking it slow. »
Her eyebrows jumped up before dropping down low on her forehead, framing her rounded eyes. Your smile turned into a full blown laugh.
« Okay, I don’t mean to be rude—no, you know what ? I do mean to be rude. I’m finding it incredibly hard to believe ‘slow’ is even an option with you two. »
« Yeah. Well, we’re—»
You fished for the right words. « We’re getting our groove back. »
Your gaze flicked toward the window.
« Little by little. »
The silence pulled it away again, long enough for her to catch.
Her eyes narrowed and she tilted her head in that way you knew meant she was waiting for more.
She broke first—of course. « Little by little ? »
Your teeth clamped down on your tongue. « Um, we talk. A lot. On the phone. »
« Ah ! So he does know how phones work now. Good to know. »
Rolling your eyes, you let your head drop over your bent arms. « I mean, he’s still Dongha. So most of my calls go unanswered—»
Her sharp inhale had your head snapping right back up.
You cut in before she had the chance to cuss him out. «—BUT. He actually calls me back when he gets the chance. Or he texts if it’s really late. To catch up. »
« Well. » She pursed her lips. « He better. »
You pretended not to notice the bitterness coating her words. « There are dates. A lot of them. »
The fond smile on your face dimmed your sister’s hostility some. Watching you, her mouth curled absent-mindedly.
You smirked, triumphant.
Just like that, a scowl overtook her. « Hm. Fucker was always good at those. I’ll give him that. »
« Language. »
It was her turn to roll her eyes.
« He often drops by when he’s done for the day. And we just… eat. And talk. And laugh. Together. » Your hand drifted to your throat, eyes stuck on the floor, unfocused.
« Is that all you do ? »
Your gaze swiveled to hers. « Mmh ? »
« Talking. Eating. Laughing. Is that it ? »
You considered the question for a second, face growing hot. « Um. We… »
You scratched your neck.
« We kiss… »
« Yeah ? »
Silence.
« That’s it ? »
You nodded.
She waited, giving you space to add more.
You didn’t.
« Okay. Is that all you want to do ? »
This time, she let the quiet linger. Let it settle for you to break when you were ready.
It wasn’t.
How could it be ? Things had always been heated between you.
You wanted him. And he wanted you.
Simple.
Through all of the ups and downs, that was the one thing that never swayed.
Until it was all you had.
« I don’t think we’re ready to cross that line yet. »
Your sister’s stare didn’t waver.
« He okay with that ? »
The skeptical look on her face rubbed you the wrong way. Your first instinct was to rush to his defense. « He—» You halted.
Took a second to genuinely think about it. « He doesn’t push. »
She blew out a breath, shoulders relaxing, and you followed suit.
Until she spoke again.
« Is it because you’re scared ? »
Your heart squeezed.
She wasn’t done. « …or because something’s still unresolved ? »
A notification pinged on your phone : Dongha.
A wave of warmth spread through your chest, excitement settling right along with it.
Your sister smiled sheepishly. « Well. Anyway, I’ll leave you to it. Talk to you next Sunday, I guess ? »
You nodded once and without missing a beat, she did the same.
« I love you, big head. »
You giggled. « Love you too. Brat. »
She stuck out her tongue and flipped you off before disconnecting.
The screen blanked out.
***
A heavy weight settled onto the cushion right next to you, nudging you awake. Warm hands wrapped around your ankles and coarse fabric replaced the cold wool of the cushions. The roughness of the material tickled the soles of your feet. You stopped twitching when steady fingers started running over the soft skin, soothing the itch. The motion almost lulled you back to sleep.
High-pitched voices and dramatic explosions sounded far away in the background, the noise unusual enough for you to finally stir. Your eyelids fluttered open to find the dark room illuminated by the TV’s flashing lights.
Your feet rested on Dongha’s lap as he rubbed them, lounging lazily on the sofa. Every now and then, his hands paused and his eyes went wide. Then he would startle and resume his petting, attention never leaving the animation playing on the screen.
You smiled at the childlike wonder coming from him, lying low so as not to interrupt the moment.
The room felt different. Less cluttered. You threw a covert glance at the table and were surprised to find it clear. So many food cartons had been scattered there earlier, the table had leaned perilously.
Dongha peeked at you, doing a double-take when he noticed you were awake. He grabbed the remote and hit pause.
« Look who’s finally up from her little food coma. »
« And whose fault is that ? »
You tittered, gently smacking his shoulder.
He’d brought enough food to feed an entire settlement, insisting you try every single dish he’d picked out.
« I’m surprised you didn’t pass out from all the food you’ve ingested, babe. It was quite the performance. Guinness World Record worthy. Truly. »
He fake-bowed, accepting the praise.
Your melodic laugh trickled out, dying down slowly.
« Did you finish the movie ? I don’t remember much of it. Sorry about that. »
He shook his head. « It’s alright. I got to catch up on this instead. » He gestured to the drawings on the screen and you recognized one of his favorite animes. « And to watch you sleep. Double win. »
You cringed. « Okay. Either you’re reaching back into the river of corn I thought had dried a long, long time ago... blessedly so— »
He touched a hand to his heart. « Ouch. »
« —or. You wanted to make fun of or record my sleep-face. And in that case… ew. »
You hid your face, stealthily rubbing the corner of your eyes, checking for crusts.
The rough pads of his fingers brushed the sensitive skin of your wrist as he pried them down and away. Your sharp gasp echoed in the quiet room.
« I thought by now we both agreed my game isn’t that lame after all. » He smirked, eyebrow lifted in challenge. « I mean, we’re right here. Aren’t we ? »
The low rumble of his scratchy voice travelled through your limbs and your thighs pressed together.
Touché.
He pivoted, hand sliding from your foot up to your knee.
« And I would never make fun of your face. I like your face. Thought I made that very clear. »
You sat there, paralyzed. Stuck in the hypnotic confidence of his stare.
Somehow, his face now hovered inches away from yours.
His hand lifted and a single digit stroked from your hairline, down your cheek. It stopped right next to your bottom lip. His half-lidded gaze followed the same path.
His eyes trailed back up to yours. The same singeing desire you felt was reflected there.
In the next breath, you were locked onto each other, an ocean of feelings coursing through a passionate kiss.
This.
This was so familiar. Time flew by. Or it slowed. You didn’t really know.
The kiss deepened.
Whether he pulled you on top of him, or you climbed there, remained a mystery.
The result was the same. Propped on his lap, you held onto his neck, tight. Kissing him like your life depended on it, barely coming up for air. He held onto you, happily surrendering to your suffocating embrace.
His grip twitched around your waist before sliding down to your hips and you moaned, shifting closer.
Then you felt it.
The hard bulge in his pants nudged your inner thighs. Your knees sank deeper into the couch. A sweet wave of heat surged through your core and you ground onto him instinctively, chasing the feeling.
Flashes burst in, unprompted.
The two of you, chests heaving in exhaustion. Breathing each other’s air as you came down from yet another empty climax.
Different nights. Same outcome.
You caught the faint whistle of the wind outside.
Cold sweat rolled down your back. Your hold on his neck slackened and you pulled your hands down, panting right against his mouth.
Dongha stopped moving, slowly pulling away from you, messy breathing mingling with yours.
You felt his gaze on your face but stayed rooted to the spot, eyes glued to your twiddling fingers. Shoulders stiff.
A different kind of tension settled over you. The static of the TV sounded loud in the quiet room.
Dongha carefully picked you up and sat you back down on the couch.
Your throat closed up.
You faced him fully, babbling your apology. « Dongha, I’m s— »
Palm up, he gestured for you to stop.
He shook his head, closing his eyes. « Don’t. » His voice was strained.
You bit your lip and watched, heart pounding as he inhaled deep, letting the breath out through his mouth. He clutched a pillow and pressed it over his crotch. The controlled breathing started over again a few times.
After a last exhale, he opened his eyes again, voice steadier than before.
« Don’t apologize. Please. »
You nodded.
Dongha grabbed the remote, flipping through the catalog.
Silence blanketed the room.
He removed the pillow, the tenting in his pants thankfully gone.
« Come tomorrow. »
Your head snapped up. « Huh ? »
« At the bowling alley. »
Your features twisted.
What ?
He stopped browsing.
« Just come. If you have nothing planned ? »
Elation coursed through your body at the thought of finally being back there after so many months.
« Sorry, ____. We—strict orders. We can’t let you in. »
The room suddenly felt ten degrees hotter.
« Um, will anyone chase me out the place with pitches and forks again ? »
Your short laugh might’ve been credible if your face wasn’t so pinched.
He winced. « The guys miss you. »
Your face softened.
He fiddled with the remote, focused on the sliding icons on the screen. « And I want you there. »
You wanted to be there. Badly.
And you missed the guys as well.
All of them.
A knot formed in your chest and you hesitated a beat.
Your attention strayed to the front door. You saw yourself open it to find the last person you expected standing there.
Tall as ever. Solid as ever.
And yet, he’d looked oddly… vulnerable.
« Can… »
You trailed off.
Could you even ask that ?
The memory cut back to Dongha, standing there. A silent support, right behind his best friend.
Despite everything, they still had each other.
The relief was immense.
« Will Seongmok be there ? »
Dongha’s hand paused, briefly enough that one could miss it.
« Do you want him there ? »
Naturally.
You had always wanted both of them right next to you.
Could you even say that ?
« I don’t want him to leave because of me. »
This, you knew you could say.
If you couldn’t be there right beside them, you at least liked to know that Dongha had Seongmok. And that Seongmok had Dongha.
It was how it should be.
Dongha gave you his full attention.
« Do you want him there ? »
You blinked.
Yes.
The glaring white light from the screen illuminated his features. It didn’t help shed light on the unreadable expression on his face.
You had no clue what type of answer he wanted to hear. How much of the truth he could handle.
« I don’t know that I can ignore him if he is… »
« I know. »
He said it without missing a beat.
He didn’t repeat the question. He didn’t need to.
You swallowed, bracing for impact.
Here goes nothing.
« Yes. I do. »
You waited.
He nodded once.
« Okay. Then it’s all good. »
He turned back to the screen.
« He’ll be there. »
You frowned.
The way he said it. It sounded… simple.
He settled on the movie you were watching earlier, putting your feet back in their original spot in his lap.
~~~
Dongha made a face as the door banged closed behind him. He checked the time : 2:07 A.M.
Great.
He couldn’t wait to read what colorful complaint the girl next door would staple on his door tomorrow.
Perhaps it was still early enough to come back over to yours, though.
Then the two of you could pick up right where you left off. Before Baekjin texted with yet another emergency. And you were kind of a night owl anyway.
His hand clenched around his phone.
Right.
That’s why you fell asleep not even twenty minutes after he put the movie you’d been ‘dying’ to watch.
Twice.
You’d been studying your butt off lately, preparing for your upcoming finals.
He was pleasantly surprised to see you far less stressed than you were the year prior. You seemed to have finally gotten the hang of this whole academic planning thing. All that without ever disappearing on him.
You even remembered to eat.
Apparently, your friend Goya was the one to thank for that. She managed to ‘keep yours and Jeyi’s distracted butts walking the straight and narrow’. Your words.
He grinned.
Or perhaps you were actually catching up on all the sleep you’d missed because of his petty ass for the past few months.
The tiny curve died on his lips.
Either way, you looked tired enough that he knew for sure you conked out as soon as he left your place two hours prior.
He took off his shoes.
Slouched on his couch, he stared at the dark ceiling for a moment, feeling around for the remote. He was too keyed-up to go to sleep now anyway.
After a quick review of his options, he finally pressed play on the same show he was engrossed in earlier. Hopefully it’d help him ignore the call of your bed.
The thing truly was a thing of beauty. Fluffy pillows. Heavy comforter.
It didn’t help that he knew you were rolling around in them right this second. Making an already tempting vision damn near compulsive.
He peeked at the front door, leg jumping.
If he left right now, he could be at your door in thirty minutes tops. He’d only bother you for the one minute it took to let him in. Then he’d make up for it by just lulling you back to sleep with his hands. Running over the soft silk of your skin. Kneading the kinks in your back.
Or maybe you could spend the rest of the night just chatting away. Laughing.
Kissing.
A loud explosion burst through the daydream. By the time he recovered, one of his favorite characters was agonizing on the screen, hit by what he could only assume was a substantial attack. « Fuck ! »
He hit rewind, hunting for the moment he’d lost the plot—way earlier than he first assumed.
He straightened all the way up, elbows on his knees. Focused on the screen, he inhaled deep, determined to finish the episode.
A faint whiff of sweet perfume hit his nose.
It went ignored.
Minutes went by.
Your scent lingered, muted at first. Then stronger as the seconds ticked by.
Ultimately, it was all he could pick up on.
His back hit the sofa and suddenly he wasn’t alone in his apartment anymore.
He could feel your familiar weight, pressing on him, as if you were still perched on his lap. The ghost of your dainty fingers tickled his neck, branding him where you had latched on with surprising strength.
He’d been too entranced to do much but sit there and follow your lead, drunk on you. Hands clenched around your waist, following the winding motion of your hips.
Like waves washing up.
Closer and closer.
Until your heat rubbed right over his crotch.
He gripped his hair, tight.
The raging hardness he thought he’d curbed earlier was back with a vengeance. Lost in the fantasy, he let his hand drift over the hard plane of his stomach, straight towards the band of his pants.
His mind drifted away.
To the tiny moan you’d let out upon contact.
All at once, you’d gone completely stiff above him.
His hand froze right below his navel.
You’d been so into it.
Weren’t you ?
You were.
The way you’d kissed him. Like you needed him more than you needed your next breath. There’s no way he could’ve mistaken that for anything other than what it was.
Pure desire.
So what was it ?
« I don’t feel like playing sex doll tonight. »
An ice bath would’ve cooled him off less than this specific flashback did.
Sex doll.
The anime’s soundtrack chimed in the small living room.
He let the song play.
Sat through the end credits. A third rewind would only make him feel that much more pathetic.
He tore the sweatshirt off his shoulders. Peeled your perfume away right along with it.
The item landed on the heap of discarded clothes on his floor.
He studied the cluttered space.
This place was in need of a good scrub. Starting with a load of laundry. He picked up the clothes scattered around the room then beelined to the kitchen, shoving them listlessly into the washing machine.
There, he noticed the mountain of dishes piled up and went to work.
« Oh, shit ! » He scrambled but was too late. A glass slipped out of his sudsy hands and smashed to pieces in the sink.
His chest tightened.
Tinted bottle.
A pungent alcohol smell wafting off the ground.
Your whole frame shaking in Seongmok’s hold.
The slap had surprised him.
The bottle threw him off his game.
Yet they were nothing compared to the shuttered look in your eyes as you stood on the other side of your door later that night.
« Can I come in ? »
« No. »
This had entirely disarmed him.
Then your hushed tone right after. « Good night, Dongha. »
He’d stared at the closed door, dumbfounded, for way longer than he liked to admit.
This had been the first time you ever shut him out.
That was also the first time he the idea of losing you ever actually crossed his mind.
Wrong.
It would’ve been the first. If his brain hadn’t Stanley Kubricked a bunch of far-fetched scenarios for a whole month before that night.
That particular fight had been building up for quite some time.
You were busy. Very busy. A day went by. A week. Then two.
Nothing personal.
He kept telling himself that. Deep down, he knew that.
You were stressed out. Overworked.
Knowing this didn’t keep him from missing you.
Bad.
Back then, he’d felt like a wimp for even thinking it.
You’d managed to get under his skin. A bit too much for his taste.
So the wheels started turning. While he sat there longing for you, you were focused on your future.
What happened when you finally realized you were way too good for him ? Stopped giving him the time of day ?
Permanently…
Then you finally came out of hiding.
Hearing from you had him all giddy.
Like a fucking schoolgirl with a crush.
To add insult to injury, his stomach clenched as soon as he saw you.
Worse, you gave him a heartfelt apology.
Hit bullseye.
It shouldn’t have been that easy. The whole thing had his skin crawling.
So he steeled himself.
Iced his heart out.
« Way to make me sound fucking needy. »
Then he straight-up punished you for reading him so well.
« Want to make it up to me, sweetheart ? Apologize properly then. »
The steady whoosh of the running water sharpened the throbbing in his head. He cut the tap off.
The silence that ensued was a much-needed reprieve. He ran a soapy hand into his hair.
Dirty water ran over his forehead. Bubbles stung his eyes, the ache growing as he rubbed at them frantically. « Fucking— »
He hurled the soapy rag into the sink, striding towards the bathroom for a much needed shower.
Water poured over him.
Eyes closed, he did his best to empty his head.
It didn’t work.
« Don’t leave me. »
Arms squeezed around his ribs.
Your head settled right against the middle of his shoulder blades.
He’d never been so brutal with you than that night.
« Dongha. What’s really bugging you ? »
Nothing.
Everything.
The fuzzy feeling that had spread around his chest at seeing his entire entourage simply there having a good time. The way even Seongje seemed to like you. The fact you dared to face Baekjin for him—and came out successful.
You and Seongmok. Teaming-up. Him, opening up to you. You, making him laugh.
What did that hide ? How were you so good at figuring every last one of them out ?
Suspicion dripped from his tone as he blatantly questioned your motives.
All the while, his body told another story. The crestfallen look on your face had his arms folding you close while his hands rubbed soothing circles into your skin.
The same thing happened once he had you all to himself.
What happened if you ever decided you were done with him ?
He held onto you.
Literally.
To the point where his hands bruised the delicate skin around your neck.
Stole the very air that you breathed.
That should’ve scared you away.
You didn’t run though. Instead, you chose to trust him.
Then he felt even closer to you.
So after he ravaged you, he just left you there. Alone to deal with the aftermath of his emotional storm.
Repaid your vulnerability with carelessness.
A shiver wracked him from head to toe.
The warmth of the water did nothing to comfort him.
He pushed the lever. The water streamed painfully hot now. His skin prickled.
He opened his eyes. Steam rose around him, the room barely visible through the foggy glass panels around him.
He blinked and suddenly he was back in that dream-like shower with you. He’d been so desperate to warm you up.
Physically.
Emotionally.
He just was ill equipped to do so.
Back then, he strongly suspected your broody demeanor had a lot to do with Seongmok’s sudden disappearance.
The selfish part of him had been relieved. With him gone, half of the questions he’d been torturing himself with had faded away.
Still, at times, you seemed so dejected that guilt threatened to take over.
Even so, each time it threatened to pushed him toward you, the questions got louder. Just like that, fear dragged him back.
He might’ve broke and asked at some point… if he hadn’t noticed how appeased you appeared whenever he touched you.
He used that.
Again and again.
Liked to think of himself as a balm, soothing the ache Seongmok had left behind him.
He swallowed.
His red skin cried in relief as he cut off the scalding water.
He stared at his blurry reflection in the dewy mirror.
Didn’t bother wiping it. There was nothing there he had any desire to see at the moment.
Once in his bedroom, he didn’t even bother trying to lay down. His mind was way too wired for that. His gaze landed on his gaming set.
Perfect.
Surely arguing with live players online would distract him from how dark his thoughts had gotten tonight.
« Fucking hell Dongha. That was a friend. Friends : no kill, you dumbass. »
Seongje’s annoying voice jeered in his headset.
Dongha inhaled sharply, blood boiling. « Don’t fucking get on your high horse Seongje. They all look the fucking same. »
Other voices rose after he killed yet another member of his own team, insulting him in protest. He cursed right back at them, increasingly loud.
Yeah, just what he needed.
« You think this is a game ? You fucking suck. Don’t try to connect again. Not tonight. Hell, not ever. I’ll fucking kick you out again. »
Before he could even answer, the notification popped up on his screen : YOU HAVE BEEN REMOVED FROM THIS ROOM BY THE MODERATOR.
« It is a fucking game. Fucking asshole. »
Huffing, he shoved the gadget off of his head and onto the keyboard. Then, because it did feel good, he threw his controller, sending it smashing right against the wall.
Batteries flew out around him.
He saw himself, bent over. The loud crash of the remote banging right behind him against your door. The golden batteries rolling.
The first one’s path cut off at his feet.
The second one right against yours.
It’ll pass. She’ll get over it.
That’s what he thought back when you were still mellow.
Then the depression gave way to anger. A whole lot of it. Far too often, he let his temper get the best of him in response.
How you went from always saying the right thing. Always doing the right thing.
To picking unnecessary fights. Screaming matches
It didn’t sit right with him.
So was that it then ?
He started treating your arguments like tiny battles.
He barely even listened to whatever came out of your mouth anymore. Went into them, focused on gaining the upper hand. To see how far it had to go.
Your sadness always ended up peeking through the rage, though. Whenever it did, he would placate you in the only way he knew how.
Somehow, you accepted the bargain.
Sex became apologies.
Arguments.
Pleas.
Conversations.
Eventually, it became the only language the two of you still spoke.
The only window you could always turn to when you needed a glimpse of where your relationship stood.
Of where he stood.
It all seemed so… transactional.
The realization hit him square in the chest.
The screen’s black light glared back at him. His hand pressed against his closed lids.
Against the onslaught of memories.
Many times, you’d reached out only for him to throw you out.
Shut the door right in your face.
You’d deal with the heartbreak, lick your wounds, and come right back to that same door.
Time and time again, he slammed it closed.
Deemed you guilty of things you hadn’t even done yet. Things he imagined you’d eventually do.
Then came the inevitable. He called it quits.
Tried bolting the damn thing closed.
Barricaded it.
Ironically, the self-imposed absence was too much to bear.
So he baited you.
Open that same window. Then he took what he needed and spit you right back out of it.
More than that, he carefully stripped the house of everything that had ever made it a home.
Evicted it right along with you.
« You’ll never forgive me. You didn’t even plan to try did you ? »
He hadn’t. He’d planned to leave.
Before you could.
Meanwhile, you’d never stopped knocking.
Until…
« I deserve more than that. If you’re gonna leave, then you need to leave now. »
No wonder you were so reluctant to even peek through the glass pane now.
« I don’t really feel like playing sex doll tonight. »
Everything he’d eaten tonight roiled in his stomach.
***
Eyes wide open, Dongha checked the time : 5:33 A.M.
Damn.
The curse landed somewhere between befuddlement and outrage.
The wheels had turned so fast in his head, the hours had slipped by unnoticed.
All the same, he spent so much time tossing and turning in bed it felt like a whole year had gone by.
Your whole year.
He discarded the phone, forcing his lids closed.
Did he actually turn the TV off ?
He held his breath, keeping an ear out for the familiar static from the TV.
Nothing.
The breath escaped swiftly.
How was he going to get back at Seongje for his earlier eviction ?
A yawn almost broke his jaw in half, nipping his evil master plan in the bud.
Fuck.
What time did Baekjin actually expect them to show up tomorrow again ? He ought to go to sleep now.
Get a few hours of shut-eye.
Silence settled in the small room.
His eyes fell open.
Stare fixed on the wall, he studied the dark shapes drawn by the faint light of the night sky.
Were the blinds closed when he left your place earlier ?
He tried rewinding the night, back to the moment you said your goodbyes.
He didn’t go that far.
How did you manage to still let him in even after everything he did to you ?
The knot in his throat grew too big to ignore.
How did the two of you not crumble way earlier ?
« Seongmok save your ass again ? »
Seongje’s voice came back to haunt him.
He hadn’t been able to deny it back then.
Still couldn’t.
« Thank God for fucking Seongmok. Maybe I should be dating him ! »
Another fight. Same pattern.
You rang.
He hung up. Didn’t even bother checking what was actually wrong.
So you turned to someone else, seeking a listening ear.
You found it.
Seongmok did look to him. Before crossing the line.
And he just…
« If you answer that, you deal with it. »
Seongmok dealt with it.
Of course, he did.
Dongha listened intently as every word out of Seongmok’s mouth calmed you down. He’d barely said a thing, yet there you were. Anxiety still palpable but oddly… eased.
Yeah, the guy did have that effect.
Seongmok said it would all be okay. You took his word for it. And it was so simple too.
Like he spoke at a frequency your heart was magically tuned onto.
At the end of the day, the smile was back on your face. Nevermind that he wasn’t the one to put it there.
He would’ve cared if it were any other guy.
« Oh, whatever. It’s Seongmok, what does it change ? »
That was the first time he actively dropped the emotional layer of your relationship on Seongmok’s lap.
It was far from being the last.
« Every time I was worried sick about you. Every time you pushed me away like nothing but a fucking parasite, he was there. »
He was.
He even brought the guy to the fucking break up for fuck’s sake.
The laugh that flew out of his mouth was void of any humor. His palms smashed against his lids.
It didn’t stop the memory from coming in.
« I love you Dongha. And because I do, I think I also love you Seongmok. »
He always did his best not to get to that part. To bury it to the deepest, darkest part of his brain. The first part of your statement was always eclipsed by the latter.
What the hell did that mean ?
Seongmok was always better at decrypting you than he’d ever been.
Now that he thought about it, Seongmok had basically been playing emotional translator for the entire first half of your relationship.
Then he was gone. Left both of you to deal with a language neither of you were equipped to decode.
He picked up his phone. Ran through your text messages. The disconnect between you two came off so obvious by the end of the year. It felt like two halves of a different conversation.
Something caught his attention.
The thread turned one-sided way earlier than he remembered it had. You’d essentially been talking to yourself for weeks.
Before things ever really blew up.
Before the break-up.
He scrolled down again.
December.
His thumbs froze.
You : Voice note (1min46) -Dec. 21st, 1:38 P.M.
You : Voice note (58sec) -Dec. 21st, 1:40 P.M.
You : Voice note (5min01) -Dec. 21st, 2:07 P.M.
Oh.
These still sat there, unopened.
Unheard.
He set the phone, face-down on the comforter. The room looked darker than it had a minute ago.
Suddenly he wasn’t in bed any more. He stood, petrified in front of your bedroom door, hand on the handle. Debating whether to reach out.
Then your choking cry echoed in the shadows.
His eyes slammed closed.
How many times had no one heard you ?
The same question he’d asked himself back then popped right back up.
He moved without thinking.
The opening seconds of the first note disturbed him enough to hit pause.
Your voice was the scratchiest he’d ever heard it. Usually intimidated by your assertiveness, the shakiness of the vocal made the hairs on his arms stand up. Your words were barely coherent. You cut your own sentences before even finishing them. Like the thoughts were leaving your mouth the same way that they appeared in your brain. Raw emotion seeped from every word.
He had to resign himself to replay the painful audio just to catch half of the arguments.
The second one was straight gibberish. You sounded more and more guttural as it went by and he grimaced, struggling to understand.
He was determined to try though.
Managed to make out words here and there.
Bowling alley[…] Say goodbye […] Memories […] How am I supposed to reach you now ?
He stopped the recording there, right as a sob broke out.
Protecting himself had been the only thing in his mind back then. He hadn’t thought of anything besides that. Hadn’t seen how barring you from entering the bowling alley was yet another bolt in the lock to keep you out.
His finger hovered over the play button on the third note.
He didn’t know if he could make it through five minutes of audible heartbreak.
He launched the final message, heart in his throat. The composure in your voice made him pause.
You : Voice note (5min01) -Dec. 21st, 2:07 P.M.
This one message was sent almost half an hour after the last one.
Figures.
Your speech resumed, commanding his attention.
One line hit him. He had to rewind and play it again.
I didn’t understand it at first. What I felt. But then he left and… it was like he took half of you away from me.
He heard nothing beyond that.
A ton of bricks would’ve hurt less.
He huffed. Hit pause, hands shaking.
Was Seongmok embedded so deep in your heart that him leaving would leave you half empty ?
The idea tempted him for a second. To just stop there. Delete everything.
Call it quits.
Perhaps listening to these messages was not the best thing to do after all.
The phone’s lighting dimmed and he tapped the screen before it could shut off. The recording started anew, stuck on the same sentence.
He took half of you away from me. I couldn’t read you anymore.
He hit rewind again.
Half of you away from me.
Oh.
The order of these words did matter.
His hands steadied.
He inhaled deep. Pushed through.
He was almost at the end of the note when another passage made him halt.
I wouldn’t have been able to love you fully until I could love Seongmok too. And I wouldn’t be able to love him without loving you.
Bullshit.
The scowl twisted his features to an almost painful degree.
He listened again.
What the fuck did that even mean ?
He checked the countdown : forty seconds left to the audio.
He doubted this would be enough to even come close to understanding your statement.
« What if I misinterpreted things ? It wouldn’t be fair to her ! »
Seongmok’s words punched in and he blew out a loud breath, rubbing at his burning eyes.
He’d failed to hear what you were saying so many times. Took your words and twisted them, until they meant something totally different.
So he pressed play, listened to those forty seconds anyway.
You’re both so different yet… the exact same. The more time I spent with you the more I felt…
His heart beat in his palms.
You’re meant to be together. Always. To be loved together. To love together. If that makes sense…
A nervous laugh left your lips, in sync with his dumbfounded one.
The day I started fighting it, was the same day it all…
He held his breath, anxiously waiting as you wracked your brain, attempting to articulate your thoughts.
You asked me what I ever did to stop it and… truth is I—I couldn’t do this to you…
His lungs burned.
Your voice dropped, the scratchiness back full force.
You probably won’t even listen to this anyway.
No.
Not now.
I love you.
The sincerity in your voice haunted the silence, long after the sound cut off.
It followed him as he closed his eyes and fell asleep.
~~~
Dongha’s phone buzzed in his pocket.
You : Just left the girls rn
You : Should be there in like thirty
He rubbed at his tired eyes, typing a quick response.
« You good ? You look like shit. »
His gaze lifted at that. The deadpan expression on Seongmok’s face should’ve pissed him off. Instead, a lazy chuckle escaped, unprompted.
The guy was probably right. As usual.
« No time to catch up on my beauty sleep. »
Seongmok opened his mouth, curiosity etched onto his features. In the same breath, he changed his mind. Abruptly cut himself off.
Dongha stared, a single brow lifted. Waiting. Silence stretched a second too long. A yawn threatened to crack Dongha’s jaw, his groan landing awkwardly between the two of them. « Just fucking ask. »
« Was it ____ related ? »
With little to no resistance, he answered. « When is it not ? »
This time, they let the silence settle.
Dongha let the back of his head hit the wall, taking in Seongmok’s profile.
« She’s coming tonight. »
He watched intently as Seongmok’s head swiveled towards him, taking note of each reaction. For a short, unguarded moment, his whole face relaxed. Like he caught him right at the beginning of a smile.
Damn, he was so tired, he was even waxing poetics now…
Seongmok’s whole body stiffened. Tried to bury it. To hide behind a thick layer of concrete.
A while ago, Dongha might have missed it. Maybe.
Ignored it.
He didn’t have the energy to do so. Not anymore. Not today.
Yearning shone in Seongmok’s eyes, unmistakable. The same look Dongha had seen in the mirror after he’d tried to stay away from you.
Seongmok didn’t have to move a muscle for Dongha to see right through him. Nothing moved but his eyes. They shifted around the room, almost reflexively, as if looking for an exit.
Then his fingers tightened on the edge of the bench. Already letting go. Already halfway out the door.
Dongha sighed, setting a hand on his tense arm. « Stay. »
Dongha kept quiet when Seongmok’s blinking turned erratic. After what felt like an eternity, his gruff voice finally gritted out.
« I still feel the same. »
The dejected tone almost made him reach out. Pat his shoulder.
Fighting this is pointless. Lesson learned.
« I know. »
« I love her. »
The silence was even thicker than it had been before his revelation.
Dongha almost expected the sky to open up and for lightning to crack him right on the head.
Until Seongmok actually chuckled. « Took you long enough. »
That’s it ? Huh.
Somehow, he felt lighter.
Another bout of laughter overtook Seongmok.
Dongha threw him a sidelong glance.
He pinched his lips, failing to hide an amused smirk.
« Asshole. »
The smirk turned into a full blown smile and Dongha shoved his shoulder, barely any strength behind it.
Seongmok sobered.
« That’s exactly why I should leave. »
Dongha frowned. « Because I love her ? Or because you do ? »
Seongmok ran a palm over his hair, staring ahead. He bent over, elbows on his knees. « I—If I stay… » He swallowed audibly, then pushed through, voice growing weaker with each word. « Ignoring her is hard enough as it is. I—I don’t think I have it in me if she’s… »
« So, don’t. You were always there when I wasn’t. You’re right where you belong. Both of you. Stay. »
Seongmok finally met his eyes, head tilted. « Dongha-ya. What does that mean ? »
He considered his own words for a second.
« I don’t know. »
The persistent throbbing at the back of his skull grew too big to ignore. « I don’t know… I really don’t. »
He paused, massaging his head. The pressure still didn’t let up.
He really hadn’t slept enough for this conversation. Or drank.
His lack of patience bled through his exhausted sigh.
« She wants you there. You want to be there. » He paused. « You’re not going anywhere. Not on my watch. »
He settled his head against the wall, eyes closed. « Either of you. »
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stay around for part 2 ! ☺️
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