#weakeningfeels

[weakeningfeels]

Just my thoughts.

Getting over a relationship with someone you've known for seven years is so freaking difficult. I still miss him, even though the crying has subsided. Now it's more of a throat twisting feeling.. Choking feeling like you want to cry but you don't allow yourself at the same time. It's now to that phase, I guess. Crying and tears have happened way too often these past two weeks..

Why is it that I'm so attached to you.. I can't get over it. I'm wondering if you can. I think you'll be able to way faster than me.. I'm trying my best to focus on my studies and on my clubs because I have so so many responsibilities with them. But.. It's hard to come home, work on those tasks, and not think of you. Even at school, I work on those tasks and can't help but feel so mentally  drained because I think so much.. About well, everything possible. Life, what could have happened, what's going to happen now, the past, memories, etc.

Life is hard right now, and I wonder when this bump or ditch in the road will have an upward hill for me to climb.

[weakeningfeels]

Something that may be wrong later in the future can feel so right at the moment.

The texting and slight flirting. The feeling that you're getting back to what your relationship was with him.. The hugs. Everything.. You know it's wrong to do, but you do it anyways because you can't help but feel attracted still to that person. You're both single, yet you act as if you're together when you're with each other.. It feels so right and comforting at the moment because.. Well, you two just broke up. That feeling you have when you two are together is short term happiness that just keeps you going. You can't explain it. It's just nice to be happy with that person even if it's for a short while. You know that you both have to move on. Both of you know that you two may one day find a different person. Depending on who it is, one may find their next partner pretty quickly, especially if your ex was seriously wanted on the market even when he/she was taken. Lol the feels. Trust me, I know.

Anyways, getting back to the real thing. That short term happiness? I know.. Honestly, I still have it. It feels like a small weight on your chest to depend on it, but if it's what keeps you going during rough times like these.. So be it. We all need something to keep us going, right? Yea, it may come back to hurt us later on because we'll miss it even more, but when that time comes.. At least we'll be a little prepared for it.

[weakeningfeels]

My heart still hurts and cares for him. Something pops up on my phone concerning him because i used his damn Apple ID because mine is stupid af and wants a card number. Lol. Week, why do you have to be so bad to me? I was doing kinda okay.. Today was a little better. We talked but it wasn't like a conversation much. Lol. He's moving on boo. I should too.. It's hard and it feels like a weight on my chest, but hopefully it'll get better. I have too much on my plate to worry and feel hurt 24/7..

[weakeningfeels]

Dear ex..

After last night's talk and becoming weak for you again, I'm back at the phase where I still miss you. The funny picture you sent was uplifting. :) And that's probably the last picture you will send.. You say you hate me, yet I'm still stuck here on you. I'm sorry for all the things I've ever done, but I hope you see one day that I wasn't the only one in the wrong.. We both went through suffering. Not just one, but both. It's hard to know that almost two years with you turned into pointless memories for you. I still miss it a lot. Heck, I'm watching movies that have romance in it.. and all I can think of is you. No one has ever made me so happy. But I know maybe one day we'll either find each other again, or maybe we'll find someone new. I guess I'm back in my pit of depression. Our short lived texting today was nice, I guess.. I thought you would have ignored me. I can't help but just not focus while I'm at home.. It's hard, you know. To know that someone you care for is somewhere out there. And I can't know much about you anymore. I won't know when you work unless we talk about it. Lol. I can't know much about you anymore because you want me out of your life.

Just know I'm still here no matter what. We have known each other for 7 years.. and it just keeps on adding, doesn't it? It's nice to know that someone like you has stayed in my life for so long. Though I won't be able to talk to you anymore or maybe as much.. I'll have to learn sooner or later. If you're strong then I have to be too. I miss you, and I miss us. I'm sorry.

This will probably be the toughest breakup of my life.. Lol overdramatic? maybe. But I mean it. I went through so much with you, and I cannot thank you enough for all your love, help, and support. Through the most stressful times and through the most depressing times, you were always here. I guess now it's time for me to grow independent and face those fears.

I wish you a great life because you deserve it. I wish you countless blessings because I know you'll receive a lot in the future. Please keep your life on track, and never give up. I wanna be able to say, "Hey, I know him. He's absolutely great." whenever you become famous, of course.

[weakeningfeels]

See it from both point of views.

In a relationship or even with a friend, you need to know that you need to see if from both point of views (POVs). Anger isn’t going to get you anymore. Being mad isn’t going to get you anywhere. Learn to see it from both point of views after breaking up. She’s hurting, and so are you. Can’t you see that? Wouldn’t you be hurt too if you found out shit about your ex from someone else rather than him/her? I’m sure you would. That’s why you need to just stop letting all your anger out on him/her. See that they’re hurt from that fact of whatever it may be, and wouldn’t you be too? But who knows? Maybe they’ve changed their minds because they’re too stuck on trying to just either make things better or ignoring you or even trying to let you go.

During breakups, your mind might not always be straight. Heck, I’ve drove under emotional influence several times. It’s not safe, yet I do it to get away from everything. Driving around does a lot for me.

Anyways! Back to the point. In order to even have a good standing relationship with ANYONE, you need to learn how to stop being hard headed and one minded and see it from the other side. Your life isn’t the only one that’s going through a hard time. He/she may not show it, but they are too. So try and see it from both point of views. It can save you a whole lot of fights and arguments. I, myself, have a hard headed mind of view as well. I know it’s hard to see it from both POVs. But just sometimes you have to in order to understand how the other person is feeling. Then maybe you two can just rationalize it together and find a common ground.

[weakeningfeels]

He found someone new.

He broke it to you today, and it hasn't been long that he's broken up with you. He went to parties he said after we broke up, and now he says he's gained feelings for someone. I went berserk, which some may do. I cried, yelled, ran away, and ripped up our memories. At this point, this is when you know it's over. But hey pretty girl, it's okay. Now you can have the motivation and confidence to move on. Move on and be the baddest bitch you know. He's going on without you, and now you should to. Change is gonna be hard, and it's gonna hurt knowing that he has someone new now to talk to, but you can too. So make that change for yourself because that's all you can do at this point is better yourself.

Do what you've been wanting to do! Cravings or want to pig out in sorrow? Hey! Do it! I did. I went on a Mountain Dew crave. Drank so much. Lol. Want to eat that whole pizza? Hey girl, you probably haven't eaten much like me these past few days. I totally understand. Just pig out and celebrate because now, you're starting anew. Need some shopping therapy? I totally understand. Buy something you've been wanting. Buy some new cute clothes to start fresh. You can do it!!

Know what else I'm gonna do now that it's over? It's time for me to change myself just a bit, right? Slowly but surely, (and you can too), that change will make him realize, "Damn. Why did I let her go??" It'll hit him one day whenever he's all alone at home with nothing to do and with no friends to go out with. I'm changing my looks to start off. Slowly, I'll start wearing that makeup more often. Tomorrow, if appointments are free, I'm getting rid of my natural hair by getting highlights. I want to look new and refreshed. Time to make him regret leaving you! Better yourself with many other things. Spoil yourself and love yourself especially because sometimes, that's all you may have. The only person that can make you happy is you sometimes too. So that song you're listening to? Get up and dance to it. I did and I know I dance like a waddling penguin! It'll definitely make you laugh, and I hope this made you laugh too!! Trust me. It'll all get better.. Over time it'll get better. Time is what you need, and so is change. So brace yourself! You are ready for change. Do what you need now to get rid of all those memories. It's time. :)