unwritten feelings.

Here's to all the unwritten feelings we've yet to say. All the feelings others have gone through, all the times others need to push through. It's hell and back, but you'll go up if you motivate yourself to. Full of relatable moments, relatable heartbreaks...

[weakeningfeels]

Just my thoughts.

Getting over a relationship with someone you've known for seven years is so freaking difficult. I still miss him, even though the crying has subsided. Now it's more of a throat twisting feeling.. Choking feeling like you want to cry but you don't allow yourself at the same time. It's now to that phase, I guess. Crying and tears have happened way too often these past two weeks..

Why is it that I'm so attached to you.. I can't get over it. I'm wondering if you can. I think you'll be able to way faster than me.. I'm trying my best to focus on my studies and on my clubs because I have so so many responsibilities with them. But.. It's hard to come home, work on those tasks, and not think of you. Even at school, I work on those tasks and can't help but feel so mentally  drained because I think so much.. About well, everything possible. Life, what could have happened, what's going to happen now, the past, memories, etc.

Life is hard right now, and I wonder when this bump or ditch in the road will have an upward hill for me to climb.

[weakeningfeels]

Something that may be wrong later in the future can feel so right at the moment.

The texting and slight flirting. The feeling that you're getting back to what your relationship was with him.. The hugs. Everything.. You know it's wrong to do, but you do it anyways because you can't help but feel attracted still to that person. You're both single, yet you act as if you're together when you're with each other.. It feels so right and comforting at the moment because.. Well, you two just broke up. That feeling you have when you two are together is short term happiness that just keeps you going. You can't explain it. It's just nice to be happy with that person even if it's for a short while. You know that you both have to move on. Both of you know that you two may one day find a different person. Depending on who it is, one may find their next partner pretty quickly, especially if your ex was seriously wanted on the market even when he/she was taken. Lol the feels. Trust me, I know.

Anyways, getting back to the real thing. That short term happiness? I know.. Honestly, I still have it. It feels like a small weight on your chest to depend on it, but if it's what keeps you going during rough times like these.. So be it. We all need something to keep us going, right? Yea, it may come back to hurt us later on because we'll miss it even more, but when that time comes.. At least we'll be a little prepared for it.

[staypozitive]

[vazakinada]

We are all made of time and we keep wasting each other

VàZaki Nada   (via hisworkofart)

[weakeningfeels]

My heart still hurts and cares for him. Something pops up on my phone concerning him because i used his damn Apple ID because mine is stupid af and wants a card number. Lol. Week, why do you have to be so bad to me? I was doing kinda okay.. Today was a little better. We talked but it wasn't like a conversation much. Lol. He's moving on boo. I should too.. It's hard and it feels like a weight on my chest, but hopefully it'll get better. I have too much on my plate to worry and feel hurt 24/7..

[weakeningfeels]

Dear ex..

After last night's talk and becoming weak for you again, I'm back at the phase where I still miss you. The funny picture you sent was uplifting. :) And that's probably the last picture you will send.. You say you hate me, yet I'm still stuck here on you. I'm sorry for all the things I've ever done, but I hope you see one day that I wasn't the only one in the wrong.. We both went through suffering. Not just one, but both. It's hard to know that almost two years with you turned into pointless memories for you. I still miss it a lot. Heck, I'm watching movies that have romance in it.. and all I can think of is you. No one has ever made me so happy. But I know maybe one day we'll either find each other again, or maybe we'll find someone new. I guess I'm back in my pit of depression. Our short lived texting today was nice, I guess.. I thought you would have ignored me. I can't help but just not focus while I'm at home.. It's hard, you know. To know that someone you care for is somewhere out there. And I can't know much about you anymore. I won't know when you work unless we talk about it. Lol. I can't know much about you anymore because you want me out of your life.

Just know I'm still here no matter what. We have known each other for 7 years.. and it just keeps on adding, doesn't it? It's nice to know that someone like you has stayed in my life for so long. Though I won't be able to talk to you anymore or maybe as much.. I'll have to learn sooner or later. If you're strong then I have to be too. I miss you, and I miss us. I'm sorry.

This will probably be the toughest breakup of my life.. Lol overdramatic? maybe. But I mean it. I went through so much with you, and I cannot thank you enough for all your love, help, and support. Through the most stressful times and through the most depressing times, you were always here. I guess now it's time for me to grow independent and face those fears.

I wish you a great life because you deserve it. I wish you countless blessings because I know you'll receive a lot in the future. Please keep your life on track, and never give up. I wanna be able to say, "Hey, I know him. He's absolutely great." whenever you become famous, of course.

[weakeningfeels]

See it from both point of views.

In a relationship or even with a friend, you need to know that you need to see if from both point of views (POVs). Anger isn’t going to get you anymore. Being mad isn’t going to get you anywhere. Learn to see it from both point of views after breaking up. She’s hurting, and so are you. Can’t you see that? Wouldn’t you be hurt too if you found out shit about your ex from someone else rather than him/her? I’m sure you would. That’s why you need to just stop letting all your anger out on him/her. See that they’re hurt from that fact of whatever it may be, and wouldn’t you be too? But who knows? Maybe they’ve changed their minds because they’re too stuck on trying to just either make things better or ignoring you or even trying to let you go.

During breakups, your mind might not always be straight. Heck, I’ve drove under emotional influence several times. It’s not safe, yet I do it to get away from everything. Driving around does a lot for me.

Anyways! Back to the point. In order to even have a good standing relationship with ANYONE, you need to learn how to stop being hard headed and one minded and see it from the other side. Your life isn’t the only one that’s going through a hard time. He/she may not show it, but they are too. So try and see it from both point of views. It can save you a whole lot of fights and arguments. I, myself, have a hard headed mind of view as well. I know it’s hard to see it from both POVs. But just sometimes you have to in order to understand how the other person is feeling. Then maybe you two can just rationalize it together and find a common ground.

[weakeningfeels]

time and space.

time is what you need right now. space is what you need right now. Get away from everything negative and just vent. Just scream and shout. Cry if you need to.. I've started this blog in order to find space and just vent about my life. And here's to another post..

He said he's gonna give you time and space? TAKE IT. Time to move away from all of the past. He's found someone new to find comfort in, so let him! It's time for you to find your happy. It's time now for me to find myself again. No more apologizing, no more guilt tripping. No more feeling bad for what you said. It's all said and done. Just let it go.. That's for the best. He says he still cares for you and that he's been crying to, but if only he knew the hurt you've been going through. Countless tissues, countless tears. Countless times that you've just hopped in the car and drove away. Hey, we all do it. Just know that you were made here for a reason, and don't let anything get in the way of that. I've had thoughts of moving away or going away. I've had plenty of people say it's not worth it. It's really not worth it over this heartbreak.. It's a phase and time in your life that you WILL get over. Just chin up, stay strong, and let God. Bible verses have shown up at the most appropriate times ever, and I feel as if it's for me. Sometimes, it's good to just pray and find that peace again because He is the one that will help you find it. Slowly, I'll somehow find my way back to my faith. I've been a lost sheep for way too long.

Okay, back to the main point though. Space and time? Yes. You need it after this hard time. Yes, you need to give it time and you need to give yourself space from him. If you really think you can't live without him, then after you think over time, then you can talk about it again. But trust me, over time, you'll realize how much it was just hurt.. As of right now, I can't put myself back into that even though I said I would. After he said he found someone, that's when I just let it all go and just knew that it was time for me to just move on with my life. I'm making changes in my life, and it's what I need.

[weakeningfeels]

Need a song to get you through?

My friend showed me this song as I was going through a heartbreak. I'm still going through it now, but this song empowers me to let myself know "i'm good." ;)

Look up a song called, "I'm Good" by Joanlee and Lil Crazed. You might relate to it a lot.

[weakeningfeels]

He found someone new.

He broke it to you today, and it hasn't been long that he's broken up with you. He went to parties he said after we broke up, and now he says he's gained feelings for someone. I went berserk, which some may do. I cried, yelled, ran away, and ripped up our memories. At this point, this is when you know it's over. But hey pretty girl, it's okay. Now you can have the motivation and confidence to move on. Move on and be the baddest bitch you know. He's going on without you, and now you should to. Change is gonna be hard, and it's gonna hurt knowing that he has someone new now to talk to, but you can too. So make that change for yourself because that's all you can do at this point is better yourself.

Do what you've been wanting to do! Cravings or want to pig out in sorrow? Hey! Do it! I did. I went on a Mountain Dew crave. Drank so much. Lol. Want to eat that whole pizza? Hey girl, you probably haven't eaten much like me these past few days. I totally understand. Just pig out and celebrate because now, you're starting anew. Need some shopping therapy? I totally understand. Buy something you've been wanting. Buy some new cute clothes to start fresh. You can do it!!

Know what else I'm gonna do now that it's over? It's time for me to change myself just a bit, right? Slowly but surely, (and you can too), that change will make him realize, "Damn. Why did I let her go??" It'll hit him one day whenever he's all alone at home with nothing to do and with no friends to go out with. I'm changing my looks to start off. Slowly, I'll start wearing that makeup more often. Tomorrow, if appointments are free, I'm getting rid of my natural hair by getting highlights. I want to look new and refreshed. Time to make him regret leaving you! Better yourself with many other things. Spoil yourself and love yourself especially because sometimes, that's all you may have. The only person that can make you happy is you sometimes too. So that song you're listening to? Get up and dance to it. I did and I know I dance like a waddling penguin! It'll definitely make you laugh, and I hope this made you laugh too!! Trust me. It'll all get better.. Over time it'll get better. Time is what you need, and so is change. So brace yourself! You are ready for change. Do what you need now to get rid of all those memories. It's time. :)

[weakeningfeels]

The Next Phase - Recovery and Moving On

Yes, there's such a phase after a break up called recovery and moving on. You realize that its for the best after so long (and in my case a little over a week), you get tired of trying to make up. You get tired of crying at night or moping around and being depressed. You escaped and ran somewhere to think? Hey, I did too. Sometimes, it's what you need. But right now what you need is time. You need to plan your recovery and put it in action. Recovery after break ups are different for everyone. But here's a little story/update on how I'm dealing with it..

Over a week has passed, and now I'm just fed up with everything. I've had rumors spread about me after this break up. I've lost friends and trust. I've lost my significant other that was my best friend. It all hurts still, but now it's just a numb feeling. I was the one who deleted most of the pictures and posts related to him on my social media. Being the weak ass person I am.. I recovered some of those pictures. Don't make that decision that I did. Today, it finally hit me that it was time to just walk away from all my problems and just move on. So that's exactly what I did. I decided that if he really wanted to stay, he would have by now. Honestly, I know we're both hurt, but we can't do much about it. Talking to each other just either brings up hope or hurt. So what you gotta do is make it the best for yourself. You know what you do? Clear out your mind and life.

Those pictures? Remove them from your phone. I'll be honest. I still have all those pictures stored somewhere other than my phone, but your phone is something you use everyday. It's what you might have used to call them, to take pictures of/with them. If you keep those pictures or videos in there, you're going to be stuck in the long denial phase.. And this is the real start of my recovery. At first, I regretted a little bit about deleting those posts first, but he did eventually too right after me. Those pictures have removed a serious weight off my shoulders. I can seriously focus on bettering myself now instead of dwelling in the past. Never dwell in the past because they always say it's there for a reason. Those pictures were taken to last forever, and they can if you just store it somewhere else.. Don't hang onto them forever. Store them away because the longer you keep it on your phone or whatever you use often, the more you'll be stuck in denial. I've deleted them, and now I feel like I'm one step closer into becoming a happier me. Stress free and renewed!

Looks like he's doing just fine with you? Let it look that way, and now it's your turn to look like your doing fine. All those haters that spread rumors about you instead of saying it to you? Kiss them goodbye because they were never really there for you. Walk around with your head high like you're the baddest bitch out there! It's a confidence booster, and that's what you need for yourself right now.

Next step is changing that name on your phone. Haven't done it yet? Well.. You need to. No emojis by their name, nothing. Leave it simple and blank. Now, those usernames..? Some people base their usernames on their significant other, and I've made that mistake, twice. Now I can't change it but hey. It's okay. You can get over it and be strong and get over it, or delete that account and start anew. Sometimes, all you need to do is start fresh.

Recovery is a long process, and it takes time and but it also takes YOUR effort to make it move along faster.

[weakeningfeels]

You're in denial right now.

Hey, I've been there too. We all have. and you know what?  Denial is a phase we all go through after a break up. You listen to songs that remind you of him/her. You hug and hold onto their things or the things they gave you. Crying at night before you sleep? It's all normal. It really is. These past few days, I've been through that phase. In a little bit.. I'll really write about how I'm thinking now..

Denial? What's your definition of it? Honestly, it's something that you go through depending on how fast you deal with a break up. You think, "Oh no, it's going to be fine. We'll be back. He/she will be back.." Sometimes, that's true. Other times.. It's not. So you wrack your brain over that possibility. Friends, loved ones.. They all tell you stories of their experiences or stories of their break ups. They tell you about their point of views. At this moment right now, you may feel absolutely numb from all the responses you're hearing. Some stories give you hope that you seriously really want to hold onto.. If that's how you're dealing with this, hold onto it. If you think that he/she will take you back, hold onto that hope.. Sometimes, that's all you have. Others won't understand how you feel. They try to, but they don't unless they've gone through the same thing you have. It's hard to find the people who can relate to your situation..

That's another reason why I started this blog. It was to maybe let others know that you are not alone. We have all gone through heartbreaks and tough times. Heck, this past year and half alone, I've lost two loved ones. One deceased, and one still living. In denial you are hurting. You are thinking way too much. "Oh, how is my ex doing? What happened? Why did we part?" All these questions and memories run through your head, but you gotta let it go..

Delete those pictures. Delete those memories right now because soon.. I can tell you how it made a difference from being in denial to being in a more sane mood.