The time I gained my confidence...
When I was a kid, I am not the type of student who always raise her hand during recitations in school because I am too shy to be the center of attention. Although I am sure with the answer, it take some time for me to have the confidence to speak out.
Since I like studying especially back then, my parents are always proud to attend the recognition day at school, walking to the stage with me to receive my awards. I may not be actively participating to the activities related to public speaking but my fruit of labor is still being seen with the results of my grades.
I could say that I am not the super nerdy and intelligent type of person, but what I can be proud of is that if I set some goals in my mind, I usually allocate ample times to study or prepare for it. It was the consistency and effort that I usually do whenever I want to achieve the goals I set in mind. I believe that being consistent can help you in anything that you seek to achieve. I also believe that being intelligent is another story. I still remember how those intelligent classmates I had during primary and secondary schools can simply analyze and answer the questions fast and correct after just looking at it for a few minutes, and with that...that is how I define smart people.
Before, I usually categorized myself as an introvert one. I better do everything on my own than being helped by someone, or than be an extra baggage to my group, or be a center of attention and be tagged as fatuous. I used to plan almost everything on my own... I better figure it out myself than asking someone to help me, even if it might cost most of my time to fulfil it... that I am self-reliant.
It all changed when I moved to another country.
Working in IT is not a typical field for women. Unlike in the Philippines, I still had few women colleagues in the team. In Europe, it is not the case, when I got the chance to enter corporate world again, I am always the only woman in my team. It was really difficult. There were even times when I need to push myself to get up from bed and go to work. My team during that time were dominated by men, I feel insecure…I was timorous. I even sometimes cried while walking going to the office, asking why am I actually doing this to myself...ugh! tough times.
But then, after some months, I observed that if I stay this way, I will be left behind...that I should be a team player...I started to forge my mind to trust myself. I tried to be optimistic...I keep telling myself that I won't be here if the company didn't see my potential to be amalgamated to my team.
Slowly, I refined my confidence. I learn how to lower my guard and start to trust the process.
Now, I am already six years here, still working in IT. It is also my second company and only woman in my team, again. Looking back from where I started, I could say that I improved a lot. I am now participating in projects, voice out and ask questions if I want to know more. Collaborating with my team mates and try to socialize if I have a chance to do it. I am thankful that moving to another country made me discover that I can be more than I thought I was, that I can also do what others can...that confidence is actually already within me and I just need to snap it out...
just like in the saying..."It took some fast rhythms to make the dancers come alive."
