#wecanbedeadflowers

[jacaldwellphoto]

this was an earlier attempt at the photo i'd posted earlier ... #wecanbedeadflowers #roses #doubleexposure #workitout (at The Heights, Jersey City)

[jacaldwellphoto]

10.16.15 a rose on a mirror in my kitchen #abouttohaveanexistentialbreakdown #wecanbedeadflowers #thoughtlesspost #ifitwaseasyeveryonewoulddoit (at The Heights, Jersey City) https://www.instagram.com/p/BviMZp_FKaX/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=jpjdntmlin6p

[jacaldwellphoto]

in the kitchen in available light a rose plucked from the vase standing alone dying on its stem for me to photograph. #leicam8 #wecanbedeadflowers (at The Heights, Jersey City) https://www.instagram.com/p/BvXRQODnOuT/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=plhw4j0rebtp

[jacaldwellphoto]

5.20.16 #abouttohaveanexistentialbreakdown a couple of flowers a strong breeze a slow shutter. i think a thing i still and maybe will always struggle with is when people think things about wether or not i’ve lived up to my potential(s) or not. that line of thinking always seems to come from, to me at least, such a negative and purely projected place. are people truly altruistic in thier thinking and righteous when they want you to be a more “successful” version of you or are they maybe envious or jealous and more in the “if i had you abilities i’d be doing so much more”. regardless or otherwise i have a bunch of things i have done for the 1st time and will be doing for myself in the future. i am going to read publicly a short piece of fiction i wrote soon, this is a first. i am going to start compiling a zine/book about mocktail’s and maybe some how to’s for going out or staying in and even entertaining. i want to perform, wether it’s s drag routine or with in a band perhaps i NEED to do it again. i wabt to start planning a trip back to JAPAN in october (probably the 2nd or 3rd week) do you have any interest in coming with me? i miss my dudes yagi and narukiyo ! these flowers died a noble death almost 3 years ago memorialized in this photo. did they live up to their potential? how would you or do you choose to measure that? is it just against yourself and what you would do? #nothingeverstayedstill #wecanbedeadflowers #ifitwaseasyeveryonewoulddoit #thetruthaboutlivinguptootherpeopleexpectations (at City Hall) https://www.instagram.com/p/BvUl26Pn9O3/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=14s25gbsz9kv0

[jacaldwellphoto]

a final $6.99 self care rose photo #nothingeverstayedstill #wecanbedeadflowers #dyingonitsownstem https://www.instagram.com/p/BunNxb8nnlw/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=su118fw3mifj

[jacaldwellphoto]

9:58pm a thing in the studio just trying to reconcile some feelings it had this evening about some of this and some of that. last night i shot some very mapplethorpe style self portraits that you won’t be seeing but tonight i went with a more soothing dead flower motif. like a couple of you have reaffirmed for me these portraits are important beyond keeping me busy and giving me purpose and practice they will be reminders of what it was when it was this. ate dinner at my first job with my mother best friend in the town i grew up in. it’s never 100% comfortable for me to be in kearny. a thousand memories i have blocked out and haunt me. my therapist beats around the bush but yeah someday they’ll come out and say it i have ptsd from my childhood. i hope i heading in a direction where i can address how that manifests itself and not just be acutely aware of it. they saw we won’t go digging to far yet mostly because of the chaos of right now but when it comes time to unpack my shit friends i am going to call on you to be my friends and be supportive of whatever sort of tragic messed up head case i become for a bit. my past scares me it always have. i keep running but i never get away from it. #selfportrait #wecanbedeadflowers #leicam8 #arosethatdiedonitsstem (at The Heights, Jersey City) https://www.instagram.com/p/BtSKHroFyvH/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=ctjz64n8sb9t

[jacaldwellphoto]

3.12.17 a dead rose, one that which had died on its stem. withered and faded it still resides in the house. somewhere among other long dead flowers. it exists on a shelf collecting dust as it ages further and further past its life. it exists still, but it is not living, it exists but for what reasons beyond that which it can never control. as always i find a lot of comfort being surrounded by an array of dead things. not in some morbid trip but they definitely remind me to LIVE and EXIST in this life because i too will some day wither and fade and perhaps be left as a monument on some shelf just to collect dust and comfort someone. #abouttohaveanexistentialbreakdown #nothingeverstayedstill #wecanbedeadflowers #aroseofloveadaggerofhate #deadflowers #roses (at The Heights, Jersey City) https://www.instagram.com/myphotographslie/p/Bs_z20dlB7E/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1psnd2x83ojii

[jacaldwellphoto]

3.12.16 #abouttohaveanexistentialbreakdown @michaelpaulambrose posted last night something about my flowers/dead flowers stuff so it’s an easy choice for today’s from the archive photo. i feel like i don’t remember much about shooting this particular bunch of flowers. all i know is i was shooting these a lot and then reading some heavy shit and trying to shoe horn a quote from an existentialist writer that maybe gave the photo a certain “feeling”. so here’s a good one for today. take from it what you will, for me, right now, it’s a positive shining thing that gives me hope BUT i could see it being a depressive sad thing if you chose to or do see it that way. “There is something infantile in the presumption that somebody else has a responsibility to give your life meaning and point? The truly adult view, by contrast, is that our life is as meaningful, as full and as wonderful as we choose to make it.” - r. dawkins i don’t think starting my day job morning reading through some deep philosophical stuff did me any favors it might have actually just stirred up my mind and made me not see things from a more simple easy perspective. regardless thank you mike for the kind words and siting these dumb kitchen counter no frills photos as any sort of inspiration. i miss you dude and hope all is well out there. #wecanbedeadflowers #nothingeverstayedstill #existentialism #flowersasanallegory #sexualizedflora https://www.instagram.com/myphotographslie/p/BpPYUQpFo5r/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1an9swimajp92