9:58pm a thing in the studio just trying to reconcile some feelings it had this evening about some of this and some of that. last night i shot some very mapplethorpe style self portraits that you won’t be seeing but tonight i went with a more soothing dead flower motif. like a couple of you have reaffirmed for me these portraits are important beyond keeping me busy and giving me purpose and practice they will be reminders of what it was when it was this. ate dinner at my first job with my mother best friend in the town i grew up in. it’s never 100% comfortable for me to be in kearny. a thousand memories i have blocked out and haunt me. my therapist beats around the bush but yeah someday they’ll come out and say it i have ptsd from my childhood. i hope i heading in a direction where i can address how that manifests itself and not just be acutely aware of it. they saw we won’t go digging to far yet mostly because of the chaos of right now but when it comes time to unpack my shit friends i am going to call on you to be my friends and be supportive of whatever sort of tragic messed up head case i become for a bit. my past scares me it always have. i keep running but i never get away from it. #selfportrait #wecanbedeadflowers #leicam8 #arosethatdiedonitsstem (at The Heights, Jersey City) https://www.instagram.com/p/BtSKHroFyvH/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=ctjz64n8sb9t